The next time Arsenal qualifies for Europe – stop sniggering at the back – UEFA will retain 5% of the revenue generated as a punishment for our involvement in the Super League debacle.
The Gunners are one of nine sides who have formally renounced the breakaway competition.
Three others, Barcelona, Real Madrid and Juventus, are sticking to their guns and now face a showdown with Uefa’s disciplinary bodies.
In addition to the withheld revenue, Arsenal have also agreed to pay a share of a €15 million penalty which will go towards youth and grassroots football.
We’re also obliged to rejoin the European Club Association, from which Vinai Venkatesham resigned, and have agreed to massive fines if we fuck about again in the future.
Speaking about the measures, which amount to little more than a slap across the wrist, UEFA president Aleksander Ceferin said: “The measures announced are significant, but none of the financial penalties will be retained by UEFA.
“They will all be reinvested into youth and grassroots football in local communities across Europe, including the UK. These clubs recognised their mistakes quickly and have taken action to demonstrate their contrition and future commitment to European football.
“The same cannot be said for the clubs that remain involved in the so-called ‘Super League,’ and UEFA will deal with those clubs subsequently.”
On the off chance, UEFA does hand out bands to Barcelona, Real Madrid or Juventus, we know a Lego-haired football manager who might be willing to put his side forward as an alternative…