Picture the scene.
Carl Jenkinson (with permission from Arsene Wenger, of course), is having a night out in a swanky club. He’s resting his elbows on the bar, looking around, slowly sipping his fruit Manhattan (no booze, long season, blah blah).
He’s playing it cool, seeing what’s what, tapping his foot to ‘Sing Hallelujah’, when he becomes aware of someone watching him, checking him right out. He knows they’re watching, but he doesn’t want to let them know he knows.
He’s looking sharp, wearing his best t-shirt with whatever the latest cool thing to have printed on a t-shirt printed on it, he smells like a Lynx ad and he knows that the room is his. He does the white man’s overbite as his foot taps some more, has another sip of his drink then turns to casually see just who is this beautiful creature that won’t take her gaze away from him.
ARGH, IT’S GARY NEVILLE!
Not quite what he was expecting, he puts down his drink, sprints to the bathroom and has a good old fashioned ralph before leaving by the window. In the meantime, Neville is on the phone to Talksport revealing that he’s determined to pull Jenkinson before there’s an international conflict with Finland.
“Carl Jenkinson has improved immeasurably over the last 12 months,” he says. It was very difficult for him at the start of his Arsenal career last year because of the changes in the defence, there was never a settled defence for him to perform in.
“But you look at the way he’s performing now and he’s been magnificent for Arsenal in the early stages of the season.
“England have good options at right-back with Glen Johnson and Kyle Walker, and others as well, but he’s definitely someone who is being watched continuously; he’s definitely catching the eye.”
When he finishes his call he picks up his Babycham, fixes the straps on his slinky black dress, his eyes scouring the club for his target, and there he stays, alone until closing time, because Jenkinson is gone and he won’t be back.
“I need a corporal. You’re it, until you’re dead or I find someone better.” – Gary Neville
What about me?
Wow! just saw the first editions of tomorrows daily star!
Gary Neville gagged by super injunction, after he got caught giving Shawcross a hand shandy in the toilets. Chris Coleman is said to be keeping a dignified silence. More To Follow …
i would av advised him to chose finland over england becs, he will not get a chance in the england squad, with walker, jonson, nd richards
Hi, please read the comment policy re: use of real English, thanks – http://news.arseblog.com/index.php/comment-policy/
Mr Blogs, While I agree with your sentiment. Its possibly worth pointing out that many of your readers aren’t from english speaking countries, or speak english as their natural language. Obviously I don’t know if this is relevant with the posting highlighted, but I know from living out in Nigeria (I’m from London, so its different for myself) are big fans of Arsenal and of your blog. However, local written english here is often in a pidgin dialect, so is quite different to how you or I would write, so possibly a bit of leeway should be shown. Just something… Read more »
In highlighting my own bad grammar, I should point out that its different for myself in the sense that English is my natural written and spoken language.
Not that its different for myself to support Arsenal or your blog when coming from London 🙂 .
err… also… that ‘many are big fans of Arsenal…’ … etc
Blimey. I really hashed up that statement on grammer!
*skulks away slightly sheepishly*
Hi Chris, I take your point but it’s not a lot to ask that people write:
‘and’ not ‘nd’ or ‘because’ rather than ‘becs’. And any kind of txt speak is just painful so it’s not allowed.
I do agree, yes. 🙂
Just thought it might be worth respectfully highlighting.
Particularly as its something I’ve had to get used to since moving over here.
If one can’t articulate the Queen’s English correctly I say he should be shot for he is nothing better than a bladdy savage! God save the Queen!
Midfield Corporal, don’t you ever, ever visit Australia – or the United States of America. Or Leicester, for that matter.
The butchering of the English language in such places would induce a seizure.
I’ve been to all three places And say we should invoke colonial rule once more….apart from Leicester which is free to be devolved.
Hey, I’m from America, and I must say that the most annoying friends I have (in terms of text speak) are my friends from London.
“It’s”
Meh.
M-Corp, Britain can’t afford to run a full bath at the moment, so reminiscing about a return to the dark days of colonial slaughter and genocide are well out of reach.
Need to bring your plummiest 1950’s BBC accents to get past Bloggs on the door.
At least the ban on txt spk means we don’t constantly feel like we’re communicating with 14 year old wannabe gangstas (something us older wannabe gangstas really resent).
Also, not certain that everyone got Midfield Corps’ bladdy funny parody.
God save John Lydon, by the way. A ‘celebrity’ gooner to be proud of.
He is definitely better than Johnson. The reason i would want him chose Finland would be so that it would keep him away from the cunts at United, Chelsea and Tottenham
Not entirely sure why playing for Finland would keep him away away from the likes of those 3? Hypothetical and slightly overly pessimistic a worry though this is in the first place, since he’s a quite brilliantly and un-apologetically passionate arsenal fan since childhood; so I would take a guess it is probably unlikely that he would be swayed by the cash based charms of those other 3. Perhaps I’m being old fashioned and naive about this, but I think he of all people would be a safe bet on this point. After all, look at the pictures of his… Read more »
he means he would be kept away from the the players from those teams, not be swayed to move there by them
ahh. good pick up. Hadn’t thought about it in that way.
M-Corp, Britain can’t afford to run a full bath at the moment, so reminiscing about a return to the dark days of colonial slaughter and genocide are well out of reach.
This nightclub metaphor is great.
Dutch skunk in club. in walks a purple-nosed old alchie with impenetrable Govan accent. Dutch skunk looks confused, doesn’t understand the shouting auld mannie. Old purple nose pulls out thick wad of cash, waves it under skunks nose. Therein follows a scene that cannot be described in a family blog. Cut to dutch skunk, pulling hard on a cigarette, dreamily wibbling about what his inner child wanted…
Bald referee sat in nightclub. In wanders old drunken Glaswegian with enormous sack full of dollar bills
etc etc and so on
I always imagine Fergie’s sat at his desk in a portacabin at the training ground, drinking cheap Tesco value whiskey from a paper cup.
According to Mourinho’s assessment of the Glaswegian’s cellar, you could be on to something there.
Perhaps that’s why Arsene doesn’t join other managers for a post match drink, he can’t bear to sit and drink skol lager with Tony Pullis or Irn Bru and Jack with David Moyles. I imagine Sam Allardyce drinks White Russians like The Big Lebowski while munching pork scratchings.
managers and their tipples? another triumph
AVB – sweet woodpecker cider like any other 15 yr old
Alan Pardew – vinegar
Mark Hughes – hemlock
Wasnt it Finland fa who posted Jenkinson was joining us before Charlton.
For that reason iwould want him to choose Finland over England.
I love Carl
Jenko was at the reserves last night with his dad and brother, just sat behind the goal with the rest of us. Top bloke
Top top top quality bloke.
respect to his dad for getting that most rarest of creatures… a Finnish woman. Must have been a smooth bastard!
We’ll look into that for you.
Best Regards,
Lescott & Kompany PI
‘Because two odd heads are better than one’
i’ll say it again, “like skin stretched over a microwave”.
Hahahaha…Lescott & Kompany!! Burst out laughing here and people giving me odd looks
hi deiz
Is Neville secretly becoming a goober I wonder?
Having watched Neville on Sky he seems a fan of the way Arsenal plays, with perhaps valid criticisms of some of our defensive play in the past and banging on about ‘zonal marking’ on set pieces this year. Also has been open that Arsenal is a fantastically run club, which I think he’s sincere about because his old club are being run into the ground slowly and he must recognise it. Huge debt is fine when things are going well, but if results over the long term go against them then they’ve got big problems.
#gooner. Ashamed at my phone for that mistake
This is why I love Arseblog. Brilliant!
Jenks is amazing. He is beyond doubt better than Glenn Fucking Johnson. Kyle Walker is the only legitimate RB in the whole England squad. Jenkinson would wouldn’t turn down this opportunity. It’s sad that his actual home country Finland has a shite national team. Otherwise he would have joined them and stayed away from the England cunts. Terry is gone, along with Ferdinand, hopefully Woy Hodgson kicks out Gerrard Lampard and Cuntley as well. I don’t know how English gooners can support an England side with that many cunts in it.
I don’t know why but while I read this the voice in my head reading the swanky club part as a voice of a late great Barry White.
I saw someone comment that the core of future three lions based on Arsenal youngsters. I hope the same for Finnish owls with Jenks and Glen Kamara. Anyway not a big fan of internationals except world cups and european championships but it would be nice if Carl, “Kalle” (nickname in Finland) choose us.
Wouldn’t want him playing with Iceland and that Gylfi Sig*rdss*n Sp*rsC*nt
Corporal, just say “ei” to International Soccer
I think there’s no danger to that, since Finland is a whole different country to Iceland.
Im guessing geography Isn’t your strongest point at School
Neither is defending Squillacci but u somehow made a career out of it!
Squillaci’s strength is economics.
Squillaci was the kid at school that turned up for one lesson a year, scraped an E in the exam and just about got through to the next year.
Good luck to him, I would love to see the core of our English youngsters (from arsenal) representing England and showing the previous c*ntish generation how it’s done. Until then….. FU*K WATCHING ENGLAND… & role in 2 weeks time when the real football is back on.
*roll on 2 weeks time I meant…. Damn phone!!!
I would say that the only competition that Carl would have to face would be from Walker. Richards has been practically frozen out now for longer than I can remember. Plus his injury record doesn’t go in his favour. Glen Johnson, I’ve never rated as a England RB- he bombs up the pitch, leaving gaps which opposition teams expose time and again and he takes rubbish pot shots which ruin moves when we’re in control. Walker is the future with Jenkinson snapping at his heels in case he falters. Or even Jenks first. I dont know how Walker’s been doing… Read more »
I agree walker is normally good but I feel that team mentality and subsequent performance is an emergent phenomenon more than a linear one. I would suggest using more players from the bigger clubs even if they arent the best by a distance. An England team with lots of villans, spuds, pools and hammers etc. will play like a mid table EPL team. We have seen how the last two tournaments have gone for England. I am sure a team assembled from ‘Big club’ players would not be content just to sit back and cede possession. That is just not… Read more »
Gibbs & Jenks = new Winterburn & Dixon
oh i hope so …………….. 😉
They aren’t there yet, but with time, they could even supersede those two… They are lucky to have AW overlooking their progress
Gibbs injury record is a concern though.
I have nothing constructive to add, I just want to say that this is possibly my favourite article that you’ve written. And away I go.
Haha you said “goober”. This made me lol.
Neville is talks sense unlike those retards like alan smith on sky. Roberto martinez was doing the el classico just the other and looks like he just might be yet another rare sane pundit.
Why is Alan Smith a retard? Harsh.
I hope he never gets called up. He’s already good enough but the England national side/managers have a tendency of returning our players in very used and injured condition. As do most international managers. Be safe out there during the pointless, stupid, eye scrappingly boring piece of shit interlul
We get Martinez for Euro and WC games on ESPN in the states. He has always shown himself to be a top quality announcer. Pretty nuetral, but of course he prefers sides that play more attractive football. But you hear him speak and you understand immediatly why he is such a success.
If Guardiola doesn’t take over when “Le Prof” retires, than I think Martinez would be the next best choice.
I am told TGSTEL showed up later, flashing his Paddies. True??
True, but was ejected later by doorstaff after demanding free drinks all night because of “who he is”.
Later seen goading fatnecks in the kebab dungeon across the street, before legging it and leaving Cattermole to “take all of youse cunts on meself” etc.
He should choose finland …cuz if he get a call up to three lions, his just gonna play for them once and that’s all as they did to luke young bicox his not from brt
It is at this point in life that I take 1 minute off my time just remind ya fellas. Terry=cunt.
I have to admit, I was wondering what the heck was happening with the Arsenal when Wenger sign an unknown quantity from Charlton. How wrong was I to doubt the genius of Arsene Wenger and the scouting team!!
I hope he stays with Finland. The way England carrys on, they don’t deserve him.
Jenks has a few problems, he is being considered for the RB role in the England squad based on his current form for Arsenal! What happens when Sagna recovers his role, Jenks will immediately be forgotten by the English F.A without a run of consecutive games for his club!
[…] We can’t deny how excellent Jenko has been this season, even to the extent of being in a tug of war between England and […]
[…] England are trying to nab Jenks should be of no surprise, although their methods might leave something to be desired. Sagna also paid tribute to the tea-lady without whom his recuperation would have taken far longer. […]
Good on you Jenks, you set a very good example for the youngsters coming up, but off topic now, if you can forgive me, but is anyone having an issue with some faces that we see in EPL week in week out that seriously offend the senses? Ive started a list so feel free to add to it, Im sorry to do this but these cuntly faces are driving me to become a serial killer, so getting it off my chest and all that here we go- 1. Luis Suarez 2. Tony Pulis 3. Ashley Cole 4. Nasri that chinless… Read more »
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