Friday, September 30, 2022

Column: Gabriel is no angel after disrespectful Tweet

Graham Dougan was a youth prospect at Arsenal in the 1970s but never quite made the grade, making his career in the upper echelons of the old division two

He was also a Scottish U25 international. He is a regular pundit on TV in Malta and Luxembourg, and an after-dinner speaker of some repute.

He writes exclusively for the site and we sure you continue to enjoy his keen and unique insight into the game.

In this column, he takes defender Gabriel Magalhaes to task for his post-game social media antics.

Arsenal sit top of the Premier League, and deservedly so, after a superb 3-0 win over Brentford on Sunday.

The goals from William Saliba, Gabriel Jesus and Fabian Vieira were outstanding, and Mikel Arteta’s men flew back to North London by private jet full of spunk and good spirits as they went above Man City to continue their impressive start to the season.

However, they couldn’t just enjoy the win on its own merits and unfortunately Brazilian defender Gabriel took the sheen off with an unnecessary post-game Tweet. He said, “Nice kickabout the the boys”, and indeed one of them was an actual boy, a 15 year old making his debut.

The Arsenal team was, as such, Boys II Men, but the social media antics of Gabriel should mean it’s the end of the road for his Twittering. Sure, some will say this was simply a case of hitting back at Brentford striker Ivan Toner after he said the exact same thing last season when they beat Arsenal 2-0, but since when do two wrongs make a right? The onus was on Arsenal to ensure that was the case, instead they have done the game a disservice.

We didn’t have social media back in my day, and I will admit that I would have been tempted to publicly call Graeme Souness a ‘thundering prick’ after a challenge in an FA Cup clash at Anfield which left me with thirty-eight stitches in my scrotum. But back then we did things the right way, the manly way; and after the game I shook his hand, drank more Babycham than I can remember, and drove home to put things behind me. I never did find out what caused the dent in the front bumper either.

In this week of all weeks, to take a cheap shot like that is simply outrageous, and Gabriel could learn a thing or two from former England captain David Beckham. As he dressed as a Beaky Blinder and queued for hours to show his respects to the Queen, here was the Arsenal man taking a plop-shot at an opponent on the Internet.

Becks, superb footballer and keen brewer, is an example to us all. With the World Cup on the horizon, the £15m a year he earns from Qatar reminds us all the respect has to be bought, not earned, but you earn it by not being a so-called troll on social media. Are Qatar paying Gabriel vast amounts of cash to promote their country in a positive light and to keep people’s beady eyes away from issues like thousands of migrant workers dying to build stadiums? No they are not, and that tells you plenty about his standing in the game.

The fact that he has been roundly and rightly criticised by people who work for Talksport, and who have 8 numbers in their Twitter handles, demonstrates just how far standards at Arsenal have fallen. I used to think that Arteta was the right man for the Gunners, bringing a bit of sergeant major discipline like former boss George Graham, but it turns out he’s willing to turn a blind eyelid to his players’ online escapades.

What next? Bukayo Saka calling out Chas and Dave on their own MySpace page, or Emile Smith Rowe sharing links to download the latest chart hits via Napster? This is a slippery slope to Internet anarchy, and the sooner Arteta and his colleague Dudu get on top of it, the better.

If you’re a decent person, you’ll spare some thoughts and prayers for Ivan Toner after such a wicked burn, and hopefully he recovers well enough to perform well for England during this international break.

PS: Thanks to all of you who sent correspondence asking about my whereabouts. It’s been some time since my last column, but I’ve been filming a Maltese version of hit show ‘Game of Squids’, but unfortunately we kept losing cast members for some reason.

Till next time, your pal. GD.

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GoonerZA

Gabriel is a disgrace! I love him!

C.B.

Have truly missed the excellent humour in your columns, Mr Dougan (Beckham = Peaky Blinders is a great spot!).

Hope this is the first of many!!!

C.B.

If any one is struggling with the humour, have a look back to previous Graham Dougan columns, click on ‘Columnists’ above. The last one in 2021 was actually great, advising Arsenal to focus on the youth, whereas the one before that criticised the Invincibles (!!) : ‘Even domestically they underachieved too, failing to lift the FA Cup, the League Cup, the Johnson’s Paint Trophy, the Zenith Data Systems Cup, the FA Vase, the Autoglass Shield, the Humberside over-35s 7-a-side jamboree, or the Isthmian League (third tier, regional north).’ Be prepared for crazy outrageous views and the humour that comes from… Read more »

Iain

By the way, can we bring back the columnist from ages ago the one who was from the 19th century and kept renaming the players with their double-barrelled last names? I’ve forgotten his name.

C.B.

Fantastic too! Though can’t find them on here, was it a different site?

Goonerdavem

Arsenal Gent?

C.B.

https://arseblog.com/author/the-arsenal-gentleman/ was on Arseblog not the news part. Was fantastic, would love to see the Gent return too.

Arsepedant

I will never forget the Arsenal Gent, simply for starting one of his essays with a comment about how he passed his time whipping the houseboy.

The Only Olivier is Giroud

I recall a passage before the FA Cup final against Hull (or maybe a League meeting against them) where he said “The Gunners face the Tigers, a fight that in more enlightened times would have been rather one sided considering only one of the parties had access to a high calibre firearm” haha

ChrisT

Is this guy boasting about drunk driving for real????

Goonerdavem

I think you’ll find it’s a spoof?

rincewind

gosh!

Mega

It was a different time!

JamesH99

whoosh!

Jagis Dee

From when it was regarded as a skill

Emi Rates

Add the stitches in his scrotum to that. Respect!

Goonerrific

There’s alway one

Goonerdavem

Although in this case there seems to be many.

Buckagh

Not defending it, but back in the day there was a police ad saying dont have that 5th pint
He is joking

Scott Richards

What a bizarre column

Mayor McCheese

Did you actually read it before dropping this plop-shot?

Gavin McGregor

Not sure what to make of this if I’m honest. Attempting to take the moral high ground from a player sending a tweet at the same time as boasting about drink driving. I for one am fully onboard with Gabriel. What’s good to give is good to receive

JamesH99

it’s a spoof

Dale Headley

It was meant to be tongue in cheek.

RalfBakshi

Wooooosh

timorous me

Look, I think Graham would be the first to admit that we’re not all angels, and you shouldn’t have to be one in order to cast the first or the last stone.

And anyway, why aren’t we more focused on his scrotum? Fucking Souness.

Stevorama

Oh Gavin…

Emi Rates

…oh-oh
Cantaré, oh-oh-oh-oh
Nel blu dipinto di blu
Felice di stare lassù…

DAzzz

Some sense of humour is just way too high for certain people…

WORLDWAR3VETERAN

LMAO. kids like you will never understand humour… how should i say it? WOOOSHHH

Mayor McCheese

That’s right, Gavin! Who cares about Toner. Sure, Gabriel’s tweet probably made Toner low, but Southgate will know that every Toner is replaceable.

JamesH99

Graham, I think you’ve been away too long – there are a few newbies here who don’t understand you’re unique perspective

Teryima Adi

Yeah, they need reorientation.😂😂😂

Collibosher

I was half way through this when I realised it was supposed to be funny. It wasn’t.

Espen

Satire is to complex for the modern mind.

Jimbo1

I get the jokes, but it was just missing the mark most of the time.

Mayor McCheese

You’re a real damp squib, Colliboy. I think I saw you in Squib Game.

Emi Rates

Careful with the insults, McCheese, so he doesn’t bosh your colli.

Philip Visser

A solidly stupid take on Gabriel’s tweet. Seems the author, after a long abscence, was looking for something, anyone or anything, to talk about. Wrong choice and now the cheap shot comes from you

WORLDWAR3VETERAN

r/WOOOOSSSSHHHHHHHHHH

P.D.

3,2,1….here comes herds of people not getting it….

edwardavern

Ok, I get the joke here, except it seems a bit aimed at straw men. Were there really loads of people calling Gabriel out for his tweet? Even MotD thought it was good humoured, so this article seems to be defending something that nobody was attacking… bit odd.

Paul

Graham says what he wants when he wants. That’s the rules. 🙂

Martin R

A sense of humour transplant urgently required. 😂😂😂

HILARY

Good humor… The guy is being Sarcastic
He made is clear when he mentioned his driving under the Influence…. Lol My Arsenal are being bitching again i love it.

We are firing back from all Cylinders. Am Sure he was singing the Arteta’s song while writing this Colum🤣🤣

Notjustok

The headline is an irony the writer used to draw attention to make fun of toney himself. Don’t drink and drive when you can weed and fly

Goonerpdb

If this was meant to be funny….script needs rehearsing. Gabriel is a our man giving a bit of banter back and all in good humor. His tweet was funny.

Arsepedant

What’s that up in the sky? A bird? A plane? No, it’s … WOOOOSSSHHHH!

Kostas

No offense but i prefer tweets than drinking n driving

Kostas

Thanks for the deserved down votes 😀
Next time I will finish off the article first. Sorry Graham

Matt Matt

Honestly thought you’d overdone this a points, but then I read the comments 🤯

Teryima Adi

@Arteta and his colleague Dudu…😂😂😂

Iain

Ahahahaha. Good to have you back Graham!

Parteylikeits2001

Hahaha….babycham. That’s a blast from the past!

kaius

Yes! Had totally forgotten about that stuff

And the part about David Beckham’s shameless shilling for Qatar is killer, especially this:

“With the World Cup on the horizon, the £15m a year he earns from Qatar reminds us all that respect has to be bought, not earned”

Esso

Been dying for a bit of Graham Dougan and he didn’t disappoint! Lets have him again soon please!

Stu

Fucking Classic.

Fatgooner

Brilliant column, Graham!!!

Some of the above comments show just how many Arsenal fans have had the sense of humour by-pass operations.

I love the way you’ve called out Beckham for his disgraceful Qatar involvement: I hope now that he never gets the knighthood that he is desperate for.

C.B.

He queued up for 12 hours to see the Queen’s coffin to boost his chances…

Arsepedant

Sadly for him, the Queen’s probably not handing out any more knighthoods.

ontomorrow

Odd how you neglected to mention your role as chef in Robin’s Nest. Marvellous stuff.

Berni

And a builder in Flowery Twats.

JesusLoveGunner

Seriously who is this man anyway?
And why the fuck should we give a damn about what he is saying. Can’t simply take a banter?

Der32

He’s a post-dinner speaker of some renown back in the day. We are lucky to have him.

RuminatingGooner

One flew over the cuckoo’s nest

Mayor McCheese

Played for Scotland U-28. Probably knows more about football than you! When was the last time you had your scrotum torn off and sewn back on?

Positive pete

Errrr not sure if that Article is a Spoof or wind up? Either way let’s be clear.Sick to death of all this old School stiff upper lip crap we keep hearing & reading when it come to Arsenal.It’s one standard for us & the “ rest” can do & say what they like.Well those days are GONE .We’re not having the piss taken out of us.Anymore.As for Upsetting “ Talkshite radio” 😂 the worst offenders.Love it.” Gobby Agbonlahor “ & jammy O Hara ? Pleeeeeesseeeee
k

Jimbo1

Its a spoof. Humour is sort of funnyish, although no pun intended but probably best to steer clear of drunk driving jokes. Just not a topic to laugh about.

Jimbo1

Yikes! I stand corrected. Apparently it is a source of amusement after all. Bizarre but whatever floats your boat.

jw1

Wow. Thought for sure there might be one or two on here with a stickuptheirarse. The sheer number is some surprise…

dan

really? you made an article about this? sorry but Gabriel is a gooner and he was right making that tweet stop making dumb excuses

Mayor McCheese

Too right, dan! We should all be turning a blind eyelid to Gabriel’s transgression instead of taking plop-shots. Dudu takes care of that anyway.

Ahm Far

Where were you last year when Ivan started all this. Pound for pound it was more disrespectful then but I don’t even think it is any disrespect from either one of these. Nothing like Troy Deeney. So, please save us your self-righteousness and punditry.

P.D.

Ahm Far From Getting It

Jay

Jeez!
The sheer number of people who don’t get the humour though……! Ivan Toner….Beaky Blinders…. Arteta and his mate Dudu…. And you still don’t get it?
Like they say “you gerrit? If you don’t gerrit, forgerrabout it” 😄😄

Welcome back, Graham!

Sak

No one cares about your opinion. It’s just banter between players. Don’t think anyone called out Toney when he was being ‘disrespectful’

Mayor McCheese

You mean Toner.

btw

The reason Gram Duncan doesn’t come around so often is to ensure that the comments section will be filled with hilarity.

Obama Young

The comments here are illuminating and illustrate how so much obviously, clearly false info gets taken seriously on the internet. So many people just take everything they read on the internet at face value and just accept it as real without skepticism.
This is a sports blog that has always used a ton of humor– the humor in the posts and the podcasts is one of the best parts of Arseblog! And so many people just take everything here as completely sincere. Scary to think about what else they are accepting as real on the internet!

A Different George

Good point. There is an American magazine/website called The Onion which has hilarious, really brilliant, satirical news articles and especially headlines. But for the past five years or so, it has honestly been difficult to know sometimes whether a headline I see online is from The Onion or The New York Times. Some of the accusations about things like American “election fraud” have made Graham Dougan’s football observations look sober-minded and insightful in comparison.

Francis

What are you on about?
Leave the lad alone.
Well done Gabriel.

GunnerFan NS

Pure curmudgeonly garbage. Lost me the second he went to “back in my day.” Full of typos (2x Ivan “Toner”). Just plain rubbish – especially the part to suggest Arteta might not be the man for the job because of THIS!. Embarrassing column in an otherwise expert website.

TexasRed

Your comment is too stupid for words.

Pat Fried Rice with Egg

I’m surprised you don’t know who Ivan Toner and Fabian Vieira is.

You probably don’t watch Beaky Blinders either.

Gunnerer

2x Ivan Toner is what’s kept my printer going through the pandemic. Don’t judge

Ray from Norfolk, Virginia

We must take some elements of this article at face value. You must have big balls to need 38 stitches to stitch up your scrotum. As to drink driving, do not be fooled! The reason the front bumper had a dent is a collision with Graeme Souness. Indeed, the records at a Liverpool hospital for that day show our man getting scrotal stitches while getting numbed with alcohol and a later entry regarding significant bruising to various parts of some total unknown (unlike our man) called Graeme Souness. Sometimes, it is best to take things at face value, like the… Read more »

Johnmike

A total and idiotic article from whoever nonsense wrote this. Football is a banter game between oppositions players and fans alike.When you are down in game defeat you collect the banter and when you get up in winning you give them back,and that’s exactly what Gabriel has done. Those who are stupidly criticizing him and the idiots who are pained by our winnings and they are clearly enemies of progress who never wish us well or see anything good in us ARSENAL…

brad

sarcasm is a lost art

this was done well

Giuseppe Hovno

This isn’t sarcasm buddy

Buckagh

Nice one, we need more writing like this

Steve

Actually finding Dougan a little bit mean spirited (by Blogs). Of course I get the humour and the point, but feels very targeted at a group of people who won’t/don’t get it.
Let’s all laugh at those that read it in a hurry, or for whom English is not a first language and missed the “subtlety”.

Not an idiot

You are an idiot

Aditya

Hahahaha…excellently done.. wish to hear more from you about the adventures of arteta and dudu!!

JuiceJ

The trick is reading the whole article first then comment. Had i made a comment after the first two paragraphs, i totally would have missed the mark like most seem to have. My first time reading Graham’s work on here. I think it was hilarious, the 18 stitches on the scrotum like WTF, calling out Sourness, love it, next time, call out that scam Tim Sherwood.
Its a spoof people, put your guns down. He’s one of us.

Jay

28 stitches, actually. And to just drive home after that….. The man must have big balls 🤣🤣

Ray from Norfolk, Virginia

I just went back and verified. 38 stitches.

Dean Voys

So this isn’t satire? How disappointing ☹️ Beckham is a pretentious, vain twonk who accepts money from a slave death-pit built world cup after fronting as Mr UNICEF. He’s just chasing a knighthood to fill his vanity and the country applaud him as a hero for just standing in a queue. Gabriel made a little jibe and you call him a ‘disgrace’! You need to get less uptight. At least Gabriel will say what he really thinks not play the PC game to constantly try and win public applause like Beckham. Ridiculous article and set of opinions. You need to… Read more »

K10

Can people please stop misinterpreting the stats shared by the media regarding migrant deaths in Qatar? Those figures (‘thousands of migrant workers’) are the total amount of migrant worker deaths over the past decade across the entire country in general i.e. migrants workers across various industries dying of various reasons (I.e. work-related and not work-related). From my quick calculations, it seems that the mortality rate for foreigners during 2010 to 2019 is still actually lower than that of Qataris (which I would expect due to lower average age). The deaths of migrants building the stadiums is in the double figures… Read more »

K10

FYI to anyone on the fence:

Clearly satire with quotes like “respect has to be bought, not earned”, purposely mispelling the names of Edu and Toney, and the antiquated mentions of MySpace and Napster.

Might need to add a disclaimer next time: this is satire.

Sam

What a load off bullshit, shit journalism

Fraserhead

I’m withholding judgement on Gabriel Magalhães until we hear from former seasoned Arsenal correspondent Leopold Mendacious. Until then our player gets the benefit of my doubt.

Goontang

Everyone does realise that Graham Dougan or “the doogy man” as they called him. Is just giving an honest opinion and he’s entitled to it considering his reputation. Right boot was a good inch bigger than his left and also earned the name big foot.

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