Gustavo to make statement on Thursday

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In news that is likely to be less happy that people might hope, it’s emerged that Luiz Gustavo will address the issue of his next club after Brazil’s midweek game with Switzerland.

According to Sky Sports, Gustavo’s agent, Roger Wittman, said, “Luiz will make a statement on his future on Thursday.”

For those hoping he’ll turn around and say “I’m joining Arsenal!”, that is about as likely to happen as Scarlett Johansson turning up on your doorstep in the mood for love [as this is an equal opportunities website, ladies can imagine a hunky guy like Bryan Goslinger or Justin Bimberlane].

Yesterday, the Bayern Munich midfielder spoke of his willingness to come and play for Arsenal and Arsene Wenger, but we’ve heard nothing from the other side. Which is fairly normal.

Even if there was a deal in place, there’s no way the player would be announcing it, simply because that’s not the way we do business.

Anyway, some suggestions about what his statement could be:

– He could confirm he’s leaving Bayern and has options to consider

– He could say he’s staying at Bayern after buying Pep a nice sweater/shirt combo

– He could express his desire to give up football to form a DeBarge tribute band

– He could stay completely silent for 10 minutes as journalists got increasingly anxious, then point to one, do the draw a knife across his throat gesture and walk out

– He could announce that he is the one true Christ and all others before him are fakes, then, with a flick of his almighty finger, cast down a plague of locusts in the shape of Joey Barton.

– He could give an in-depth lecture explaining why he feels Hot Shots and it’s sheer awesomeness is what drove Charlie Sheen to a life of debauchery and drugs.

– He could decide ‘Sod this’ and go for a sandwich and announce nothing

We’re torn between three and six.

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Sajit
Sajit

Or Sp*rs are shit.

Adriaan
Adriaan

just read gustavo is heading to wolfsburg for 17 million. will somebody please shoot wenger. arsenal should have gone all in to sign a player of his quality. very very dissapointing. wenger is a sadist. he will be torturing poor arsenal souls for eternity if he signs a new contract.

Nigerian_Gooner
Nigerian_Gooner

Gustvao is definitely going to Wolfsburg.

I don’t understand why he didn’t he try to sign Capoue again. As at January, he thought he was “top top quality”. What changed? :s

Hassan

If he’s not signing for us, please let it be no.5. Lord knows i need cheering up

Trevor
Trevor

Ye of little faith…I think.

Rambling Pete
Rambling Pete

Well, it’s hard to imagine any of those options suit us but you’d have to hope Wenger and Gazidis start getting their act together. So far it’s been nothing short of a disaster. Just days before the first game of the season and nothing has changed. It remains me of the summer before last when we just let things go and all of a sudden it hit us like a ton of bricks that we needed new players. Having once been actually hit with a brick I don’t know how they could forget. I was at a local park with some of my mates and a group of hoodlums were playing on a wall, eventually they collapsed it. It nearly fell on top of some children so I told those ruffians that they were a disgrace and ought to know better at their age. One of them picked up a brick and hit me over the back of the head with it. It’s not often I lose my temper but when I do it’s never pretty and to this day I regret the beating I gave him. And the kicking. And the stamping. It’s a shame for him that he’s now known as Cabbage Head but he started it.

heroldgoon
heroldgoon

Statement : Arsenal have signed me but im going to Napoli

D
D

Statement: Luiz Gustavo, Channel 9 news.

argonaut
argonaut

While turning his head slightly to the left as he pronounces his surname.

gooner
gooner

calm down people. he probably knows where TGSTEL will be playing next season

TGSTEL
TGSTEL

Oi! Leave me outta this!

Eurazian
Eurazian

Gustavo brother: “Luiz now close to Arsenal”

Arsey
Arsey

You’re right blogs – this all seems far to obvious to be true.

Pfffff.

Bunburyist
Bunburyist

I’m certain he’s going to announce that he’s an Arsenal player. He’s timed it so that it occurs at EXACTLY the same moment Arsenal make the announcement. I can just see Gustavo and Dick Law entering the press room, and speaking in unison. Maybe Dick could recite his lines a third interval above Gustavo’s tone, thereby providing a nice harmony? I fully expect this to happen.

gunnerdog
gunnerdog

I have missed DeBarge…

Adam, Watford
Adam, Watford

Indeed, haven’t we all ?

P38W26D12L0
P38W26D12L0

Hey aren’t you Adam from Watford?

Adam, Wexford
Adam, Wexford

Hello? Oh sorry, my mistake…

heroldgoon
heroldgoon

Adam has a friend named watford and they thought it would be nice if they put both their names on there. it’s quite adorable…

Double Canister
Double Canister

What does Gustavo have to apologise to Brendan Rogers for on Thursday?

MidwestGooner
MidwestGooner

Ok, that post made my day, thanks mate!

heroldgoon
heroldgoon

You are one old son of a gun sir….

Muse
Muse

O ye, of little faith…

Arsenal want him and have reportedly bid for him. +

Gustavo has come out publicly and has said what a big club Arsenal are and what a clever manger Wenger is.

So, I’m fully expecting him to sign for……Napoli.

Nik
Nik

If this is really an equal opportunities website (and I’m glad it is), then perhaps you’d also better let men imagine Bryan Goslinger or Justin Bimberlane and women hoping that Scarlett Johansson will turn up on their doorstep in the mood for love. Just saying.

KingHenry
KingHenry

One also shouldn’t exclude those lustfully imagining both bryan goslinger and scarlett johansson turning up together in the mood for menage a trois. Although I have a feeling attempts at a universally applicable simile could take us to some places this blog is neither intended nor equipped for. Just saying.

JL
JL

But as all Arsenal fans know, that bliss would turn into dismay as they’d just send the lucky guy/girl off to fetch them sandwiches and coffee wilst take the bedroom to themselves.

gdna
gdna

Just send the HFB, surely that would please everyone 😉

Bunburyist
Bunburyist

One should also keep in mind those of us who lust after root vegetables and igneous rocks. Imagine a radish and piece of granite waiting at the doorstep? Ooo la la!!!

John Terry
John Terry

A RADISH!!??!! Thats disgusting, you pervert.

Now if it was a fit bit of Celery………..

bayo sanni-omotosho
bayo sanni-omotosho

I gave u a thumb down simply because of your dsiplay name

Diaby's ankles
Diaby's ankles

TGSTEL is it you?

kkc
kkc

i think he just wants to see himself trending on twitter

Mooro
Mooro

So it’s Gustavoh-no then is it?

LA
LA

I’d quite like Ms Johannsson to show up on my doorstep in the mood for love, and I’m a woman.

I’d also quite like Arsene Wenger to hurry up and buy some players. Sadly the latter seems more looks likely. But only just.

GD
GD

you mean the former?
The latter is the later option. 🙂

jdoe
jdoe

Clearly, to her, new players > Ms Johannsson. Personally, I’d take Ms Johannsson if she stays till the January window 😀

Arsene's stylist
Arsene's stylist

Let’s be honest here: most of us would take a night with Scarlett even if it meant relegation for the Arsenal.

Arsene's stylist
Arsene's stylist

I think he is going to annouce a future announcement.

“I am here to announce that I will make an important announcement next Monday.”

Arsenal-induced Heart Attack Survivor
Arsenal-induced Heart Attack Survivor

Arseblog’s articles can be compiled together to make one hilarious season review book. I’d buy it for sure!

Arshavin's pie delivery guy
Arshavin's pie delivery guy

What a funny name you have!

Arsenal-induced Heart Attack Survivor
Arsenal-induced Heart Attack Survivor

Felt like generalising my condition at full time at Newcastle away last season, that’s all.

percyofgod
percyofgod

Don’t say it Luis!!! You can’t break our hearts again!! Just say you have signed for the Arsenal!!!

luke
luke

Professor Plum with the rope in the library

Eliakim Musee
Eliakim Musee

Gustavo,announce faster before its to late, we need you with immediate effect, because the premier league is starting on Saturday, join faster.

Zorro in the box
Zorro in the box

Has he let the city down?

On a serious note, these things rarely bode well, it means he’s keeping himself in the shop window surely and the deal is far from done.

Petit's Handbag
Petit's Handbag

How have we become Napoli’s biggest rival’s.
10 years ago we were about to embark on a season which will never be forgotten, the greatest ever league side would go unbeaten, and while doing so play some of the greatest, flowing football ever played.

Napoli were in Serie B.

Think we need to remind people who we are this season.
Starting with a 6-0 Saturday

Sweaty Testicles/Scrotum
Sweaty Testicles/Scrotum

6-0 to us, hopefully.

KingHenry
KingHenry

rivals shmivals

Mozilla
Mozilla

I hope he joins us .. But i wonder who will be taken out the equation ? Ramsey or arteta ?

P38W26D12L0
P38W26D12L0

No need for reductions, just supplementing with quality!

I love this guy and hope it does go through. He makes that Paulinho fella look like a bag of chilled willies.

murkesacker
murkesacker

I accidentally thumbs-downed you, which is a shame because I loved the turn of phrase

jrgoonar
jrgoonar

I hate it when I accidentally thumbs-down someone. Unless they are ms Johansson

Amaury Bischoff
Amaury Bischoff

pls make statemnt fast, otherwise we look for someone else.My play style is similar like gustavo, but not improve too much in previously.

The Ghost of Peter Storey
The Ghost of Peter Storey

Maybe he just wants to announce that he’s gay. Someone’s bound to soon enough.

The Ghost of Peter Storey
The Ghost of Peter Storey

Not that I’m saying that he is gay. I don’t have any knowledge of his sexuality. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay… (for those Seinfeld fans out there)…

Bunburyist
Bunburyist

Well, that would explain why he wants to join Arsenal (Giroud).

eleanor
eleanor

Bit confused. Is the plague in the shape of Joey Barton, or are the locusts?

I only ask because I thought locusts were already in the shape of Joey Barton. Barton used to be in the shape of an ocelot, but then he read a book.

morbius
morbius

I think it’s the plague of locusts that look like Joey Barton.

It’s a bit lie one of those wave thingys from chaos theory. The whole lot looks like Joey Barton and then when you look really closely, each individual locust looks like Joey Barton as well.

Then, if you zoom in again and look just at their feet, they look like Joey Barton too.

jrgoonar
jrgoonar

‘Looking like locust feet’ you just named his autobiography for him

Xanthias
Xanthias

One wonders why he has to wait till Thursday. If he wants to be sold, and nothing more, he could as well announce it through, say, Twitter

GoonerGirl
GoonerGirl

I think number 4 would be kind of hilarious, and I could do with a laugh after the way this transfer window has been going.

Rad Carrot
Rad Carrot

Well, I didn’t expect a statement sooner, as he’s away on his silly internationals, isn’t he?

Let’s hope his statement is made at the Emirates after he’s had his medical, after flying to London from that stupid friendly game thing.

Hey, stranger things have happened. We signed Silvestre, after all.

jojoba_hunter
jojoba_hunter

TUESDAY:: gustavo’s dad:: Son is joining ARSENAL
WEDNESDAY:: gustavo’s brother:: Bro is joining ARSENAL
THURDAY:: gustavo:: NAPOLI is a dream club and I am glad to be here.

Bunburyist
Bunburyist

FRIDAY: Rodgers: “Gustavo owes Liverpool an apology.”

Double Canister
Double Canister

i’ll thumb that up.

Double Canister
Double Canister

He is playing football for Brasil tomorrow, I suppose he has 15 minutes at half time, he could just pop over to the interview room…
Imagine that?!, a genuine Brasil midfielder, just like Gilberto (sorry Denilson, But good luck).

mitch
mitch

By Thursday lunchtime, he’ll be back in Europr. Of course, whether he turns up in Munich, Naples or London is the real issue…..

Cross
Cross

Has it occured to anyone that he might simply moonwalk in, do a twirl, and moonwalk out of there?

John
John

I have a very important and Breaking news story…..Cannonball!

Swiftarf
Swiftarf

Cannon and Ball? We’re that desperate now, we’ll have ’em…

c-bus
c-bus

Perhaps he he wants to discuss his ideas of a Marvel/Star Wars crossover

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8hlpimFhAY

el bahja
el bahja

Like barton I guess 🙂

alf
alf

Perhaps you’re closer to the truth than you imagined and he is going to announce that Scarlett Johannson turned up on his doorstep in the mood for love..

ninjagooner
ninjagooner

Or, his father could turn up at the press conference and announce that his son is joining Arsenal.

muchadoaboutnot
muchadoaboutnot

He could stand in front of the press and sing “It’s a wonderful world”. He could also gesture holding an imaginary umbrella just to mimic Usain Bolt just for the sake of it. Heck!

Mooro
Mooro

Mrs Mooro to make cheesecake on Thursday.

It’s really rather good.

goonerbynature
goonerbynature

It’s highly unlikely that he’d announce he’s off to another club four days after saying he’d “like to play for Arsenal.”

It’s us, staying put, or no comment.

Faxe
Faxe

“I’ve called this press conference to announce to you all that i have no comments. Thank you and drive safely.”

goonerbynature
goonerbynature

I remember another player who was linked with us either earlier this summer or last year promised to announce his decision by a particular day and then not saying anything at all, I’ve completely forgotten who.

Glen Helders soul-glo
Glen Helders soul-glo

Can’t see us signing him.

He wants guaranteed 1st team football, Wenger will not give him this with Arteta, Ramsey & Wilshere already fighting for two spots.

The most obvious position that needs to be filled is LW, as Poldolski will be used as mainly back up to Giroud with fleeting cameo’s on the wing.

Alex Manninger
Alex Manninger

Jack fighting for a position in the double-pivot? No, no, no! That is called wasting resources.

goonerbynature
goonerbynature

Three people for 2 spots definitely isn’t enough, especially when Wilshere often plays further up with Cazorla on the left or Ramsey gets shunted out wide for defensive cover. One injury away from a crisis there, especially if it’s Arteta.

riot
riot

Lavish Gustavo the money. Thin arse

riot
riot

Lavish Gustavo the money. Skinny arse

Marc jean
Marc jean

It should be called Thursday episode.starring Luis Gustavo,Arsenal,Napoli and the seventh links of Arsene wenger.U’re welcome.

Double Canister
Double Canister

The same Podolski who is Germany’s most important player?
Says Joachim Loew.

Micko
Micko

Maybe he will say he just shit in his underpants at the thought of playing against John Terry but then realise Terry is a cunt and he then shits in Ashely Coles pants just so Chelski players can smell Brazilian poop? Who knows but then at this point in time who cares!!!

Zino
Zino

Luiz Gustavo: “I’d like to play with Arsenal Fans’ minds”

alf
alf

His agent didn’t say WHERE and WHEN he will be making this announcement..
Perhaps it will be in the Royal Oak Theatre on Thursday evening and the announcement is “I’ve been here all day to have my medical and discuss personal terms. So all that is left is for me to publicly ‘sign da ting’ !”

Biggles
Biggles

I hope he says something as inscrutable as “When the seagulls follow the trawler, it’s because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea. Thank you very much.”

Me
Me

I can see it now – all of the season ticket renewal money in the bank and Gazidis and Kroenke sitting in Kroenke’s 124000 acre ranch laughing at the idiots who actually BELIEVED Gazidis’s promises of £40 million players on £200k a week. And they are laughing, everyone is laughing because it is very funny – as they say “an idiot and his money are easily parted” and there are no bigger idiots than the Arsenal faithful who get shafted EVERY YEAR and do and say nothing about it “its about supporting the club”. Real Madrid and Barcelona fans support their clubs and would they put up with Wenger’s utter incompetence ? of course not – but they have the balls to make their feelings known. Really there are no more spineless, voiceless fans than the Arsenal fans who actually believe that Wenger is going to turn things around – ask Monaco’s fans if Wenger turned things around for them, or perhaps that was ANOTHER Arsene Wenger…

Einstein
Einstein

you are an embarassment to the word gooner. the difference between barca ..real ..ect is that they have been european giants for like ever. we are only a top european side becasue of wenger. the steps he has put in place makes it possible that we can be a european giant. have some respect.

lordgunner
lordgunner

clearly you have no idea what you are talking about .At monaco he go the sack because it was some issue at the time with their owner r .Any excuse to sack him , well he gave him one with a poor start of the season specially weeks before the sack he was one of the favorite to take Bayern Munich job but the Monaco board refuse to let him talk to them
.still Monaco have one of the best academy in france,guess who set up their academy,who was very usefull when the money really run dry

Me
Me

Leave the European Champions to join the winners of the fourth place trophy in the premiership – really…

Crispy
Crispy

Blogs could you number the choices as I’ve found that when fellow posters refer to 5 or 3 as their favourite, I’m continually having to scroll back up and count through to understand their preferred option.

I like 4 .

Now there’s a good fellow.