Friday, March 1, 2024

“Theo Walcott is a different player,” says Theo Walcott in the third person.

Theo Walcott is such a different player that he now talks about himself as if he’s talking about somebody else.

The England winger, who continued his recent good form last night by winning a penalty and scoring his 11th Premier League goal, claims that the boss has spoken to Theo Walcott about Theo Walcott approaching games in a different manner to the old Theo Walcott.

Reflecting on how the new Theo Walcott is playing, the old, but at the same time quasi-present, Theo Walcott told Arsenal Player:

“I’m 23 now and I am still growing. I am not afraid of getting hurt. A few years ago I had shoulder injuries, ankle problems and back problems and that was just me learning the other side of the game.

“Now I am just going into games and enjoying myself, not being scared of anything. The manager always tells me not to be afraid going into tackles. I am a totally different Theo Walcott now.

With all these Theo Walcott’s at Arsenal it’s no wonder it’s taking ages to get Theo Walcott to sign a new contract. There must be endless paperwork…

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So that’d make him Threeo Walcott?

Old man grape

talking about himself in the third person….
driving to work in a Ferrari..

…time to start up an acid jazz band Theo!




Sorry for turning this into my own blog post i just wrote it earlier on another site. Thought it’s interesting reading. Gareth ‘£150m’ Bale 31 games 9 goals, 119 shots 7.56% goals:shots ratio 8 assists 17 goals created in 31 games, 0.54 goals contributed per game Theo ‘How dare he ask for more money’ Walcott 32 games 8 goals, 75 shots 10.66% goals to shots ratio 8 assists 16 goals created in 32 games, 0.5 goals contributed per game. I think it should also be noted Walcott has scored 4/8 goals, 50% of his goals vs Man Utd, Spurs, and… Read more »


or van Persie, who he combines well with

Old man grape

lol… cos that’s all van Persie’s good for =-D


yep great stats. it shows how valuable he is to the team. Also his link up play with rvp is exceptional. they both assist each other’s goals regularly.


“I think it should also be noted Walcott has scored 4/8 goals, 50% of his goals vs Man Utd, Spurs, and Chelsea.”

Not surprising though. He’s clearly at his best when teams don’t park the bus and go after us, leaving him space. Take the odds that he scores against Chelsea next weekend.


I think him a RVP also need to be aware that neither of them would have been as succesful without the other. Why break a comfortable partnership at a financially strong club with a great team. The buzz that all Arsenal fans should be feeling at the moment is really promising and might have a big effect on our summer business.


I think the reason people tended to carp about his wanting a raise is because A: when the season was young and Arsenal were struggling the notion of anyone other than RVP getting a raise seemed ridiculous B: Theo does have a tendency to disappear in some games C: He’s been hurt for so long that ta sizable pay rise seemed incommensurate with the amount of time he spent on the pitch; perhaps some of us wanted to see from Theo the kind of commitment Vermaaelen displayed – signing a long term contract as a sign of goodwill towards a… Read more »


Damn, I wish I could go back and re-write that first sentence like this:

“I think the reasons people tended to carp about his wanting a raise are the following:”


Rectum Spectrum

I think somebody needs to get their own blog 🙂


we can only hope that the emergence of all those theo walcott’s will motivate the one who’s enjoyed such a fine run of form recently even more & this competition for a starting berth will do him some good.
and that he doesn’t develop a psychosis, of course..


11th premier league goal? Wut?


Yeah, I think it should be 11th goal in all competitions.


I love Theo as much as I hate listening to him. Hope the club put his mind to rest and focus on winning a PL title first and then let him splash out all the rubbish fanfare talking. The same applies to all other players. Do it on the pitch!


Do you think football players just phone up newspapers offering their thoughts or something?


I’ve always had faith in Walcott, even when everyone was on his back. With the kind of personality he has: humble and grounded, there’s no way he won’t become an indispensable player for us in the near future……. Now, if he’ll just sign…….


This explains a few things, for example the match against Sp*rs at Emirates. Wenger must have accidentally started the old, inferior, Theo Walcott, before realizing his mistake and sending out the new, improved The Walcott for the second half.


Wow. Whatever one thinks of Theo Walcott as a player or a person, it turns out the headline and this entire ‘article’ is misleading and downright petty. “Theo Walcott is such a different player that he now talks about himself as if he’s talking about somebody else.” Really? This is something he now does regularly? It’s “as if he’s talking about somebody else” ? Hmm, let’s take another look at Theo’s words: “Now I am just going into games and enjoying myself, not being scared of anything. The manager always tells me not to be afraid going into tackles. I… Read more »

Rad Carrot

Welcome to Arseblog. You’re going to hate it here.

Fed up of Barca

Erm… it was a bit of tongue in cheek. But if you don’t have a sense of humour….

Old man grape

time to take off the tight trousers.

Theo Walcott

Theo Walcott appreciates your integrity but Theo Walcott shakes his head at your manner.


easy Doc, it was just made for a funny reading, I think.


Ade-bye-your started speaking about himself in the 3rd person and then went nuts.

Hopefully Theo will have better therapists attending him. Sign him up. We need both him and RVP next season!



When Theo starts twitching during his end of game interviews with uncontrollable verbal blasts of ‘Aaaaarse’, ‘Feck’ and ‘Gonads’……. I for one will like to keep him around for entertainment value alone……. but until then, i’ll love him cos Robin does.

Red Cannon

I love him because he’s unstoppable in FIFA 12.

Henry's beard

Robin ain’t going anywhere, therefore neither is Theo. Le Boss has been so bad at hiding the fact that Podolski and Vertonghen are on their way during press conferences that those two signings will be enough to persuade him to sign on.


It is possible Le Boss did it on purpose for that very reason…

the don

theo has been one of our best players this season his been fully fit. and his played in about every game people are quick to have a go or hate him when he or the team has a bad game no player not even messi or ronaldo our great in every match. when teams park the buss and put 10 players in there box its hard for walcot to get in the game but that dose not mean his had a bad game its just how football works. and walcot has been playing out of position his been saying his… Read more »

Master Bates

Was that a poem ? because it didn’t rhyme


Now it does theo has been one of our best players this campaign his been fully fit and he’s played in just about every game people are quick to have a go or hate him when he or the team has a bad outing no player not even messi or ronaldo are great every game, so no pouting! when teams park the buss and put 10 players in their box its hard for him to get in the game but that does not mean he’s bad; it’s just blocks. Bollocks! and walcot has been playing out of position he’s been… Read more »

Rad Carrot

Love your commitment to the cause!


Thank you. I’m rather fond of “played Bassong like a fiddle”. it’s the sort of punny stupidity I’m fond of discovering in other people’s “works” 🙂

Rad Carrot

Be surprised if Theo left us, he seems to love the club and he’s got some really good friends in the team. He can seem slightly more cocky than I first thought when he arrived, but I think that’s quite a good thing – I only wish he set his targets slightly higher. That’ll come in time, I hope. Before then, we’ve just got to make sure we keep hold of him – as long as his demands are reasonable. Frankly, if he wants to make 150k p/w, then fair play to him, but he can go do that at… Read more »


how do you rate Theo compared to Valencia?

Master Bates

Valencia is good club , I am not sure if they are better than Theo

Old man grape

it’s a nice city but it can’t run down the wing that fast.
(has better restaurants than Theo)


It’s good that we have the Ox and Ryo to provide some competition to Theo next season


So far I’ve seen Ryo play strictly on the left and he has admitted the right side is especially tough for him right now. If he’ll push anyone next season, it will be Gervinho.


Not really true. He’s played on the right a lot as well. I particularly remember him having a tough game against traore (qpr), then they brought on taiwo and ryo skinned him alive.


To be fair though, he did say that he prefers the left.


Yeah, he said he struggled badly on the right against QPR but that he needed work on that side. To my eyes, Chamberlain seems better suited to coming from the right than Ryo. We’ll see. Le Boss has made a name for himself playing people out of position.


I am still the same TexasGooner!


I’m Texas Gooner #2. Texas, Texas, Kill Kill Kill!


Can we just keep the assisty, goal getty one who played vs Chelsea and Sp*rs?

The headless chicken Theo can go to Man Shitty for £20m, then Spuds on loan the season after.


The love I have for Theo might be a tad high, and some might even say I have a man crush on him, which I totally do. Theo is a boss, plain and simple, and if you can ignore his frequent use of the words “you know” you’ll find that he’s actually articulate. I’ve been vehemently defending Theo to anyone who’ll listen, even people who don’t watch football, purely because, Theo has been blessed with the potential to do wonderful things for Arsenal. Once his game has developed and improved, he’ll be a real bastard for the opposition. People say… Read more »


Maybe he’s stalling with his contract because he wants assurances he’ll be played more centrally? He doesn’t strike me as an especially greedy player and I think he’s aware of how indebted he is to Arsenal and AW. I’ve always admired Walcott, though and while he’s often been regarded as a player with little more than good sprinting ability I think its evident that the technical side to his game has come on leaps and bounds since his early beginning in the EPL. I’ve watched him a lot this season and his finishing ability and crossing is as good as… Read more »

Ezigbo onyearse

We all know how hideous numbers can be and TH14 is always a beneficiary.Scoring against top clubs don’t win the title for you moreover everybody scores against chavs.An upgrade on TH14 and AR16 will make us a geninue title contender next season,they re both good one demensional squad members.


I dislike this “initials” nonsense (TV5 is a particular pet hate), but please, at least get it right if you do use them. You’re probably talking about “TW14” not “TH14”. But it makes Vermaelen sound like a french television channel, Walcott sound like a postcode and Ramsey sound like some sort of semi-automatic weapon. And the idea that Ramsey is a “one-dimensional squad member” is pretty delusional. He’s low on confidence, looks pretty tired and not yet finished a full season back from an horrendous injury. Give the guy a chance. (Just don’t let him give you any tattoo advice.)


Good point MN7

your pal


Honestly, I’m kinda meh on him re-signing. Happy if he doesn’t, fine if he doesn’t. If he wants a lot more money, sorry, you’ve still got some work to do, kid. If he’s loyal and wants to stay, and will add a bit more dimension to his game, fabulous. I bet we could find another winger to replace him, if we were willing to spend decent cash. (So, fat chance?)

Watching him try to outrun Clichy the other night was hilarious. Come on, dribble or juke him or something; you can’t always rely on speed along.


I am quitely confident we will keep both. Theo being English gives us a massive advantage. Can’t see him doing a cashley. Rvp I’d say would only want barca over arsenal. But the question is would Wenger sell him? Id see Wenger running down his contract before that happens… He wouldn’t risk another fan revoult like the start of this season. And to be honest I.can’t see rvp l
Walking away for free either after the many seasons faith we’ve put in him…… I guess the only solution is to sign up!


would Walcott be any better playing centrally?
There are players that are better suited to that role-he lacks the vision, foresight and movement when off the ball which most top strikers have in abundance!
He could be great route 1 striker, where all he has to do is run past and beat a defender to the ball to score

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