Sunday, October 1, 2023

EXCLUSIVE: Yaya Sanogo infographic

In the latest of our exclusive Infographics, we show why Yaya Sanogo is a better signing than an ocelot, and how his injury record compares to that of the tufted eared feline.

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Yaya Sanogo infographic

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Illuminating stuff, although I’m not sure how our new wunderkind would fare against the Highbury Squirrel.


I had my reservations about this transfer, but feel pretty foolish now having read this infographic. How could I have been so blind?






Bah, nobody got my reference to Family Guy.


“Yaya, are you hurt?”

“Just…my bones…and organs.”

Adam, Watford

Do you think we could work out a chant around this ready made De La Soul classic . . .


some dumb american

I’m no De La Soul expert, but not sure that was ever a classic …

Adam, Watford

Well, perhaps classic is subjective ! I do like it a lot, personally. Each to their own.

Still, it is a tune that comes to mind every time I read his name and seems to be right there to use, so why not ! ?

Finsbury Park Gooner

Every tune on 3 Feet High was a classic.


It’s actually a Hall & Oates sample “I Can’t Go for That (No Can Do)” which was a lot bigger than the De La Soul song…

Eboue's Hairbrush

Now we’re talking:

That Hall and Oates classic also works for Gervihino:

“Gervinho go for that, oh noooo, he’s fucked it up (royally again the muppet, f*cking hell bring back Chamakh, seriously this kid reminds me of Bambi on ice, but where Bambi is completely stoned on Ketamin and the ice is more slipperier that David Beckham’s armpits)”

Some slightly dumber American

I still think the winner is Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”:

“Wake Me Up, Yaya Sanogo, you’re much better than that ‘bloke’ from Togo!”

I hear Darren Dein has several Ocelots on his books! Pah!

some dumb american

One more ocelot fun fact: An ocelot has never scored a dubious penalty against a U20 USA side in the U20 World Cup.

France plays Turkey in more U20 action today, let’s all keep an eye on shifty Turkey to see if they try to sneak an ocelot on the field.


An ocelot will have Turkey for lunch.

michael ankrah

i want yaya sanogo 1st.

Davey Jones

Is there an Infographic on who is more handsome; Le Bob or Freddie?


Computer melted down while calculating. From envy…


Wasn’t it John Terry who ran off with Platini’s wife?

contract negotiations

And got taken out by Diaby with a single shot to the head.


and now I have an image of Arteta spraying his urine all over the dressing room pre-match…


Wouldn’t it be Vermaelen urinating over the dressing room only to get shoved over by Arteta who’d proceed to spray his urine over Vermaelen’s urine to mark himself as new team captain?


Vermaelen is so impetuous that he would probably charge into the away changing room to spray his urine, leaving Mikael to spray the home changing room at his leisure.

Master Bates

You guys there are rumours going around that it will be BFG who will be R-Kellying next season.

Arsene's bottle of water

Very amusing stuff. But if the kid starts scoring a load of goals I hope he’ll be taken more seriously.


I think it’s safe to say we’d take your grandmother deadly seriously if she started scoring loads of goals for The Arsenal.

Denilson's back pass

So why couldn’t we sign Sanogo AND an ocelot? Spend some fucking money.

Wenger out.

Harish P

I’m sold off this article. He is the complete prospect!


Tomorrow’s Daily Mail exclusive:

“Arsenal snubbed by gimpy Ocelot – chooses North London rival instead.”
“Ocelot will fit right in,” says AVB.
“A snip at €23M,” says Daniel Levy.
“1-1,” tweets Alan Sugar.
“Ocelots are the future of football,” grunts Gareth Bale (admittedly through an interpreter.)

(Source: Arseblog)

North Bank Gooner

noooooooo, got there before me!!!


Ocelots are the future of football,” grunts Gareth Bale (admittedly through an interpreter.) That was more than I could handle

North Bank Gooner

News just in: Tottenham bid £30m for Ocelot after hearing we may be interested



YaYa Ya YaYaYa Ya YayYaYa Ya Giroud

(translation: goalscorer Giroud, assist by Sanogo)


you seriously taking the piss

Finsbury Park Gooner

Nah it’s for real. Ocelots are seriously fucking injury-prone.

Master Bates

You are telling me ,this is not serious football analysis.


What gave it away??


The idea that Ocelots are not far, far better than any football player. I mean, come on guys – look at his little spots! Look at his tufted ears!

jack jack jack

Blogger, do you have any pictures of Yaya where he doesn’t look like an 80-year-old blues singer?


*scrolls up and bursts into uncontrollable fits of laughter*
That, sir just made my day. Thank you.


Very funny….that was off the hook


Yaya looks to have a maturity and intelligence beyond his years…

…about 5 decades beyond his years from the looks of some of these photos.


Same passport agent as Kanu.

Double Canister

Wow – that’s so cute and badass at the same time. A bit like wee Jack.

Double Canister

Michael Dawson Februay 2014:
“I think now spurs are better than an ocelot”
March 2014: cockerel feathers seen amassed outside Ocelot’s lair, the vet has to give it tablets for indigestion.


Another goal for Sanogo today vs Turkey. Clinical finish 1v1 with the goalkeeper. That’s 3 goals in 4 games in the U-20 World Cup for him.


And an assist for France’s only goal against Spain. Kid certainly has promise.


Zzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz


Zzz was not for norwad comment


We know.


Surely some matted ocelot fur is all we need to get Rooney to sign for us. We can sellotape some of it to his big stupid farmers forehead. Can’t be any worse than the last job he had done.


I’d be afraid of what would happen when, after joining Arsenal, he discovered that, in fact, there was no ocelot for him to eat.


Heh, I wonder how the stooges at FFT are coping with seeing their infographic being not only ripped off, but also improved upon.

Glasgow Gunner

…Would prefer to have a sandwich. Ha classic


Another day goes by and Huguain still hasnt signed for us.


Higuain’s been waiting on Sanogo’s decision. Now he’ll certainly be chomping at the bit to play alongside him.


Yesagoal is going to be a legend one way or another. I love the guy already. I am pissed that he is scoring so many goals at the under 20’s, he is using up his healthy minutes . Good fun these infographics. Please post one of Bendtner before he goes. Thanks.

Battered Sav

You had me at Shoulder AIDS.


It’s a shame Sanogo’s first name isn’t Babou.


He is crepuscular though. So there’s that.

Die Hard Gunner

Hold on mates, we just sold Djourou, he wears the jersey number 20, who wears that number at Madrid? I’m sure we all know, does this guarantee he will be joining us ? I can dream. I hope I’m right,Gonzalo, come wear a better 20 at the Arsenal.

man u are the best

Youll never take the title off us hahahahaha must be mad all of you go shag your nans hahahaahahahahajahahahahahah


Better us than Man City, eh?

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Give the man his laptop back.


“…go shag your nans…”

Remind me again. Of the two teams, which one is usually associated with granny-shagging players?


Ocelots are exotic — which is just another word for awesome.


Just see how ye do without furgie ya inbread. HahahahahahahahahahahahahahahHahahahahahahahahahahaha.

man u are the best

Hahahahah alot better then you fucking twats hahahahahaha go sign a good player o sorry were has rvp goin hahaha

Then why are you here?

Clearly living life to the fullest – a Man U fan commenting on an Arsenal blog’s joke at 2am about how his team won the title one year. Cute.

man u are the best

Plenty more times they arsholes were did rvp go o yeah two win trophys lol its really funny listen to all you lot thinking higuain would come fucking kone of wigan would not come never mind him hahah what a joke would rougher support cristal palace


English is not my mother tongue, yet I am so sad to see this molestation of her.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Come on, the poor guy’s been in the queue behind Rooney for ages waiting for his chance to molest that old tart, the English language.


Perspective is required. In Levenshulme, Salford and Didsbury, this guy’s grammar and articulation are akin to P. G. Wodehouse.


Apparently Ocelot’s wife is a hottie. She’ll definitely go up in the dressing room.


Headline next week: John Terry mauled by Ocelot.

We can dream…….

[…] a much quieter day yesterday than Monday with little or nothing happening from our point of view. I suppose things will happen in bursts. We had Djourou go and Sanogo arrive (a player whose attributes have been analysed in another of our exclusive infographics). […]

omosh wenger

evrybody is happy today


he scored again last night (Sanogo not the Ocelot)


One thing ‘bat Ocelots is that “they are wonderers.” Great that Arsenal finally got a “wonderer-like!” but is that the major addition we (FANS) are happy to welcome? A fan bust into TEARS when he got the news. This “wonderer-like” signing keeps me wondering whether Arsenal is really ready to boost her chances of a tittle contender comes next season. Arsenal must make a big move for the sake of the fans even if the management is contented with “PLOT-FOUR-SPOT.”


How is YAya better than Ocelot? Ocelot is an armed expert in metal Gera


Hey, I forgot this; “Arsenal always breeds the best but when the best turns EXCELLENT, they leave their breeders and are harvested by the bidders.” Arsenal must enhance her players’ maintenance and longevity.


LMAO… Y’all have made my day. Totally enjoyed ‘Wake me up yaya sanogo u so much better than the bloke from togo’. Oi, ManU scum, y’all don’t have blogs???


How would he hold up against the gunnersaurs though?!


Things missed. 1) An Ocelot can really get its teeth into a game. 2) An Ocelot is great to have if you need to claw your way back from two goals down. 3) No Ocelot has ever been sent off in a Premier League match. 4) An Ocelot has a top speed of 38mph, which is actually slightly faster than Theo Walcott. While it has been said that nothing scares a defence like pace, although I reckon that the addition of fangs, claws and a well-known tendancy to kill warm-blooded creatures gives the Ocelot a significant advantage in this area.… Read more »


Okay TeeCee



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