A tsunami of change has washed across Arsenal’s training ground at London Colney in the last three months.
A Frenchman who spent 22 years talking to the trees has departed and in his place, a Spaniard, whose relationship with oak saplings is still a mystery, has arrived.
Coaching staff have left. New staff have replaced them. Players have departed. New players have been signed. Invincibles have left. Invincibles have returned. Training methods have changed.
The medical team has been restructured. CRYO chambers have replaced cupboards. Vic’s washing machine is being operated by someone else. And cones are have been used upside down, contrary to the methods preferred by Ryo Miyaichi.
Like we said…a tsunami of change.
And now, courtesy of Football.London’s Charles Watts, we learn of even more change. A change to get Bowie stuttering and Dylan rhyming. Wait for it…
There’s a new desk in the press conference room.
Yep, the trusty four-legged trestle table (we’re guessing here), which came with its own granite grey, cotton cloth covering, has been replaced by a bespoke, space-aged design with sleek curves, a white veneer and in-built neon red accent lighting.
Slap bang in the middle is a massive Arsenal crest, just to remind you who bloody owns the thing. It’s Arsenal’s table ladies and gentlemen. It belongs to the Gunners.
We can only speculate how much this piece of furniture has cost the club; definitely, more than we spent on a right-back this summer, that’s for sure. Fingers crossed we get to see the club’s accounts before Stan hides them from us once and for all.
Anyway, all hail the new table. You’ll get the chance to see it in action soon, the club will be broadcasting Unai Emery’s first Premier League press conference of the season at some point this afternoon.
I actually really like it. I am enjoying this wave of change and hope for the best.
And there were those who doubted our planning this summer…
Planing?
Haha.. I see what you did there..
So the club decides to spend 100m£ on a table and not a worldclass winger. Rev up the plane engines boys, we’re flying our silly banners again.
Welcome to the future boys!
Shouldn’t that be “welcome to the furniture boys”?
I blame Wenger. When he was clearing out his office it would have been “well errr I’ve used this stapler for 20 years, I’m taking it, and er… this cup, yes this is mine, and this table, I bought it from home, you can’t prove I didn’t, I was here before all of you. Back when Vic wore short trousers”
You mean these “six Cups”?
honestly they really need to find a way to hide those cables. why block the most beautiful table in the prem with those hideous things.
I looked at that in utter disbelief. The designer should be sued for overlooking the singular most important function of the table (ok maybe 2nd after hiding the fact the new boss prefers to interview without pants).
Um, let’s see, what will this table be used for? Er, Microphones? Maybe?
For a nominal fee and materials (plus time, travel, and lodging) I’ll fly over and cut a channel near the base and another in the desktop just behind the frontispiece to feed the cables through.
Or they could just require wireless tech I suppose.
That’s all right. In a minute someone will come along here to tell us about a 1960s designer table they’ve seen in a museum in Copenhagen that had really good cable management which we should have bought instead.
Of course it’ll have a damaged foot and not be for sale at any price, but still….
Couldn’t get a new centre back so we got a new centre piece instead
It’s going to start against city, replacing Mertesacker as our slow moving immovable object
BFT
Adds a bit of width we’ve been crying for
Truly a worthwhile investment… but it looks rubbish with all those cables trailing over the front!
all that and they couldn’t even swing it so the wires ran down under the table? i mean, why bother with a big new crest if it’s just going to look lost behind a bunch of dangling wires?
I for one welcome our new table overload. All hail the table!
In table we trust.
Table Out
I am expecting to have a bid tabled very soon from Europe
We’ve finally scaled up to accept the realities of the current table market. #IvanKnows
Hope the investment makes us a “Table-topper”
Trestle be ace ?
Is this simply a piece of furniture, or a profound piece of modern art that represents the Premier League itself: an absurdly expensive table with Arsenal slap bang in the middle of it?
hah. excellent.
Oh, that’s good.
The table does not lie.
Typical corner cutting from the club!
Factory Records – as portrayed in 24 Hour Party People – got an expensive new table; look what happened to them after that…
Loving the new changes except the sale of Usmanov’s shares!
That’s a flashy new piece of furniture. Must’ve cost a few coins…
The signs of Kroenke regime is showing. Arsenal is mid table
Special price on table:
£40m + £1
Ok, maybe I’m being dumb here but can someone explain what the other room is then? When I went on the stadium tour we were shown into the conference room (or so I thought) and the front looked much more like a stage in an auditorium with built in desk and funky leather chairs. I never saw that desk in the first photo?