Thursday, July 7, 2022

Gervinho, Vela…and a bit of Bischoff

Ex-Gunner Gervinho says he doesn’t regret his disappointing spell at Arsenal claiming the experience was not only positive but the fulfilment of a long-held dream.

The Ivorian international quit the Emirates to team up with former Lille boss Rudi Garcia at AS Roma last summer and has made an instant impact in Italy helping the Giallorossi to second place in Serie A.

His impact, five goals and five assists in 18 games, marks a stark contrast to the inconsistency he showed in London where he notched 11 goals in 63 appearances over two seasons.

Admitting that confidence and regular game time is key to his game, Gervinho  told L’Equipe: “I think my adventure in London was positive. I have always dreamed of playing for Arsenal, and I had good times there.

“It’s just a shame I didn’t get to play more. But it’s not a failure. All leagues correspond to my qualities, I just need confidence. In the Premier League, it’s physical and intense whereas in Italy, there is less space.”

Teaming up with ‘father figure’ Garcia has obviously seen something click for the Ivorian. Even the legendary Francesco Totti has been impressed, recently telling Gazzetta dello Sport, “Up close he is a beast. If he also scored goals, he would be Cristiano Ronaldo and Roma would never have got him.”

It’s a bit of a backhanded compliment, when you think that Ronaldo ‘without goals’ is little more than a preening prat who might at best have been an extra in an Iberian version of Cocktail. Anyway, we digress…

Talking of Gunners who’ve impressed since leaving the Wenger bosom Carlos Vela has hit the news in Mexico after confirming he won’t play for his country in the World Cup this summer.

Mr Chips has been on fire for Real Sociedad, a run of form which began while on loan from the Gunners a couple of years ago, but confirmed via a statement on the Mexican Football Federation that, “He is not 100% mentally and emotionally ready.”

He’s not played for Mexico since 2011 when he picked up a six-month ban for partying with what The Sun tastefully described as, “14 vice girls and a tranny.” There was also drinking and gambling involved. Naturally.

It must have been some party if he’s still not recovered…

It’s a shame he’s not playing because watching Gunners past and present is pretty much what the World Cup is all about. That and booze, gambling and err…ah we see now Carlos.

Elsewhere, word reaches Arseblog News that Amaury Bischoff is on the cusp of big things in the States.

The perma-injured Portuguese has been approached by Hollywood agents to play a cameo role in an upcoming film starring Boardwalk Empire star Ron Livingston, to whom he bears a striking resemblance.

He’d be the first ex-Arsenal player to act in a major motion picture since Nelson Vivas had a small role in Quentin Tarantino’s underground Sex-Mex short Mi Labia, Tu Pistola.

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the only sam is nelson

the sun shines more in Italy, so opposing defenders are blinded by the reflective glare from Gerv’s forehead, allowing him to score with greater frequency than in our climate. QED.




haha you win!

Joshua king

No main comment, simply to say this was a cracking read.


HAHA agreed, blogs has such a good sense of humor.

“It must have been some party if he’s still not recovered…

It’s a shame he’s not playing because watching Gunners past and present is pretty much what the World Cup is all about. That and booze, gambling and err…ah we see now Carlos.”



And behind curtain number one…

…That forehead :O




A little racist that… No?


i don’t think saying things in another language is racist.

mach iii


Ping pong 4 Frimpong

Mi labia, tu pistola hahaha

Denizo Deekay

Everybody was created in the likeness and image of God so stop criticizing his forehead


He doesn’t look anything like Bergkamp.

Or Pires for that matter


Well said Denizo. God looks a bit like Wayne Rooney.

bunkbail rp

Vela not playing the WC is a big shame. Him and Antoine Griezmann made one of the best attacking partnerships in La Liga.


I’m gonna go ahead and guess this article wasn’t written by arseblog coz if there’s one person Gervinho is proving wrong then its him.

“footballer with no brain…etc” Hahaha go gervinho go!

Woolwich Peripatetic

There might be less space in the Italian league but there’s quite a bit more time. I seem to recall one of his big problems was that he’d be crap for long enough that the opposition would think “it’s only Gervinho” and then he’d bag a brace. Then they’d pay attention again and he’d be back to his usual self.


I thought his name was Amaury? Wasn’t he French? 🙂 Anyways, he’s a decent player. Not on an Arsenal level, but def too good to play 3rd div in Germany. I think we’ll see him in any higher div pretty soon.


Played for france and portugal, but never at senior level


The bischoff thing. True or false?


Completely true

Diaby's ankles

So happy for Amaury. Top player and top man as well.
Gunners will never forget him.


…except it’s not called “My Labia, your gun”.


No it’s not true. He’s from Alsace, not Portugal. Otherwise yes accurate.


Ronaldo ‘without goals’ is little more than a preening prat who might at best have been an extra in an Iberian version of Cocktail. 

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!


That sentence alone is going to keep me chuckling the rest of the day.


Why do people have to be a cunt to Ronaldo? he deserves every success that comes his way.he works hard for it.#Halamadrid!

mach iii



The news we get these days! It is much fun being top of the league! Long may we stay there


I genuinely don’t understand why the words ‘failure’ and ‘flop’ are always banded around Gerv. I never thought he was that bad. All right he lacked composure and as a result suffered a huge dip in confidence but the Arsenal team he was a part of were pretty average. Glad to see he’s rejuvenated his career.


Bischoof came to my house and stoled my fox’s crunch creme the biscuit thief bastard of piss


Gervinho, the living paradox!

He’s uneducated and from Africa – Still got a monster wage
He’s bad at football – Played in the best league in the world
He’s quite ugly – Still got a very beautiful ladyfriend
and last but not least, he’s bald – but still got a long hair!


is that meant to be funny? or are you just displaying your ignorance


Yes it was and I think it is. Did you get upset because I mentioned Africa? That was not my intention. The fact is that the minimum daily pay in Ivory Coast is 0.41$ compared to Britain’s 10.02$. He’s going against the odds, and than I respect.


Leave him alone. He’s said nice things about his time at the Arse. It didn’t work for him but he’s moved on and is playing better and is happier now. Good for him. There’ll be no hard feelings from most Gooners.

Arsene's sidekick

You forgot to mention you’re a d#*k!


Oh you’re such a Penis..


Way to give Arsenal fans a bad name. Actually with a comment like that I’m going to assume you’re a Spud in disguise.



Just read interview with ‘the special needs one’ suggesting Chelsea are not in the title race, in a ‘these are not the droids you are looking for’ fashion. At least if Chelsea let go of him, he could find work teaching pop psychology in a community centre.

Santi's Little Helper

Amusing that the advert coming up under an article about Gervinho is for a hair transplant!

Dr Baptiste

The adverts are based on your internet search history… something you want to share with the group?


Tha explains it.. My favorite porn site kept coming up. I usually oblige after my fucking comment.

Good Omens

And why My Little Pony is suddenly feeling all kind of sordid I’m sure.


Haha so what do you think @santislittlehelper hair transplants are for? and what a weird browse sitr btw

Davy Jones

Gervinho Woah! Gerwinho Woah! His forehead is immense, He’ll Murder your defense!


Let’s face it Gervinho was pants and could not hit a cow’s arse with a banjo from 3 feet. BUT he always put in a full shift, with no lack of effort whenever he pulled on the Red and White.
Good luck to the fella , and if it helps his confidence even more when someone of Totti’s quality says nice about him then good.


I still can’t quite work out why the Forehead was unsuccessful at the Grove. He had the talent, no doubt, and he proved that he could finish (sometimes), but it just didn’t happen. I’m not surprised that he’s doing well in Italy: there was always a decent player trying to get out. Yesterday’s City v Chelsea game was brilliant, wasn’t it? The result was perfect for us: it kept us top while leaving a huge psychological dent in the City psyche. Everybody now knows that they are beatable at home. It’s a shame that Wenger wasn’t smart to set us… Read more »


It also means that now if we slip up once, 2 teams can go above us, whereas it wudve been one team otherwise.
BTW, too tempting to not write this – Eto’o-Matic Chelsea beat Manuel City.
Wouldve been more apt if they had played a part in the goal, but still too tempting.


The Bischoff – Livingston links are reversed. But its actually better that way 🙂




Always nice to hear I am not forgotten! Wonderful club 🙂


Thank Bergkamp for that……
For a second there, I thought the headline was a list of our summer targets.

Henry! Chance! Goal!!

Slow news day. Right Blogs?

Bendtner's ego

Carlos Vela,
He loves the trannies,
He likes the fake boobs,
And hairy fannies,


I firmly believe it’s the difference in the hair containment equipment. At the Grove – the manband – not a good look for the large forehead. At Stadio Olympico, the more acceptable fashion item that is the Ronaldinho headscarf cum snood pulled up over the head look. Much better 😉


Didn’t add that obviously there is a correlation between amount of forehead on display and performance. Glad I cleared that up.

No More Sprouts

I think with a forehead like Gervinho has he could realistically score from anywhere on the pitch – may be even outside of the stadium….

La Defense

I IMBD-searched “Mi Labia, Tu Pistola”…

Long day.

Made me smile when I finally realized 🙂


I really miss Carlos Vela.
I think Carlos Vela Hat Trick is the best indie song title ever. Especially as it’s very rare (he bagged for once for the Spanish side, I think)


Gervinho…the man with a 7 head!!


I’ve always felt it’s a shame we didn’t keep Håvard Nordtveit. Not seen much of him this season but he’s been great over the past few years for Borussia Mönchengladbach.

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