Arsenal are preparing themselves for a media onslaught after David Villa’s injury instantly made ‘Robin van Persie to Barcelona’ stories 63% more credible.
The Spanish striker suffered a broken leg playing in a stupid tournament that nobody cares about and now faces 6 months on the sidelines. Many in the media expressed their sympathy for Villa but kept quiet how his absence, coupled with van Persie’s delicate contract situation, would make their lives so much easier in the weeks and months ahead.
Already a set of top secret guidelines are doing the rounds for those tasked with coming up with back page copy. Arseblog News has seen a copy of this document and amongst its suggestions are:
- Ensure readers know van Persie only has [X] months left on his contract – use Nasri as an example of how Arsenal will deal with situation
- Dig out any quotes which show ambiguity from van Persie regarding signing a new deal, regardless of how old they are. eg. “I cannot predict the future”
- Express sympathy for David Villa – draw comparisons with Aaron Ramsey and Eduardo to draw empathy from Arsenal fans
- Report how there are ‘fears’ that Villa may never be the same again (might be worth mentioning Eduardo here too)
- Remind readers Arsenal were unable to stave off the advances of Barcelona for club captain Cesc Fabregas last summer
- Remind readers that Arsenal have been unable to stave off the advances of Barcelona for players like Overmars, Petit, Henry, Hleb and van Bronckhorst
- Do not remind readers that Arsenal were happy enough to let those players go to Barcelona and got loads of money for them.
- Social media: Cesc Fabregas and Robin van Persie follow each other on Twitter = communication = Fabregas is probably telling van Persie to join him
- NEVER FORGET: the amount of time Arsenal have gone without winning a trophy. Lash any old shite in here about ambition, spending power etc.
- Use headlines like ‘Van Persie set for summer exit’, ‘Robin van Barça’ and ‘Nou departure for RVP’. Use of words like ‘sensational’, ‘heartbreak’ and ‘splash’ mandatory.
With the January transfer window fast approaching most of the focus will be who Arsenal won’t be buying before January 31st, but Gunners fans can prepare themselves for some serious Fleet St soothsaying as well as the usual drip-drip from Darren Dein.
And that doesn’t even take into account the Spanish newspapers who will, tomorrow, splash their front cover with all manner of mendacious concern over Villa and the very next day posit 4-5 potential replacements complete with their transfer values.
Get well soon, David Villa.