EXCLUSIVE: Aaron Ramsey infographic

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There was a time last season where you couldn’t go anywhere online or off without hearing somebody say something like, “That Aaron Ramsey fella is rubbish. Arsenal would be better off with a scorpion in that position.”

Well, here at Arseblog News, we’ve disproved that via the awesome medium of Infographics. This first in our summer series of these wonderful things – 5 reasons why Aaron Ramsey is better than a scorpion.

scorpion

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Gus
Gus
6 years ago

Who is the scorpion who won FIFA world player of the year!?!?

Brucey
Brucey
6 years ago
Reply to  arseblog

Pedantic conundrum: but he also scored champions league goals!

Goonermonkey
Goonermonkey
6 years ago
Reply to  Gus

Ricardo Fernandes showed a bit of his Scorpion side with ‘that’ goal. But I don’t think he was an actual scorpion, not sure he won the FIFA player of the year either… So I’ve been no help.

N5
N5
6 years ago
Reply to  Gus

Rene Higuita

bolo
bolo
6 years ago
Reply to  Gus

I believe it was the scorpion king, Dwanye Johnson

lardlad
lardlad
6 years ago

This is terrible.

stephan
stephan
6 years ago
Reply to  lardlad

I find fantastic, perhaps your sense of humor is running a little dry these days?

twisted cuntloks
twisted cuntloks
6 years ago
Reply to  lardlad

I think there are many valid points here and are important to discuss. I’m pretty sure a scorpions legs are much softer and easier to break too if stepped on by neanderthals

N5
N5
6 years ago

Lol reason 5

lordvoldemort
lordvoldemort
6 years ago

transfer window boredom blogs ūüôā ?and a scorpion has 8 legs .Its illegal in football unless sepp cunt Blatter has taken a bribe.

THEEEO
THEEEO
6 years ago

Slow news day huh!

Did you know that Penis Over Brain is an anagram of RVP?

goonster
goonster
6 years ago
Reply to  THEEEO

That is the most cuntastic anagram I’ve ever seen!

It Is What It Is
It Is What It Is
6 years ago
Reply to  THEEEO

mwah

I wish I had three hands…. so I could give you three thumbs up!

Luke
Luke
6 years ago

Well the evidence against Scorpions does seem overwhelming. But I wouldn’t be against the idea of having one man-marking Robin van Persie next season.

50 Shades of Gandalf the Grey
50 Shades of Gandalf the Grey
6 years ago
Reply to  Luke

Scorpion Win!!FATALITY!!

JD's #1 Fan
JD's #1 Fan
6 years ago

Damn it, nostalgic all over sudden.

Boblex
Boblex
6 years ago

Finish Him !!

Jean-Christian
6 years ago

Typical anti-scorpion nonsense. What about Aaron Ramsey’s critical lack of pincers? Furthermore, modern football requires sturdy players in midfield, and Aaron lacks the necessary grit, determination, and durable exoskeleton.

You don’t see the trophy-winning clubs ruling out the purchase of scorpions. Show some ambition, Arsenal. Buy scorpions.

Cele
Cele
6 years ago
Reply to  Jean-Christian

Thankfully I just saw an article on Caught Offside linking us to Tityus Serrulatus the Brazilian yellow scorpion – It is considered the most dangerous scorpion in Brazil!

Master Bates
Master Bates
6 years ago
Reply to  Cele

Tityus Serrulatus is overrated

THEREISBEARCUM
THEREISBEARCUM
6 years ago
Reply to  Cele

He is untested against competent English defenders.

The upshot is that he reproduces asexually, so we could end up with two lethal midfield titans for the price of one.

Sex Fabergé
Sex Fabergé
6 years ago
Reply to  Cele

I’ve heard the Brazilian Scorpio Denilsonis can only move sideways and has no sting in its tail.

Cyril Washbrook
Cyril Washbrook
6 years ago
Reply to  Cele

Dangerous he may be, but how would he fare on a cold Tuesday night at Stoke?

TW
TW
6 years ago
Reply to  Cele

This is real life, not Football Manager. Get your head out of the clouds

cannonsong
cannonsong
6 years ago
Reply to  Cele

no thumbs up until I see a youtube link

TB
TB
6 years ago
Reply to  Cele

At first glance I thought I read Tityus Bramble. Thank god. Now breathe…

the only sam is nelson
the only sam is nelson
6 years ago
Reply to  arseblog

this is typical, man city are throwing money around the arachnid class getting who they want and we’re restricted to the injury prone obscure scorpiones order, because it’ll be cheaper no doubt. even Stoke bought dromopoda in crouch and jenas.

wenger out!

AFC
AFC
6 years ago
Reply to  arseblog

Sorry Arseblog, but I actually *did* read your stats and studied the graphs! OK?!

Mani
Mani
6 years ago

Greatest infographic ever.

d7g7
d7g7
6 years ago

I know Arseblog, I miss real football too.

Unyoke the ox
Unyoke the ox
6 years ago

Scorpions are only useful in football when being applied to the faces of Suarez or terry.

Louie
Louie
6 years ago

Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow share their dreams
With you and me
Take me to the magic of the moment
On a glory night
Where the children of tomorrow dream away
In the wind of change

Pyrrho
Pyrrho
6 years ago
Reply to  Louie

Shut up Louie.

Jessop
Jessop
6 years ago

Man City have just agreed a EUR20m deal for a scorpian.

Jessop
Jessop
6 years ago
Reply to  Jessop

(typo – “scorpion”…)

Typically we miss out again….ARSENE OUT!

Sarah
Sarah
6 years ago

Aaron is too good looking to be compared to a scorpion. (Move over Giroud, Ramsey is in the house).

kosmima
kosmima
6 years ago

I wouldn’t mind seeing the mortal kombat version of scorpion in the middle of the park, throwing his harpoon thingy at John terry before delivering a killer uppercut.. Can we get Rambo a harpoon at least?

Harish
Harish
6 years ago

Yep. Definitely off-season.

Great idea on the infographics by the way! Could do a variety, like some serious ones such as if height makes a difference, comparing arguably two of last season’s best players in Cazorla and Mertesacker or “Walcott: Before and After the Contract”, as well as a host of entertaining but thought infographics, like “Podolski’s Left Foot vs Thor’s Hammer Mjolnir”, “Watt vs Hertz”, “Why Ogres Like Shrek Rooney Make No Sense Playing Football: The Layers” etc.

omosh wenger
6 years ago

lol

Saffagooner
Saffagooner
6 years ago

I’d imagine Scorpion would prefer to be in goal anyway, think about it: “Oh no, the balls going top right, what shall I do? GET OVER HERE!” We’d keep clean sheets the whole season, although we would go through a lot more balls.

Goon Goon Goon
Goon Goon Goon
6 years ago

I once turned into a scorpion……. I got better

Arsene Wenger
Arsene Wenger
6 years ago

Fellaini look slike he’s grabbing a juicy pair of chebs.

goonerbynature
goonerbynature
6 years ago

To be fair, scorpions give us that extra sting in attack

simianwolverine
simianwolverine
6 years ago

I am surprised that Scorpions like cricket that much! There must be an underground market for scorpion size pads and helmets that is not covered well in mainstream media.

Otis
Otis
6 years ago

It’s very difficult to get a scorpion LBW, even with video replays. Natural advantage.

LA
LA
6 years ago

I’d like to see an infographic analysis of Arsenal’s continuing need for a fox [in the box] next.

And I was half-hoping to see that picture of Hank Scorpio make a reappearance on the site…

davonz
davonz
6 years ago

Why don’t people just give Scorp a chance. Ok he is injury prone and played in Ligue 2 but Arsenals attack could do with more sting. I reckon we should throw Scorp into the dead wood , that would clear them out quick smart.

JustAnotherMong
JustAnotherMong
6 years ago
Reply to  davonz

Scorpions do like dead wood.

Yankee Gooner
Yankee Gooner
6 years ago

When I go camping, I always check my boots in the morning for Aaron Ramsey.

Tommo
Tommo
6 years ago

That’s just speciesist. Scorpions get almost no funding or grass roots training at football. They said Messi was too short! Are you saying that NO SCORPIONS can play football?! So narrow minded…didn’t the Colombians have a scorpion as a goal
Keeping coach back in the90’s?

Nick of Gooners
Nick of Gooners
6 years ago

My zodiac sign is Scorpio, so I feel really offended by this obnoxious article!

Sex Fabergé
Sex Fabergé
6 years ago

I once killed a scorpion on the ceiling with a frying pan. True story.

Sex Fabergé
Sex Fabergé
6 years ago
Reply to  arseblog

Himalayas. Scorpions, spiders bigger than your hand that wait on your pillow for when you return home late at night. Tip: always move your bed six inches from the wall in these kinds of places.

Double98
Double98
6 years ago

You either sleep on the kitchen ceiling or you’ve expanded a different point, mate.

Sex Fabergé
Sex Fabergé
6 years ago

The logical, and intended, explanation is that over there scorpions and spiders walk on the floors, walls and ceilings. You are safe nowhere…

Sex Fabergé
Sex Fabergé
6 years ago

These are the sorts of spiders you get in Asia and Australasia – Huntsman spiders. They have no problems on walls or ceilings and are very, very fast.

http://brojsimpson.com/creepy/huge-spider-hides-behind-clock/

Scorpions are also arachnids with similar capabilities and can also walk on ceilings, wooden ones certainly.

Scott P
Scott P
6 years ago

Oh they can swim? That’ll be pleasant for my dreams tonight…

TeeCee
TeeCee
6 years ago
Reply to  Scott P

Are you talking about Scorpions or Aaron Ramseys there?

Lobster
Lobster
6 years ago

Could meme THA SHIT out of this “Ramsey better than a scorpion” thing..

Voldermort
Voldermort
6 years ago

Mooro, where are you mate. This article is made for one of your quips.

JustAnotherMong
JustAnotherMong
6 years ago

Injuries: the scorpion has 4x as many ankles as Ramsey, so is more likely to be injured. However he is probably much more likely to be able to carry on with a broken leg. No advantage wither way.

Bergkamp Ghoulfest
Bergkamp Ghoulfest
6 years ago

Don’t rate scorpions. They have terrible stats in Football Manager.

81Trev81
81Trev81
6 years ago

fuk off aresblog not gonna read this sight if this is wot your going to prodewce in the summer

who givs a fuck about scropions?!!!

ArseTickler
ArseTickler
6 years ago
Reply to  81Trev81

Yes, please dont read. Use the time you save to improve your English.

Voldermort
Voldermort
6 years ago

Prodewce ? Woderwick is that you ?

ArseTickler
ArseTickler
6 years ago

This is fucking brilliant! Hats off, mate

Darren
6 years ago

I laughed out loud after looking at the graph showing which sports scorpions like

Double98
Double98
6 years ago

5 REASONS WHY SCORPIONS ARE BETTER THAN AARON RAMSEY 1. Used to desert landscapes, scorpions can easily navigate the hostile, morally barren away fixtures at Stamford bridge, etihad etc 2. Scorpio time sounds much more like the active cycle of a 70s serial killer, whereas Rambotime kinda sounds like a Stallone montage 3. Ramsay may one day become a star, while Scorpio is an entire constellation that adds much need strength to the bench. 4. Lithophilic scorpions are literally ‚Äúrock loving‚ÄĚ whereas Aaron Ramsey prefers hip hop and other forms of crap music 5. Ryan Shawcross would never fuck with… Read more ¬Ľ

Utopia
Utopia
6 years ago

How about throwing a few Ryan Shawcross’s way? I hear scorpions enjoy ogre blood.

Saffagooner
Saffagooner
6 years ago

Arse should compare our keepers to a spider

Nas Amenbovillage
6 years ago

A scorpion is better than Torres they never said.

Nas Amenbovillage
6 years ago

We need to complete the transfer of ” Fukin no wan ” asap.

Mobeen
6 years ago

Goal. Com has articles about agent of scorpion confirming a ¬£25 million bid by arsene wenger… The manager was seen scouting young scorpion and giving him tips about how to wear the caterpillar shaped jackets… Experts have compared the young startled to a young RVP…
Monaco is preparing a gajillion dollar deal to entice the young scorpion away from emirates stadium…

Leftbackinthedressingroom
Leftbackinthedressingroom
6 years ago

Maybe Nik Bendtner pulled his shorts down because he had a scorpion down there somewhere-

Double98
Double98
6 years ago

He felt a little prick you mean?

Leftbackinthedressingroom
Leftbackinthedressingroom
6 years ago
Reply to  Double98

You got it, Double98!

gunnergeorge
gunnergeorge
6 years ago

David Ginola is an anagram of dildo vagina. I miss football.

TeeCee
TeeCee
6 years ago
Reply to  gunnergeorge

His parents are probably still chuckling over that one and wondering when he’s going to catch on.

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Boblex
Boblex
6 years ago

Loving the Article! LMFAO on the comments as well!

HotRod
HotRod
6 years ago

Just seen a skills and goals YouTube montage on young scorpion, sign him up wenger; next Christopher wreh!
No wait don’t we Need experienced big named scorpions for ¬£30million!

Bodom After Midnight
Bodom After Midnight
6 years ago

You could you replace the scorpion in the first point with the Arsenal.