The transfers never stop with all that transfer action coming at you like a never-ending transfer human centipede, each one pooping a transfer nugget into the mouth of the next person who poops a transfer nugget into the … well, you get the horrendous picture.

Here’s the latest round up of Arsenal related transfer stories.

Reinier Jesus Carvalho

Carvalho is the Portuguese for oak. Jesus is the Jesus for Jesus. And Reinier describes the weather in Ireland for much of this summer. Therefore, I’m fully on board with Arsenal signing Rainy Jesus Oak.

No, he’s not God’s son who has come back to earth in the shape of a mighty footballing Ent, but a 17 year old attacking midfielder who is captain of the Brazilian U17s team.

It now seems clear that our strategy for this summer is to acquire as many attacking midfielders under the age of 20 as possible. Gabriel Martinelli is coming in, to add to Reiss Nelson, Bukayo Saka, Emile Smith Rowe and Xavier Amaechi from the Academy, plus Alexis Claude Maurice undoubtedly on the way from Lorient, and probably a few others I’ve forgotten too.

Unai Emery’s revolutionary, 1-4-5 formation next season is going to set the football world aflame.

Given the source for this one is TuttoMercattoWeb, we’re going high on the Poo-o-Meter, although another Brazilian linked just before we’re about to appoint a Brazilian Technical Director gives us mild pause for thought.

Lucas Torreira

‘Torreira to Milan’, says MaldiniBlog.

‘Milan’s priority is Torreira’, writes Le San Siro.

‘Gunners Uruguayan on Milan hit list’, blogs VanBastenAteMyDogBlog

‘Gazidis is a bald bitch stronzo’, says MlanBlog.

Anyway, there’s lots of talk about how Milan want to sign Lucas Torreira, with one person even suggesting a €35m fee is being discussed, but frankly, that makes no sense.

Only the kind of club who could lose two international players in their prime for free would be foolish enough to sanction a deal like th- …

… oh.

Torreira sounds happy enough for now, so we’re not worried.

Suso

According to CalcioMercato, West Ham, Arsenal and Tottenham are interested in AC Milan’s Suso. He’s an attacking midfielder (quel surprise!), who scored 7 goals in 35 Serie A appearances last season.

He’s Spanish, which obviously makes him attractive to Unai Emery and Raul Sanllehi, but we vehemently oppose this potential signing on the basis that if you stutter over his name you are reminded of a dreadful Phil Collins song and we cannot countenance that in any way.

This one can get in the bin and also into the sea while still in the bin.

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Phil Collins Fan

We should deffinately snap up Suso if he is available.

bystander

The rich man’s Andros Townsend. No thanks.
Nacho had him in his pocket when we played them at the Emirates in early 2018.

HelderHughes

Sorry for being a kill joy but we could have Goalacio Schwarzenegger the Third up front feeding off Magesticous Throughius Passious.

But if we start next season with Mustafi, Kolasinac, AMN and Koscielny at the back, it’s going to be either the same or more likely much, much worse.

In short: Selling Mustafi = LANS.

A Different George

I saw no defensive improvement whatever in the games when Mustafi did not play.

Adriano

Agree

Faisal Narrage AKA Mr Project Youth 2.0

Wouldn’t mind Goalacio Schwarzenegger at the back of my shirt.

Great thing about him is even if he leaves us for hundred of millions, we all know sooner or later….he’ll be back.

Man Manny

But he would be Nacho’s team mate here.

Homer

Holy canolli!

Have you ever – EVER – watched suso play??
He’s a total nightmare. Slow on the ball. Misplaces passes left & right. Not much of a finisher. Or a runner.

I watched about every Milan match this season, and nearly as many last season.

Suso is a total donkey. That’s gazidis trying to eff over Arsenal.

PVS

Guys. It’s a troll post. A good one too

Ko Aunglinn

How about CARRASCO ???????????

kas

Looks like if Munich want him he’ll go there, anybody with ambition for Champs League would choose anyone over us at present. West Ham just signed a player (France under 21) we were supposed to be in for, money or are the Hammers a better bet! If the Kronke’s cared a wee bit, they’d have had Raul & Emery over the coals for the Suarez debacle at least & the abject EPL failure so far.

Pat Rice and Beans

Today’s transfer round-up was sponsored by a laxative brand.

Arse Nick

Blogs make it happen!

Ko Aunglinn

Never say the name the player we want ???.Maybe this is last season for EMERY.

Dave

Maybe could be? Unai’s contract, if I recall and if someone knows better than me please correct me, finish this year. Allegri reportedly will take a sabbatical year. Maybe in my deranged mind that could mean we could go for him once Unai contract end

Horses Head

Saw the headline and thought William Carvalho was being linked again. This generation’s Hatem Trabelsi

HelderHughes

I was less optimistic and probably closer to the truth. Immediately thought Ricardo.

AlexNuggz

*Waits for links with Sebastian Frey..*

A Different George

I watched Carvalho play for Portugal against Switzerland and the Netherlands, and kept thinking about why he had not been linked to us recently. He was pretty good by the way.

Specialist_in_Failure

Yann M’Villa is sad somewhere because you said this

Dave

Wondering if we finally will get Kalou

Leno me, I’ll be your friend

Plot twist: how would you all feel if we actually signed poop emoji? He’s on a great streak, is consistent and above all, never sloppy on the pass.

?
and he knows it!

cagooner

He’d absolutely fit right in at Arsenal. He’s completely shit. And a big social media user! #COYG

Hantal

But when he slides in the skids go on forever

Forest gooner

We already have him

Jack

Also reports today how Arsenal have ‘snubbed’ Carrasco in order to sign their top priority Ryan Fraser.

Stefán Þór

1-4-5…. finally it’s #MustafiTime

(Cackling in the corner….)

Floppy Gloves

*then it would be a 0-4-5 (possibly -1-4-5??)

Tasmanian Jesus

Suso wasnt much of a hit at Liverpool.
Still, might have found his feet by now.

Homer

Liverpool dumped for a reason.
He’s awful.

Rich

I’m not sure how the reliable the source was?….

But I did see Chambers+cash for Zaha

Think Zaha would be a good signing, certainly wouldn’t pay more than £50-£55mill, or Chambers + £30mill.

Would give us room to loan out Nketiah for the season, and would also provide someone with pace, power and dribbling ability who’s also tried and tested within the PL.

Santori

Zaha’s interesting. Could be deployed as a wide attacker. But covers us up front as well just in case. I don’t think we will get more than 20m for Chambers if we are lucky. Depends how much they value Zaha. Right now the price will be high. There are plenty of clubs in search of someone to lead the line up top. Inter just snapped up Lukaku for rumoured 62m Gives you an idea what Palace may expect for Zaha on 10 goals last season to Lukaku’s 15…both 26yrs. Neither anywhere as prolific as the much despised (inexplicably) by certain… Read more »

Man Manny

Do I want a player who flies in the air at any contact – mostly imaginary – in Arsenal?
Besides, I’d be careful about setting my cap on a big fish in a small pond?
We can do better than that incurable, despicable diver!
I don’t want him near Emirates; except in the colours of the away team

Man Manny

If the club could somehow mop up all the poos, find a buyer for it, we could actually have enough to buy a player.

Con

To be fair, Reinier looks quality

Santori

No doubt we will have opportunity buys on younger players if available. BUT the real deal for a wide player likely will be a (slightly)more established name. Particularly as there are so many options (not all priced the same of course or who want to play Europa league) in market potentially available. On the high end (Bc the clubs think they are current hot property) Nabil Fekir, Nicholas Pepe, then the likes of Ziyech, Lozano, Neres, Bergwin in the Netherlands, our dark horse friend Carrasco plying his trade over in China, (overshadoed by Pepe) Bamba at Lille, Thauvin has still… Read more »

Jasonissimo

Not to disagree, but optimal negotiating strategy will depend on multiple factors that affect the relative strength of position of buyer and seller. For certain players, Arsenal’s position risks becoming weakened as time passes. This dynamic of waiting to strike a good deal only works if Arsenal can walk away. Ex., when we absolutely had to have another CB in the squad, we paid 35 MM for Mustafi when seemingly no one else was buying.

Santori

Interesting how people are all too eager to belief say a Mustafi rumour and dismiss a Torreira one.

Wonder what is possibly generating even the hint that Torreira would be available.

Or does the press link Gazidis to every player we have?

Who knows the manager role is vacant, he will be filling it with Arsene next or worse Unai.

Its funny season and the press as per usual have a field day playing with the minds of some fans.

What do we have, scraps of information to fill our days anyway.:D

Riku

I read a quote apparently torrentia’ said in urugary press on international duty that he and his wife no one like the weather in London. No sun

JamesGodwinson

I think the first thing that needs to be done is cleaning up the mess to boost the budget. Emery is now again our manager not simply a head coach at the moment. After a season “experiencing” Premier League, i think he has to change the way he looked at the squad. Some names have to leave. But why i just don’t see it? Sure, Cech, Ramsey, Welbeck are out but they ran out of contract. But what happened to Elneny, Mustafi, Mkhitaryan and even Kolasinac? There were signs that Emery didn’t trust those guys anymore. Also, Ozil with his… Read more »

Faisal Narrage AKA Mr Project Youth 2.0

Where did you get the information that Emery is now a manager and not a head coach? This frankly not true. It’s likely Raul and others in the scouting team making decisions.

And no offence to Emery, but the last time we got a player he specifically wanted, it was Aldi Suarez (broken), in the place that could’ve been occupied by the likes of Saka.

Scwibble

If that’s true, about elneny, then I will lose my mind.

Wilsheres Middle Finger

At least if he’s under contract we can make money by selling him rather than him leaving for free!

Faisal Narrage AKA Mr Project Youth 2.0

“It now seems clear that our strategy for this summer is to acquire as many attacking midfielders ”

It’s the Wenger-infused Arsenal DNA; to collect as many diminutive attacking midfielders as possible.

Paul Roberts

Is Suso over twenty? 🙂

Deo

Didn’t we want Pablo Fornals in Jan? West Ham just signed him from Villareal.

Kentish Gooner

Pablo Fornals sounds like a detective from the 80’s.

JamesGodwinson

24 mil for Fornal is a steal!

I think Sanllehi and Emery made a mistake again!