Thursday, August 18, 2022

Arsenal v Sp*rs – single word review and player ratings (David Bowie special)

Time to trawl the dictionary and thesaurus for our single word player review and ratings after yesterday’s 5-2 spanking of the scummery scummers.

Please note, we reserve the right to invent our own words at any time. Or, when circumstances dictate, use more than one word which may or may not include words we’ve invented.

Wojciech Szczesny: 6/10 – Changes

Bacary Sagna: 8/10 – Never let me down

Per Mertesacker: 8/10 – Let’s dance

Laurent Koscielny: 8/10 – Fantastic voyage

Thomas Vermaelen: 8/10 – Win

Mikel Arteta: 8/10 – Watch that man

Jack Wilshere: 8/10 – Wild eyed boy from freecloud

Santi Cazorla: 9/10 – Starman

Lukas Podolski: 8/10 – Sweet thing

Theo Walcott: 8/10 – Speed of life

Olivier Giroud: 8/10 – Oh, you pretty thing(s)


Andre Santos: 7/10 – Loving the alien

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain: 8/10 – Future legend

Aaron Ramsey: 6/10 It ain’t easy

Overall team ratings:

Arsenal: 10/10 – Heroes

Sp*rs:  0/10 – Zeroes

Bonus opponent rating:

Emmanuel Adebayor: 10/10 – Aladdin Sane

William Gallas: 1/10 – Richochet

AVB: No rating – Quicksand

Feel free to discuss and post your own ratings, but normal comment policy applies. If you’re not familiar with it, please read.

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[…] Report – By the numbers – Player ratings – […]

spanish Gooner



Could I be the only one who wishes to know what was fixed?


Blogs, Thierry and Sol were watching in the stands, no ratings for them?

5pur2 dr00L

Berbs is just so good, he confuses people!


Supporters 10/10 – Heros


Wilshere 8/10 – There’s a super turn he made at the centre of the pitch there. That was absolutely class, left all the spuds cunts around him in fucking limbo.

When we say Jack is special, we really mean it!


Jack- Captain


can somebody please post a clip of it i was eating my noodles with my head down and the next thing you know the commentators are going on about an amazing move and how jacks so special, i really want to see it.

Per Class

0.55 into this vid of all of Jack touches

jack jack jack

If you look closely at 1:16 you’ll see Vermaelen hold off two spuds with one arm.

And if you look even more closely you’ll see Bale crap his pants as he looks into the skipper’s cold, dead eyes.


Gareth Bale:- Shameless Cunt

North Bank Gooner

Gareth Bale – chimp looking throwback diving cunny

jack jack jack

Single word reviews only please. Allow me

Gareth Bale: Shamelesscuntchimplookingthrowbackdivingcunny

No sweat.

Brian Mendoza

I was so happy for Mert, what a way to open your goal account with Arsenal.

Love the BFG.


last time it was Sagna that got us back into it, now it was Mert, loving it.


Santi – oh santiiiii cazorlaaaaa.

The Late Post

I humbly recommend:

AVB: I’m Deranged
Ape Man: Space Oddity


Sandro – Life On Mars – 3/10

Can’t believe that Xenomorph looking neanderthal got away with at least three yellow carders

Cygan's Anal Beads

I know who you are!!! See you at Christmas /NY!


If we’re sticking with the Bowie ratings, then the entire spuds team and staff were surely “Tin Machine”.


AWs coat – Fashion

Walcott – Stay

Giroud & Santos – Beauty & the Beast

Gazidis – The Man who sold the world

Bale – Boys keep swinging

Adebayor – The idiot (ok, I know it’s an Iggy album, but pretty sure Bowie produced it)

I’ll get me coat….


AVB- God knows I’m good


Kos- 9/10
did you see him sprint like his arse is on fire and out run Lenon! Fucking BOSS!


Man, that was great. I was watching the game on ESPN and that CUNT Steve McManaman said ‘Oh yeah he had a head start on him and was 5 yard ahead of him already otherwise Lennon would’ve ran away with it, but still good job catching him though. Koscielny showed great pace.’ Dick.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Why does every TV company insist on employing commentator’s lap warmers (or whatever the useless ex-crap footballer cunts are there for) who hate Arsenal ? I get sick and tired of hearing the opposition praised and anything we do passed off as luck or cheating.

Samir gelb



The moment in the second half when Santos and Verm combined and almost produced a goal- fcukng Awesome!


Looool Adebayor 10/10 Bosssss


Howard Webb 9/10 — No controversies


these are much more fun to read when we have won!


walcott as a central striker 6/10 – unconvincing. Again he showed he needs 3-4 chances to score, he’s just not there (yet?). As a provider he is becoming very good and he can take advantage of switching positions while ocassionally drifting inside. But as a central player all the time, he’s just lost, he doesn’t have the instinct and the shot. (But yes, he would be good enogh as a central striker in mediocre liverpool.) So either he recognizes where’s his place and where his most useful position, or he will go. On a different note, I don’t understand why… Read more »


I get your point but I think our best goal was the fourth one. Giroud won a header onto Walcott who trapped it down and played Podolski in. It made me think: if this was 2006 and we still played 4-4-2, that handsome bloke and that quickie could really be a striker combo


We widely recognise him as one of the very best players in PL, who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks

Runcorn Gooner

I am pretty sure that before his 2 broken legs he was in the EPL top team and
feel sure he will get in again.
The way he blanked Adebaywhore was truly classic

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

That was the highlight of the day up until the moment when the red card came out. Like many folks I was never that keen on Gallas, but it must have been even more galling for Adabuywhore to be blanked like that and then to see Sagna give Gallas an old-comradely hug. Can’t help thinking the Adabad-day had few friends when he was with us, and lost those with his antics for Shitty.


last year dis fixture changd our season!!
getin a strong feelin now we will shine lyk
a star wit our “starman” cazorla 😉 and HFB..
also gve walcott new contract he deserves it

Naija Gunner

AVB – confused adult!

Bale – deranged cunt!

Adebayour – lose cunt!

Spurs – scums cunts!

ARSENAL – the Heroes!!!


This is how every Arsenal feels today:


And that’s me thinking of course…


Adebayor – Aladdin Sane. Genius!


CS indeed sagna is just amazin!! lovd his
performance!! he is Mr perfect..rarely seen
him doin ny error

steve boulds hairdresser



2011/12 v 2012/13
Arsenal v Spurs
Cannon v Cockerel
Mirror Image 5-2
5-2 Image Mirror
We should have buried them deep into the depths of despair with more goals but I will accept the sequel.


People of Arsenal land… Sagna has had two ankle operations in the past year plus BUT he leaps like Superman. Yes…watch him…He leaps and lands softly. And also he and Theo play well together, the same way Gibbs and Poldi has an understanding.
I enjoyed yesterday at the Emirate but truthfully February was so much better.
11 v 11
And my favourte Arsenal player scored…Per Mertesacker.
Big Up.


what do you mean February was so much better. Yesterday was yesterday


Hello TomJ November 18, 2012 at 10:06 am “What do you mean February was so much better.” Two games….same result: 5-2 The February 2012 game was in my OPINION a better and more exciting game than yesterday because: (1) In Feb 2012 Spurs were admittedly playing better football than Arsenal (remembering our results and our injuries re Jan 2012 fixtures ) and we the fans were very nervous, our emotions heightened ( Watch the game again and tell if it was not more enjoyable than yesterday, its free on the Dot Com . Derby Day). (2) That game in February… Read more »


Adebayor a 10? maybe in the cuntoid stakes 0/10 – I pity the fool

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Pity is shown to people who can’t help their situation. Adebuttwhore deserves no pity because his fall from grace was all his own work. He is not a man who ends up on the streets through bad luck, he is a man who has lost his place at the greatest club in the world, been frozen out of one of the richest clubs in the world, and reduced himself to playing for the likes of Spurs, by being a total cunt.

Drummie Dan

5pur2 can now shut the fuck up


A derby victory embiggens even the most jaded of fans.

Brian Mendoza



Was it not Arseblogger who coined the name ‘BFG’? The reason for me to ask this is since I saw it used in website.. Would be cool if the name sticks 🙂

Paulo Vitor Dama da Rosa

I see Goonersaurus has stepped up since Song left. Did anyone see how he was doing the silly Song-esque hugging of Adebawhore before the game? That’s no way to be a role model to young Gooners. It hurts me to say this but Goonersaurus out!

I was watching the ESPN feed and damn do the commentators have kind of a homosexual tension going on. It was like Ian Darke wanted to drop to his knees and get himself some of Mcamamananananan.

I’m exaggerating a bit but only a bit, you guys watch the pregame yourself.




Wasn’t so glorious when they spanked us.


Aaron Ramsey thinks he’s SANTI CAZORLA…


Lol true. …He thinks he can switch balls from wing to wing like he’s a boss when he ISN’T!.

Stop it ramsey, model your own game.

Per's Nimble Footwork

Deserved win, irrespective of the number of players on the pitch. And what was Per doing up there at the time?! Excellent when a team plays with little inhibitions but with discipline still. That’s the balance AW needs.

Excellent game indeed.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

I think that everybody was keen to get on the scoresheet. The highlight of my day (apart from Sagna blanking Adebuywhore, the red card, and the five goals spread amongst the team) was Santos playing inside left, combining with Vermaelen, playing outside left, to almost score a great goal.


Mertesacker – EXTREME!!!!

(From about the 0:40 mark in this video:


You forgot Ramsey.


Never mind, my page took forever to load.


You cheated a bit with your single word reviews but I can live with that. Let’s try harder next time please. I come on you gunners.. 5-2 yeaa boohhi

Dr Baptiste

“Please note, we reserve the right to invent our own words at any time. Or, when circumstances dictate, use more than one word which may or may not include words we’ve invented”.. I draw your attention to the second sentence, that says it doesn’t just have to be 1 word


Love your blog. But, you really must stop referring to players as apes who happen to be black. It’s terribly racist. Arsenal is the most diverse team in the world. Don’t piss on all your non-white readers by calling players apes.


Bro, Gareth Bale is white…


whoops! thought andrew was referring to adebayor! all apologies. gareth is indeed an ape boy.


So it’s ok to call a white guy an ape, but if it’s a black guy it’s not? That’s pretty fucking lame. I’d be ashamed to be an ape today.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Apes come in all colours, just like people do. It’s not the colour that matters, it’s the ugly. Bale is just fucking ugly. He looks ugly, and his attitude to abiding by the rules is equally ugly.

Chris Yestin leebowski

Adebayor – rock n roll suicide

Best match I’ve been to I’ve been to hands down.


Pity Bowie didn’t write a song called ‘cunt’ – specially for Adebayor


Adebawhore – ‘ The man who sold the world’.

AVB – ‘under pressure’ or ‘sorrow’

Sp*rs – ‘ ashes to ashes ‘ or ‘ scary monsters and super creeps’

Santi cazorla – ‘ little wonder’

Ace Rimmer

Awesome! A Dire Straits special would have been great too, as then Adebayor could have been “Money For Nothing” and Cazorla would be “Your Latest Trick”. 😛

giroud's header

giroud’s celebratn style quite awsumm!!


This blog had been sooo depressing to read the past few weeks, glad to see it come back to life!

Santi Cazorla – 10/10 Your Sex is On Fire

[…] again. If you’ve read this far, here’s a more concise and Bowie-themed review as your reward. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. This entry was posted in […]

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