London’s 4,557,475th richest man wants to buy Arsenal, would make changes

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Following reports that one of Africa’s richest men, Aliko Dangote, would sack Arsene Wenger if he took over the club, one of London’s least wealthy residents has given his backing to the petroleum magnate and said he’d do likewise.

Dizzy Pocklington, known to regulars in his local as ‘spoony’ due to the grotesquely convex appearance of his face, said that he too would like to buy Arsenal and make sweeping changes.

The 47 year old, who shares a room in a house for the indigent, works part time and simply doesn’t have the funds to make the purchase, but is just as likely to buy the club as Dangote.

Speaking exclusively to Arseblog News, he said, “I was a big fan of Arsene Wenger when he was winning things, but I think it’s time for a new man to take charge now.

“Someone with passion, who will stand up during the games and bellow at the players on the field with a voice like the mating call of a rabid moose.

“And what does Steve Bould even do? He just sits there, anyone can sit just there. You want an assistant who won’t put up with any nonsense either. Two men rampaging around the technical area for 90 minutes, that’s what we need.”

Pocklington also advocates a strong transfer policy, and no tolerance for players that won’t sign new deals.

“I don’t care how good they are,” he said, “if they won’t sign then they’re gone. Sanchez, out. Ozil, out. Oxlade-Chamberlain, out. Wilshere, out.

“Replace them with youth prospects, players that really want to play for the Arsenal, who will give 110%.

“As for all the others we don’t want, just let them go. Pay them to leave. Who cares how much it costs, it’s not my money.”

When Arseblog News pointed out that it was indeed his money, at least hypothetically, he got very angry and tried to bite us, before turning his ire at the current board.

“I’ve had enough of Stan Krockny, Ivan Gazindis and Sir Flipper or whatever his name is. They’re just sitting in their irony tower looking down on us proper fans.

“I’d also change the badge to the old one, put the terraces back, make the apprentices clean boots, and restore us to the glory days of the 70s and 80s when football was really football and not this carnival of poncery you see today.”

At this juncture the interview came to an abrupt halt when Pocklington saw one of the other residents of the house use a bit of his butter so he cracked a wooden chair over his back and began to kick him while he was on the ground.

We thought it best to leave, but it’s good to know there are still people out there with real vision for the future of this great club.

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punter
punter
2 years ago

Real vision right there! Sign him up I say…

GreekGooner
GreekGooner
2 years ago
Reply to  punter

Blogs be honest you copy paste real texts from your comment session…hilarious!

Arsical
Arsical
2 years ago
Reply to  punter

Typical Blogs. Sits in his irony tower, laughing at us plebs. We will buy the Arseblog site too. Then you’ll be sorry.

Oya goonas
Oya goonas
2 years ago
Reply to  Arsical

Now this is funny

Arsene\'s zip
Arsene\'s zip
2 years ago
Reply to  punter

In Pocklington we trust.

Gooooonnnaaaaa
Gooooonnnaaaaa
2 years ago
Reply to  punter

We need to “restore us to the glory days of the 70s and 80s when football was really football and not this carnival of poncery you see today.”

Just brilliant, well done blogs! ?

not so fed up
not so fed up
2 years ago

LOL

Thompson\'sTeeth
Thompson\'sTeeth
2 years ago

Jens Lehmann and Oliver Kahn could do a job in that coaching zone…

L\'Cham
L\'Cham
2 years ago

Surely the TGSTEL deserves a coaching role?

LeMmy
LeMmy
2 years ago
Reply to  L\'Cham

Bendtnaaaarr!!!!

Chippys chip
Chippys chip
2 years ago
Reply to  LeMmy

Pocklington in.

Chippys chip
Chippys chip
2 years ago
Reply to  L\'Cham

Kroenke out.

Con
Con
2 years ago

Seems to have similar opinions to 90% of English football fans. A popularist. Could do a job.

C.B.
C.B.
2 years ago

Passion. He could teach Gazidis a lot.

Though if we went back to the 70s we are getting closer to when Sp*rs won the league. So prefer to stay here.

C.B.
C.B.
2 years ago
Reply to  C.B.

http://www.haveyoueverseentottenhamwintheleague.com/ – 56 years 3 months and counting.

LeMmy
LeMmy
2 years ago
Reply to  C.B.

Not to be sniffed at they’re averaging a championship every 65 yrs so its the retirement present that keeps on giving

OneBeatOff
OneBeatOff
2 years ago

I believe this. The number is so specific. That, and I am well above the 5 million mark. Obviously.

ClockEndRider
ClockEndRider
2 years ago

“and restore us to the glory days of the 70s and 80s when football was really football and not this carnival of poncery you see today.” Wise words. This us indeed a man of the future. We would do well to listen to him. And cars were better then too. You can keep your Ferraris
Give me a Capri Ghia made in Dagenham……

Wolfgang
Wolfgang
2 years ago

Hopefully he could become Arsenal’s owner.Wenger has gone tactically stale with his dancing and endless passing.When you watch how Man U beat WH ,you wonder why Arsenal take ages to shoot. By the time the gunners start shooting,ther is a defensive barrier and stiil the fm wants to thread the ball through the massed ranks. Its no wonder the gunners are vulnerble to the swift and deadly counter and that’s why they conceded 3 goals against the foxes. If the fm cant get the defence right,then he shd go.A strong defence is the top,top priority for winning games.

Bill
Bill
2 years ago
Reply to  Wolfgang

Oh stop ruining this for the rest!

Chippys chip
Chippys chip
2 years ago
Reply to  Bill

Even though he speaks the truth?

CAGrules
CAGrules
2 years ago
Reply to  Wolfgang

If you don’t like the football go support United

Twatsloch
Twatsloch
2 years ago
Reply to  CAGrules

He likes football. If only the poncery wouldn’t ruin it.

Damo Dinkum
Damo Dinkum
2 years ago
Reply to  Wolfgang

Spoony, is that you?

Corona X
Corona X
2 years ago
Reply to  Wolfgang

Who’s “the fm”? Frank McLintock?

The Doff
The Doff
2 years ago
Reply to  Corona X

field marshal I guess

love and hate
love and hate
2 years ago
Reply to  Wolfgang

Your life must be so much fun

Mootilated
Mootilated
2 years ago

“I was a big fan of Arsene Wenger when he was winning things, but I think it’s time for a new man to take charge now.” Oh wow blogs. That’s exactly what you said last season too! Ever considered buying Arsenal?

Crash Fistfight
Crash Fistfight
2 years ago
Reply to  Mootilated

Yes, but you have to consider that we’ve won a game. Far better to be fickle than be a negative Nancy.

Mootilated
Mootilated
2 years ago

Ah yeah, I forgot we won a game. Guess people will be calling for his head when we inevitably lose against the better teams.

Crash Fistfight
Crash Fistfight
2 years ago
Reply to  Mootilated

I’d imagine so.

Twatsloch
Twatsloch
2 years ago
Reply to  arseblog

Krokny is bad but it’s Gazindis that really gets my goat. Don’t get me started on that sir Flipper.

Original Paul
Original Paul
2 years ago
Reply to  arseblog

What Arsebog tee shirts?? I want one…

cagooner
cagooner
2 years ago
Reply to  Original Paul

There has to be a good market for these. Opportunity Blogs?

Slipshot
Slipshot
2 years ago
Reply to  arseblog

You need to go back to him immediately with a premier membership pass to the arsecast… plus one pence (irresistible).

Armchair Expert
Armchair Expert
2 years ago
Reply to  arseblog

Throw in some boilk mugs. That should get it over the line.

Heavenly Chapecoense
Heavenly Chapecoense
2 years ago

Why not Dangote ? He has the means to buy Arsenal same way Abramovitch bought Chelsea. At least he is interested in the football side and we do not have such owner right now.

Mootilated
Mootilated
2 years ago

Cos Wenger is life. Wenger is Arsenal. Wenger. Ahhhh. Wenger.

Twatsloch
Twatsloch
2 years ago

I’m holding out for Fatgooner to step up and make a bid.

TENN
TENN
2 years ago
Reply to  Twatsloch

Fat Gooner seems as elusive as Rambling Pete these days.

Original Paul
Original Paul
2 years ago
Reply to  TENN

No Fats has been around spouting his usual stuff. I do miss Pete though.

Heavenly Chapecoense
Heavenly Chapecoense
2 years ago
Reply to  TENN

If Leicester had beaten Arsenal last week, Fatgooner would have showed up. Hope he comes back at end of season to say one title since Invincibles is shit.

Twatsloch
Twatsloch
2 years ago

He showed up in the Leicester game review to tell us how well he thought the team played while talking at some length of his faith in us doing a triple this season. He also declared his new found faith in Wenger.

The usual stuff.

John Lukic
John Lukic
2 years ago
Reply to  Twatsloch

Blessed be the day when our cheerful friend the Ex-Priest tables a bid for the club. Amen.

EmeritusDave
EmeritusDave
2 years ago

They don’t like it up em

Al Gilmore
Al Gilmore
2 years ago

This person exists….

Make Arsenal Great Again
Make Arsenal Great Again
2 years ago

One word describes this man. Visionary

Rook
Rook
2 years ago

I can’t help but ????

Hoppalong Gabriel
Hoppalong Gabriel
2 years ago

Hahahahaha….. A sensible policy and a sensible man.

Leon
Leon
2 years ago

Joking aside..
Nothing can convince me that Arsenal are being run well. Would Barcelona let Messi’s contract run out for him to leave for nothing?
The transfer window has been very disappointing with Wenger’s failure to offload any of the deadwood that are creaming the club of resources coupled with the failure to sign players we need.
I just wonder if people will be joking when we are fighting with the richer and more ambitious Everton for sixth this year…..

Martin
Martin
2 years ago
Reply to  Leon

Lighten up. Winning 11 out of out last 12 matches isn’t too bad

LeMmy
LeMmy
2 years ago
Reply to  Martin

That’s champion form all we need to do is remind the players when the season starts and finishes

Northerngooner
Northerngooner
2 years ago
Reply to  Leon

The Barcelona club is probably the worst example you could have picked. They “lost” Neymar (the release clause looked suspiciously low for a player of his calibre); Messi has not signed a new contract, despite the club announcing he had, they’ve just been soundly beaten, twice, by their arch rivals, they lack a clear game plan…need I go on?. There is something worse than having a club owner who doesn’t get involved, and that is having a president and a board who get too involved despite not having got a clue. Lets be careful about what we wish for

PaulS
PaulS
2 years ago
Reply to  Northerngooner

‘Just paid €40m for Paulinho’ should be added.

A different George
A different George
2 years ago
Reply to  Leon

“Joking aside.” Well, you’re commenting on the wrong article, aren’t you?

LeMmy
LeMmy
2 years ago
Reply to  Leon

But , correct me if I’m wrong didn’t Barcelona sell Alexis to Arsenal because he hardly got a look in there and if that’s the case then surely Barcelona were making a bad decision to let him go anywhere so maybe they too aren’t all wise.
Just a thought

ComeToSeeEboue
ComeToSeeEboue
2 years ago

Blog’s, Please bring back Leopold Mendacious (or whatever he was called)….too funny

The Only Olivier is Giroud
The Only Olivier is Giroud
2 years ago

I can 100% imagine Klopp breaking a wooden chair over someone’s back during a meeting so this is probably not as far fetched as we think 😀

Corona X
Corona X
2 years ago

I’d LOVE to see Jens with a wooden chair in the technical area 🙂 No-one would dare not giving 100% for the cause!

Ham
Ham
2 years ago

And rebuild Highbury!

Sanchez\'s Wattage
Sanchez\'s Wattage
2 years ago

I’m more concerned there are 3 million odd people in London worse off than Pocklkington! Guess you’re based in Dalston 😉

LeMmy
LeMmy
2 years ago

A raft on the Thames near the Tower of London

Chipper
Chipper
2 years ago

“Carnival of poncery”, Wonderful phrase I have every intention of stealing.

Johar
Johar
2 years ago

Words from a dead man’s mouth – dear old Ronnie.

cagooner
cagooner
2 years ago
Reply to  Johar

Well done Johar. I was surprised i had to scroll so far down to see that reference. RIP Ronnie. And those long jokes from that chair.

Roof attack
Roof attack
2 years ago

Thank you for your interest in our affairs.

GUNNERS
GUNNERS
2 years ago

I think kroenke is a better owner than him..is he serious with most of the changes he says he gonna make

LeMmy
LeMmy
2 years ago

My warmest greetings Spoony.
Should I get the branding irons heated up on the barbie.
just a simple brand ‘Arsenal till I die’stamped on the neck should do the trick I reckon.

Xhakalaka
Xhakalaka
2 years ago

If someone else was in charge of Arsenal when we had players like Bendtner, Squillaci, and Chamakh we would be fighting for top 10 spots maybe.

DB10
DB10
2 years ago

Blogs, what “stuff” is the reason behind such creativity?
I would like to know. Huge fan of your writing.

A different George
A different George
2 years ago
Reply to  arseblog

Well, can you find Pete for us?

Arsenalnut
Arsenalnut
2 years ago
Reply to  arseblog

Were you sampling the Arsenal Gentleman’s pharmacy with him prior to publication of the article?

Xhaka\'s Left Foot
Xhaka\'s Left Foot
2 years ago

I have a lot of friends who support Liverpool, United and Chelsea and I have never seen them become so toxic like Arsenal fans. Feeling really disappointed to see so much negativity at the start of the season. People not respecting AW’s management style is fine but to disrespect the man who has stood by the club in the difficult times after moving to emirates is absolutely disappointing. He is the only manager in the modern era apart from Sir Alex to have invested themselves in the club. Everybody wants to win the league and so do I and I… Read more »

LeMmy
LeMmy
2 years ago

Xhakas left foot. An eloquent case for the defence and one I heartily concur.
That’s my monocle fallen in to the brandy again , I must try to calm down,hand me my shotgun I see a rancher that needs to be chased off

Vigoshu
Vigoshu
2 years ago

You can get the damn football news anywhere these days. Its articles and analysis like these that i read arseblog for

Sirwalter89
Sirwalter89
2 years ago

I found that wholey amusing,well done!

Runzac
Runzac
2 years ago

Sarcasm at it´s best. But it points out that everyone has a voice now and far too many think that they have solutions and new ways of doing things. Almost everybody amongst those problemsolvers and humanity saviours really don’t have anything to offer. Other than opinions – you don’t win anything with just an opinion. And you don’t win anything jumping around the side of a pitch.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla
Gutbukkit Deffrolla
2 years ago
Reply to  Runzac

Eric Cantona won a long holiday jumping around the side of the pitch.

Artro
Artro
2 years ago

“Sir Flipper” “Irony Tower” or his housemate using the bit of butter, dunno which one made me try to hold in the laughter more!

shokim
shokim
2 years ago

Blogs, will the English Gent be making a return soon? We miss his witticisms.

LeMmy
LeMmy
2 years ago
Reply to  shokim

!!! Yup

Wenger\'s Smirk
Wenger\'s Smirk
2 years ago

Dizzy Pocklington sounds like a glory hunting supporter who midway through the interview realizes that he’s actually a redneck hill-billy.

Sanjeev
Sanjeev
2 years ago

Ace! So good.

Papas
Papas
2 years ago

Pocklington and myself we’re serious about mounting a leveraged buy out of AFC…I own a couple of pigs in a poke in Yorkshire and Pocky has the title deeds to his flat cap…this is all backed by a copper-bottomed business plan…as he so eloquety put it our business model is brilliant in its simplicity: we get rid of anyone who doesn’t want to extend then we get rid of those who do want to stay, e.g. your Wengers, Merts, Koscielnys and Gazidis etc…that way we will be left with a pure club ready to take on the Sp#ds…er…or something. …

Spoony\'s Housemate
Spoony\'s Housemate
2 years ago

My back still hurts. 🙁

Des
Des
2 years ago

Get this man and his Butler a seat on the board asap.

SFGiants
SFGiants
2 years ago

Hey, I like the cut of this man’s jib. If he hasn’t bought Arsenal by 2020 I’d like to run him for president.