Sunday, December 4, 2022

Emirates Stadium fire – who to blame?

According to the Islington Gazette, twenty fire fighters were called to the Emirates Stadium last night to extinguish a fire in a ground floor kitchen.

The blaze, understood to have been started by accident, was discovered at 2am and finally brought under control in just over the time it took Arsenal to dismantle Liverpool on Sunday afternoon.

It has since been confirmed that Spurs-supporting fire fighters were in attendance at the scene, and (presumably under duress) were forced to do their job.

Arseblog News’ imagination runs wild trying to figure out how a fire starts in a stadium which was last used on August 18 and won’t host another game until Southampton’s visit on September 15.

Could Arsene have ventured downstairs from the boardroom to rustle up a greasy midnight snack?

Was Steve Bould, under guidance from Pat Rice, learning the secret Lasagne recipe which proved the downfall of Spurs in 2006?

Perhaps Ivan Gazidis was single-handedly ripping the Robin van Persie tributes from the North Bank concourse walls and burning them in a rage?

Maybe Peter Hill-Wood, having a whiskey session in the dugout, let his Cohiba slip on the way to the bogs?

Might Stan Kroenke and Dick Law have been burning Theo Walcott’s handwritten contract demands?

73 years after The Arsenal Stadium Mystery, it appears we may have another…spooky.


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Police suspect Arsene……….. Sorry it had to be said


I think it was van persie. I suspect the little boy in him was running around playing with match sticks.


Chamakh it has to be him.
Now you know where was he hiding all these days smoking shisha maybe?

Fergie the Gooner

Shame Van Persie’s ‘little boy in him’ wasn’t running around playing with scissors…


I see what you mean fergie, I may not approve of it but I see what you mean.

Foreign Gooner

Really!! Why would he do that?

Merlin's Panini




The fire was caused by Giroud’s manly hot looks.


More likely to be caused by a misplaced shisha pipe. “The mystery of the missing Hair Gel Man” finally solved.


my mate (who’s a sp*rs fan, btw) once smoked hair gel.

just thought i should mention…


More likely to be the new found spark in this Arsenal side!

Magnified by Bould’s shiny head, then reflecting through Wenger’s new glasses it was destined to cause a fire.


And his smoking hot abs acted as flint.


of for fucks sake Balotelli….

Mario Balotelli

Why always me?!?!?!?!?!


The usual supspects: TGSTEL, Nasri, RvP, Song, Adebayor, and Theo. Theo may be pissed at not being played.


May also include the Ox in that list. Heard Theo and the Ox like to have one on one races outside the kitchen. Might explain a little…

Rob the Chef

I blame Scezney’s cooking…


It was walcotts morning run. Ever seen road runner?. Pip!……pip! Yep thats our walcott.


I’ll wager that that daft bugger Gunnersaurus is to blame. He’s never been able to work the hot plate.

big black clock

I suspect TGSTEL sneaked into our kitchen and made a mess after getting kicked out of the Juventus kitchen for repeatedly running around in his underwear.

The invincible arse

Do they prepare pizzas there?


Yup it was me! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Mrs Bendtner's Greatest Son That Ever Lived

No pudding for you. Get to your room!

Stan Kroenke can be ruled out right now. He’s never at the emirates

big black clock

Or maybe he came and never left because he can’t find the exit

Can’t ask anyone either since he hasn’t talked in years

arsene the arsonist

it was staged just to annoy those spurs-supporting firemen. Controlled arson its called. Not criminal if discomfort for spuds is guaranteed.


Must have been Andre Santos burning rubber…


Or shawcross passed by and decided to burn charcoal. That neanderthal.

Bouldie flaming theo’s balls to make him sign a new contract comes to mind. Only to find out of course that theo walcott has no balls whatsoever


HEY!….I..uuh….awh never mind, sorry I yelled.


HEY!….I..uuh….awh never mind, sorry I yelled. Can we be chums? 🙂 x


Tihihi. Fuck off.

Matt F

Police suspect Ar…

Oh, someone already said it. Shit. Waited 16 years for that one. 🙁

big black clock

Sure ‘Arry Redknapp wasn’t at the scene? Saw him around this morning and his face bears a striking resemblance to a badly burnt scrotum

Matt F

Redknapp was in the vicinity and suffered a partial melting of the face.


it’s diaby, the man’s on fire

big black clock

Can surely rule out our BFG

He was in the Germany camp last night trying to do a resemblance of Goonersaurus


This brings tears of joy to my eyes.

Brian Mendoza

Simply amazing


Haha. Brilliant BBC.


It was obviously an attempt at insurance fraud..
Kroenke’s agents trying to burn the stadium down 🙂

Perhaps PHW tried his hands at cooking olivier giroud after someone told him the striker looked good enough to eat


(Yes! Now that I’ve caused damage to their stadium, they shall be forced to free me from this prison and sell me!….Right?)

Robin's broken metatarsal

So there’s a kitchen in the prison then….

Master Bates

no ,there is a prison in the kitchen . Amaury Bischoff is still in it

Lord Teddy Ears

Like the phoenix we will emerge this season for the chip fire to beat all comers and show the doubters that we are Arsenal and we will sly all in front of us !!!



This is what happens when we don’t have Rob the Chef. Shit hits the fan, & those little bits of Squillaci are flammable you know….

derek van wyk

it is so easy.arsenal is ON FIRE.remember arsenal have enough explosives (c4) IN their ARSENAL


Someone missunderstood the concept of fire exit.

Yeah right

[insert funny possible reason here]

YOU guys

Rumours that fingerprints that can only belong to a cuddly maverick cooking a quick meal before hitting the road are yet to be confirmed.


He only smokes them in dungeons, I don’t know if there’s one near the emirates. Further investigastions to follow.

Midfield Corporal

I expect a further announcement from the Police that they have found the charred remains of Messrs Chamakh and Squillachi. Ivan is filling out the insurance claim form as we speak.


Unlike many other clubs, the means of escape at Arsenal are designed to make exits as straightforward as possible. You can leave it until the last moment and just walk away. But if you look at the escape diagram, the assembly area for evacuees is miles away in Manchester

Midfield Corporal

Ha ha, satire on Arseblog news, very good.

Arsene's bottle of water

Was it Arson or just Arsene? Trying out some new French flambe recipes?


The suspects:
A: Nuri Sahin was upset for having chosen shit football over Arsenal
B: Theo trying to force Arsenal’s hand at a new contract
C: Chamakh smoking his pipe.
D: Gazidis was lighting a cigar with a hundred pound note while celebrating another successful transfer window


There are hundred pound notes in circulation now?


I don’t know, I’m from America. We have dollars here.. that are worth fuck all these days


Lol i guessed as much :p I was only pulling your leg


The football ground is usd for muuuuch more than just football. They host corporate events all the time.


It was Hill-Wood, Gazidis and the board: burning all those piles of spare cash that they don’t spend on players.


I thought they had a private swimming pool filled with money that they swam through like Scrooge McDuck

Robins broken metatarsal

Yes they do…seen it with me own two eyes


Are you quoting family guy?. I think you are sir.


Usmanov’s attempt at a ‘Reichstag fire’…..


we burn when we want
we burn when we waaant
arsenal fc
we burn when we want


Rumour has it that AVB was preparing lasagne in the kitchen
…. The laxative caught on fire…

Dial Square

Was it Arsharvin and the chip pan, cause i doubt he eats much salad…


I think someone was in tbe sun too long, got up, it reflected off and everything got burned.


Billy Joel

Not me

Boombastic Shaggy

But they saw you with the lighter… Wasn’t me!
And you had the lighter fluid… Wasn’t me!
Even saw you blowing harder… Wasn’t me!


so thats where the fire i used to have up my ass went!

[…] 来源:[Arseblog News] […]

Naija Gunner

Funny lots, it’s a bad idea to be reading arseblog news in the work place!

Love you all, gunners till the end.

Merlin's Panini

It was caused by the shine off Gervinho’s forehead onto RIPs unsigned contract.

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