Former Invincible to join Arsenal board

105

Arsenal are set to add some much needed football expertise to the boardroom with the appointment of Pascal Cygan to a specially created new role.

The Frenchman, on the advice of Arsene Wenger, will be confirmed as the club’s first Strategic Football Consultant. After adding Josh Kroenke to the boardroom last year – the first step in reducing the average age of the directors – the 39 year old former defender will bring another dose of youthful vitality to the Arsenal set-up.

With question marks still over the manager’s intentions, and the board’s ability to make properly informed decisions about the footballing future of the club when Wenger does finally call it a day, the decision was taken to create a new role to bridge that knowledge gap.

Taking into account the suggestions made by fans groups like the Arsenal Supporter’s Trust, Black Scarf Movement and Arsenal Need Another Leader, that they needed somebody who understood the club and was cognisant with the needs of the modern game, a three man shortlist was fashioned after extensive discussion. The names put forward were Patrick Vieira, Dennis Bergkamp and Cygan.

Arsenal, however, were reluctant to ‘poach’ either of the first two candidates from their roles at Man City and Ajax respectively, due to the compensation they’d have to pay, and plumped for Cygan instead. Despite playing a bit-part role in the team for most of his Arsenal career, Wenger was always impressed by his intelligent outlook on the game.

After leaving the Gunners in 2006, he went to Spain to play for Villarreal (alongside Santi Cazorla and Robert Pires) and Cartagena, before retiring in 2011. Since then he’s been doing his coaching badges, and studying at some of Europe’s biggest clubs to gain insight into the way they’re run.

He spent time in Italy and Germany, and undertook a 3 month role at Turkish giants Fenerbache but was forced to cut short his stay there due to an intense allergic reaction to a pesticide used on the grass at their training ground.

Cygan was also recently spotted sitting alongside Ken Friar at a recent game at the Emirates, which led many to wonder if it was more than just a social visit.

The Frenchman’s duties will include compiling a short-list of managerial candidates for the board to consider in the wake of Arsene Wenger’s admission he’d have no hand in that process.

As well as that he’ll be advising on general football matters, transfer policy and training ground improvements – one of which, on the instruction of Stan Kroenke himself, is the installation of a state of the art cryo-homeopathic bath which the American believes can put an end to the repetitive muscle strains suffered by Arsenal players.

The appointment is set to be confirmed by the end of month.

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Yoyo Sanogoals
Yoyo Sanogoals
6 years ago

I can’t tell whether this is a joke or real.

Bendtner's Hair Band
Bendtner's Hair Band
6 years ago
Reply to  Yoyo Sanogoals

That’s how the holiday is celebrated quintessentially. Happy 12am in the UK.

rawgooner
rawgooner
6 years ago
Reply to  Yoyo Sanogoals

Your comment timed at 1201 – on April 1st!!

maddolove
maddolove
6 years ago
Reply to  Yoyo Sanogoals

APRIL’S FOOL
YAH!

hg
hg
6 years ago
Reply to  Yoyo Sanogoals

The Photoshop is a dead giveaway. Should’ve just used a pic of Cygan.

Martin king
Martin king
6 years ago

Nearly got me!

RedGibb
RedGibb
6 years ago

wind up right?

fisty mr fister
fisty mr fister
6 years ago

Terrible April fools

Jdizzle
Jdizzle
6 years ago

April Fool! You ain’t fooling no one

RedGibb
RedGibb
6 years ago

aaah got it. I’m an idiot

JB
JB
6 years ago

Wait a minute, bring me that calendar.

not that handsome french bloke
not that handsome french bloke
6 years ago

Not sure if serious…

Sahil bansal
Sahil bansal
6 years ago

Would’ve been more believable if you did a better job with photoshop.

Dan Graham
Dan Graham
6 years ago

Time stamp reads march 31.

orlando engelaar
orlando engelaar
6 years ago

pascal cygan on the board? thats just bizarre………………………..

TJ
TJ
6 years ago

Nice April fool blogs. Almost got me

Renoog
6 years ago

Lol you little devil Blogger!

Goonerphil
Goonerphil
6 years ago

On April 1st? Surely not!!!

Dan Graham
Dan Graham
6 years ago

It is plausible that cygan was a football genius while being an average player, is allergic to certain chemicals and that arsenal are up on some new age shit though. The shopped photo seems to give it away though.

goonerbynature
goonerbynature
6 years ago
Reply to  Dan Graham

It’s nearly a good bit of photoshop, but his head’s a little big.

Dan Graham
Dan Graham
6 years ago
Reply to  goonerbynature

That and the pigment of his hands is wrong. Obviously hand pigment doesn’t always match 100%, but it’s obviously off in this case.

Right Bacary Sagna
Right Bacary Sagna
6 years ago

Careful you dont pull a gooners leg too hard, I hear were prone to injury

Chris
Chris
6 years ago

Alan Partridge would be proud of this great banter.

Xanthias
Xanthias
6 years ago

Well played, although our friends in different timezones will probably actually scatch their heads for a while.

Mack
Mack
6 years ago
Reply to  Xanthias

Well that’s what I did…

Gunner From Another Mother
Gunner From Another Mother
6 years ago
Reply to  Mack

Likewise

Odd
Odd
6 years ago
Reply to  Xanthias

Blimey, I must inhabit a timezone of my very own. Even started wondering how a cryo-homeopathic bath transfers its wholesome goodness. Scary really.

99
99
6 years ago
Reply to  Odd

I googled it… 🙁

opeshi
opeshi
6 years ago
Reply to  Xanthias

Got to say I had my mouth wide opened when I read that, its more less like the emirates sharing news with spurs fling around .what an expensive joke

kanus big boots
kanus big boots
6 years ago

Lovely April Fool hahahaha.

Gillespie Road
6 years ago

Well in, Blogs

Plev
Plev
6 years ago

LOL

Rénan
Rénan
6 years ago

What a great way to start April fools !

d7g7
d7g7
6 years ago

Remember when he scored 2 (!) against Fulham?

God I miss those days. :_(

Chris Byrne
Chris Byrne
6 years ago

I got Viera and Bergkamp, but cygan! What about an true Arsenal legend like Adams!? Etc an Englishman as it’s an English fucking club! Arsene Wenger really does control this club doesn’t he! Ad for the cryo-homeopathic bath…well that’s a good idea, but how about not over playing our fucking players! Fatigue is the highest cause of injuries! So rotate the squad more and buy some world class players in 4 different positions…centre back, defensive midfield, striker and winger.

Jammathon
Jammathon
6 years ago
Reply to  Chris Byrne

I better fuck off and support Kaizer Chiefs or Brisbane Roar, then.

Gary Baldy
Gary Baldy
6 years ago
Reply to  Chris Byrne

I believe the phrase I am looking for is, ‘ Hook, line and sinker ! ‘ .

Unlucky Chris, it nearly happened to me, too ! 😀

Well, played Blogs. Well played.

Arsepedant
Arsepedant
6 years ago
Reply to  Gary Baldy

Hook, line, sinker, rod, reel, and copy of Fisherman’s Digest.

Arsene Nose
Arsene Nose
6 years ago
Reply to  Chris Byrne

Whooooooooooooosh… Hold on to your hat buddy..

Burak
Burak
6 years ago
Reply to  Arsene Nose

His hat’s fine. It wasn’t even close.

QueGolazo
QueGolazo
6 years ago

I immediately thought this was weird Lmao. I actually didn’t know the UK did April’s Fool too. Forgive me. Funny stuff

Mikel Artekkers
Mikel Artekkers
6 years ago

Ok this got me until the cryo-homeopathic bath. That’s not even a thing! 🙂 good one though Blogs.

99
99
6 years ago

Which explains the results I got from Google…cold shower? That’s all this fancy thing is? Sigh.

M Anderson
M Anderson
6 years ago

How typical of Wenger. What’s wrong with employing an Englishman Wenger. Hurry up and get back to France Wenger.

Geezer
Geezer
6 years ago
Reply to  M Anderson

Thank You Blogs for exposing such dimwits within our fanbase.

Sue
Sue
6 years ago

April Fools…..you have to be daft to believe that !!!!! 😉

Will
Will
6 years ago

Personally, I’m delighted that Arsenal Need Another Leader (ANAL) are getting a bigger say among Arsenal’s affairs.

TMAS
TMAS
6 years ago
Reply to  Will

Yep, that was the point when I thought, “ANAL? Hang on a minute! He’s toying with us here, the rapscallion!”

Rob
Rob
6 years ago

I’m sure no one thought AW or SAF were great players, but both have done a good job after their playing careers. Lets not judge him on past performances and lets see what he does in his new job. Good luck to him I say.

Hadvar
Hadvar
6 years ago

An excellent idea, and great to have some new faces on the board. Also I understand, just to the left of Pascal is another new prospective board member, Gus Ceasar, sadly out of shot in this photo. In addition I hear that Francis Jeffers was another possible, but unfortuately is unavailabe to to him doing….whatever it is he does these days. Anyways exciting times for the club, great to have these calibre of men involved at an executive level.

heroldgoon
heroldgoon
6 years ago

But John terry is a cunt whether its April fools or Easter or Xmas or Anything. John Terry will always be a cunt.

Lenny The Pep
Lenny The Pep
6 years ago

I wasn’t buying it, until the part where is said Arsenal decided on their 3rd choice because they didn’t want to have to pay compensation for the other two. After that, I knew it was real.

clinton
clinton
6 years ago

it was the cryo-homeopathic bath which made me know for certain it was april fools haha

GeeFive
GeeFive
6 years ago

Nearly had a heart attack til I read the comments….LOL. Totally lost track of the date. And day of the week. It’s 2003, right?

vc11
vc11
6 years ago

Wenger’s new contract is Pascal’s Wager.

Luzhny
Luzhny
6 years ago

Well I for one welcome our new hailleds overlords …

Brian wallace
Brian wallace
6 years ago

How come Igors Steponovs wasn’t in the frame?

Daft Aider
Daft Aider
6 years ago

ROFLMAO

Bucks
Bucks
6 years ago

I really couldn’t tell if you were serious or not without looking at the date.

Ant Lester
Ant Lester
6 years ago

Cryo-homeopathic! Brilliant!
(Actually, it wouldn’t hurt to try. Desperate times and all that…)
Hope this ‘news’ appears in The Metro. Divs.

MJ
MJ
6 years ago

This makes too much sense to be true…

GoonerNC
GoonerNC
6 years ago

It’s 8pm on the East Coast in the US. Therefore this isn’t an April Fools Joke. It’s just a brutal prank that confused the crap out of me.

Yankee Gooner
Yankee Gooner
6 years ago

Good one, blogs! I was just about to google “cryo-homeopathic bath” when I realized…

Fatboy Gooney
Fatboy Gooney
6 years ago

Wenger was seen leaving Heathrow airport this morning,
Destination Switzerland.

A) To sign a player.
OR
B) To Deposit large suitcase of cash.

Probably B.

Aamir
Aamir
6 years ago

Unlike last year’s joke about stadium expansion, I’m happy this ISNT happening.

kinzosagooner
kinzosagooner
6 years ago

Blogs there are times I truly believe a few bolts are not only loose but permanently lost with no hope of replacing. Thou art hilarious!. Time of post gave it up though…Cygan!!!!. Guaranteed rib cracker. Would like to empty a few pints with you!.

Nolo_IX
Nolo_IX
6 years ago

Hahaha this is so well constructed, it’s scary!

this joke believes that it’s the real thing. I love that shit.

Stonroy
Stonroy
6 years ago

I’m at the airport and I started to swear out loud profusely before I realized what day it is. A little embarrassed by all the looks but thoroughly relieved.

oparsenal
oparsenal
6 years ago

CYGANBOT ENGAGED

CYGANBOT RUNTIME ERROR

MISSION STATUS: SUCCESSFUL

CYGANBOT DISENGAGE