Bendtner situation becomes more complicated

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Nicklas Bendtner has told Arsenal that he simply won’t leave the club until they assist him to realise his childhood dream.

The Danish striker has told officials that he’ll invoke a clause in his contract which allows for an annual renewal, in perpetuity, unless they help him become an astronaut. Or Action Man.

Sources close to The Greatest Striker That Ever Lived told Arseblog News, “Nicklas could have left any time over the last couple of years, but was determined to push Arsenal into this position.

BENDTNER“The recent discussions with Frankfurt were going perfectly well with everything agreed between the clubs until he made his final contract demand: the club’s mascot was to be changed to a kindly, misunderstood monster made of various body parts who would be called ‘FrankenBendtner’.

“He knew they wouldn’t go for it, hence the deal was scuppered.

“It was the same last year when he was tipped to move to Galatasaray. At the last minute he told them they’d have to convert the Hagia Sophia into a number of luxury apartments for he and his entourage to live in.

“Given how many cutlasses were drawn, it’s a wonder he got out of there alive.”

The source claims that Bendtner has grown disillusioned with football, having achieved everything there is to achieve in the game, and spends his days writing folk-gangsta rap music and prowling the grounds of his private zoo.

“He just wants to go into orbit,” the source continued, “or have that cool thing on the back of your head that makes your eyes move.”

Bendtner’s frustrations have been exacerbated by his inability to convince board members this is the best way for all concerned.

It is understood he tried to call Ivan Gazidis a number of times but found the Chief Executive strangely unavailable while Arsene Wenger has an underling fielding calls as he tries to work out the best way to get other clubs to buy all his transfer targets.

ps – we apologise for the scary headline. We’re sure Arsenal will send Bendtner into space as soon as possible. Possibly on a Chamakh powered rocket with Captain James T Park at the helm.

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GunnAlex
GunnAlex

Can we use his services as Gunnasaurus in this last year he is so desperate to stay?

Joe
Joe

He doesn’t deserve to be Gunnersaurus! He can be Gunnersaurus’s assistant

irfan
irfan

He doesnt deserve to be Gunnersaurus’ assistant!

argonaut
argonaut

He should be equipped with a shovel and told to follow Gunnersaurus around, cleaning up the steaming piles of Tottenham left in his wake.

Joe
Joe

He doesn’t deserve to be Gunnersaurus! He can be Gunnersaurus’s assistant

Lettraggad
Lettraggad

If we pay him we should play him…

Vs Stoke at Home
Vs Stoke Away
Vs Millwalls supporters in the cup
Vs any and whatever team fat Sam is coaching home and away.

Then his wages will be insurance companys problem and Niklas can focus on what he does best.. being a jurk
on twitter and various nightclubs.

kos
kos

Where is park surely we should have taken him to the far east wouldn’t it have given us a few million in shirt sales

Al
Al

I think Park is still in Korea doing the army boot camp.

Anon
Anon

He got pardoned a while ago.

Alf
Alf

You may want to follow this link to a very informative piece??
http://news.arseblog.com/2013/06/park-starts-pre-season-early

SizC
SizC

S.Korean government have forced him to learn how to shoot.

SizC
SizC

S.Korean government have forced him to learn how to shoot.

Arsene's Waterbottle
Arsene's Waterbottle

Just cancel his contract ffs. Sure it will cost some money but its not like we are doing anything with the money we have anyway and before you say the p word goal.com is running a story about Higuain going to Napoli and goal.com is never wrong

Mack
Mack

Goal is the worst site on the whole web!

Norn Iron Gooner.
Norn Iron Gooner.

Until i see it on Caughtoffside and metro, its all ballacks.

On topic, i’ve heard he’ll invoke that perpetual 1 year contract thingy, unless Arsenal can convince Will and kate to name their new born son after him.

Prince Nicholas Bendtner of Cambridge, ‘The greatest prince that ever lived’…

footatability

Agreed. We should cancel his contract or give him some sort of lump sum payment.

Giroud and Bendtner are similar in terms of their physique and play. From the preseason games in Asia all of Giroud’s goals show that he has become more clinical and direct which were two assists Bendtner actually had (except that sh*t miss vs Barca). Plus Giroud is handsome and to quote Arseblog “abs of steel” lol.

SO basically not much point having him in the squad, unless we have run out of wallmen..

footatability

assets*

and Arseblog must of got the Bong out when writing this article! good stuff!

Wayne Veysey's ego
Wayne Veysey's ego

Hey, thanks for reading the article, dude!

I can’t believe I get paid to do this.

bb6
bb6

It’s quite telling we’re not even prepared to whore Park out in that way. It was suggested that was the sole reason we signed him. Now I’m convinced some rich guy from Monaco actually paid us to sign him.

don
don

Just fuck off you cunt

Gutbukkit Deffrolla
Gutbukkit Deffrolla

I loved a cleverly constructed parody.

Arsene's Frog
Arsene's Frog

Brilliantly funny, as always!!

Ps : loving the Archer reference

Cele
Cele

SIGN DA TING

USGooner
USGooner

I’m starting to worry that Bendtner staying/not leaving might be having an impact on their decision to buy a striker. Nah…surely not!

pauly bear
pauly bear

If hig does go to napoli the emrites cup should be fun .

kkc
kkc

Fun Indeed.

the only sam is nelson
the only sam is nelson

one way or another, the emirates cup will feature a team that hoped to sign Higuain but instead ended up with TGSTEL

let’s just hope it’s Napoli

Fatgooner
Fatgooner

Hi, Sam.

You’ve been very quiet recently. Is it because you’ve finally realised that Arsene Wenger really is completely bonkers, and his hopeless management of our club now simply can’t be defended?

This summer is surely the nadir of the Nutty Professor’s reign: while quite rightly the club have been slowly getting rid of the Frenchman’s dross, nobody of any quality has been signed – even though we are at least four players short of a league-winning team. We are a complete shambles right now, without enough quality or quantity to maintain a challenge on any of the four fronts. The procrastinating old fool has made a complete arse of himself in the fransfer market. And now we are all the big losers.

I’m dreading the start of this season – especially with Spurs as one of the earliest fixtures. We’re fucked.

Highbury Shuffle
Highbury Shuffle

You’re fucked.

Its 27 degrees outside, with your rage problems and excessive mamarries you must be sweating like a Geordie in a maths test.

Notaspursfan
Notaspursfan

With your ability to see into the future, what lottery numbers do you recommend? There is still time, relax.

Joeos
Joeos

You’ve included many words that apply to yourself:
completely bonkers; hopeless; complete shambles; fool; complete arse; big loser and I’m ……fucked.

Faym
Faym

i just look at where Fatgooner has commented and thumb him down. Don’t even read what he says. Not like he says anything good anyways.

AP
AP

We can sign Fats as a goalie. He’s so fat he could block the entire goalmouth and the worst we can ever get is a scoreless draw.

the only sam is nelson
the only sam is nelson

nah, just been hard at work, FG

looking forward to next season, think we’re in with a puncher’s chance given managerial changes elsewhere and if we strengthen the squad as well, that should put us in an even stronger position.

the fact that the only players out this summer are those we want to lose means we’ll start 13/14 in a far stronger position than in the previous 3 or 4 seasons.

besides which, all the papers are full of shit and we’re smashing the aussies, so what’s to worry about?

arteta's perfect hair
arteta's perfect hair

Why doesnt Arseblog ban this fucking fatso? Fucking Chinese Fatso

amadi
amadi

wats dis TGSTEl of a tin .pls let me knw d meaning.

Arsene's Zip
Arsene's Zip

What the hell does that say?

Alf
Alf

“The Greatest Striker That Ever Lived”

Alf
Alf

Of course!!! I wondered why every player we have been linked with seems to be on Napoli’s radar too. Or is it a coincidence that Napoli have been linked to Higuain, Suarez AND Cesar??

kos
kos

Bring back squidddd I miss him

Brian
Brian

This transfer window is unbareable. Imagine what we could achieve by spending the same as the rest. If Cesc goes to United I will be absolutely sick

ERT
ERT

We’ve got rights of first refusal, so it doesn’t really matter how much they bid for him. I highly doubt we’d let him go to United, it doesn’t matter how much our payout would be (think for it to make sense Barca have to get him out at for at least 70 million, which, as much as I love our Cesc, I’m not sure anyone would pay that).

Indiano
Indiano

Is it possible that the reason for why we haven’t signed anyone is that we have spent all of our transfer budget on paying off deadwood to leave?

AP
AP

I reckon/hope we are thrifty as organising multiple press conferences to announce signings cost money…best to combine all in one…I hope.

Jimmy Spoos
Jimmy Spoos

lol bendtner expects the club to pay mlillions in astronaut training? he’s more stupid than I thoughted

Nog
Nog

Loan him to a champs team and either he goes or mutually agree his leaving. On another matter anyone heard a rumour of Theo and 21 million for Suarez…. Rodgers sed to be keen on Walcott

JustAnotherMong
JustAnotherMong

More like Walcott is keen on Liverpool. They can have him, as much as I like the kid i don’t think he’ll ever flourish here.

ANS
ANS

They have Raheem Sterling who’s probably better than Theo already.

Hagguian
Hagguian

This was sarcasm, right? I might loose my shit if it isn’t 😀

Rectum Spectrum
Rectum Spectrum

Is that a ‘Jim’ll Paint it’ commissioned work? Possibly the best picture to ever accompany a sports story.

Simon
Simon

I really have no idea which, if any parts of this article are true and which are made up.

clement
clement

Bendtner’s may just be the new striker we all crave for….I know am a total jerk

JustAnotherMong
JustAnotherMong

Arsenal are really pissing me off this summer. And i thought last summer was frustrating, or the summer before. Just do something right for a change. Have a clean sweep of the deadwood, and splash the fucking cash instead of fucking around like usual.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla
Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Assisted Exit? Isn’t that a bit drastic, even for poor, suffering Nicky Bendtner?

NB52=GOD
NB52=GOD

HaHaHa, not very funny, please let me concentrate on signing for Barcelona

NB52=GOD
NB52=GOD

Bayern are now on the phone, i’ll leave them on hold while I try to get Dick Law to agree a dowry for the club “buying” me

OFCOM
OFCOM

Bayern are now on the phone

Look, will you stop ringing other clubs and asking them to buy you? You are in breach of the telesales cold calling restrictions.

Lockednloaded
Lockednloaded

even marca is running a story today saying hig still wants to join arsenal. point is of player doesn’t want to agree with terms then the deal is a no go and I doubt that real want to take him on the roster being unhappy this season. so it appears to be a game of who’ll blink first at coming off their price which means more of a wait I’m afraid. 🙁

nick
nick

You do realize if Bendtner stays….”its like a new signing” personally I think he’s a tidy striker, look at his goals to minutes played. Such a shame he appears to he a fucking arsehole.

Arsene's Zip
Arsene's Zip

Has anyone seen what he has been saying to the Sunderland press? Despite us making agreements with 5 separate clubs, he is suggesting that it’s Arsenal that are stopping him going anywhere!!

His arrogance knows no bounds!

http://www.shieldsgazette.com/sport/football/ex-sunderland-star-hit-by-arsenal-blow-1-5877171

TeeCee
TeeCee

Ex-Sunderland what??!!???

Gag of the week from the Shields Gazette there.

GiveMeWhatWengersSmoking
GiveMeWhatWengersSmoking

Does Bendtner still deserve the right to be called a ‘Professional’ Footballer?

spurfucker
spurfucker

TGSTEL is truely TGSTEL, lmao

frrrred
frrrred

Nah surely he must be holding up for Barca.

Michael
Michael

We should just dump him off with a crate of stella at car craft

bringbackflamini
bringbackflamini

Funny article but all NB is asking for is the 75k/week wenger agreed to pay him.

Misplaced blame.

HitsMan
HitsMan

TGSTEL should be changed to CUNT.

Mikel Artekkers
Mikel Artekkers

Bendtner-san! Brilliant pic blogs

Mikel Artekkers
Mikel Artekkers

Oops, Gazidisan actually

Eoin Fleming
Eoin Fleming

Do danish people not take hints? or is it just this dipshit?

GreenGooner
GreenGooner

Wenger should fuck off from the club if he still thinks our squad is good enough. Whats all this saying that we have a strong enough squad to challenge without buying anybody else? Has he lost his marbles?????

From “we have enough resources to compete this season in the market” to “we are not close to signing anyone and would not be worried if nobody came ‘cos our squad is strong enough”????????? What the fuckkkkkk????????

GreenGooner
GreenGooner

Why do i have this feeling that we wont sign anyone this summer? We will start with this line up against villa:

Fabianski Gibbs Ignasi Mert Sagna Arteta Ramsey Wilshere/rosicky Poldi Giroud Walcott…….

Give up hoping u lot…. Thats our team right there…. If anyone gets injured we’re fucked! As usual we will run out of steam by february and out of everything by then. May scrape to fourth tho’…..thats enough for fucking stan and gaz i think. Fuck u wenger!

GreenGooner
GreenGooner

Fuck u…. Fuck u……and fuck u to hell arsene!

TimJol
TimJol

You must be 15 years old, correct?

tb@noblebybendtner.com

Let me know how good my son is. E-mail above.

X

Merlin's Panini
Merlin's Panini

That’s not actually a bad idea, blasting him into space. He might find his stratospheric ego floating around there somewhere.

Jon
Jon

Classic Misdirection

davidnewzealand
davidnewzealand

Bendtner will be our top quality striker this season.
He has great speed, brilliant shooting skills and has a great work ethic. He has a great attitude and is now ready to take the footballing world by storm. A future Arsenal captain no less.

SOS save our summer
SOS save our summer

If the inactivity continues, we may have to ask Nik nicely if he will stick around.

SOS

Furovich
Furovich

Arsenal should just admit their mistake and offer Bendtner the new and improved contract he deserves.