Tuesday, June 25, 2024

A Time To Kall – Swede fit for football

Kim Kallstrom. We’ll say that name again…Kim Kallstrom.

Swedish fella, footballer apparently, 33 days on the books at Arsenal, 30 of which have been paid for by parent club Spartak Moscow, is reportedly fighting fit and ready to make his debut for the Gunners soon.

According to the Mirror, the 31-year-old, who (in case you need reminding) signed on deadline day in January, could play a part against Everton on Saturday after finally recovering from a back injury picked up during a particularly testing hula-hoop session the day before his Arsenal medical.

Presumably the chap has undertaken some serious Kallisthenics *gets coat* during his month on the sidelines and will now challenge Messrs. Wilshere, Arteta, Flamini, Rosicky, Ozil, Cazorla and Ramsey for a place in Arsene Wenger’s squad over the course of the rest of the season.

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Let me be one of the scores who use this tired line: Like a new signing*.

*wry smile


Genuinely forgot we signed this guy..
Hopefully he can breath some life in the side which looks tired.
Not sure i’d drop him straight in against Everton though, either way, looking forward to seeing what he’s got in his locker.


“will now challenge Messrs. Wilshere, Arteta, Flamini, Rosicky, Ozil, Cazorla and Ramsey for a place”

Even Mr. Zelalem, if you ask me


Too weak. Needs to be sent away to some weird boot camp like Sanogo.

Da ArseSchaft



He is TEN times better than Ibrahimovic. I’m Swedish, I know.






ticks the box for Arsené, who’s been saying “We must stay humble” a lot this season.

Gutbukket Deffrolla

It is more English, yes, the humbleness? So, I am learning. I shall be the most humble person in the world. No one will match Arsene Wenger for his humbility


oh yus I’m very ‘umble me. The very epitome of umbleness said the cheery cockney stereotype


helping disabled children


You should inform blogs that none of his wordplays are any good then, since the name is pronounced “Shell” not “Kall”.

“Kim Shell-strim” innit.


Källström, it’s pronounced Kim Shell-Strum*


But if Kallstrom is “Shell-strum”. Isn’t Kim “Shim”. Shim Shellstrum?


“He is TEN times better than Ibrahimovic” – I don’t no that but Ibrahimovic will be under Arsen’s radar and could use Kallstrom magnet to switch arsenal move in summer. I am no, they both Swedish and Gunner. It’s the only reason injured player signed at wrong time but right place.

Merlin's Panini

He’s only here on loan, plus Ibrahimovic is too old to bother with now. We need a long term solution, unless Sanogo or even Campbell proves to be that.
It would be nice to nab Henry just to coach the youngsters in being ruthless in front of goal.


Now we see him playing

Naija Gunner

Well that’s new…@stefa_graniund

Samir Gelb

Hahaha “Kallisthenics”! Loved that!


Welcome to the Arsenal Kim. Not sure if you’re exactly what we’re looking for but now you are here roll your sleeves up , pull your socks up , and when you get the chance to shine put in 100% effort, show your class and we’ll all get behind you.


Giroud could learn a lesson or two on ‘How to keep your pants on’.

The Strategist

Should already have your pants ON if you are pulling your socks up. Socks before pants is a no no. Especially at the gym. I considered telling that to the guy blow drying his junk the other day with the communal hair dryer (whilst wearing nothing but socks). I despair sometimes I really do.

Gutbukket Deffrolla

Never could stand sock snobs.


Socks BEFORE trousers, but never socks before pants; makes a man look scary, like a chicken.

Merlin's Panini

Classic Peepshow MC


Trousers, not pants!



well we call trousers pants here.(USA) I am sure pants means underwear there and thus should also apply


Pants is a much funnier word…


But Arsenal is a British club!

British English!

British team core…

No Americans! Yuck…

Merlin's Panini

Just don’t expose them like Bendtner or you’ll get in trouble.


but beware… put one bad performance and we will get on top of you and bring you down…
and yeah… on top of Arsene as well…
and Ozil too..

This sounds like blowjob prep. Get a grip man!

concise alan

Good news.


Heh. Convert ‘ten’ to English from Swedish please


Let’s see if his freekick videos are real or not. Go Kim


We have been so bad in dead ball situations this season. Hopefully Kal can help with that.


It can’t possible get worse when it comes to our freekicks.

why is my name required

Him and Ramsey back in the team will be a huge boost. Will lift spirits in the dressing room as well. Don’t give up on the league yet because now the spotlight will be on Chelsea and City, not us


Hope he has an awesome stint with us. Is he 33 or 31?




He can give us a positive lift and score some important goals à la Benayoun.


Alongside Park, will go down as one of the weirdest signings ever. Never impressed me EVEN in his “prime”.


I agree, he was utter shite in our last 5 games. Boo hiss, as it were


we hope he can bring something special on board


Being a swede i like Källström, but i have no idea what went through wengers mind when he signed him. Injured and i think we have a surplus of central midfielders.

Gary Baldy

I look forward to the headline after he score a double hatrick at Stamford Bridge as we win 0-8 . . .

‘ Super Kallstrom Goes Ballistic Chelsea Are Atrocious ! ‘,

or similarly at that place down the wrong end of Seven Sisters Road,

‘ Super Kallstrom Goes Ballistic, Sp*rs They Are Atrocious ! ‘.

Or any match, for that matter.

Yes, I am aware I stole this from a famous giant-killing in the Scottish FA Cup a few years ago ! 😀


i’d settle for

Super Kallstrom Goes Ballistic, now mourinho needs a johnterryectomy !


dont we all need a johnterryectomy…


Surely there’s only so many times Wenger can pull the rabbit from the hat……. name looks easy for a song or too. hopefully he will be known as the kill-storm… the Storminator…………….. lets hope he dont room with Park

suker 4 punishment

maybe he can bat a bit like Kallis too ?


Gilberto was our Kallis. Defensive rock upon which all else is based. Oh god. There’s a tear in my eye.

Gary Baldy

You should see a doctor and get that stitched up, mate.

Oh . . . it’s okay, false alarm. I just re-read that. Sorry, my mistake entirely !

Altraide hovah

We only need three players that are capable of taking accurate shots from outside the box, and excluding Rambo and poldi he’s the last and perfect option if you ask me… #justsaying….


The Dothraki horde follows strength above all else. A man who does not debut against Everton is no Kall.

The Ox is a fox

Hopefully, with his Swede robustness, he is the one to ease Jacko and Giroud from defensive duties. We could attack more quickly. Giroud’s legs can be saved for shots rather than chasing around.

Mr G

I had forgotten that we actually had one January signing…-_-


the humour level on the comment section is awesome


Who gives a shit – the season is finished and Wenger can f off!



season over????
2nd with 10 games to go
qtr final of the fa cup
on life support in the cl… but still alive

oh crap we are definitely not going to win the league cup… wenger out!!


3rd, not 2nd


just see yourself out. I aint even gonna bother getting into this with you.


Add Ox to the list of players who I’d play ahead of him. Heck maybe Diaby too if he regained full fitness.

suker 4 punishment

i think you mean if he regained full consciousness.. I think Diabied is another word for alien abduction

2013-2014 = 2003-2004

Get in there Kim! We are all Kallifornia Dreaming of the image of you nicking the ball off of Ramires followed by an inch-perfect diagonal 25 yard pass to The Ox who slots home past Petr Cech for a goal and victory at Stamford Bridge!

I’d rather poke myself in both eyes with a kebab skewer than watch Mourinho celebrate winning anything.


That twunt will poke you in your eyes if he loses anyway.

Leave the jokes to me

Hey Kim, Kall the BBC as a Strom is coming and Everton, Bayern, Spuds, Chelshit & Man Shitty are going to get destroyed!


Kim’s song

Kalling in the name of…

Eboue's Underpants

The Final Kalldown

Yankee Gooner

A lot of recent history to live up to in the #29 shirt…


He can bend a ball around a wall or dip it over one.
A gooner who can actually take a free kick properly! I thought I’d never see the day!


do you remember thierry henry?

Eboue's Underpants

Theo? Oh wait..

palace gunner

Every match this month is big games, its nice to hear ramsey & strom getting better, both can score & assist although swede m8 will have to cope with prem footie, f.a cup then the teams points fixtures in prem coyg

The fool of a Took

As a Swede, I feel it lies upon my fragile shoulders to give some info regarding this very, very strange transfer. Källström was in his prime a central playmaker who played alongside Juninho in Lyon. Lyon was actually a proper team back then. He has a truly amazing left foot both when it comes to shots and passes. We were loosing 4-0 to Germany two years ago, Källstrom came on around the 60th minute and made three assists (final result: 4-4). If we can get him space with the ball he will deliver key passes, that I promise you! Other… Read more »


what do you call a swede who likes to read?

a turnip for the books!!!

i love sweden and some of my best friends are turnips

Gutbukket Deffrolla

Vegetablist! Why do you pick out swedes and turnips but ignore parsnips?

Eboue's Underpants

And John Terry?


the footballer who has no videos on youtube


have you tried searching for him on youtube? or did you look on youporn?


like most swedes

he’s on both

The fool of a Took

You, Sir, are nothing but a Swericst!
Us Swedes have a pride tradition of appearing on a great variety of porn sites. This noble tradition dates back as far as -96, I´ll have you know!


Even with a bad back, he’s got to be a better option than Wilshere right now.


he was a beast in FIFA ’08

Randy Pan the Arsenal Fan

This is Kim Kallstrom from Kjarlsbad bitches…

Rami Shaaban



Just so that I know. Can this fella put it about a bit ? Is he the type of player who would happily walk up to John Terry and bite his fucking nose off just because he feels like it ?

I’d like that.


…I’d like that a lot.


No he´s not. Quiet guy. His best asset is a thunderous shot. Good corners as well. A bit slow. An unbeasty Julio Baptista in midfield.


Maybe Flamini would. I’d definitely pay to see that.


Not sure if anyone has flagged this with you but in the last couple of days i’ve been getting a bug whereby the text doesn’t show up: http://i60.tinypic.com/2lxia8o.jpg

I’m on a Mac running the latest version of Chrome.

Obviously could just be my end but thought i’d share anyway!

(refreshing the page a few times often fixes it)


Källswitch Engage.


Kallstrom, please rain a shitstorm on Stamford Bridge and let that bridge collapse and may all the Chelski fans know what a septic tank their shit team is with Terry and Mourinho as their coach.


I get a distinct Viviano-ish feeling from this signing…..like we are never going to see him play.


Park that thought!

Kall Me When You're Sober

^ This post has not gotten nearly as much attention as it deserves


Arsenal fans are really the best supporters in the world!


You should check out le-grove.co.uk once in a while

Oh YYESSSSS … w-wait. Oh … oh. Just oh.

Well it’s too little too late really, would have been nice to sign a striker you know. Any old silly cunt. But well we got another CM sweet. Still, I’m strangely optimistic we will do BOTH Chewl and Mancuntchestcunter.




Bring on the STORM!!! Oh wait, it’s KalSTROM. Oh, never mind.


We still have a Great Dane too 🙂

Angolan Girl Who Loves The Gunner

let’s just support and give him a chance, you never know what could happen…


Tips for coat-getting puns: It’s pronounced Schellstrum



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