You know the score, use the following details to fill in the template where necessary…
Name: Gonzalo Higuain
Nickname: El Pipita
Old club: Real Madrid
New club: Napoli
Arsenal, and other clubs, but especially Arsenal, have missed out on the signing of [player name].
The [country] international has been in sparkling for this season for [current club], scoring [x] goals and helping his side to reach [semi/final]/ and/or lift [trophy/championship].
The [position] wizard/stalwart has long been linked with a move to the Premier League with Arsene Wenger said to be desperate to bring him to the Emirates after [x] trophyless seasons.
But once again, the Gunners have been gazumped as [new club] announced today they had reached an agreement with [player name] and [current club] for a sensational summer swoop.
[Player surname] signed a new contract with [current club] in [year] and was scouted numerous times by Steve Rowley, Arsene Wenger’s main scout. It was thought that Arsenal would meet his [figure] buy-out clause, but the man nicknamed [nickname] has decided his future lies elsewhere.
It is now thought that Wenger will turn his attention elsewhere with [cheaper option], [even cheaper option], [ludicrous made-up option] and [racist-bitey bloke] all in his sights.
As if the above wasn’t enough of a kick in the gonads we’ll all be able to watch Gonzalo make his Napoli debut against Arsenal at the Emirates Cup next week.
*shakes fists at the Gods*
In the meantime, do your homework for the next installment of ‘Arsenal miss out on…’, when we’ll be featuring … Luis Suarez.