Nasri: Sitting on the bench has improved me

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Samir Nasri. Remember him? The former Arsenal player who signed from Marseille, who didn’t do much for a couple of seasons? Come on…try harder. Had a very decent five months at the tail end of 2010, disappeared off the radar again when things got tough. No? Had his head turned by money-talk and fucked off to Manchester City to join some other mercenaries. You know the guy. Looks like a chinless Edith Piaf? Ah…there you go…

I don’t blame you for struggling to recall his ugly little face, it’s easy to forget him since he left the Emirates, as he’s pretty much given up playing football. Thankfully for young Samir it’s just as well he’s stopped all the exercise and ball games because it turns out counting money on a subs bench in Manchester actually improves you as a footballer. Who knew?

Speaking in an interview broadcast on French channel Canal Plus, Nasri has complained that his whopping 28 Premier League starts for Arsenal last season represented ‘too much’ before making clear that being a fluffer for David Silva had improved him as a player.

“We are a $quad of 24, 25 professional$, we are all international$,” he began, neglecting to mention his nation wanted nothing to do with him at the last World Cup.

“Everyone ha$ to get some playing time. Now we only have the league left to play for maybe there will be a regular $tarting eleven.

“I keep on hearing to the left and to the right that I’m not a regular $tarter at Manche$ter City. But I’m playing a lot of game$. At Arsenal I played too much. I got injured quite a few time$ becau$e I was dead.

Dead? Dead? Excuse me while I retch a little…

“I have $cored fewer goal$ than when I wa$ at Arsenal, but I don’t have the $ame role,” he continued, presumably paying lip service to the strenuous task of being a player on the pitch.

“I have to make more effort defen$ively and I am further away from the goal. I have improved.”

You have to wonder how playing fewer games, having less of an influence, looking outright mediocre and having your own manager publicly state you could do more for the team represents an improvement.

“When I joined, I expected to win title$, to fight at the top. I’m fighting for the title of English champion.

“Per$onally I wanted to improve and I think I have improved, e$pecially mentally.”

I think we can all agree that yes, Samir you are indeed improving in the mental stakes.

“For a fir$t $ea$on, I can do better,” he concluded, stating the fucking obvious.

Arseblog News recognises that the most mature course of action would be to not pay any attention to Nasri or his lamentations on the traumas of earning millions of pounds in North London. However, we’re not in the mood to be the bigger man.

From moaning about the atmosphere at the Emirates, to complaining about Arsenal’s perceived inability to win ugly, he’s just been unable to keep his trap shut since moving to the Etihad.

Fuck him and his constant whining. City are welcome to him and his avaricious ways.

(Big thanks to French football specialist @MattSpiro for transcribing the quotes from the original television interview. If you’re not following him on Twitter, you really should.)

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Gandalf

Oh its this guy

jeff

perhaps he’s happy because he’s found a better tranny bar in manchester?

Legolas

he made the right choice of joining Man city bench warmers 😀

Witoldo

You know what was classic? When Frimpong so intimidated him (is it a him?) during that Carling Cup game that it wanted to sub itself off the pitch. “Personally I wanted to improve and I think I have improved, especially mentally”–my arse you did.

alan sunderland

I havent played for years – so by his standards I must be fucking Lionel Messi by now.

alan sunderland

did you know samir nasri = ran I rim ass

Carlos

He is an enormous cunt flap

Boris Pimple

I couldn’t agree more. I wrote a poem about it: Samir Nasri You’re such a massive cunt and you are ugly like Sarah Jessica Parker but uglier and with a bigger cunt on your face Samir Nasri Your face reminds me of the time I had food poisoning and shat in my pants But you probably smell worse than that even though it was really smelly You dirty smelly cunt Samir Nasri I hope you are swallowed up by your own cuntiness Drowning in a desperate whirlwind of menstrual blood and stale semen Suffocating at the stench of your vagicheese… Read more »

alsitair

I almost puked reading that poem!

Jack

This may well be the greatest poem ever written

Mitchcav

Fuckin briliant Boris, still in tears, with my 5 year old daughter asking me what i’m laughing at!!

Mitchcav

Wordsworth
Keats
Hardy – Bow to the master

Abhijith

Was waiting for this “justification” from Nasri for a while now.

implus

fucking cunt, lol.

Ace McGoldrick

I think this means he has now had more whinges about Arsenal than he has scored goals for City.

Quite an achievement. Chinless prick.

Jomo

i love arseblog!

D arsenal

FUCK nasri Fuck shity…we are coming for u next season, enjoy ur second place while it lasts. it will be the last time u can say that.

arseblog

Hi D arsenal, please read the comment policy – http://news.arseblog.com/index.php/comment-policy/

We prefer ‘you’ not ‘u’ etc. Thanks.

D arsenal

thanks arseblog…but nasri is a fucking cunt

diefenbaker

heheheh ..comment as funny as the articles topic and the dykes smirk.

ChrisM

Thanks for the tip Nasri.

When/if I get asked to wash the dishes, put a shelf up, or mow the lawn, I’ll explain that I am actually improving at all of them by not doing them. I’ll make sure I am sitting down at the time as well.

RobM

Now you mention it, I can feel my garden at home getting better every moment that I’m on the internet from work. I hope it works on housework, too.

Cygan's Left Foot

Wait until City sign more players next summer, and Le Cunt will improve even more.

Josh

Suuuuure…. If less games means better player, then I must be better than Messi, Ronaldo and RvP combined!

I bet if you go to the Etihad Stadium’s bench, you will see a permanent arse mark of that chinless cunt on the bench.

Ben

What a fucking bell.

It makes it really tricky because I’d kind of prefer Manure to win the league, just to rub this little shit’s nose in it. But then Manure winning the fucking league again. It’s like being stuck between a cock and a hard place.

Anon

At least there are less cunts in Manchester United at the moment. I have a full raging hard-on of hatred for the City cunt$.

vin_unleaded

I have no issue with City, their manager, their fans or the manager.

I think Na$ri, however, is a smeg ridden cunt lip of the highest order. If City win the league, it’ll be no thanks to that insignificant pubic hair.

Upshot of this is, good luck to City, bad luck to Na$ri.

jeff

Sorry mate, disagree.

Those money ridden, self important cunts, which, let’s face it, are a mickey mouse club, benefitting from financial doping, keep trying to tap up our players.

I hope they win fuck all, they’re bad for the game.

Anon

Why Man City are cunts:

1) Super hatred wells up on first match with City for some reason
2) $$$amir Na$$$ri
3) They look like cunts

But I like Mario Balotelli, as long as he’s not doing anything against us or in the Arsenal squad.

getz

City is a club with a weak history in regards to winning, weak academy and weak management. Since they could not come close to competing “fairly”, they made a concerted effort to weaken the teams around them that could not resist their financial clout; Arsenal, Everton and Aston Villa, in particular. That was as much of their plan as buying up good players.

I prefer Manchester United. Honestly, the only two clubs I hate more are Sp*rs and Stoke.

It is what it is

What now? No issue? You must be an Angel. Good luck to city? wtf?

City epitomise most of what is wrong with the modern game. Nasri, represents all that is wrong with chinless, dyke looking blokes whom, benchwarming has improved financially. The guy is a cunt. A total moron.

If we do not win the league – it is still mathematically possible – then manure should take it. Hope city never win the league, simples. Oh, and Mancini is an unsporting, tapping up underaciever.

Rith

Love Arseblog.. Na$ri, you are a cunt.

kzGooner

ohhh $amir you fucking bitch!!! I hate you…

Goon Mate

Calling Na$ri a Cunt is an insults to cunts worldwide. Na$ri is a SuperMega Cunt

etteJ

Thank Jebus the benches over there are made of bread – .his arse will get fatter, he will never play, THEN he will become much much better and miss out on the Euros. Perfect.

Voldermort

He looks like a cunt, he now talks like a cunt and has always acted like a cunt.
The conclusion being…. He could one day play for spurs.

Ray

Him and Adebayor would make a terrific couple – a right pair of cunts!

ilya

Haha, but who would give that a thumbs down here? To put it simply; looking cuntly+acting cuntly/ divided by thumbs down to funny and true comment= ThunderCunt/Spurs fan, player, manager, relative

diefenbaker

oh god im laughing alone loudly, this is too much for me…oh belly hurts

Midfield Corporal

He sounds like a teenage boy getting turned down by a girl he likes then claiming ‘I didn’t like her anyway’.

By his rationale, if sitting on the bench, not playing, and generally being shit makes you a better player, I’m sticking a monkey on Squillachi for the Ballon D’Or next year.

Iceman

That’s right, he left to win the Ballon d’Or. How’s that working out for you massive flaming cunt?

AR

as terrifying as the thought of anything to do with Squillaci and our great club is concerned, I have infinitely more respect for him than this mercenary creature that is improving on the bench at middle eastlands. let’s face it Sebastian is not a great footballer but at least it’s just a lack of talent rather than a lack of intelligence and decency.

BC

Well it’s not like he can take it on the chin…

Tyrannitor

Well played sir!

Elly

Hahaha.. oh my, so much laughter in this article and the comments!!

Nice of the chinless one to pop up and remind us all, after we’d nearly forgotten all about him, that he is indeed still a c*** though 🙂

Mr. G

He’s happy to be bench warming and earning $$$$$$ for City, and we’re happy to be rid of the overrated, mediocre, inconsistent, chinless ugly twat. So everything worked out well for both parties in the end. No complaints.

It amuses me (as much as it also gets on my nerves) that the media still goes on about all the quality players we lost in the summer when Fabregas was the only one.

paddymac

To be fair to him, there was a bit of his quote missing here:

“I think I have improved, especially mentally” … “Sitting on the bench has given me plenty of time to practice Sudoku and crosswords, I can feel my IQ increasing by the minute”

Highberry

I take it you’ve all seen this…..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQ1AiyII244

getz

Haha. I had not. Brilliant.

Nick

Biggest cunt on the planet that smarmy little ass goblin.

I think he’s a muppet with an agents hand up his ass pulling the strings. So very glad we’re rid of him. I love that the best 5 months of his entire career were at Arsenal and he’ll never play that well again! Enjoy picking splinters out of your ass and not winning any titles.

iSayed

He has racked up a decent number of assists at Shitty despite not playing/starting a lot.

But nothing would give me more pleasure than to see that smug smile wiped off his face when Shitty lose the title to Utd/someone else.

Yankee Doodle Cheeseburger Munching C**t

This little, chinless, wonky faced pr1ck has just made my day.

Such a funny chap!

Maybe, with the lack of anything resembling regular playing time, he’s taken to stand up comedy!?!

Are the subs allowed to stand on the bench during a match? Andrew, I love the tone in which you wrote this piece, excellent sir.

Thomas

“At Arsenal I played too much. I got injured quite a few time$ becau$e I was dead.”

So Nasri is complaining that he played too much at Arsenal? Huh. This must be the worst excuse ever. Take Messi and Ronaldo, for example. They have played 90 minutes in virtually every single game in the last few years. Don´t seem very “dead” to me.

TAMCK

Yeah, but were they playing against a backline at Stoke on a wet Tuesday evening?

dan

he wanks to tranni porn too much. dat y he is dead

d7g7

Who cares.

Money-whore like him and Barndoor are more suited to shit club like Sp*rs and Utd’s ugly cousin rather than top class clubs like The Arsenal.

Jaysus00

We replaced Na$ri with the OX essientially, and I remember when people were saying “not an

Steve of Chiang Mai

When City fork out the additional millions for Hazzard he will be doing very little at all – maybe a loan spot with Bridge where ever he is playing!!!

Mooro

Fuck him indeed. What a 24 carat ballbag.

Merlin's Panini

I bet he has one of those now.

Blue Moon Rising!

I cant wait to see your same Whingy, Whining comments about RVP next season Gooners,,, try spending some of the money City gave you and maybe you can struggle into fourth place next season… Love to see the Gooners Bitter & Blue …

Jaysus00

Blue moon Cunting – someone’s bitter about spending a billion pounds on finishing second.
Haha twat

bob's your uncle

Lol.. Try win the league first before talking the big talk..it’s been a while for city yes? Gl with your over priced arsenal rejects mate.

Pedantic Dave

A billion dollar$ spent for one FA Cup. You must be a very proud Mooner.

Attasmani

Spending so many millions and still not better than the Arsenal. You might be above us in the table, but this was a bad season for us, we underachieved and you overachieved. When manch$ter city comes to the emirates we’ll put a few things right. And next season it will be business as usual Arsenal >>> city

vin_unleaded

Don’t feed the troll!

jeff

get off our site you deluded manc cunt.

Do you fancy getting out the trophies and having a count up? Thought not.

BTW, did you know that “etihad” means United in arabic?

CyganButNotForgotten

must be disappointing to have spent all that money and you’re still behind United….

Elly

Someone obviously fails to note the difference between whinging and having a right good laugh. I have no idea why i’m even trying to reason with such an obvious troll, but well I’m a nice girl so I’ll give it a go anyway. There’s a REASON that Na$ri gets nothing but contempt from Arsenal fans. If you can actually see past those blue glasses you’re wearing you will note that the vast majority of other players that have left Arsenal get plenty of respect and a good reception when they come back to the Emirates. You may note that the… Read more »

Jaysus00

That was meant to say “not another fucking teenager, sign an experienced player Arsene!”

Grin

*spits*

Runcorn Gooner

Wait for his next words of wisdom.Playing for the reserves has really improved
my game followed by Mancini putting me on the transfer list has really improved my game followed by a loan signing to the N17 mercenaries has really………
oh god where has it all gone wrong.
Nasri you are an orifice.

Negator

Yes, but he is still sitting on the bench so how can be improved ?

Sim Yew Teck

Complaining about playing too much at the Arsenal and how sitting on bench have improve him.

How low can he get?

Legolas

hahahah lovely excuse 😀 bench-warmer is better than playing in first team ? hehehe ya sure . i guess i am even better than maradona like that hahahah

Attasmani

Sitting on the bench and observing the game instead of being forced to actively participate has probably really increased his tactical understanding of the game.
Obviously, the less he plays, the better he gets. This leads to the paradox situation that he’ll be the world’s best player in the end and win the ballon d’or without playing a single game!

GunnAV

Love the $ sign on his shirt…all too appropriate looking at the club and the player..love the article…well worded to say the least…

BillyBatts

Every time Nasri wins, he wins ugly.

Anon

Because he is

Sam

I hate to see United winning the league, but at least this one particular time I would see them winning with a smile on my face because I do not want that smelly little cunt Nasri poking insults at The mighty Arsenal ever again. How foolish can one player get, giving dumb excuses for being on the bench for most of the matches. Fuck that little bastard and wish shitty loans him to some smaller club next season when they buy Hazard!!!

George

Nasri looks like Ferris Bueller, but unlike Ferris he has taken the whole year off…

Lilly

Arsenal fan wake up and smell the coffee! Nasri left, he moved on and it’s time you did too. It’s the clubs fault he left when they care more about the bank balance than trophy and I for one am pleased he went now we can move forward too. Life goes on…

Trollsene

Yeah, right. He has moved on that’s why he’s blaming the club he has no affiliation to anymore for his poor form. Sounds about right.

GreenGunner80

Not sure he has moved on when he spends more time having a pop at the club, the fans, the atmosphere at the Grove etc etc etc then he does actually on the pitch.

He is like the guy who gets spanked at a particular game/sport and then claims they weren’t trying anyway.

ilya

Just because you look like samir nasri doesn’t mean you should sympathize with him. Plus you have absolutely no point, it shows how he’s moved on with his numerous comments about us. Really hope you’re not an arsenal fan, we don’t need anymore dumbass haters making thoughtless comments, already got plenty of those

SmokingGunner

Fucking cunt.

He looks like some sort of inbred abomination that’s just crawled out a dark hole.

Mental Strength

Snood wearing cunt.

Goonersaurus
Frimpong

#BENCH

James

Well in, well in indeed!

Trollsene

City paid a lot for him just so he could sit on the bench and count his money. No doubt that has made him mentally stronger, he can count past 20 now.

Counting down the days until we face City at home. We lack passion, he says? Ha, he’ll know the meaning of passion the moment he sets foot at the Grove, that chinless lesbian cunt. I don’t condone violence in football, but by God I hope someone smashes his face in.

Ryan

Hahahaha it’s like saying my new girlfriend is better cos the last one was to hot… Just a twat

TAMCK

Looks like the week of reflection and perspective is over…

Your mate in the pub: “I got offered a new job – same as what I’m doing now, but with better pay.”
You: “Oh wow! Congratulations mate. Well done!”

Nasri: “I got offered a new job – same as what I’m doing now, but with better pay.”
You: “You’re an ugly, no-chin prick. You show your face around here again and you’re dead! Get the hell out of my sight!”

WelshJohn

You missed a line in the conversation…. Your mate in the pub: “I got offered a new job – same as what I’m doing now, but with better pay.” You: “Oh wow! Congratulations mate. Well done!” YMITP: “And your a mug for staying where you are. That company is shit, and the people who buy the product are stupid, and passionless, and i will constantly yack on about how great this company is and how shit your company is, even though other people are making it work, and i am only on ‘B-Shift'” You: “You’re an ugly, no-chin prick. You… Read more »

MyArse

Welsh John
I wish I could give your comment 100 thumbs up!!!

ilya

Week of perspective and reflection is over? What are you even talking about. Did you seriously just make that comparison. You must think you’re so above it all but reading that bullshit comment makes me think you’re just a politically correct pussy. Grown some balls

Merlin's Panini

There is a word for this guy. I think it begins with a “c”? Cun’t quite put my finger on it.
On the topic of things disappearing: A student at the library I work in came up to me yesterday and said “Can you help me find a book? It doesn’t seem to be where it should be.”
“What’s the title?” I asked him
“Camouflage” he said.
Though desperately tempted I resisted pointing out the irony.

drew10

I never thought I would say this but I really hope Manure win the title. Just so those money-grabbing ex Arsenal players all end up with nothing. Especially the poor overworked Na$ri. It will be even nicer when we spank them at the Emirates to make their job even more difficult. Fuck the lot of them!