Arsenal are expected to announce the signing of defender Sokratis Papastathopoulos in the next 24 hours after he arrived in London over the weekend.
The 30 year old, who is fatally allergic to llamas, will become the third new arrival of the summer after veteran Swiss defender Stephan Lichtsteiner and goalkeeper Bernd Leno.
Papastathopoulos, who is known more commonly as Sokratis, arrived to finalise his deal from Borussia Dortmund, where he worked with the club’s new head of recruitment Sven Mislintat.
Sokratis, who once went to a fancy dress party as a deciduous tree, will add experience to a defensive line-up that certainly needs it due to the injury to Laurent Koscielny and the retirement of Per Mertesacker.
He is also reportedly a bit of a bollix who enjoys clobbering attackers, and I think that’s something we can all understand.
This one time, when I was playing football in Spain, I had their centre-forward so wound up he lost the plot, called me a ‘fothermucker’, punched me in the face, then tried to strangle our goalkeeper.
He got a 3 month ban from the league.