Nou Camp
Barcelona
Spain19 February 2013
Dear Dani Alves,
Do one.
Yours,
Arseblog News
If we were going to write a letter to Barcelona’s Brazilian right-back, Dani Alves, it would probably resemble the above…most likely with a hastily scribbled phallus decorating the envelope.
Why would Arseblog News be reduced to such unseemly behaviour? Because our chums at the Nou Camp are once again frotting like Japanese businessmen on a packed train. You see…they like Jack Wilshere. He piques their interest, moistens their loins, has them humming Barry White and lighting candles. It’s disgusting.
Need evidence?
Here’s what Alves has to say this week, seemingly taking his cue from the human centipede that comprises Pique-Puyol-Xavi.
“Wilshere is a great player who we have met playing against Arsenal and without doubt he can reach the height of the players we have here at Barcelona like Xavi and [Andres] Iniesta.
“He has a lot of quality and a great personality. If I was given the chance to choose, he is a player that I would sign for Barcelona.”
Well we say no. We’re not having it. That chance will not be granted. We insist you desist immediately, you’ve had your fix of Arsenal flesh and don’t you dare tell us you’ve already gone off Alex Song.
You’ve been warned Barcelona. We’re trying to be polite. We’ve not sworn once in this…but next time, if you continue to be so damn rude we’ll get angry. Very angry.
Jack stays. End of.
Barca still feeling sore after we sold them hleb….
And Song…
lol why can’t they take Nicky B, Squilacci, Chamakh and I’ll even throw in Gervinho for Messi? 4 or 1, not a bad swap…
We should send over a huge crate marked ‘fragile’. Those twatalans gather round and prise off the face of the crate. Polystyrene balls pour out and the sillouette of little Jack is revealed. Pique and Alves share a glance (and kiss, probably). As their eyes adjust to gloom of the cavernous crate they see that Jack’s skin appears dull and inhuman, his shirt fits poorly and his socks are bulky and filled with what appears to be dynamite. His boots are ticking. The explosion is heard for miles. Polystyrene falls like snow, gathering in Pique’s stupid, scorched facial hair. The… Read more »
wenger’s prickles – you need help, that is disturbed. definite “thumb up” from me…
You can take our Fabregas, you can take our Song, (I’ll even let you have Hleb for free), but you will never, ever take our Jack. Learn some manners boy.
We could always buy a specially designed Wilshere body suit and stick Gervinho in there and send him off to Barcalona.
Equivalent of lighting a bag of dog shit, placing it at your neighbours you hate and ringing the bell HAHA billy Madison anyone !
Old Man Clements hates shit!
A few more addition in the squad and we will be solid to challenge for all 4 trophies for the coming season. Jack has plenty of time to be world’s best and win trophies at Arsenal. QPR will drop off, so we will get m’bia who is quite good CB, if Newcastle also drop we can get ourselves Sissoko (plays both CB and DM) and Debuchy (if Sagna is not signing his contract). Miyaichi for Gervinho and Christian Eriksen (heard he was not signing his contract) for Arshavin. Also a new backup to Giroud. Also heard Belhanda is ready for… Read more »
He called the shit poop!
I would imagine it will be Jacks decision. If we can match his ambitions, bring in players with the ability to play with him, compete for trophies (not counting the one for 4th) and pay him well we could keep him. If not who could blame him for fucking off to a club that will match his talent and ambition
you mean we bring in players who win trophies for Jack, so Jack’ll be happy to stay.
This world has gone mad.
Jack is just a younger player, having just breaking through the rank at Arsenal. He’s not some player who has won all titles elsewhere and only comes to Arsenal to win a few more cups to make up for his shinning career.
For me, he has to win things for Arsenal, who educated him, first, and only then he could ‘demand’ the club to match his ‘ambition’ which is bollocks anyway.
Lets be realistic, if we get a repeat of this season in the next 3 years!
I wouldn’t be surprised if Jack starts thinking about leaving.
He’s a quality player & needs to be surrounded by quality players so he can continue to learn & improve.
He’s only 21 & he’s our best player!
We need to surround him with players that are better than he is
Jack’s a Gooner. he has played for our club since he was a child. Playing for Arsenal IS his ambition realised Tom. So I imagine Jack Wilshere feels exactly the same about Alves as the rest of us do. That he’s a whiney sneaky divey Barca scobe, who thinks a short haircut makes him look tough. It doesn’t, especially when accompanied by the rolling around and crying like a girl Alves specialises in. And if Alves wants him now, wait ’til he sees what Jack does to Bayern Munch tonight. Future captain of Arsenal. Future breaker of Barca hearts. Come… Read more »
True. Guys like Santi, Podolski and Giroud.
If we push on and buy another experienced attacker and maybe another shithouse if Diaby breaks down again, I’m interested to see what we can do.
As long as we get rid of this malaise that seems to grip us every so often.
Dave Gooner ,I was going to respond until I ralised Its half term
@a gooner in Manchester, no, I dont mean we bring in players who win trophies for Jack, so Jack’ll be happy to stay.I mean we need quality to help Jack to win trophies. Like we should have done over the last 8 years when other quality players were at the club, that might have stayed,
Anybody consider the fact that maybe its a good thing that the likes of barca covet our players? I mean we could be Liverpool and have a squad of absolute shit that nobody wants.
Truth is, great players are always going to be wanted by other clubs. It shows thy we have a true talent on our hands. Don’t blame barca for wanting him. Blame our leadership for putting us in this position to wear we ahit ourselves every time somebody says they like one of ours, because we know we won’t show the balls to hold onto him. Sad.
Dave Gooner You say “Playing for Arsenal IS his ambition realised”. So he has only one ambition?And you know it.
Secondly, you also say that you “imagine Jack Wilshere feels exactly the same about Alves as the rest of us do. That he’s a whiney sneaky divey Barca scobe, who thinks a short haircut makes him look tough”. So JW10, you and the rest of us believe Alves thinks a short haircut makes him look tough?No, I dont, and your comment is just juvenille
Barca, behave yourself.
Cunts.
Expecting cunts to behave?
Barcelona are working their way up my list towards Chelsea and Sp*rs. They are a really classless club with their tapping up etc. Wilshere has Arsenal DNA. Unless you are giving us Cesc back, you can fuck off
Barca can fuck off regardless of Cesc.
Give us Cesc back and we’ll keep Jack too.
Cesc will soon realise what cunts he signed for, if he hasn’t already
If Barca keeps playing these games, why not put pressure on them and insist that they pay what they owe. That should shut them up.
Fuck me pink are we now going to have to listen to this shit year after year.
Fuck off Barca he is not for sale you blood sucking fuck wits.
fuvk you cunts!! cant even sell us villa and your prowling again for a key first team player.
FUCK RIGHT OFF!
Those who watch La Liga please update me how Song is fairing on at Nou Camp. He still having a funny dyed hair cut??
Pants would sum him up
Good to know he hasn’t changed.
He was voted 3rd worst signing in the La Liga recently.
This man speaketh the truth :
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2255422/Luka-Modric-Alex-Song-voted-worst-signings-season-Spain.html
2nd worst, actually. Only behind Luka Modric.
Muhahahaha.
It is a bit comforting to know that for every Cesc and Henry we lose to them, we make up for it a little bit by selling them the likes of Hleb and Song for wayyyy more than their value.
Wilshere will be an amazing player but Barcalona have already taken the best player we have ever produced and unfortunately might produce for the next 10 years or so, but who knows.
Imagine Cesc with us still…a 30 year old Cesc handing a 27 year old Wilshere the armband. Only for wet dreams ):
Wenger said that Wilshere was the best he had ever seen when he was 16, that’s after Cesc had been there at the same age.
Forget about Fabregas already FFS.
fabregas is a legend and is welcome back anyday.
aaaaa fabregas is NOT a legend! explanation is as follows: LEGEND is for Adams, Keown, Vieira, Henry and so on. Players who gave their all for this club. Dixon, Winterburn, Bould, Pires, Parlour, Gilberto etc. GOD is for Bergkamp. There is only one God and I pray to him every day to come back to us. CUNT is for vp, and others. I pray for them too, only to be covered in dogshit every day. The current lot we have can all become Legends in time, none of them are. Fabregas is just another good player who took the easy… Read more »
Dani Alves is a fucking cunt. Barcelona are fucking cunts.
Ooh and Danny Alves is not only a cunt but also the other hole near the cunt.
You my friend are Brilliant. Salute
Cunt-ception :p !
Well we say no. We’re not having it?????? just like we said no for Henry, Helb, Fabregas, nasri, Song and Rvp. This club is only interested in selling its best players. If barca make the right offer wilshere, he will be sold.
He gets massively thumbed down for saying the truth. Hleb was a “cunt” and Nasri replaced him. Guess what, Nasri was a bigger “cunt” than Hleb.
Fact is, if the right offer comes, Kroenke and Gazidis will sell him. The game is business understand it today so you don’t get hypertensive over players leaving Arsenal.
Yes, and if we made the “right offer” Messi would be sold. The chances of either club making such an offer are extraordinarily low.
What an insignificant cunt this alves is.
Jack couldn’t fit in at barca for one reason, he spends most of the time on his feet!
Mes que un idiots ——– more than just idiots, they are so fucking classless. I bet they are pissed off cos we gave them song. Roll over and die cuntelona
Maybe we should just start tapping up Messi? Lets get some rumours spread that Arsenal are preparing a swap of 5 million and Gervinho for Messi! That should cover it!
I wish we could attract players to Arsenal, I wish we hadn’t sold our players to them. All I see is a black abyss, a darkening vortex we inexorably move further into with each passing moment. I’m in the woods, at night, in a hole, with an owl. Black.
Eddie sounds like you have DT’s
The horror, the hooorrroooor.
Blaaaaaaaaaaaaack
What’s for tea mother? PINS?!
Dani Alves has scary eyes. There’s no life behind them, just a cold and never-ending abyss of despair and ghoulish emptiness.
Err, I mean… SHIT OFF YOU BARCA WANKERS.
Here’s my letter feel free to copy.
Nou Camp
Barcelona
Spain
19 February 2013
Dear Dani Alves, (and the rest of your Barca DNA Mob)
Please kindly fucking well fuck off.
Just to clairfy, you need to Fucking Well Fuck Off and not just Fuck Off. this needs to be done Fucking Well and Fucking Quickly.
Thanks for your fucking co-operation, in this most important matter. Just to Clairfy Jack has Arsenal DNA, and you lot are cunts.
Kind Regards
Beezer the Geezer!!
Arsenal DNA? What the eff are you lot on,he will go where he can achieve something! Face facts ,as long as the french idiot is in charge our downward slide will continue!
I wonder how you define idiot. Econ phd, polylingual, and is paid hansomly for doing what any of us would love to do. I am not saying he should be trusted implicitly or is without fault. This is probably a time when his position with the club should be in question. So question him, his tactics, his transfer policy and so on. But there is no room for disrespect. You can’t question what he has done for your club, his love of your club, or his commitment to seeing your club back on top. COYG This comment wasn’t completely directed… Read more »
As ridiculous as it sounds i wouldn’t give them Jack even if they offered a straight swap with Messi. Absolutely fucking love Wilshere.Fuck off you DNA cunts
Just wondering what a cross between Alves, Pique, Puyol and Xavi would look like. The most despicable, ugliest-stinky-scummy-tapping-up-cunt-of-all-time. Fuck off Barca. Enough said.
John Terry?
Cesc for Wilshere?
No thankyou, Wilshere anyday over cesc “me homesicky” fabregas.
P/s we should have no conditions for barca. Cunts!
We should have conditions for Barca. They should be “Fuck off and stick your boots up each others arses.”
This has me a tad worried though. Not that Jack will leave for Barcelona, but that he’s just 21 and if it’s already starting now after he JUST signed a new contract extension, we’ll have to fend off advances for years to come. As wonderful it is that he’s got such a love for Arsenal, with a connection to the club more than our other best players of recent years, it’s not enough. We need to make sure that we don’t test his loyalty by complacency. He needs support from other players of his level in the squad. Really hope… Read more »
I’m hoping the difference with Jack is that maybe he hates them like we do.
No one ever leaves Arsenal. No one ever wants to go to Barca. What is Alves thinking? Who would ever tire of fighting for fourth place? Give that up for silly trophies? Laughable.
for a club that plays with so much class on the field, they sure do lack any off of it.
Class on the field?
One word, Busquets.
Two words Dani Alves
Sorry cuntchops but the boy wilshere has Arsenal DNA and that’s that
How can any arsenal supporter criticize Alves for saying that? Why stay at a club which has little or no prospects as long as they have the management which they at present have in place? Barcelona, Man United, Man city are all sucessful and will always attract the top players who will not give us the time of day as long as we have the frog eater as manager. All great players are judged by what they win ,not by how good we perceive them to be. Our squad is cluttered with french rejects and other idiots who would never… Read more »
Man City, successful? So one season makes a club’s history then?
its a damm side more than we won!
Arsenal – 6 league titles in the same time that it took City to win 1 (and even then they look like losing it straight away despite the overall billion £ layout)
Arsenal – 7 FA Cups in the same time it took City to win 1
Arsenal into the knock out stages of the CL again
Man City knocked out in the group stages
Arsenal – 27 trophies in total
Man City – 11 trophies in total
Please let me know when they became more successful exactly because I’m struggling
racism and trolling do well to cooperate don’t they
The only troll and racist here is you , you mindless bigotted twat! Pull your head out of your arse and breathe deeply! Shit,your dad obviously did not use a condom!
Wait, are you saying you were born despite the use of condoms/contraceptives? Why does that matter? I am, and I would assume you are, just a fan. If you actually knew anything about our team, the history of our players, the history of our manager, and the history of the club, like a proper fan would, then you wouldn’t have the gall to spout out the donkey shit coming out of your foul mouth you little twat. Grow up a little, use those eyes and head of yours and calm yourself.
Cheerio, idiot.
no, it isn’t. go count trophies we’ve won vs them and come back when you have an answer.
We can’t we follow suit and tap up Messi.
“Frotting like Japanese businessmen on a packed train” – excellent.
In 2011, Pep Gonorrhoea said “Wilshere is a top player. He is an excellent player, not just Arsenal, but also for the national team. But he is lucky because we have many players in the second team like him but he plays because there is no pressure at his club to win titles.”
They’ve changed their tune a bit then.
Like his fellow monkey impersonator Gareth bale, alves is a despicable, cheating, diving, welk hole of a cunt that deserves to be run over by a large truck. And now, I will adapt the words of a famous randy Crawford song to finish:
Now he’s a wanker
A total wanker, errr, er
Alves
You fucking, fucking cunt
Dear Dani Alves,
You are a massive cunt.
CC. Messi, Xavi, Reina, Barcelona, Man City, Man U
Here we go again. Sick of this bull…. Put your bottom lip over your head and swallow alves you cuntard this is one player you ain’t getting
What happened to “We have 11 players like him in our reserve team”
Soon as I seen the story I got that numb feeling in the pit of my stomach. I wish the board would be more open to ridiculing this cuntish behaviour instead of being slapped down while hovering around their rejects only to be very publicly slapped down. Same applies to man utd with nani. Time to say fuck them all and act accordingly.
Remember when Pep said that “we have 11 players like him [Jack Wilshere] in the reserves.”
Well maybe pick one of then you ladybits.
Does our Jack have a release sum clause in his latest contract? I fear a cashly repeat in 3 years time. Oh and although it kills me to say it the greedy philandering bastard was correct more money and trophies……. We are now a feeder club after all.
Just enjoy the relative quiet and peace until John Toral and Hector Bellerin become regulars for us. Then they’ll all start drooling again
F*ck off diver, cheater. You dive and talk more than you play, should leave Barca, you shame your team.
Maybe to save time and money the clubs should merge into Barcenal ….
@dani alves:
maybe it is not a bad idea, let’s do some business: you can have Squilacci, Bentner, Djourou, Gervihno, Arshavin and Santos for 60 milions.(each one 10 milions, not bad?)
Regarding Jack, it’s a problem: he has no agent, he said he doesn’t need one as he will never leave Arsena. l
Another delusional Wenger supporter! Read your own list of the great Wengers f-ups!
Thing is he really does have Arse DNA so Barca can wank in the window all they like, they can’t woo him. Enjoy the attention.
I’ll say it now. If things remain the same, not challenging, scrapping for fourth, out of the cups etc etc etc, in the summer of 2014 Jack will be gone.
Too right Durham Gooner but it brings us no joy to say it.
The last player that will for is Jack,he was born with arsenal DNA,live and will die for ARSENAL.Cesc should have been world best 2de but left us bcos BARCA dna,has since become a bit,and that’s only bcos he’s spanish player,where is Maschrano,Helb,Song,Sachex,etc Song was rated among best Mildfilders in EPL last season 2de is rated among best bench in laliga, like Gilberto Silver used to say he is not advising anybody to leave at his peack, Jack and the rest a word is enough or leave arsenal to regret why leaving,like Flamini,Hleb,adebayor,nasir and recently Alex Song
I’ve always wondered why Barcelona doesn’t stop their passive aggressive bullshit – maybe it’s because it would really highlight some dumb statistic like how much money is spent on making Barcelona a top class team while the city ranks as the world capital for pickpocketing, crime directly related to what a fucking mess of an economy the country has. So in Paris and London it’s alright for some rich fuck to buy trophies but not in Barcelona? Gee, I wonder why… public image sure is a fickle thing…
Still, Barcuntalona can fuck off.
No me malinterpreten muchachos me dijo que iba a quedar bien con la camiseta azulgrana.
Sé que soy una puta, pero no puedo evitarlo
Tengo culo follada en el vestuario y nos trataron como puta de todos
Arrepentido
Dani Alves
[…] Read More Here: A letter for Dani Alves from Arseblog News […]
Reporter; So Arsene, are you still interested in football anymore
Arsene: No. Im now into hardcore, extreme ironing and a dash of professional slug racing.
Tabloids; “Arsene wants to lose against Bayern”
The last player that will leave for Barca is Jack,he was born with aersenal DNA,live and will die for ARSENAL.Cesc should have been world best 2de but left us bcos BARCA dna runs tru him, and has since become a bit part player,and that’s only bcos he’s spanish player,where is Maschrano,Helb,Song,Sanchex,etc? Song was rated among best Mildfilders in EPL last season 2de is rated among the best bench wamer in laliga, like Gilberto Silver used to say he is not advising anybody to leave EMIRATE at his peack, Jack and the rest a word is enough or leave arsenal to… Read more »
You must be smoking tik, born with Arsenal DNA!hE WILL GO WHERE HE CAN WIN SOMETHING! Whats so difficult about that,fuckwit! Change your name to shitface!
With any luck a journalist will ask Wenger about this in a press conference and catch him in a defiant mood. ‘Well errr, I believe Dani Alves and Barcelona can go fuck themselves’
Just once, would be wonderful.
Loads of NOT very smart Arsenal fans on this site. Surely you should know by now how news papers make their money, by making up, inventing, twisting words, taking words from individuals out of context, etc, etc, just to sell a story. Just think about it, Barcelona have, arguably the best midfield players on the planet, even tho Xavi is getting on a bit, but if he stays in good health can play another 3 years. Behind him there’s Iniesta, the 3rd best player in the world, behind him there’s Fabregas, Busquet, and behind him there’s a player called Thiago… Read more »
maybe you have a soft spot for cunts?
I’m well aware of the troubles facing Arsenal, thanks for your concern, but I’m also aware that the Barcelona team is heavily populated with cunts.
That’s your opinion, but not a well though one at that! More like a very angry, envious football fan who’s lashing out blindly. ….Like I wrote, Wilshere is a non story to Barcelona, it makes no kind of sense what so ever, but somehow Arsenal fans are too blind to see it, is almost like you all need some silly distraction from reality.
No way. Newspapers dont lie. How cynical.
To: Danny Alves
CC: Roger
Kindly take this statue of a cock standing on a ball, and insert it where the sun doesn’t shine. Then turn around and scissor each other. Good day.
Very clever and funny Yar, You had me rolling on the floor(metaphor) So what was your point regarding football?
My footballing point was that I find it quite ironic how someone would claim there are loads of stupid Arsenal fans on here, then turn around and call Wilshere overrated. So that makes you what again?
To British pundits, Arsenal fans, etc, he might not be overrated, but to a neutral fan and the rest of the footballing world that is exactly what he is, hyped! You might not want to see that, but you’re an Arsenal fan, and most fans whether they support Arsenal, ManU, etc, will most likely hype one of their players. It comes with being a football fan. But, one thing is to unconditionally hype one of your players, another is to blindly compared a proven player, with someone who has not, no matter of the potential.
I’m sorry, who was it that ran the show against Brazil again? Sure, he’s 21, he has a ton of room to grow. Does that mean he’s overrated and overhyped? No. It just means you wish you had a young player of his caliber on your team, whatever crap team it is you support anyways.
If you had any perception Yar, and paid mind to what I wrote, you would’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a Barcelona fan, who just happen to have the best midfield in all of football! I’m sure you’ve heard of Barcelona and their famous ‘La Masia’? Do I need to remind you what Guardiola said about Wilshere? Yar, you know what happens when you assumed?
Ah, you’re right. You’re a much bigger cunt than I previously assumed!
Your brain is too small Yar to debate! Name calling is a weakness and a clear sign of ignorance…… You fill that mantra like hand in glove.
Yar, you must be feeling real sick right about now, Arsenal are getting a bit of a hiding by Bayer Munich….. Out of CL, most likely out of 4th place in the EPL, another trophyless season… Ouch, who’s feeling like c..t now.
Hey Roger, how ya feeling after that awesome Barca win today? Oh yeah….