The Association of Former Arsenal Players (A FAP) has this morning welcomed the club’s recent turbulent form, saying it provides their members with an opportunity to sound insightful and intelligent whilst boosting their own media profiles.
Calling the current situation a ‘Godsend’, the Honorary vice-chairman, Wilf Copping Jr III, spoke exclusively to Arseblog News.
“It’s fantastic”, he told us from the association’s HQ in the little known US state of ‘Obvious’. “For years we’ve struggled with Arsenal winning things but now it couldn’t be more perfect.
“We simply tell our members to have a look on Twitter or the Facebook and see what Arsenal fans are saying. Then, when asked about Arsenal’s situation, say exactly the same thing but add in a little anecdote which begins with the words ‘Back when I was playing’.
“It’s a roaring success and to be honest we can barely keep up with demand. It’s Talksport one minute, the soaraway Sun the next and before you can say Tomas Danilevicius we’ve got the Milton Keynes Gazette wanting to speak to somebody about why Arsenal haven’t won a trophy in fifty six years or whatever it is.”
Yet it’s not just Arsenal fans that are providing top quality material for the former players to use on their media travels. None other than Arsene Wenger is the source for much of it.
“Some call it it the anti-Wenger axiom, it’s codename REGNEW on our 64 page rules and regulations booklet, but it’s basically saying the opposite of what he says.
“For example, Arsene will reference his team’s mental strength. When they lose just go out there and say they don’t have any. When he talks about the quality, ask where the quality is when they lose to the likes of Swansea.
“Arsene is so considerate that way, we’ll always be grateful to him.”
And Copping is hoping the good times keep on coming.
“It might not be great for the Arsenal trophy cabinet but we’re not complaining. Simply being able to go out there and just say what any fan with half a brain already knows is just brilliant for us!
Quotes – what have the former players been saying:
“Arsenal do not have mental strength” – Emmanuel Petit
“You look long and hard at this team and you have to think they need to play with the handbrake a little more off” – Kaba Diawara
“If they could just not lack a little bit the sharpness then I think they could win things again” – Nelson Vivas
“This Arsenal team ain’t got a clue ‘ow to communicate. It’s all split infinitives here and badly declined nouns there. It’s ‘cos they’re all foreign if you ask me.” – Paul Merson
“You need to know how to win on a cold, wet night in the North of England. Like I did.” – Jose Antonio Reyes
This is not helping my hungover & confused state.
Absolutely brilliant. We can always count on the media to kick a man when he’s down. Shame it’s our former lads who are sticking in the knives.
I think you need to leave the satire for another site. Seems your demographic can’t handle it.
Awesome comic relief. Keeps my bad mood deflated till weekend.
I like to imagine Reyes was squatting in a ditch by the side of a road roasting a rabbit on a stick when he gave that quote
Comedy gold, Sir arseblogger.
“SPURS SUCK DONKEY BALLS!”
-Eboue
>That Reyes quote
You nailed it.
word. that.
Great stuff chaps. Of course it is all true.
that cant be a quote from Paul once a blue always a blue Merson, he didn’t say I mean once in that.
coming frome….Quality this
coming from me….Quality this
So good he said it twice ….one from Somerset
I would just like to send out a big ‘f@&k off’ to all the supposed arsenal ‘greats’ – or maybe i should say parasites – who have been in the media the last few weeks.
this includes: nigel winterburn, lee dixon, martin keown, alan smith, paul merson, emmanuel petit, ian wright, george graham, ray parlour and perry groves.
its embarrassing to see these people who made their name off the club sticking the knife in at the first opportunity if it means a bit of money for them.
Martin Keown, where I’ve seen him, hasn’t been saying anything that isn’t true, and he has actually bothered with a bit of analysis. He’s not been sticking the knife in or anything: on ESPN Press Pass last week, he seemed reluctant to say anything negative [though it had to be said] and stayed away entirely from saying anything fatalistic.
Here here, Keown is a gentleman.
Yeh, sorry Paul, I can’t say I agree with you. I think the vast majority are just criticising things quite fairly. There are obvious problems with this team. I do think some of them can be quite venomous, Merson in particular, but then, you know, he’s addicted to stroking his Sheringham so why get bothered about what he says. Everyone knows he’s a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic. I’ve only ever seen Keown speaking sense and Dixon voicing fairly reasonable concerns. Yes, Wrighty can be a bit of a dick, but then that’s because he’s a bit of… Read more »
Shush.
Paul merson and reyes should fuck off..
Comedy in gold, sir!
I have been offered 2 tickets for the AFC end of season dinner…………..
Unfortunately I am not free tonight
@paul. It’s not like any of those you mentioned know anything about the game or the club is it.
Arshavin: ‘i like champagne’
Drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and fight.
is that the russian national anthem?
FFS during the season, support the team instead of continually lampooning them. With our support they could finish the season strongly. Be the fucking twelfth man for crying out loud. We can do all the booing and castigating at the end of the season.
We fans CAN make the difference between top four and fuck all.
COYFG’s
I can understand former greats having their say on the club, players and AW. What I can’t understand is mediocre players making these comments. Fuck off ‘I always fall down like a complete twat and i was never good enough’ Reyes. Who the fuck are you to make a comment about my beloved Arsenal. Wanker. As for the greats/legends, I accept they are telling it as it is. We need AW to be more truthful about what the financial circumstances at the club are and stop protecting our out of touch, useless, greedy, no footballing knowledge board!
We need David Dein back and someone like Usanov to provide big investment, despite his shady past. What’s the alternative if we don’t. I would suggest top 7 every year. That’s just not good enough!
That is the second tine you have made me laugh today Arseblog. The other was on your podcast where you were talking about Mertesackers lack of pace then in the same sentance you mentioned Walcott. All in the timing!
Everyone knows the newspaper in Milton Keynes is called “The Citizen”, are you sure this article wasn’t written by that Lawrence Gray-Hodson from 3-and-in?
Peppered with mistakes throughout, those quotes don’t seem genuine either. I suspect we’ll see this regurgitated in the Daily Mail tomorrow as an exclusive…
Article and some comments – priceless.
If it puts more pressure on Wenger then good, we need big changes at AFC. He can’t say these guys haven’t worked ‘half a day’ in football as he does about the fans. Though I see he has changed that to ‘managed’ now as they are ex-players. He thinks he knows better than anyone else. The arrogance doesn’t have the results to back it up but it’s still growing, it seems.
What they are all saying is reality, you all need to face reality and take your heads from Arsene ass. 7 years without a trophy is a disgrace because we didnt know that fourth place was a trophy. In reality Arsene Wenger should be killed for fucking around 7 years in a row. It just harsh reality, fuck being loyal to failure.
Unruly.Is your other favourite sport Boxing!
At the end of the day this is Sport we are all talking about.
Lighten up a little
For seven years now Arsene is making me hate football, fuck all who thinks he is the mesiah, luckily he is in london.
Have to respectfully disagree with you there, good sir.
In other words,cunt off.
Funny how Petit never has anything to say when we play well. Do you think there is something personal between him and Wenger? Like maybe when he left Wenger said “son you’re really not good enough for Barcelona. I’ll happily take the money but give it a couple of years and you’ll be playing at Chelsea doing very little of any note”.
Just a thought…..
Some comments here are priceless!
Guys, who`s on the picture? Is that one of our ex-players? Or is it disguised Eboue?
That comment from Unruly is quite insulting and disgusting. Can someone remove it please?
Reality people Arsene is the worst football manager of all times, you will all see in may, delete my comments because its just harsh reality, some of you monkeys is the reason why the club is in this decline…asshole…delete this because this is true, Arsene is not my wife, some of you who are always hiding behind the truth drink too much coffee and rum, get out of the cold weather and relax in some sunshine..
You have to grow up kid. I`m not even going to reply to your insulting comments, but wishing for our manager to be shot is not something that should be tolerated within our fan-base. You can go on and support Sp*rs or Chelsea, but the Club will be better off without your kind.
I think the best thing is to leave his comment there so people can put a name to the person who thinks the manager ‘should be killed’ and treat all further comments from him with the regard they deserve.
No one said Arsene was your wife…
Arseblog you always hit the mark! Its always good to know your not alone in understanding how predictable the media can often be.
Aseblog change your name to arsenefog. AFC is fast becoming American owned so you all can keep dreaming
Arsenefog eh?We can use it as a term for his smoke and mirror statements during transfer window.
Especially in the winter transfer window.
this guy cracks me up!
My shush comment was at Paul by the way
What you supporters don’t understand is us ex pro’s have played the game so what we say matters, it’s not like we just talk shit because someone is paying us a few quid for our opinions.
You lot forget, I won a league championship medal, that’s as many as any Spurs player living or dead. These current centre halves are slow, poor communicators and lack aerial domination, one of them is even Ginger…ish, I mean what was Arsene thinking, you’ll never win a title with a centre half with those deficiencies in the team.
Very funny and its interesting to see how many so called supporters just don’t get humour these days.
Keep up the good work.
>> the little known US state of ‘Obvious’.
Like so many places on these shores, it’s named after the far more ancient and notorious locale in England. Here, ‘Obvious’ is actually a small bedroom community. There, a bustling metropolis. A simple fact-check will reveal AFAP is based in the latter, of course. It’s just poor reporting to confuse the two.
I can’t FAP to old people
Thats just brilliant.
Unruly…..sums up why not every wanker should be allowed access to a computer….
Surprised they have a computer in Broadmoor.
Obviously it does not have a spell check
To all those who gave me negative feedback about my comments regarding David Dein and Usanov. You may be right and in that case Let’s stay with silent Stan, a man who’s sporting teams were taken over and turned from competative sides into mid-table sides after selling all there best players to make profit. Oh that sounds familiar. The facts speak for themselves. I know when Dein was at the helm, quality players were bought in and we won trophies. Simples
Va va voom.
For those of you who want to have the American out, please note that it was Dein who brought him in. Dein apparently felled out with Kroneke, then he counter-act by bring Usmanov in. When he felled out with everybody, he sold all his share to Usmanov behind the board, and I believed that’s the reason why he got sacked. So you see, both devils are Dein’s creation. As the saying goes, better the devil you know. All I know is that I do not want a shady person to represent the great Arsenal. And don’t tell me that Kroneke… Read more »
My sincere apology to Dannyboy.
The last paragraph was addressed to Scravaldio.