The Association of Former Arsenal Players (A FAP) has this morning welcomed the club’s recent turbulent form, saying it provides their members with an opportunity to sound insightful and intelligent whilst boosting their own media profiles.
Calling the current situation a ‘Godsend’, the Honorary vice-chairman, Wilf Copping Jr III, spoke exclusively to Arseblog News.
“It’s fantastic”, he told us from the association’s HQ in the little known US state of ‘Obvious’. “For years we’ve struggled with Arsenal winning things but now it couldn’t be more perfect.
“We simply tell our members to have a look on Twitter or the Facebook and see what Arsenal fans are saying. Then, when asked about Arsenal’s situation, say exactly the same thing but add in a little anecdote which begins with the words ‘Back when I was playing’.
“It’s a roaring success and to be honest we can barely keep up with demand. It’s Talksport one minute, the soaraway Sun the next and before you can say Tomas Danilevicius we’ve got the Milton Keynes Gazette wanting to speak to somebody about why Arsenal haven’t won a trophy in fifty six years or whatever it is.”
Yet it’s not just Arsenal fans that are providing top quality material for the former players to use on their media travels. None other than Arsene Wenger is the source for much of it.
“Some call it it the anti-Wenger axiom, it’s codename REGNEW on our 64 page rules and regulations booklet, but it’s basically saying the opposite of what he says.
“For example, Arsene will reference his team’s mental strength. When they lose just go out there and say they don’t have any. When he talks about the quality, ask where the quality is when they lose to the likes of Swansea.
“Arsene is so considerate that way, we’ll always be grateful to him.”
And Copping is hoping the good times keep on coming.
“It might not be great for the Arsenal trophy cabinet but we’re not complaining. Simply being able to go out there and just say what any fan with half a brain already knows is just brilliant for us!
Quotes – what have the former players been saying:
“Arsenal do not have mental strength” – Emmanuel Petit
“You look long and hard at this team and you have to think they need to play with the handbrake a little more off” – Kaba Diawara
“If they could just not lack a little bit the sharpness then I think they could win things again” – Nelson Vivas
“This Arsenal team ain’t got a clue ‘ow to communicate. It’s all split infinitives here and badly declined nouns there. It’s ‘cos they’re all foreign if you ask me.” – Paul Merson
“You need to know how to win on a cold, wet night in the North of England. Like I did.” – Jose Antonio Reyes