The wisdom of Michael Owen

66

We’ve put together some of Michael Owen’s best commentary moments for you to enjoy*.

*Quotes may not be real. And by ‘may not’, we mean ‘are not’.

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La Défense
La Défense
4 years ago

Oh Michael… What have you done to yourself?

Podolski Sklep
Podolski Sklep
4 years ago
Reply to  La Défense

I know… he’ll never again scale these lofty peaks:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uD-LjX_K9Cg

Stickman_ben
4 years ago
Reply to  Podolski Sklep

ARGH! The voiceover. He does that for a living?

chippy's chip
chippy's chip
4 years ago
Reply to  Stickman_ben

The cunt.

lettra
lettra
4 years ago
Reply to  Podolski Sklep

Fuck me .. That may be the most monotone ,dull flat voice I’ve ever heard .. Little mickey may have stumbled upon a cure for insomnia.

Cornelius P. Snuffington III
Cornelius P. Snuffington III
4 years ago

Good thing you made the quotes up, anything actually about the wisdom of Michael Owen would be a pretty short and pointless article otherwise.

I’ll admit to not being sure until I was like halfway through if they were real or not. Owen really is that stupid.

Third Plebeian
Third Plebeian
4 years ago

That’s the thing for me, too. Apart from two or three, I thought they were real because Owen is that painfully thick.

DialSquareGoon
DialSquareGoon
4 years ago
Reply to  Third Plebeian

The first few are real… Fake quotes start at Kelis. Thankfully, being in the US means I never have to listen to this idiot.

Phil
Phil
4 years ago
Reply to  Third Plebeian

“He’s given the ref no choice but to consider his options.” That could easily have been a real quote, he’s legitimately that thick. I would not be surprised if he were to come out with that one at some point in the future. Brilliant article.

Mr. G
Mr. G
4 years ago
Reply to  Third Plebeian

Yeah I had a hard time figuring it out too.

Although one thing he apparently did say in the United vs Brugge game was “Memphis Depay looks like a footballer doesn’t he?”

I guess to his credit he wasn’t talking about Peter Crouch or Charlie Adam…sadly

Red Cannon
Red Cannon
4 years ago

Have to admit they were real all the way to the bottom. And usually I sniff out Blogs’ fake news stories pretty early.

Nacho Cheese Kalevra
Nacho Cheese Kalevra
4 years ago

He should have the word “cunt” etched unto his forehead.
Like this http://www.iwatchstuff.com/2009/03/23/crank-cunt-forehead.jpg

dum dum
dum dum
4 years ago

ROFL.. had me going there, Blogs.. I was so sure they were real.. genius.. If Owen actually said those things his commentary would be a little interesting atleast.. dipshit

Oor Wullie
Oor Wullie
4 years ago

The tragedy is I can’t work out if these are real or not.

Tom thumb
Tom thumb
4 years ago
Reply to  Oor Wullie

I was thinking the same thing,but he’s such a bellend it wouldn’t suprise me if they’re true

Oor Wullie
Oor Wullie
4 years ago

And he looks like Cliff Richard in that picture.

La Défense
La Défense
4 years ago

This article made me google “Wisdom
Of Michael Owen”

Indie Gooner
Indie Gooner
4 years ago

The Mick Jagger one has to be real. Can someone get the, ahem, deleted tweet which says he said that?

Mollers
Mollers
4 years ago
Hi-brid
Hi-brid
4 years ago

Have you considered applying for a job at the DWP?

Jack's Right Foot
Jack's Right Foot
4 years ago

It’s a shame these are all made up, it’s totally convincing that these could be true but then if they weren’t false how are we to known whether they’re true or false or not?

the only sam is nelson
the only sam is nelson
4 years ago

Len Shackleton’s chapter on what the average director knows about football is probably still the best wisdom comment football has seen

it would apply to little Mickey quite nicely as well, the short-arsed tosspot.

Moko_gooner
Moko_gooner
4 years ago

I was expecting Error 404, but this is better, eventhough felt like it made my IQ lower : D

Thierry Bergkamp
Thierry Bergkamp
4 years ago

Haven’t laughed this much all day. I actually heard his annoying voice saying some of these.

Blowen
Blowen
4 years ago

All of those are funny… but the reality of what he says is funnier.

“Raheem Sterling is better than Mesut Ozil”

Enough said.

_Insert Name_
_Insert Name_
4 years ago
Reply to  Blowen

This is an actual quote from Owen this season:

“Aderwerield had a great season at *purs last year so you can see why *ottenham have signed him”

Shit commentary about a shit player from a shit club! The man’s a twat!

suker4punishment
suker4punishment
4 years ago

I read everything in Michael Owens voice, it made perfect sense, perfect logical sense..!

Abdifatah
Abdifatah
4 years ago

“I thought this was made up but now I know it’s not real”. haha. Say anything about Owen and you’re damn right

Hurensohn
4 years ago

Has anyone found the made up one yet?

Arse Sutra
Arse Sutra
4 years ago

I really wish that (only for this post) Blogs allowed
memes here in comments ……

Mike
Mike
4 years ago

He is a terrible pundit and can’t seem to articulate even the simplest of point. But he still has an understanding of football that is way beyond anyone who’s not played at the top level.

GoonerN16
4 years ago
Reply to  Mike

You jest, no?

ClockEndRider
ClockEndRider
4 years ago
Reply to  Mike

I’m trying to figure out when little Mickey said this.

Strevs
Strevs
4 years ago

My comment is in the spirit of Michael Owen. “It’s a great article unless you don’t like the article, in that case, maybe just read it once and decide if you like the article”
(I enjoyed it myself).

Paul
Paul
4 years ago
Reply to  Strevs

The best article ever. but for me the writer has to do better…;-)

Tomas Casus
Tomas Casus
4 years ago

This is the greatest thing I’ve ever read. Do more! That Rolling Stones one is almost at a Shakespeare level of genius. I actually thought they were real until the milkshake one. Does that reflect worse on me or Michael Owen?

GoonerN16
4 years ago
Reply to  Tomas Casus

Try reading ‘And the team news is’ followed by comments, you may change your mind. But then again, maybe not….

Tomas Casus
Tomas Casus
4 years ago
Reply to  GoonerN16

They are amazing. I joined the party late though. Consequently my effort was a: against the rules, and b: shit.

AntiSpud
AntiSpud
4 years ago

Difficult to find out which ones are genuine quotes because of his accent. Him carragher, rooney etc…I can never understand when they open it. I still think the majority of these are true from him because I this he is definitely thicker than his horses

Gandalf
Gandalf
4 years ago

I used to adore Owen. I even forgave him for those goals in the FA Cup Final.

He’s a proper thunderbastard now though. Hope he just pisses off.

Dick Swiveller
Dick Swiveller
4 years ago

Heard him once say that Hart should have ‘shouted cherries’ when a cross came in, no-one seems to have any idea what he means, or have heard it before, and I’m worried I might die without ever learning the significance of the cherries.

Safety
Safety
4 years ago
Reply to  Dick Swiveller

Jerries? Something to do with a chip shop perhaps?

skinnyarse
skinnyarse
4 years ago

Everyone of those quotes just fits, they all made me chuckle hahaa

die hard gooner
4 years ago

I definitely thought it was real, that’s how much I think Owen is shit as a pundit. He is just so terrible. You would think he would know a lot of things after playing at the top level for many years but my God he is just TERRIBLE.

Ferngunner
Ferngunner
4 years ago

Hahahahahahahaha is in order.

Getso gunner
Getso gunner
4 years ago

Mangan is the best blogger ever and I mean no one is better than him

Fez
Fez
4 years ago

I wish he would stop wearing my dads clothes & im 44

NYCgun
NYCgun
4 years ago

Ahaha! Thanks for the laughs!

Ferngunner
Ferngunner
4 years ago

“To score goals in this league you need players who can score goal. That’s what it’s all about”

Oh yeah?… tell me more genius. Twat

YaGunnersYa
YaGunnersYa
4 years ago

What wisdom?

LvL 3 Pidgey
LvL 3 Pidgey
4 years ago

What about that time where he said Sterling is better than Ozil…?

I remember how I went braindead* for like 2 hours after.

*(no offence to any Sp*rs fans)

richardanus
richardanus
4 years ago

He’s a horrid little cunt.

Ajinkya
Ajinkya
4 years ago

One of the unfortunate things about watching football in India is that he is the ‘expert’ in the panel many times. I already mentioned here how irritating it was to watch him smirk after our loss in the first match against the Hammers. Made the loss all the more excruciating. Brilliant article! Could never have guessed this comments were made up. Seems he is perfectly capable of saying such things. I laughed my guts out imagining him saying such things and looking like an oaf. Hope he comes with some pure gems like the Sterling vs Ozil one during our… Read more »

Tibetan Gooner
Tibetan Gooner
4 years ago

I like Frank James Lampard, i might even like John Terry but not Michael Owen specially as a football pundit.

Coldblooded Arse
Coldblooded Arse
4 years ago

I honestly think some of them are real, given he said this gem previously:

“I don’t believe in superstitions. I just do certain things because I’m scared in case something will happen if I don’t do them.”

JB
JB
4 years ago
Ajinkya
Ajinkya
4 years ago
Reply to  JB

Thanks for the link. ! You just made my day.. I’ve been laughing like crazy.

Arsene's zip
Arsene's zip
4 years ago
Reply to  JB

That is outstanding!

ClydeMutua
ClydeMutua
4 years ago

Easily the most stupid English footballer of the last century? And the next one?

My favourite quote from Michael Owen is “Sterling is better than Ozil. No need to argue about it.” And I’m like “What parallel universe is this toad from?”

Loo Roll Messi
Loo Roll Messi
4 years ago

I like it. Apart from the bits I don’t like.

Pure Genius, bar the idiocy

Trex d' Gunner
Trex d' Gunner
4 years ago

The dumbest and most over rated English player of all time

Bergy
Bergy
4 years ago

Thick and a charisma bypass to go with it. Is he related to Robbie Savage?
But then how stupid are the people who actually pay these him and Savage
to spout their rubbish – especially when some of my BBC licence fee is involved.
Surely there must be other talent out there with IQs in three figures?

nordin
nordin
4 years ago

They are true!! They are all true!!! I bet my last $$ that all these are words of michael owen. If not, I will shocked…coz no other dumbass would say that!

Robert Ochieng
Robert Ochieng
4 years ago

“The Reds took just one point from their four away games against the Big Four (Chelsea, City, United & Arsenal) last term but I think they will double that tally at the Emirates,” the former Liverpool striker (OWEN) wrote on Betvictor.com.

Godfrey
Godfrey
4 years ago

Comment: “It actually feels like owen might be able to come up with one of those quotes…along with a straightouttadablue fanatic prediction against arsenal tonight”

Ese Agboaye
Ese Agboaye
1 year ago

*Stolen by Footy Accumulators*