Real Mad-to-get-rid as tears flow in Spain

149

They call it schadenfreude* in German – enjoyment obtained from the troubles of others.

While Arsenal fans form an orderly queue outside North London dry cleaners, awkwardly stained slacks in hand and pre-prepared explanations on the tip of their collective tongues, it appears Real Madrid’s players and supporters have only just twigged how big a loss Mesut Ozil threatens to be.

From record-breaking striker to former sporting director, new face to old guard, golfer to tennis player, musician to film star…pretty much everybody associated with Los Merengues is mourning Mesut’s move.

With lips trembling and, in the case of Ronaldo, mascara running down his cheeks, here’s the reaction from the Spanish capital:

Cristiano Ronaldo: “The sale of Ozil is very bad news for me. He was the player who best knew my moves in front of goal… I’m angry about Özil leaving.”

Isco: “The truth is I was very surprised, and even more after he said last week he was going to stay. We all know Ozil has a lot of quality and is a player capable of changing a game.”

Alvaro Arbeloa: “Ozil said goodbye on Sunday but I thought it was a joke. There is nobody like him. It will be tough for the fans because they loved him.”

Sergio Ramos: “Ozil is definitely a unique team-mate and friend. We’ve always had this connection with him. I feel disappointed as the club have lost a great footballer but I don’t mind his decision to leave. His departure was his personal choice and everyone should decide their own futures.

Jorge Valdano (former sporting director): “If they gave me the choice I would put the Ozil-Angel Di Maria pairing before Bale. I would certainly put Ozil before Bale.”

Sergio Garcia (golfer): “How could they have let this happen – paying £100m to sign someone to replace Özil from a club nobody’s heard of? They are crackers in the head.”

Antonio Banderas (actor): “I cannot believe this. This is so not funny it makes Adam Sandler’s last movie look like Blazing Saddles.”

Julio Iglesias (singer): “This is a travesty. Özil is a supple magician with the feet of an angel. I am disgusted. I will begin by opening a can of whoop ass on Florentino Pérez.”

Enrique Inglesias (singer/prat): “This situation is made all the worse given Mathieu Flamini stole my mole.”

Sofia Vergara (actress) (loudly): “Oh my gaaaaaaaawd, eees terrible. Why they do theeeeeeeeees?”

Rafael Nadal (tennis player): “Rafa sad.”

Placido Domingo: “I shall never sing Nessun Dorma ever again, the pain is too much.”

____

*Not to be confused with ‘stefanfreunde’ which is the German word for sad, little prick.

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dalehu
dalehu

Arsenal to win the league?

Eboue's Hairbrush
Eboue's Hairbrush

Sp*rs to finish 8th? Let’s hope so.

Nick
Nick

If we are wishing, why not relegation?..and that Levy goes bankrupt, and their new stadium plan falls apart, Roman loses interest in the chav project, mugsmashers buy back andy caroll for 50 million, city primma donas all put in transfer request…

Well, a man can hope..

jack jack jack
jack jack jack

What about united? Can we not wish that, in a hilariously shambolic manner, they slowly start to self-destr…hold on a minute. Who’s been rubbing my lamp?

Redondante
Redondante

No – why would you want them relegated? How many 5-2 embarrassments would we miss? As for all the rest – I’m happy for other teams to be strong, it makes it more satisfying when we beat them. Who wants to support a team like Celtic, who could field 3 fans in their team every match and still walk their league?

Bee
Bee

or is it more funny that spurs finish 1 point behind us every single year for the next 1000 years …. so close that they can taste it, smell it, dream it, but always a point behind …. cursing to themselves about that last minute goal they conceded against wigan, that it was so unfair about the incorrectly disallowed goal against liverpool, even perhaps, if only they hadn’t sold their best player year after year …

Mohammed magajin tsakama
Mohammed magajin tsakama

Ozil is the best sign for this summer and ozil is best player for real madrid last season

Ali
Ali

17th is the worst i can wish for tottenham. I would miss watching arsenal kicking the shit out of them in the league

Double Canister
Double Canister

Or how about Platini actually having a pair of balls and making FFP actually enforceable.
Kick City, Chavski, PSG, Monaco, Real Madshit, Barfa out of the UCL?
That’s my dream, Arsenal vs Munich or Dortmund for the top dogs in Europe for the next 20 years.

Tommy Gun
Tommy Gun

Hilarious anti spud video…. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tf0dlFSOAi4

CK
CK

Hilariously true…LOOOOL

Diaby
Diaby

Thumbs up for the boobies!!

xxxrob
xxxrob

My fellow gÖÖners, I apologise for jacking this comment but something amazing has come to my attention that you need to see.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tf0dlFSOAi4

TightArse
TightArse

dont cry, we have lasagne for dinner

dmcle
dmcle

Mesut the Magician.

This is the gift that will keep on giving.

Dave Gooner
Dave Gooner

Its already started giving!!! Hooray!!!

http://www.elconfidencial.com/deportes/futbol/liga/2013-09-03/daniel-levy-llamo-al-real-madrid-para-intentar-frenar-la-venta-de-ozil_24086/

Headline translates as: “Daniel Levy called Real Madrid to try to stop the sale of Özil”

Presumably he called from the Emirates while watching his expensively assembled team of also-rans getting run ragged all over the pitch, and diving in the hope of another manufactured penalty.

Wanker.

Mate Kiddleton
Mate Kiddleton

Never thought there would be a wanker to surpass the wankiness of Tony Pulis, but there you go. Daniel Levy – chief wanker. Special mention to Mourinho for fucking us around with Demba Ba

Belfast Gooner
Belfast Gooner

Love the Sergio Garcia quote. ‘From a club nobody’s heard of’ Brilliant!!

Calim

I think he didnt say that lol

BURMA
BURMA

it’s logical for a domestic spanish football fan not to know about a random english club

Gutbukkit Deffrolla
Gutbukkit Deffrolla

He may not have said it, but it’s actually all over the internet now.

I’m hoping he now comes out and says “I didn’t say that, but I wish I had because that Bale, he’s not fit to wear the shirt.”

Lau
Lau

The annoying thing about that one is that it’s right on the transition of where the start to be fake, so you canny be sure whether is true or jokes. Hope the former.

markion
markion

ozil the best !!!!!!!! messi i ronaldo hahahha xdball.com/page/1

Calim

Sergio Garcia down?

Taking The Mik
Taking The Mik

Carlo Ancelotti is in such shock over the move that he has, for the first time in his life, raised both eyebrows.

wengerer
wengerer

hilarious! Arsenal snatch Madrid top midfielder! Too good to be true…

goonster
goonster

I’m watching porn on YouTube.

What did you say? “But YouTube doesn’t allow porn”

Well, they are allowing Özil videos so…

Alebelly
Alebelly

Sometimes a joke sounds funnier in your head than it actually is.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla
Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Mucho

goonster
goonster

@Alebelly

Seems like back to the drawing board for me.

*gets my stinking coat

Ow shit
Ow shit

Daniel Levy (Part-time Chicken Egg): “Its not my fault. Really it isn’t me.”

Roach
Roach

“paying £100m to sign someone to replace Özil from a club nobody’s heard of?” You go Sergio Garcia!!

MalayanGooner
MalayanGooner

forces move to real madrid, become public enemy no. 1 in the locker room.

oh bale…

Roach
Roach

Bad Luck Brian (Bad Luck Bale)

Krakfish
Krakfish

“With lips trembling and, in the case of Ronaldo, mascara running down his cheeks…”

Heh! Love it

Stephen Shelley
Stephen Shelley

Haha class arseblogs thanks again

Bee
Bee

classblog

TOGooner
TOGooner

Rafa is definitely not all-in.

COYG
COYG

Sofia Vergara… Spot on!

Aaron Mc
Aaron Mc

That Stefan Freunde line made me laugh immensely

214gooner
214gooner

Sofia Vergara…..ohhhhhh yes.

jiggalo
jiggalo

Whoever that sergio garcia guy is, he has gained heaps of respect from me.

Dr Baptiste
Dr Baptiste

he’s a golfer….

Otis
Otis
Greg
Greg

Very funny. Can’t wait to see him line up against madman paolo

Johan
Johan

Good read, until the end where some statements are obviously fake, which leaves no other option than to believe all statements are fake, which makes the article totally useless and a waste of time

Puhlease
Puhlease

Sorry mate, but if there’s no room if your world for a little humour, then it’s your life that you’re wasting and not just your time. Lighten up a little 🙂

Dr Baptiste
Dr Baptiste

Good read, until the end where you come across as having little to no sense of humour, which leaves no other option than to believe that you have no sense of humour, which makes your comment totally useless and a waste of time…..

Bee
Bee

damn, i laughed at the article but then it turns out that my laughter was actually a complete waste of time 🙁

Graham
Graham

Brilliant!

Gutbukkit Deffrolla
Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Gotta be a Spud. Ticks all the boxes.

1. No sense of humour

2. Pseudo logic

3. Thick as shit

Nellymar

I feel sorry for madrid fans,but for once its nice to be on the opposite side of things,its not us crying this time, oh to be a gooner!!! I love my ARSENAL

Gutbukkit Deffrolla
Gutbukkit Deffrolla

No. Never feel sorry for Madrid fans. They and their Barcelona hate-buddies have had far too easy a time being bankrolled by banks (Sorry!) since the 1950s. They always get what they want, until Monday. Laugh at them. Today we laugh with Atletico.

Double Canister
Double Canister

Spot on GB.
And they new pay back the debt.

The Mullet
The Mullet

Anyone else in favour of giving the world cup qualifiers a miss this weekend and cracking straight on with the league?

Naija Gunner
Naija Gunner

In favour!

Finsbury Park Gooner
Finsbury Park Gooner

Aye!

Ali
Ali

You have my like

Too Drunk To Be Offside
Too Drunk To Be Offside

… and my comment

Rufusstan
Rufusstan

Carried Unanimously?

Gutbukkit Deffrolla
Gutbukkit Deffrolla

I cannot do that. I have to watch Germany to check out this unknown youngster Arsene Wenger tried to sneak into the squad while we were celebrating the signing of Viviano (Why does this make me think of The Young Ones????). Why does he always do this to us when he should be spending some fucking money on the finished article????

Mace
Mace

Blogs just increased Sergio Garcia’s fans by a few mil.

Lagos Gunners
Lagos Gunners

To be fair, he’s sort of built to be a fan of…he doesn’t believe in training, smokes and drinks between rounds, has a really weird stretch routine to start off every game…the guy is a character.

Graham
Graham

That’s Miguel Angel Jimenez.

Steve of Chiang Mai
Steve of Chiang Mai

Could only be sweeter if Mourinho was still the Manager

Tony Joseph
Tony Joseph

It wouldn’t have happened if Mou was still there, I hate Chelski and Mou, but he is not stupid.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla
Gutbukkit Deffrolla

He knows what Özil is capable of. He’s really worried about this. It’s sweet enough for me.

lordgunner
lordgunner

exept at madrid the coach isnt in charge of tranfer

GunnAlex
GunnAlex

Which ones are real? I’m so confused. You always reel me in blogs fair play. Never quite know when the article starts mucking about.

Boogiegooner
Boogiegooner

Just pictured Flamini stealing a mole! LMAO

Tapscotts Testicles
Tapscotts Testicles

Steffan Freund:
The most useless cunt in a cuntpile of cunts, working for a cunt of a club, headed by the cuntiest of cunts Mr Daniel (I’m a cunt) Levy.

heihaci
heihaci

I love Sofia Vergara’s reaction. Ronaldo is welcome to join us if he is missing Ozil and now that Real Madrid is now our feeder club

lonsdale
lonsdale

Despite knowing that he would have improved our team, I was still against Suarez joining as he is such a plonker.

Ronaldo, on the other hand… I think I could let that slide. Eejit he may be, but that lad can play football.

Seemore
Seemore

Arsenal have now become the club everyone wants to leave, to the club everyone wants to come to over night. Can’t wait until January, Cesc et al 😉

arsesicky
arsesicky

cesc and ozil and santi???? deary me I just giggled out loud.

masterofthegoonaverse
masterofthegoonaverse

with rosicky to come on at 4-0

paris
paris

lol I bet that dimwit Suarez wishes he forced the move now…can you imagine the goals if he was here

Tapscotts Testicles
Tapscotts Testicles

I remember Freund as a player…he was a mixture of Gus Caesar, Igor Stepanovs and Pascal Cygan…..just without the same flair, star quality and of course, medals.

DC
DC

I think this one wins. An Arseblog special I think:

Sergio Garcia (golfer): “How could they have let this happen – paying £100m to sign someone to replace Özil from a club nobody’s heard of? They are crackers in the head.”

Seemore
Seemore

Sorry the club everyone wanted to leave. Oops

Mrs. Gooner
Mrs. Gooner

Just wondering how many of us Arsenal fans will be watching the Germany v Austria match on Friday to see Özil play. If it’s televised, I will be 🙂

masterofthegoonaverse
masterofthegoonaverse

its on BT 2 at 8

redman2112
redman2112

Hahahha. Love the Arseblog!

MJB
MJB

LMFAO!!!!!!
XD

eddeeee
eddeeee

I’ve been buzzing since we beat the 110million Carlos Kickaball dicks! The addition of Ozil is magnificent and we can see by the reaction of team mates how good he is. Chomping at the bit to see him and Carzola. We have been through the austerity times at Arsenal. Every summer I demand a major signing of this ilk. Winter window- would like to see a promising striker bought in. No need to break the bank though.

Johan
Johan

@Puhlease: I have no problem with there being humour in the post, just that I can’t distinguish what’s true from what’s not. The Valdano quote for example?

John
John

The Valdano quote is legit – it’s been doing the rounds for a week or so now. Try googling it.

Kola
Kola

The fake ones start from Sergio Garcia’s supposed quote.
C’mon, mate. Have some fun!
We all know Mr. Blogs has an incredible sense of humour.
Go, Blogs!

arsesicky
arsesicky

humor out!

richardanus
richardanus

I think there’s something to the Placido Domingo quote as well. From what I understand he has turned all booking enquiries to sing the world cup song.

TJ
TJ

Clever headline

Dark Stein
Dark Stein

I’ve spent the last two days randomly chuckling out loud to myself at the sheer amusement of the feat that Wenger and co somehow pulled off. I think it’s finally starting to set in how much we just spent on one player, and how much its absolutely & completely worth it. The enormity of this move and the implications for this season and also the coming years is slowly making its way around my brain, and I feel…excited, elated, rejuvenated. Fuckin’ COYG!

Gunner_chica
Gunner_chica

Me thinks the ladies doth protest…….guess the saying is true “you don’t know what you got till its gone”, and now you have Bale………….HA Tottenham HA

Alex X
Alex X

I just hope he gets some decent protection from refs and the Shawcrosses of the earth aren’t allowed to kick him out of games with impunginty. He’s so damn fast and tricky the slugs prob can’t catch him anyway. PS what fucking extra pressure Bale is now walking into this could crush a person.

shuggietodd
shuggietodd

It’s the Jorge Valdano one which is most suprising/enlightening as it is genuine and well, hilarious!

Madrid’s former sporting director, Jorge Valdano, has also said: ‘If they gave me the choice I would put the Ozil-Angel Di Maria pairing before Bale. I would certainly put Ozil before Bale.”

Heh!!!!

heihaci
heihaci

where are the pics of Sofia’s cleavage?

Notaspursfan
Notaspursfan

Not enough space.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla
Gutbukkit Deffrolla

http://collider.com/sofia-vergara-escape-from-planet-earth-machete-kills-interview/

It’s OK, work safe.

I’m a bit deaf. I watch lips to understand what people are saying. I would never be able to follow a word she said.

Hutch
Hutch

Been reading your stuff religiously for the last few years and today, you made me spit out my Pepsi Max over the desk with this one.

Sheer class.

Dr Baptiste
Dr Baptiste

It wasn’t me but I think the thumbs down was for you drinking Pepsi Max….. ewwww

Goonermonkey
Goonermonkey

Sergio Garcia (golfer): “How could they have let this happen – paying £100m to sign someone to replace Özil from A CLUB NOBODY’S HEARD OF? They are crackers in the head.”

Sergio is now my favourite Golfer. HAHAHA

Crackers in the head indeed.

John
John

Looking forward to seeing these Sergio Garcia, ahem, ‘quotes’ in some newspapers tomorrow..

heroldgoon
heroldgoon

Schwazenegger: he’ll be back…

heroldgoon
heroldgoon

0/ wahey! those are some jugs!

A Yank
A Yank

Funny thing about the Isco quote (and not funny ‘ha ha’ like the made up ones at the end), but he doesn’t really say he’s sad to see him go or that he will be missed. That’s probably because Isco more than Bale is the reason Özil became expendable for Pérez.

Still can’t believe this all went down. Even more baffled that United had the chance to get him a couple of weeks prior and turned it down. So not only do we get a squad-transforming player, but United show themselves to be ‘tards.

Not bad for a Monday.

Lindhe.
Lindhe.

Madrid gets bale out of sp*rs and gives us their best midfielder!

Thank you <3