Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Robin van Persie to Barcelona stories soon to be ‘next big thing’

Arsenal are preparing themselves for a media onslaught after David Villa’s injury instantly made ‘Robin van Persie to Barcelona’ stories 63% more credible.

The Spanish striker suffered a broken leg playing in a stupid tournament that nobody cares about and now faces 6 months on the sidelines. Many in the media expressed their sympathy for Villa but kept quiet how his absence, coupled with van Persie’s delicate contract situation, would make their lives so much easier in the weeks and months ahead.

Already a set of top secret guidelines are doing the rounds for those tasked with coming up with back page copy. Arseblog News has seen a copy of this document and amongst its suggestions are:

  • Ensure readers know van Persie only has [X] months left on his contract – use Nasri as an example of how Arsenal will deal with situation
  • Dig out any quotes which show ambiguity from van Persie regarding signing a new deal, regardless of how old they are. eg. “I cannot predict the future”
  • Express sympathy for David Villa – draw comparisons with Aaron Ramsey and Eduardo to draw empathy from Arsenal fans
  • Report how there are ‘fears’ that Villa may never be the same again (might be worth mentioning Eduardo here too)
  • Remind readers Arsenal were unable to stave off the advances of Barcelona for club captain Cesc Fabregas last summer
  • Remind readers that Arsenal have been unable to stave off the advances of Barcelona for players like Overmars, Petit, Henry, Hleb and van Bronckhorst
  • Do not remind readers that Arsenal were happy enough to let those players go to Barcelona and got loads of money for them.
  • Social media: Cesc Fabregas and Robin van Persie follow each other on Twitter = communication = Fabregas is probably telling van Persie to join him
  • NEVER FORGET: the amount of time Arsenal have gone without winning a trophy. Lash any old shite in here about ambition, spending power etc.
  • Use headlines like ‘Van Persie set for summer exit’, ‘Robin van Barça’ and ‘Nou departure for RVP’. Use of words like ‘sensational’, ‘heartbreak’ and ‘splash’ mandatory.

With the January transfer window fast approaching most of the focus will be who Arsenal won’t be buying before January 31st, but Gunners fans can prepare themselves for some serious Fleet St soothsaying as well as the usual drip-drip from Darren Dein.

And that doesn’t even take into account the Spanish newspapers who will, tomorrow, splash their front cover with all manner of mendacious concern over Villa and the very next day posit 4-5 potential replacements complete with their transfer values.

Get well soon, David Villa.

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DB

Glorious.

Abhijith

Tomorrow headline:

Rosell: We may or may not be interested in RVP

totalfootball

up barca’s ass i rather he go to madrid. hell! hes staying at arsenal fc!

argonaut

So would Robin.

Kolin

Haha fucking brilliant!!!

Goonerdan

Include some nonsense whereby fabregas accidentally spat on van persie during a conversation last year, transmitting some of that Barcelona DNA.

Comedian

May be fab and van shared the same comb too.

garyfootscrayaustralia

Pretty sure Cesc left his comb out for Arteta

Jafferygooner!

just to make the likes 80 😛 Robin Van Arsenal?

Smitesh

they can take Arshavin

SideshowBoob

RVP (and Holland) lost to Spain in the WC Final. I am sure this means he has Barcelona DNA in there somewhere.

Cunts.

jonnyd

he only cost 3.5 mil ……i think we should make it clear he will see out his contract no matter what

Anon

But what about the wages Arsenal pay him when he’s out injured?

I’d say those times where he could not even get on the pitch due to injuries constitute as a very solid form of loss. I actually think Robin’s ‘full transfer’ and maturing has cost us a lot more, considering the amount of time he’s out injured. Sure his first season wasn’t terribly plagued with injuries, but in the end we still paid him when he was out – money lost.

Diaby isn’t any different either.

jok

These nonsencses, does he (vp) to end up like Hleb and the rest who went to barcalono

Comedian

get well soon VILLA.

Brandon

Thankfully the RVP contract situation is not analogous to Nasri or Cesc. Barcelona and Orange, Jr can tap ‘n drip all they want (sounds nasty, dunnit?). Arsenal can always turn around and ask Madrid how much they would spend to keep RVP away from their mortal enemies. My guess is, a lot. If we did sell him to Barcelona, I’d only expect us to get an Ibrahimovich-type deal out of it, i.e. 60m + their top goal scorer (Messi) and then they could sell him back to us a couple years later on the cheap.

Olukoya Emmanuel

That will be a gud deal,if önly dy cn afford it by including messi in d deal of which dy can’t

dutchgunner

@Olukoya Emmanuel;

Sense…. this makes none.

gunnerfan

do you have common sense? Barcelona wouldnt even give them messi and let alone 60 mill ! if rvp did go to Barcelona, I’d say it would Next year for around 40mill

Ian allinson's tache

That well known Barcelona fart catcher Graham hunter will be behaving is usual way

Fed up of Barca

Dont forget Guillame ‘Bathelona’ Ballegue

garyfootscrayaustralia

Ballague’s an Espanyol boy through and through. In football fan terms, he gains nothing from Barca getting stronger

Cygan's Left Foot

Next will be Xavi, Pique, Puyol and Iniesta telling the press how RVP told Fabregas about his dying love for F-arcelona, how RVP has a F-arcelona spiritual DNA Via Cruyff and the Catalonia was once part of Holland, so technically RVP should go back home and Arsenal should not hold him as a hostage or a slave any more.

Carl

The guidelines (only) should be on a HTML page and be used as comments each time we read this from the trusty realms of online newspapers.

James

They’ll probably get him as well. It’s kind of ironic that you can’t see the irony in your sarcasm, Perhaps if Wenger hadn’t failed for so long you wouldn’t be posting this pre-emptive drivel.

Goonerdan

Well James im incredulous that you can’t see the irony that you find it ironic that arseblog can’t see the irony in his sarcasm. I personally think you just wanted to use the term Pre-emptive. Now fuck off, troll.

kkc

I dnt agree with James. but your post is closer to trolling than his. His was more stupid than troll-ish!

Anon

@kkc, it was both trolling and stupid.

Either way, pre-emptive is spelled preemptive.

James

Right, so if an opinion is not agreeable to you it’s trolling, whereas if you suck Wenger dick all day it’s not. Hmm, interesting. What I’m trying to say is, haven’t we been here before? Like 10 times!! If Arsenal don’t want all their best players poached, then Wenger should go the extra yard to build a more competitive team in which they might be happy to stay. Wenger doesn’t, so they don’t stay; no point moaning about it like a sarcastic bitch! It’s just embarrassing to the club.

Steve

3 problems with him going: 1. David Villa isn’t even an automatic choice due to Messi, Xavi, Iniesta, etc… as Barca play a fluid 4-6-0 with no real striker. He’s now the focal point of our attack, is captain and thus is one of the first names on the team sheet. 2. Due to his injury problems, Arsenals medical staff have been able to treat it successfully and have thus created a training schedule to aid this. Not likely they will pass this onto Barcelona and having just joined, i can’t see RvP having much pull in demanding a certain… Read more »

kunzeboom

yeah I don’t see how there is any ball in anyone’s court as the whole thing is just a load of bollocks which I refuse to give a shite about. well, after that comment about me not giving a shit that is..

Might as well say this now. Piss off Barca! Disgrace of a club, no class or respect. So just piss off. Cunts…

James

Yeah, they got no class because they want to keep winning, yet we have class because we flog all our best players to fill the pockets of Wenger, Kroenke etc.

Fredd

so you think its better to rape, get laid and dont have any class or moral than to not rape and stand for what you think is right?..

MJB

So James, if your so aggreived by how The Arsenal is at the moment why not go and support sp#ds. You certainly don’t sound like a true Gooner IMHO.

gunner_expat

Dude, stop saying ‘we’ as if you represent the collective. Look through the thumbs downs and you’ll clearly realize you aren’t speaking for the many, at least not on this site.

Nubbles

Another reason why the Qataris shouldn’t be the ones hosting the world cup; if they cannot bribe everyone out so that they can win, they’ll lop off everyone’s feet.

Comedian

Why do i see this going to be like another coq post.
Well barca, madrid,united can cock off. He’s Robin Van Persie and he is THE ARSENAL captain.

Nubbles

Go support City then.

Nubbles

Sorry wrong reply.

Anon

Good laughs were had.

Sansomite

So what if RVP leaves for Barca? He’s a great player who deserves to be surrounded by the best. If RVP and Theo leave, it will prompt the club to dig deep again to replace them, as happened this summer. As Citeh have proved, enough money will convince any soulless mercenary whore to join any club, so we shouldn’t have trouble recruiting replacements. Happy days either way!

My name is not important

I and many will disagree with that statement. Robin has always been Arsenal trough and trough. And I hope he’s no mercenary and will stay.

So just piss off with that defeatist bs please…

Arsenal will always have class and shouldn’t bother with that mentality.

Steve

I have to disagree with saying he should be surrounded by the best. Our players are the some of the best and they will show that this year by producing the biggest turnaround in fortunes.
Every country goes through phases of having the best players and it’s just spains turn. It’ll end soon as shown by the lack of newer players in the international team.
With that attitude, all our players deserved to play for every other rich club over the last 4-5 years.

Sansomite

I think my comments have caused some confusion and certainly some consternation.
Just to clear this up, I love Arsenal, more than I will ever idolise any player… I DO want Rvp to stay, but don’t think the club should be held to ransom, as every player is replaceable… Citeh have proven that money IS the major attraction for footballers, no point denying it… it is not negative to believe in the club more than the players.
I’m sure this will attract even more hatred, but hey, I’m entitled to an opinion, right? … oh.

Steve

No, you are not. You must fall in line

Anon

Are you happy having ‘mercenaries’ play for your team? I certainly would not.

Also, Micah Richards is certainly no mercenary, and one of the best right-backs in the PL so far. Only shows how sometimes money can’t buy you everything as everyone knows how mediocre Richards was in seasons past.

Defoe

RVP en el Barcelona? jajajajajajaja No nos hace falta el paquete ese, con Fabregas tenemos lo que nos hacia falta de vosotros jajajajajaja

Nubbles

Laugh properly please

Steve

Maybe that’s how he laughs in real life…

Padwoir

Sounds like hes blowing air through a milkshake with a straw up his nostrils, if he does.

kunzeboom

tio, vete a la mierda. eres otro exemplo de que estúpidos son los aficionados de barca…so hope to so you again in the cl and watch rvp fuck you big time…

Sansomite

How very team spirited of you! Whatever you think, I never accused Rvp of being a mercenary, nor have I given up on him staying. However, you’d have to be a feckin idjit to believe he will stay for honour alone.
My point is that he’s replaceable… like all of them. Arsenal FC will still be here in the morning.
As for me ‘pissing off’ for having a different opinion to you, even though I’ve loved Arsenal for 36 years… wow, just wow.

Anon

Someone’s offended. But seriously, when people turn on you, you know you’ve done something wrong in their eyes and it makes them react that way. Obviously, you need to find out what makes them react that way. No, it’s not your opinion; it’s your wording. You treat both Robin and Theo like they’re really nothing. You say the club is bigger than a player, sure, everyone agrees — but player adoration is not a lie. We still love Thierry Henry even though he is not bigger than Arsenal because he was such a lad to have around. When you put… Read more »

Frog

All hail anon!!! The clairvoyant know it all blogger!! Bow down to him.

Sansomite

Ok, maybe I wasn’t as balanced as I could have been, but the days of one club pro’s being in the majority have passed. I idolised the club greats, just as Rvp is idolised by many now, but those players are from a different era. Kenny Sansom (Sansomite, get it?), Tony Adams, Paul Davis, Rocky, Ian Wright and even up to Thierry would not have dreamed of holding the club to ransom or whoring themselves off the highest bidding sheikh. But that is no longer the case and, though I am certainly not promoting it, I accept that the Na$ri’s… Read more »

^_^GUNNER^_^

Nice Article ! Some journalists might well take a clue and do just what you have told 🙂

Fed up of Barca

Its a shame it wasn’t Xavi

(I know it’s evil but I generally hate that cunt so much that if I saw him I’d bash him into a coma anyway).

badaab

I wish I could feel sorry for the guy, but anyone in a barca shirt gets no sympathy from me. They’re right up there with spuds and stoke on my list of hated clubs after the whole cesc nonsense and the way we’ve been cheated by them in the champions league.

Fed up of Barca

Oh they’re a big fat number 1 on my most hated clubs.

‘Orrible inbred little cunt rags

Padwoir

At least any spurious links with getting Villa in January in Van Persie swap shock can now be dispelled. Now all that remains is Torres to be decapitated in a freak pigeon shooting accident. Lock and load.

Steve

He’s basically 70% of the way there, so i don’t see why you’d think Torres is a threat to anyone?

Padwoir

Didn’t say I did. Though would certainly get rid of any spurious links…which incidentally was the point.

Jolyon Williams

I´d like to agree, but with Arsene´s love of the raspberry ripple footballer, how can you be so sure? He´s probably negotiating a reduced fee for Villa as we speak, complete with a contratc full of add-ons if he ever plays/scores again…

Cromulus

Or by a pellet gun accident on the training ground. Looking at you, Cashley… Looking at you.

Cromulus

Goddamn, wrong reply.

Steve

Anyone else think that the referee probably wasn’t sure if he’d hurt himself or not? The amount they flop around, you’d think it was a broken bone everytime.
I’d have booked him for diving and then dealt with it. At least they now know what a real injury looks and feels like.

Sansomite

My comment attracted more hate from fellow Gooners than the Spanish Sp*rs fan lolling at us!
Not too sure what that means to be honest…

Comedian

Nah its just a similar company name i guess who sponsored for fabregas and ex players bag i guess.

Frog

You may be the least humorous comedian I came across.

My name is not important

Hey mate! Its just ratings, don’t be discouraged just because some didn’t agree with you, after all this is teh interwebz. Flaming is bound to happen. Furthermore, we all love The Arsenal let that be our bridge.

And I apologize for asking you to ‘piss off’ Its just whenever Barcelona is involved I’ll get pissed and start to see red. Sorry mate…

Sansomite

It’s cool. Up the Arsenal and so forth!

Steve

Thumbs down Mr. Blog for being over-excited.

On another note, i managed to get a twitter message on to the BBC Sports – Sportsday commenting on the inevitable media frenzy that will now be whipped up to cover this none story.

njqnjq

“The Spanish striker suffered a broken leg playing in a stupid tournament that nobody cares about”

Speak for yourself, its great to see the South American Champions vs the European Champions. Wish people would take it more seriously here.

Rob'67

It’s called – or it was – the World Club Championship and it used to be a big deal. There was a hell of a punch up when Celtic played – was it Estudiates ? – back in the ’60s. There was also a real ding-dong when Man Utd played someone in the same decade.

“Used to be BIG” – as Joe Gilles said to Norma Desmond.

Steve

Al Sadd is Qatar’s most successful team…. which says a lot really. Nadir Belhadj also plays for them.

Steve

are*

Mooro

Didn’t we play in a version of it once during the European ban? Independiente? Seem to remember there was a tear up in the match as well.

Padwoir

That Independiente game was just a pre season friendly mate, but it did feel like a big deal at the time. I remember my young self getting quite excited about beating them 2-1, Argentinan champions, was very exotic in a more innocent less reactionary pre internet age.Recall that you used to have to go trawling through teletext and the very small print results in obscure papers etc.
Pipes away a nostalgic tear, but just the one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MP4y5O8rCQs

Mooro

Cheers Padwoir. I reckon what’s happened is I mentally larged it up for the benefit of Spuds fans at the time.

Obviously did such a good job, it’s now fact in my head it was an unofficial World Club game.

Frog

No, blogs had it correct the first time. It’s a stupid tournament that nobody gives a rats ass about except for supports of teams in shit leagues.

Let’s be honest. Could you imagine If it was rvp or szcz who broke there leg playing against some shit side from Saudi Arabia? I mean shit, santos got hurt playing in a CHaMpIONS league game and some of you had shit fits.

Padwoir

Who you disagreeing with here Frog ? To the best of my knowledge, me and mooro are talking about a pre-season friendly in 1989 and Rob was merely talking history and a little double entendre.

1steved1

Got my book today, cheers blogs. Not allowed to have it till christmas though.

1steved1

Quite why they played a strong line up is either brave or stupid. Santos anyone

Steve

They still want to win the trophy and they have a winter break coming up, so the players can relax then

Padwoir

Relax and congratulate each other on their DNA profiles whilst plucking mandolins and crooning Basque lullabys to one another, ardently blowing kisses at a life size of canvas of RVP in the gilded towers of Camp Nou…

Meanwhile outside with a hand grenade and a really irate ferret, a super secret band of Arsenal supporter special forces finish their preperations to debag the whole Barca fraternity, cunningly started by a terribly well trained Samuri Mole they had smuggled into Japan,…

Life seems better in my imagination sometimes.

eboy28

You forgot to add another rule: “completely disregard the fact that RVP would be sod all use in january as he’d be unable to play in the champions league.”

eboy28

play for barcelona in the champions league, i mean.

Indian Gooner

Get well soon David Villa! That s all…

Frog

Ugh fuck David villa and anyone else in the barca side.

Well said frog. Thumbs up for that post.

TeeCee

Better yet, let’s have Messi, Xavi and a few of the other cuntalonians break a leg or two and join him.
That way the buggers won’t be able to splurge on RvP, as they’ll need to buy half-a-dozen players and be forced to look in Aldi rather than Waitrose. Bonus here is that they’ll be shit when we meet ’em in the CL final.

I reckon that’s win-win myself…..

rectum spectrum

Remember a time when everyone wanted nearly ALL our players? Of course Robin will be linked, he is the best striker in the world right now. His future is entirely up to him, he either wants to stay or he doesn’t. Wenger will need to replace arshavin, chamakh and rosicky with real exciting players if he wants to do all he can to ensure Robin stays. But we have a much stronger 11 than last couple years, so their is motive to sign. Top 4 and a good run in Europe + continued strengthening = Robin signs. Simples!

Voldermort

He will go if barca come in for him, we are a feeder club for both city and barca, we can only hope that his loyalty to wenger will keep him here. I have no faith in the board giving him the money or the assurances on signings that could make him stay.

Bestie

I think you’ll find Barca are our feeder club.

Jon Toral, Hector Bellerin and Ignashi Miquel. Who needs a Hleb, eh?

Sansomite

Careful now Voldemort, that’s very trollish statement!
You’ll get flamed like me (see above). ha!

Gooneropolis

All the more reason to sign the Captain up ASAP. Let Barca raid the mugmashers for their dramatic little forward. Suarez would fit right in with his diving skills and could be the protagonist for the next El Theatrico.

ramgooner

im pretty fuckin convinced if we ever meet barcelona in the champions league…we’ll thrash the shite outta them or atleast break messi/xavi/alves or any of those cunts leg….they will get so badly raped at the emirates…id be glad to draw them in the quarters(assuming we already reach quarters)…valdes sucks SZCZ’s dick,wilshere spits on gay ass xavi/iniesta and papa song breaks messi’s leg!!pep gaurdiola goes back to teaching kidergarden

Master_Mike

Breaking news! Barcelona shows that RvP has Barca-DNA and claims he back for a penny.

[…] and you can expect at least one new player linked everyday. As a read on the side, check out ArseBlog’s heads up regarding potential RvP […]

Merlin's Panini

Judging by the fights with the Barcelona players in the champions league I’m unsure whether Robin would want to go there. I know if one of their cuntrags had put his hand around my neck I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near them, apart from to kick the shit out of them, of course. Arsenal DNA. Fuck Barcelona and fuck the English and Spanish press. I hope we get them in the Champions league again this year and we wipe the floor with them twice. And then “kidnap” Cesc just for a laugh.

badaab

I think we should simply ignore cesc if we get them in the champions league. He’s dead and buried as far as I’m concerned… Cesc was a good player for us, but also a selfish one. He’s no arsenal legend because he had no loyalty to the club. If you sign a contract, you should be adult enough to honor it.

Isa

Arsenal’s current style is much more suited to RVP than Barca’s style (sorry Cesc). RVP always have excellent 1st touch, so if you play fast balls & speedy wingers, RVP can instantly take a touch and finish a move. Barca has too much passing tiki-taka which requires possession type striker like Messi or Villa who likes holding the ball. Thats why Ibramobich failed at Barca.

Cromulus

In other news, Tottenham to win Europa League stories now 100% less credible.

garyfootscrayaustralia

It’s ok, ‘arry already cleared that mystery up in the post – Shamrock press conference when he said “I ‘ad a feeeeeeeelin’ dat ‘uvva match were guna end in a DRAWA”… then sort of did a Jim Davidson nudge / wink combo…so obviously it wasn’t down to him picking pre – school teams for that comp, it was “all dahn to those dodge Eastern Rumanian Gyppos on the fiddle” rigging it…

Binda

this is the only thing i have to say about this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBXfBskAYdU&feature=related

RVP!!!

re:no!

You forgot: “Don’t mention that Barcelona are broke and have run out of their financial instruments, such as Romeu.”

ken

The horror… the horror…

garyfootscrayaustralia

Have the press got their weekends mixed up? I thought this was the weekend when they were supposed to talk up RVP going to mcity? Y’know, just so chinless, fatarse and that miniature “fullback” who runs away from dropping footballs like The Prisoner used to run away from giant balloons can club together enough mcitydna to fill a syringe to jab Robin with

Ken

Unless Xavi states otherwise, Barcelona will always go after the Arsenal captain e.g Henry then Fabregas.
Guidelines
Create some BS about how RVP is too good to be at Arsenal
Point out that RVP would be less crocked at La Liga.
Interview Barca players about van Persie and see if you could get anything out of them e.g if Pique says ”Van Persie is in superb form, anyone would want him in their team” run this headline: PIQUE URGES VAN PERSIE TO JOIN BARCELONA

Vishal024

Well written and well said. It’ll be suggested and then converted into a big, fat, hairy, overblown, gratuitous deal by the media.

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