Friday, January 27, 2023

Report: Newcastle 0-1 Arsenal

Arsenal secured Champions League football with a 1-0 win against Newcastle at St James’s Park this afternoon.

The Gunners were unchanged from the team which beat Wigan on Tuesday with Mikel Arteta being passed fit and Lukas Podolski continuing up front.

The home side had the best early chance when Per Mertesacker got skinned by Yanga-Mbiwa. The left back pulled a cross back and Papis Cisse sidefooted a shot just over the bar.

That was followed by a Laurent Koscielny glancing header from a corner which drifted wide before the Frenchman showed his defensive skills, stopping a tap-in for Cisse as Newcastle had success down Arsenal’s left hand side.

Pardieu’s men found space behind Sagna and Gibbs and worked hard to deny Arsenal time on the ball, but Arsenal were almost ahead when Fabio Coloccini headed a Theo Walcott free kick just wide of his own post.

The Gunners were then forced into a change when Arteta failed to last the pace, and was replaced by Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain in the 28th minute. Santi Cazorla then had a good chance to test Steve Harper after being set-up by Kieran Gibbs but connected poorly with the shot and saw it fly miles over the bar.

Tomas Rosicky picked up a yellow card for a foul on Ben Arfa before setting up Lukas Podolski but the linesman flagged the German offside as he went through on goal. Ben Arfa then fired a shot not far over after causing Gibbs problems but neither side could find a breakthrough in the first 45 minutes.

Arsenal started the second half brightly when Theo Walcott tested Harper with a good shot from a wide angle, and in the 52nd Sagna minute won a free kick when he was fouled by Cabaye. Walcott curled it in, someone got a head on it, it went back towards goal, Koscielny hooked it towards the net and it bounced in off the face of Harper.

The game turned a bit scrappy then, with Arsenal forced into some last ditch defending, with nobody more impressive than Aaron Ramsey. The Welshman’s effort and diligence from midfield cut out a number of Newcastle attacks.

Lukas Podolski hit the wall with a free kick while Ben Arfa continued to trouble Arsenal with some dangerous shots from distance. Arsenal sat deep, Newcastle attacked, Koscielny defended, it was excruciating.

Theo Walcott hit the post late on as news filtered through from White Hart Lane that Sp*rs had score meaning a Newcastle goal would be so costly. Other stuff happened but I can’t remember it because I was trying not to have a heart attack.

But we won. Apologies for the worst match report of all time, but we finish 4th and Champions League football is our next season.

Oh, and hahahahaha Sp*rs.

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Fucking yes!!!!


Man it’s 1AM in these parts of the world but I don’t think I can sleep haha.


I know, Saint Totteringham’s day will be keeping my up too.

Good to be a Gooner!


We love you arsenal we do.


Two points off third, five points off second, sixteen points off winning the title. Respect and kudos to the manager and to Podolski, Giroud and Cazorla for an excellent first season. Well done to Walcott for bringing it when we needed it, and for Rosicky for being instrumental, yet again. If that is your last game Sagna, thank you for your excellent service! Oh and Koscielny….keep that up and people will think you are Vidic ie the best defender in the premier league.



Fred Flintsteine

Who is the bell end who keeps thumbing down !


The answer is in the “bell end”….



Mind the fucking gap, spuds,, eat that


Koz the boss. Attack and defend.
Feo being feo.

Eric Irish gunner

Kos is a fucking legend I nearly had a shit haemorrhage in the last ten minutes, fuck you spurs, arsenal don’t do this to me next season


Hopefully Arsenal will be doing this to us while chasing the premier league trophy..

Irish Gooner

Nah, I’d like a nice 10-point lead at the top, none of this waiting to the last day crap.


How’s that downward spiral now, AVB?

Say goodbye to the one man in your one-man team.

A N Other

I bet he regrets talking about that downward spiral.. That probably motivated arsenal even more.

Adam, Watford

If that is a negative spiral, I can’t wait for a positive one !



Man I could kiss koscienly right now…

What an all round performance! And the goal? Brilliant

Siz C

# When the Spuds cry,
And they fail to qualify,
Blame lasagna.
They think its a tasty treat,
But it’s really dodgy meat,
Blame lasagna #

Eric Irish gunner

Brilliant 🙂


Really like a trophy! Bring a real one back next season! Kos is incredible. COYN…


Yes, fucking yes!!

Runcorn Gooner

AVB. Downward Spiral. YES You are


Oh my god he throws so many tantrums on the touchline there….he’s a kid though, a 33 year old kid.

Downward spiral? That’s what he told bale to do in the box.

petits handbag

Dear Laurent,

Thank you so so so much.

From Gooners


how odd it must be for you to hate some yet at the same time want to them so long totenham cunts we will send u a post acrd form europe


Pardieu haha brilliant


I was expecting a Parc de St. James as well!


Happy St Totteringham’s Day boys!

Please do not put us through that again.

Kos – you’re worth it mate.

And Spuds? 7pts clear were ya? Pfft.

That’s now more choke ups than the Boston Strangler for that mob.


Too easy to say they choked…, we just went on a points spree worthy of a title…
Either way haha.


I really wish to know how your Party went?


A lot better than worried about 🙂 turns out one of he guys was a gooner and he was hating his wife for accepting so we both got shit faced and i turned off the kids skylanders and kicked them out into he garden to “enjoy the sun or whatever, just GO!”
The nerves were shot to hell and i need new finger nails


Best image of the game was when they cut to White Hart Lane with the crowd going mad thinking Newcastle had scored, while on the other screen it showed us 1-0 up.


Just watched the interview with their captain.

He thought they were through after the Chimpancunt scored due to that earlier reaction.

And the most points they’ve ever got in the Premier League. And STILL they can’t top us.

Eric Irish gunner

Hahaha this is fucking brilliant

gooner odst

i think they were celebrating the fact that Podolski missed the free kick he took :)…those spuds will lap up the smallest bit of our misfortune like thirsty potatoes, shame really.


I pretended they were celebrating us being 1-0 up, and it made the scene that much more hilarious. What a bunch of halfwits.


That Podolski miss is on the 2012/13 Tottenham Season Highlights Reel: Spiral of negativity


That’s because the Sunderland fans were singing or chanting Newcastle 1 – 1 Arsenal or something like that. Hehe.


Koscienly aka best in the league. What a performance!

Happ Penis

Ah St Totteringham’s Day…the best STD ever


Oh man that shit is funny. I fucking love profiting at Spud’s expense. Little miracles!


Koscienly just shitted all over bales monkey face.

Alex Cutter

Are you a special needs 10 year old?


I don’t know, am I?

Eric Irish gunner

🙂 :):)

Eric Irish gunner

This was for c



Siz C

The white pele

Garyneville Shagshismum

The white Messi


Gooners hate barcelona, naturally.. 😛


Yeah. We f**kd spurs again right in the arse. Lets get koscielny his first trend on twitter.


Koz the Boss!!!


Crouching Tiger, Hidden Koscielny


Kos is a legend


Am I already one?

Heart Attack Survivor

So many goals he scores are vital ones….!


Never below spurs THE ARSENAL!


Yes yes yes !!!

Arsenes Nose

That’s what she’s gonna be saying tonight!


Happy St Totteringham’s Day!


I wrote that a couple of weeks ago on this very board and was booed for it, well here it comes:

Never in doubt!! 🙂

1:0 to the Arsenal, old virtues never fail.


Woohooo!! 😀 congrats all gooners!!



Heart Attack Survivor

Er… Eboue shagging Kos the Boss? No thanks. Keep your distance mate.


Eh, I would watch.




Happy st. totteringhams day!!!!!

£oyalty for $ale

1. Jesus H Christ. I have no fucking nails left, hands or feet.
2. LK6 was superman today
3. Time to retain and acquire talent now, so next year qualification for Champions League is an unintended consequence rather than a fucking nerve wrecking, life span shortening experience.
4. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Spu*s

Arsenes Nose

Fuck you Bale Fc!!!!!


Adebayor – ‘I wanna kill Arsenal.’
Well fuck you asshole.


What does piers morgan have to say now


Crowing and Bitching simultaneously.

the man is a girl

an ugly girl


We’re in the top four
Fuck Adebayor.



Top Gunner

Happy st totteringham’s day!!!


Happy St. Totteringham’s Day, everyone! I’m sending a bill to Arsenal for my undershorts…

i like trains



I’m very optimistic for next year. The past couple months we’ve gotten into the habit of winning. The team is starting to connect and this year’s signings have adjusted to the premier league. With a few good summer transfers, next year could be a very good year. COYG!


Happy St Totteringham’s Day


Makes you wonder where we’d be if Kos had replaced Vermaelen earlier. Ah well, well done Gunners! Now to call some of my Spurs-supporting mates and laugh. The gap has been minded once again 😀

Big Chief from Antarctica



Until next season my fellow gooners. Proud as hell of this squad. Noone gave us a chance at december to be up here but mental strength got us there. Come on you gunners!! Europe is ours next season.


Gary Linekar is a cunt! Woooohooooooo!

Eric Irish gunner

And shearer and Hanson

Doctor Satan

I didn’t have the heart to watch this match so I turned to WBA vs ManU. Fucking hell, it was fun.

Also, haha Tottenham. 🙂


The only thumbed down comment of the day! Ha ha! Kos!!!!


We gonna have the heart for Arsenal for anything..whether you change you undershorts 20 times..whether you bit all of your nails fingers toes…


Forever in our shadow, Today and forever. Not shut the fuck up you spurs mugs.


I hate the lovely gooners….. Sexy bastards……. 2 nil was too comfortable I suppose???


A minute’s silence for the pain being felt by a wide spectrum of people – Piers Morgan, Gary Linekar, Phil McNulty and other nobs at BBC and AVB
A minutes maniacal laughter at the fans of cock and ball FC and their evolutionary dead-end star (or ex-star)



Poor performance but my word what a result.

Enjoy your summer guys, and we’ll do this all in a few months.



Touched Your Mother

Relief, Giroud’s tackle reminded me of Gibb’s last year, just kind of the point where I knew we would win. I’m going to need therapy for PTSD after this season.


Phew, glad to season is finally over.

Hope to see a much stronger Arsenal next year.

Jim Jimminy

…we hate tottenham, we do.


Holy fucking shit!!! My heart. YESSSS

A N Other

Terrific weekend for me. I found out I am going to be dad for second time yesterday and now arsenal are in champions league…

Alcohol here I come..

A twat with a keyboard

You should name your child after Koscielny. Its’ only fitting, do the right thing.

Joey Sixpack

Yeah, do the right thing!!

A N Other

Worth thinking about it.. But I reckon my

A N Other

Worth thinking about it but I reckon my wife would have something to say about it specially because French names don’t go well on Indian family…

However, I will definitely buy him/ her a Koscielny arsenal kit.


Or maybe Laurent?

A N Other

🙂 sure but if its a girl it might be tricky to call her Laurent.



Red Cannon

Then Lauren. That’s a lovely girl’s name.


Since we moved to the emirates, we havent had a defender that can protect the team and give us the confidence we have in Kos. He is world class, and that reassure me that wenger still has his sensation in spotting a talent.

We are not only happy that we fucked the spuds and finished top 4, but we all witnessed a platform that is setting us to glory for next season.

Arteta should be the captain from now on, so its clear thst our laurent aka the wall is the first choice for next season.

North Bank Gooner



A N Other

Thanks.. So happy.. I was watching and reading loads of arsenal stuff until 3 last night. Just to reinforce my belief that arsenal will make it and they did..


YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS! I fuckin shat myself and I’m extremely happy its all very confusing


Wasn’t nervous at all.

*Puts on nail extensions*


Koscielny, I love you.

Proud of all the players! Every single one of them, bar Chamakh and Squid, played a role. COYG!!

HAHAHA at Scott Parker.

It would have been great if Walcott scored that goal.

Sign some players now, Arsene.

In Arsene we trust


It’s not often someone gives a 10/10 performance but Kos was unbelievable today, WHAT A MAN!! TBF he’s been magnificent the whole 2nd half of the season. FOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Awesome negative spiral!

walter the goon

celebrating like winning a FUCKING TROPHY. !!!” I am afraid this is how low we’ve fallen


You might not be but the players have every right to do so. It was through their hard work and determination that CL next year is possible. And they know that it is vitally important to a successful bid for trophies in the next few years.


genuinely, just get fucked.

Johnny Jensen's Bender

We feel like this because every commentator fuckwit, every media prick and every single Tottingham/Manc/Chelski scum lingerer has been giving it all season.

All the anti arsenal guff for the last however many seasons gets on our tits.

We love you Arsenal. Fuck the rest.

Double Canister

Walk on back up the Seven sisters road mate.


COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN Can’t wait to see that replay of spuds celebrating the Toon “equaliser” again!!!!!!

nii amartey amarteifio

if i am going to waste my heart risking an attack i’ll rather it be for 4 a real trophy


Kos is happy… Good man… Me too

I am drunker however

Johnny Jensen's Bender



Happy St. Totteringham’s Day..!! Don’t care hpw many times it’s said before me.. Worth repeating..


Happy St. Totteringham/Totteridges’s day!!! Overdue but we’re delighted 🙂


How much is that monkey in the window?
The one with the shirt that says “Bale”.
How much is that monkey in the window?
We all know that chimp is for sale.


Spurs commemorative DVD on sale now. Spiral of negativity. Now watch as Bale bales.


Koscielny is the boss!!!!!!!! Happy St. Totteringham’s day everyone.



Edu's Braces

Class! I’m going to chirpily sing this for the next week. COY GOOOOOOOOONNNSSSSS

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