Thursday, December 1, 2022

Mesut not Oz-ill enough for some

There was outrage on Teh Internets last night as it was revealed that Mesut Ozil is not on a life-support machine.

The German missed Arsenal’s game against Newcastle through illness and returned to Germany ahead of the international break. Reports suggested that far from being unconscious and on death’s door, he was, in fact, in a Berlin nightclub on Saturday night.

This has led to criticism from certain pundits who are genuinely concerned that Arsenal might have not invested their money wisely enough and certainly aren’t just spouting shite to get themselves noticed.

“I am so cross I could give a wedgie to a 10 year old”, said Hadrian Cumbria of the Filth Bugle and SportTWAT radio.

“When an Arsenal player can’t play because of illness I don’t want to hear about him possibly being in a nightclub even though there were no pictures of him or anything and nobody’s suggesting he was doing a Gazza by ingesting a dozen yards of ale through a hollowed out bazooka.

“If he’s ill, I want him bed-ridden. I want tubes, machines, nurses, round the clock care. I want bleeding from every orifice, projectile vomit, paralysis in at least 50% of the limbs, swelling to glands and gonads, sudden blindness and a tongue the size of a whale’s cock.

“Anything less and I expect him out on the pitch and for him to run around a bit. He doesn’t get paid £140,000 a week for nothing. I mean, I once called in sick because I had the squirts but that’s different, I’m not a poncey overpaid millionaire footballer.

“If I got paid that much I’d play through the pain. Where’s the commitment?”

Newspapers have reported the story with vague implications that Arsenal are possibly, but not definitely, annoyed – but not enough that they might actually do anything about it other than possibly, but not definitely, talk to the player about it. Perhaps. Maybe.

It’s the latest behavioural scandal to hit the club after Wojciech Szczesny and Jack Wilshere were caught smoking, while Santi Cazorla was interviewed by the Metropolitan Police last week as it was believed he was the head of a crime gang planning on stealing the Shard.

He was later released without charge.

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William Court


obvious stater

Well if he’s too ill to play hes too ill to go clubbing. Not sure why you’re defending him here tbh.


He’s overated and doesn’t give a toss about Arsenal.
Another selfish modern day footballer. Your sarcasm doesn’t do justice to to the fact that weather he was sick or not – he’s unprofessional.


How do you judge professionalism? he is a world champion through dedication and application. he has run more than anyone in the league since he got back he recognized a flaw in his physique and used the time while injured to bulk up his upper body – dramatically i mean if i could get that level of improvement in a year i would have to take time off work to do it. Honestly you Hadrians are a fickle bunch. he wasn’t getting pissed, He was ill, and hey maybe that was in the lead up to the game rather than… Read more »

Arshavin's Dietician

George Boyd has run the most. Just running means fuck all, it’s what you do with it. Ozil just lumbers alongside the opposition without engaging any contact. That’s pointless running from an “intelligent ” footballer


If thats what it takes to be world champion then i wish we had more lumberers.

He also is the third more prolific assister in the history of the epl.


Boy, the twats and morons are sure out in full force today, aren’t they?

Siz C

” without engaging any contact” ………i feel ur pain, Ozil needs to tap into his inner louie Spence or Shawcross.

How dare he play football the way he wants and not how the talkshite minions wants him to!!!!

Let’s all grab our pitch forks in unison now.


so, you want an old skool footballer then? back in the days, when they used to drink and smoke. and what’s the weather got to do with it?


Hey buddy, I think the Daily Mail comments section has been missing you. Maybe he was not ill, and was being rested. Or…maybe he was ill, and felt better. Knowing full well he was going to miss the game, and get an extended break afterwards, why shouldn’t he celebrate his birthday with friends in a nightclub? It’s not like there are even any pictures to prove it anyway (or least not ones I have seen). He has played out of his skin recently and worked his ass off in the process so if he wants to blow off a little… Read more »

Romford Pele

Guess we have to whether the storm on this one.


Ozil doesn’t even drink though… Clubbing isn’t particularly strenuous if you’re just sitting around with friends (or standing though I assume they had a table)

Andy Mack

There are lots of different types of ‘club’. Knowing how crap reporters are and that there aren’t any pictures, It could have been a ‘cabaret’ show type or a health club even….


Please don’t flatter that scum bag with the Cumbrian epithet. It insults the county of my birth


Because a night out with friends is definitely comparable to playing 90 minutes of Premier League football. I guess I’m fitter than I thought (and look) then.


Depends on the friends, I’d say?


I agree with you here. If you’re too ill to play you’re too ill to go clubbing. However you forget the game was against Newcastle, he was probably rested as a preventative measure – I’m sure he was capable of playing. If put yourself through physical exertion whilst under the weather, you lengthen your time for recovery. This means you are not at peak fitness for longer.


It doesn’t actually state what type of club. Could be a knitting club or a book club. Or a club sandwich club.

David C

haha, perhaps a backgammon club. They love that game in Turkey!


They do love that game in Turkey. It’s a great excuse for them to get together to drink and smoke in cafes. Let’s stick with the knitting and book thing. Yeah.


Actually you can be quite ill without it affecting your clubbing performance much. And being ill while clubbing isn’t going to cost a club points on the table.


Ha! The cold bite of the interlull starts! Way to keep us occupied

Romford Pele

Honestly the obsession with everything Ozil on these shores is nauseating. Leave the dude alone. As the Adidas hastag goes, #therewillbehaters


Arsene's Selfie Stick

Referencing some advertising creative team’s Adidas Twitter campaign? #barf


It turns to be opposition fans and ex-players doing this. Clearly a case of disguised jealousy. They just want things to not work out for Ozil

Dick Swiveller


Funny thing is, it wouldn’t surprise me if he was probably just rested but due to the media focus on him. we said he was ill to avoid ‘Ozil dropped’ stories.


The media play Mugatu to Ozil’s Zoolander

“SHUT UP! Enough already, Wenger! Who cares about Ozil anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ’s sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They’re the same face! Doesn’t anybody notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”

Excellent piece, but Gerrard takes the Joke of the Week award. Another trophy that Arsenal missed. Wenger Out.

peter wachira

This English media should leave players alone BT if its true them ohh no coment


Honestly the man can do no right! Im not condoning him being in the night club but for all of Moanrinho’s talk of the media having a campaign against them, I really feel Arsenal and in particular Ozil gets undue stick from the media as well as the fans. You can bet your dollar that the media were waiting with anticipation to write an obituary for Sanchez the moment he signed for us. So much for that eh! Bunch of wankers!

Phil C

As always, sweaty, foul-smelling and viciously dumb media looking for stories. Why not write an analysis of something useful? Why not praise the fact that we won 6 premier league games in a row? Two types of media – those that have nothing to do and make dumb predictions like Lawro and Phil McNulty of the BBC (which we can sometimes even enjoy) or Dunn of the Express and his vermin mongrel brethen that look to smear crap all over people that are more successful than them, and ultimately smear foul crap all over their faces by capitalising words like… Read more »

Danger Mouse

I know when I read that Ozil was ‘ill’, I understood it to mean that Wenger was giving him a rest. Its not like Wenger could say ‘We’re resting Ozil against Newcastle as they’re a bit shit and we’ll win anyway’…


I wish he had said that, though. The honesty would be refreshing.

Gutbukket Deffrolla

Trouble is, when you come out with something like that the opposition double their efforts against you. We don’t need to make worms turn, and there’s no benefit to the Club in having other Clubs hating us for being arrogant.


Actually the worms did indeed turn in that match.
Unfortunately for them, they were too shit for it to make any difference to the result.


Media really can be a bunch of cunts sometimes. Honestly.


sometimes? like any day with a vowel in it


Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday jejehe


They are the very ones.


And all the other days, too.


I too was arrested along with Santi on charges of planning to steal the Shard and released without charges when it transpired that we were doing Londoners a great favour by planning to airlift it to a place in the Namibian desert and leaving it there…along with all the tossers who live in it…

Andy Mack

Any chance that you could do the same with ‘The Walkie-Talkie’ and ‘The Cheese Grater’???


and shite hart lame?


When I was a London tour guide on an open top bus during my student holidays, I was told off by management for describing the Shard as “a monument to the perils of giving an architect a box of crayons and an unlimited budget.” If Santi were to steal it, he’d do the unthinkable, and increase in my estimations. I didn’t think it possible to admire him even more.

North Bank Gooner

He still had legs, ffs, he could still run araaaaand!!!!


Rambling Pete

The chap can’t catch a break as far as I’m concerned. Everything he does is under the spotlight and for some this will be yet another stick to beat him with. It’s all a bit unseemly really and it reminds me of the time we had a chap in work that used to rub people up the wrong way for no good reason. He was excellent at his job, worked hard, produced results but others in the office would tease him mercilessly and it all got out of hand one day when the poor fella just snapped. He launched himself… Read more »




Welcome back Pete, so you’ve been in Marseilles then… No IT cafs there then? We/I missed you…


I just started reading this comment and I was like ‘what the…’ and then I looked at the name and then I smiled.



Andy Mack

I know a French train conductor that for a fee may be able to fill in some of the memory gaps!
Does ‘A dachsund in a beret’ ring any bells?


New Arseblog columnist shurely Ed?


I have missed you Pete, great to see you back!


Can these morons LEAVE OZIL ALONE!!!….jesus christ!!!
Ozil takes a shit…its news.
Ozil picks his nose…media: he’s not doing it with effort.
I think people are just jealous that wenger managed to sign ozil. Thats why he gets compared to upstarts like coutinho and eriksen.


Let them have a go. We, the Arsenal fans, love him. What sister in law shaggers from the northern wastes and other riff raff grunt on TV matters less. He’s great and we’re proud to have a player like him at our club. End of!


even if he won the FIFA Ballon d’Or they would still dish some sort of shite on him, gareth bale 80 million not done much since his move Di Maria 70 million same yet write nothing on them im sure its linked to AFC they dont like the fact we run a tight ship and even nothing on the 100 million $pur$ wasted on all them average players FUCKEM I SAY

the only sam is nelson

, . ‘ . ,,, ‘ ! . ; . , : ? !! ‘ . ‘

I wondered where all the punctuation had gone. It’s fallen into this reply! Never seen that before. Weird.



David C

but poor Angel of Mary had his house broken into…

Every time he plays they talk about this story.

As for Bale, I think the Spanish media are doing enough of a job on him. 68% of Real fans want him dropped apparently. Yup, you heard it here first!

Gutbukket Deffrolla

Dropped from? 50 feet, 100 feet? The Shard?


If there were photos of him on the disco biscuits (imagine his eyes then!) shirtless on a podium at Berghain this might be some kind of story. Otherwise meh.


I thought he’d be more of a playing pool and eating currywurst at some Pankow dive kind of guy.

das pauly bear

What a load of hype B.S
I would have sent alexis off with him I think he needs a break.

Ye cant win if he is a bit sick and plays then only runs 6 klm he is a lazy cunt.
give him time off to relax and recharge
and he’s a cunt

bottom line is every club in prem are jealous we have ozil so they slate him to make them selfs feel better. Like there not missing out on the best midfield tallent in the world.


Hate them media for being jealous of us landing Ozil and coming up with such utter tripe to try to drive him out. Hope Ozil is made of sterner stuffs to not let them bother him.

Gutbukket Deffrolla

The Media aren’t jealous that we got Ozil, but they very quickly realised that the majority of their readers (who are not Arsenal fans, and fuck knows why, other than low IQ) would happily jump on a campaign to malign him. It dovetails so well with their anti-Arsenal stance. This is standard British Press Cuntery.

They realised long before the rest of us did that their campaign would even resonate with that small but vocal minority of Arsenal fans who may be referred to with the generic title “Thick as Fuck”


He needed rest and winding down. Give him a break ffs. We all know this is the year of the flops. Apart from Falcao and Di Maria, no one mentioned RVP, Balloteli and Soldado. Ozil has been playing and creating goals for us. Against Newcastle you could see something was missing. He needs to rest and come back fit against Liverpool and Manure. Next, Alexis needs restraining and if possible tied on a bed guarded by nurses till those games


Marines. Seals. Not nurses.

Andy Mack

It depends what the nurses look like (que benny hill music).


He needed rest? He was injured for 3 months. Alexis needs rest. He actually gives a shit about this team.
Where was he? Running his ass off against Newcastle while Ozil was play acting sick so he could go party. Complete unprofessional.


Complete Troll.


I wouldn’t have used the word “Troll”…


Yep, he’s only been posting on here for about a month and there’s probably less time than that left until he’s banned. And good riddance when he is. Every post is like that, he’s a total troll.


A troll and an utter tosser.. good riddance..

Gutbukket Deffrolla

Thick as Fuck and much less Fun.

Ross Rapture

Ozil as I understand it is a practicing Muslim and being so, he wouldn’t be downing pints of beer or any alcohol for that matter. I can’t see why its such as massive problem if he goes out with friends and enjoys himself. Would it be such a big issue if he went for dinner?


*if he is ayble to valk he kann schtill fight for se motherland*
Now think what those ppl would say about “dinner”

Gutbukket Deffrolla

…and if it was his birthday then that’s probably exactly what he was doing.


Is there any photos of him in the nightclub? Surely in this day and age, their would be If he was there.


and sorry guys, didn’t go out this weekend to a trendy Berlin night club…. no photos:-(
On that note: EVERYBODY! Keep your fellow Gooner informed at ALL TIMES about where MyMesut IS and WILL BE.
We had a chance ‘ere…
Berlin, two days after Watergate scandal. Over n Out.

batman's agent

The length Arseblog will go to defend ozil……!


…and with him being an Arsenal player and all! Some people just have their priorities all muddled up.


Let’s sign Messi and conquer the moon.


batman's agent

I always wondered how people read a simple sentence. It doesn’t say wenger out, it doesn’t say ozil out and it doesn’t definitely say we must sign. But It’s really amazing how Ozil could pull off such thing and we pretend it’s nothing, but when Wilshere or Schezeny light up one simple cigar suddenly everybody looses their mind. And I am supposed to be the idiot! Ironic!

batman's agent

I always wondered how people read a simple sentence. It doesn’t say wenger out, it doesn’t say ozil out and it doesn’t definitely say we must sign Messi. But It’s really amazing how Ozil could pull off such thing and we pretend it’s nothing, but when Wilshere or Schezeny light up one simple cigar suddenly everybody looses their mind. And I am supposed to be the idiot! Ironic!


Because it IS nothing.

Dick Swiveller

Werdly, I seem to remember most people not giving a shit about Szczesny smoking, almost like we care very little for silly little things that don’t really matter.


absolutely spot-on chopper!

Gutbukket Deffrolla

I’m more concerned about people who believe everything they read in the papers.


I don’t think he was ill, but that he was hung over. Obviously, he went to the club to get himself a cold lager and a couple of Fernets.


Since it’s the interlull and Ozil’s transgressions aren’t really newsworthy, I’d like to share this fail-safe banana bread recipe to the media d*ckheads: INGREDIENTS 2-3 very ripe bananas, peeled 1/3 cup melted butter 1 cup of sugar (can easily use 3/4 cup, or drop it down to 1/2 cup if you want it less sweet) 1 egg, beaten 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 teaspoon baking soda Pinch of salt 1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour METHOD Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C), and butter a 4×8-inch loaf pan. In a mixing bowl, mash the ripe bananas with a fork until… Read more »


I thought you were going to end with, “stick any spare bananas up your own arse Journos!

Ed the Red

Does this make us a club in crisis ? We haven’t been in crisis for a while, I’m getting a bit twitchy.

theCar2n Goon



“Our next post is from Darren from Totteridge, North London” “Hi Hadrian Cumbria & Karen Cough great post as always, I have just written in to talk about Ozil. I’ve been an Arsenal supporter since the day they were formed, I have been to every home, away, reserve, under 18’s and women’s match. I have never seen such a lazy player as Ozil, yes he runs around but what does that show? for £42.5m I want a player who can run, juggle, cut the half time oranges, serve the tea, play the bag pipes and set up Giroud to miss… Read more »


I can understand when those dipshit pundits still keep on criticizing Ozil. Perhaps, they’re too embarrassed to admit their complacent reading of the game. How Ozil creates spaces, how he controls the tempo and stuffs like that. Tired of some morons always using “The English way” of football as an excuse. An ego thing maybe, just defending their shit logic because suddenly changing opinions would make complete idiots of them.


The real question should be, why isn’t he ill enough to NOT be selected for some pointless international friendlies?


*cough* *Costa* *cough*

ant g

They pay him so much attention off the pitch but wont bat an eyelid at his influence on it


Now we will measure the fitness level by the ability to spend a night out with friends!!! We are a lot wiser than this attention seekers, trp crazy guys.
The guy might be ill or might have been left out of the squad. Arsenal have made the decision believing we could handle and we did. Out of the game which we have won, why can’t the guy (a human being) enjoy some time with his friends.


In more important news…

Skrtel to miss Mugsmashers game against us. One less thing to worry about.


How do you figure that? Skrtel denied the charge today and the hearing is tomorrow. Hopefully you’ll turn out to be right, but for now you’re jumping the gun a bit.

Dick Swiveller

The FA wouldn’t have charged him if they didn’t think he was guilty, it’s about as certain as Lovren having the game of his life against us when he comes in for Skrtel.


And nw you are correct. Skrtel’s appeal has been denied, so he and Gerrard are both out for the next three matches. In addition, Sturridge has reinjured himself and is likely to miss the match at the Emirates as well. I’ve got a good feeling about this one. Even Michael (cunt) Owen said on TV last night he expected Arsenal to win it.


Allow me to shed some light on this here situation. I was at said nightclub on the night in question, and Mesut was sitting in the corner with a vimto doing research for his sociology homework set by Prof Wenger. I also find it important to point out that he was doing this in English. So obviously has the teams best interest at heart. You’re welcome.

forgot my usual username

What’s a Hadrian?

Andy Mack

It’s quite a new name for a useless hack journalist.

Sam I Am

Paul Scholes must be livid.

Perry Groves World

Hadrian Cumbria !

I haven’t laughed that much in ages – Cheers Blogs 🙂


Too fucking funny 🙂


The fortune teller who broke the story is now reporting the eclipse had affected her crystal ball, so Mesut now appears to have been in a monastery in Tibet milking mountain goats

Gutbukket Deffrolla

The bastard. Faking illness so that he can get his hands on some tits!!!! OZIL OUT!!!!!!!!


What bothers me is why doesn’t DiMaria get such bashing from the media if he had a bad game ( I honestly can’t think of one game for ManU this season, where he played well). Why is Ozil on the spotlight every fuckin time? Pundits forget what Ozil brings to Arsenal’s attacking game. He is a team player. Sometimes they get no recognition being such.

And Fuck you Scholes. You are worthless piece of shit.!


Scholes – once a good player, now a shit pundit.

Ozil – Great player who so far has played for 2 of the best teams in the world and lifted a World Cup trophy for his country. More important, he doesn’t devote his spare time to being a cunty pundit.


Because ManUre employ enough PR flacks to have one sat behind each sports hack with their tongue up his arse.


So far we have only seen glimpses of the player Özil was in Madrid. Hope he can get back up to playing at the same level for us as well.

Dick Swiveller

Long lingering glances that can last for up to 90 minutes at at time though.


Dont know why this was thumbed down, but even Ronaldo said Özil was the best playmaker in the world when he was bossing it in BBVA. And Ronaldo rarely have praise for anyone other than himself. I cant remember to many of those world beating performances in the Arsenal shirt. But there has been the odd game close to his best, but in the overall picture with the amount of games he has played I think it is fair to call it glimpses. Atm he is not even the best in this league, yet alone the world. But I hope… Read more »


It was thumbed down because it was rubbish. Ozil has been improving all year and in the last month has been absolutely outstanding. Try to name an AM who played better than Ozil in March. Go on, try.

Merlin's Panini

“sudden blindness and a tongue the size of a whale’s cock.”
That was my favourite bit. Absolutely hilarious!


Going clubbin when you are ill makes you feel even worse (from experience), so he couldn’t have been that bad to be fair. Yes Hadrian went over the top but I agree with the sentiment

Smits Mckey

I’ve got a good friend that swears by going out drinking when he starts feeling sick. He was fighting a cold a few Fridays ago, with a rec-league game pending on Sunday; we went out for a number of beers, got good and tanked, and, besides a slight hangover the next day, he felt loads better, and played a wonderful game on Sunday.

(Am I saying that Ozil did the right thing by participating in entirely unknown activities at an unknown club in Germany for an undisclosed amount of time? No. I’m also not saying he did the wrong thing)

Andy Mack

Drinking? Does the report actually say he’s drinking booze?

Gutbukket Deffrolla

I cured the flu by getting pissed once. Burned those little bastard bugs right out of my system. Inhaling Polish Pure Spirit into your lungs and then snorting it out of your nose is a superb cure for the flu….

if it doesn’t kill you.

Smits Mckey

If he’s even remotely sick, or less than 100%, don’t you think it’s preferable to play one of the many other Arsenal players who are 100%?

I guess true fans wish things like “swelling gonads” on their players, because true fans hate their team and just want to be miserable, no matter what.


Ozil is a genius. I never truly understood why anyone bothered with player cam until this fella showed up. To be honest I have never watched him on player cam. Probably never will. But if I did I am sure it would be brilliant.


Looks like he pulled a Ferris Bueller.

Arsene : “Anyone? Anyone?”

winterburn 87

He was in Berlin ffs!! What do you expect? Continue on Mesut as long as you give your best for us


You got me at whale’s cock

Gutbukket Deffrolla

So how many days before his birthday party did Wenger send him off for a rest? Some people here making out like he snuck away from Saturday’s game ten minutes before kickoff.

Arteta Fan

There are times when I watch Ozil and say ” C’mon fight for it! “. There are many many more times I watch and say brilliant…f**king brilliant!” I wish I was 1/2 as good at my job as he is at his and I bet the haters and Hadrians are around the 25% mark at best. I say ” Yo Hadrian…bugger off!”


How come no fuss is being made of Ozil going clubbing after missing a match due to illness? Arsenal fans usually love moralising over crap like this when it comes to Wilshere. Imagine if Wilshere or Szczesny had done this. Everyone on here would’ve wet themselves and wanted their contracts cancelled.


You’re a bit late with that, Harry Kane 1 (a.k.a. troll). The tempest in a teapot has been going on long enough that we are now satirizing it. But do keep trying to stir something up.

For the record, Ozil is a Muslim and doesn’t drink alcohol. Ever. So “clubbing” for him means being with friends and not getting smashed.

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