Friday, December 2, 2022

The wisdom of Michael Owen

We’ve put together some of Michael Owen’s best commentary moments for you to enjoy*.

*Quotes may not be real. And by ‘may not’, we mean ‘are not’.

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La Défense

Oh Michael… What have you done to yourself?

Podolski Sklep

I know… he’ll never again scale these lofty peaks:


ARGH! The voiceover. He does that for a living?

chippy's chip

The cunt.


Fuck me .. That may be the most monotone ,dull flat voice I’ve ever heard .. Little mickey may have stumbled upon a cure for insomnia.

Cornelius P. Snuffington III

Good thing you made the quotes up, anything actually about the wisdom of Michael Owen would be a pretty short and pointless article otherwise.

I’ll admit to not being sure until I was like halfway through if they were real or not. Owen really is that stupid.

Third Plebeian

That’s the thing for me, too. Apart from two or three, I thought they were real because Owen is that painfully thick.


The first few are real… Fake quotes start at Kelis. Thankfully, being in the US means I never have to listen to this idiot.


“He’s given the ref no choice but to consider his options.” That could easily have been a real quote, he’s legitimately that thick. I would not be surprised if he were to come out with that one at some point in the future. Brilliant article.

Mr. G

Yeah I had a hard time figuring it out too.

Although one thing he apparently did say in the United vs Brugge game was “Memphis Depay looks like a footballer doesn’t he?”

I guess to his credit he wasn’t talking about Peter Crouch or Charlie Adam…sadly

Red Cannon

Have to admit they were real all the way to the bottom. And usually I sniff out Blogs’ fake news stories pretty early.

Nacho Cheese Kalevra

He should have the word “cunt” etched unto his forehead.
Like this

dum dum

ROFL.. had me going there, Blogs.. I was so sure they were real.. genius.. If Owen actually said those things his commentary would be a little interesting atleast.. dipshit

Oor Wullie

The tragedy is I can’t work out if these are real or not.

Tom thumb

I was thinking the same thing,but he’s such a bellend it wouldn’t suprise me if they’re true

Oor Wullie

And he looks like Cliff Richard in that picture.

La Défense

This article made me google “Wisdom
Of Michael Owen”

Indie Gooner

The Mick Jagger one has to be real. Can someone get the, ahem, deleted tweet which says he said that?


Have you considered applying for a job at the DWP?

Jack's Right Foot

It’s a shame these are all made up, it’s totally convincing that these could be true but then if they weren’t false how are we to known whether they’re true or false or not?

the only sam is nelson

Len Shackleton’s chapter on what the average director knows about football is probably still the best wisdom comment football has seen

it would apply to little Mickey quite nicely as well, the short-arsed tosspot.


I was expecting Error 404, but this is better, eventhough felt like it made my IQ lower : D

Thierry Bergkamp

Haven’t laughed this much all day. I actually heard his annoying voice saying some of these.


All of those are funny… but the reality of what he says is funnier.

“Raheem Sterling is better than Mesut Ozil”

Enough said.

_Insert Name_

This is an actual quote from Owen this season:

“Aderwerield had a great season at *purs last year so you can see why *ottenham have signed him”

Shit commentary about a shit player from a shit club! The man’s a twat!


I read everything in Michael Owens voice, it made perfect sense, perfect logical sense..!


“I thought this was made up but now I know it’s not real”. haha. Say anything about Owen and you’re damn right


Has anyone found the made up one yet?

Arse Sutra

I really wish that (only for this post) Blogs allowed
memes here in comments ……


He is a terrible pundit and can’t seem to articulate even the simplest of point. But he still has an understanding of football that is way beyond anyone who’s not played at the top level.


You jest, no?


I’m trying to figure out when little Mickey said this.


My comment is in the spirit of Michael Owen. “It’s a great article unless you don’t like the article, in that case, maybe just read it once and decide if you like the article”
(I enjoyed it myself).


The best article ever. but for me the writer has to do better…;-)

Tomas Casus

This is the greatest thing I’ve ever read. Do more! That Rolling Stones one is almost at a Shakespeare level of genius. I actually thought they were real until the milkshake one. Does that reflect worse on me or Michael Owen?


Try reading ‘And the team news is’ followed by comments, you may change your mind. But then again, maybe not….

Tomas Casus

They are amazing. I joined the party late though. Consequently my effort was a: against the rules, and b: shit.


Difficult to find out which ones are genuine quotes because of his accent. Him carragher, rooney etc…I can never understand when they open it. I still think the majority of these are true from him because I this he is definitely thicker than his horses


I used to adore Owen. I even forgave him for those goals in the FA Cup Final.

He’s a proper thunderbastard now though. Hope he just pisses off.

Dick Swiveller

Heard him once say that Hart should have ‘shouted cherries’ when a cross came in, no-one seems to have any idea what he means, or have heard it before, and I’m worried I might die without ever learning the significance of the cherries.


Jerries? Something to do with a chip shop perhaps?


Everyone of those quotes just fits, they all made me chuckle hahaa

die hard gooner

I definitely thought it was real, that’s how much I think Owen is shit as a pundit. He is just so terrible. You would think he would know a lot of things after playing at the top level for many years but my God he is just TERRIBLE.


Hahahahahahahaha is in order.

Getso gunner

Mangan is the best blogger ever and I mean no one is better than him


I wish he would stop wearing my dads clothes & im 44


Ahaha! Thanks for the laughs!


“To score goals in this league you need players who can score goal. That’s what it’s all about”

Oh yeah?… tell me more genius. Twat


What wisdom?

LvL 3 Pidgey

What about that time where he said Sterling is better than Ozil…?

I remember how I went braindead* for like 2 hours after.

*(no offence to any Sp*rs fans)


He’s a horrid little cunt.


One of the unfortunate things about watching football in India is that he is the ‘expert’ in the panel many times. I already mentioned here how irritating it was to watch him smirk after our loss in the first match against the Hammers. Made the loss all the more excruciating. Brilliant article! Could never have guessed this comments were made up. Seems he is perfectly capable of saying such things. I laughed my guts out imagining him saying such things and looking like an oaf. Hope he comes with some pure gems like the Sterling vs Ozil one during our… Read more »

Tibetan Gooner

I like Frank James Lampard, i might even like John Terry but not Michael Owen specially as a football pundit.

Coldblooded Arse

I honestly think some of them are real, given he said this gem previously:

“I don’t believe in superstitions. I just do certain things because I’m scared in case something will happen if I don’t do them.”


Thanks for the link. ! You just made my day.. I’ve been laughing like crazy.

Arsene's zip

That is outstanding!


Easily the most stupid English footballer of the last century? And the next one?

My favourite quote from Michael Owen is “Sterling is better than Ozil. No need to argue about it.” And I’m like “What parallel universe is this toad from?”

Loo Roll Messi

I like it. Apart from the bits I don’t like.

Pure Genius, bar the idiocy

Trex d' Gunner

The dumbest and most over rated English player of all time


Thick and a charisma bypass to go with it. Is he related to Robbie Savage?
But then how stupid are the people who actually pay these him and Savage
to spout their rubbish – especially when some of my BBC licence fee is involved.
Surely there must be other talent out there with IQs in three figures?


They are true!! They are all true!!! I bet my last $$ that all these are words of michael owen. If not, I will shocked…coz no other dumbass would say that!

Robert Ochieng

“The Reds took just one point from their four away games against the Big Four (Chelsea, City, United & Arsenal) last term but I think they will double that tally at the Emirates,” the former Liverpool striker (OWEN) wrote on


Comment: “It actually feels like owen might be able to come up with one of those quotes…along with a straightouttadablue fanatic prediction against arsenal tonight”

Ese Agboaye

*Stolen by Footy Accumulators*

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