And the team news is …

265

If you read the main blog this morning, you’ll have seen my take on the expected team news ahead of Monday’s game against Liverpool.

If not, I said, “My predictions: Welbeck still out, Wilshere still out but close, Rosicky obviously still out, hopefully no ill-effects from the game against Palace last week.”

Today, Arsene Wenger has released the latest info which is, “From the Palace game we have no injuries and we have still Wilshere, Welbeck and Rosicky to come back. And we have no suspensions. So we should have a similar squad for the Liverpool game.

“Rosicky is progressing nicely but he is far away. Wilshere should be the first back from those players, he is making good progress.”

So there you go then. It’s still so damn quiet that we had to post something, anything. We need something to keep ourselves occupied.

How about the old reliable, change ONE LETTER in TV series name to make an entirely new series. For example:

Gale of Thrones – strong winds affect Peter Dinklage’s attempts to become king

House of Carls – Lenny from Simpson’s decorates his new house with Carl wallpaper

Seinfelt – Stand-up comedian does a show about fabric manufacturing business

Twin Beaks – a young girl is murdered and suspicion falls on a two-mouthed pelican

Mouse – crippled be-whiskered doctor has to evade clumsy cat on a daily basis

Fawlty Towels – the manager of a hotel is incadescent with rage at the constant supply of torn absorbent cloths

South Bark – 4 young dogs get up to all kinds of adventures in a small Colorado town

Take it away in the comments …

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ThaatArsenalGuy

Joints of View
People write in to the bbc expressing their views on the legalisation of cannabis

Sean

Tons of Anarchy – The Chelsea squad, complete with Jose Mourinho, are locked in a window-less room which is then slowly filled with copies of the Sex Pistols song, Anarchy in the UK. Only once every person has admitted they’re a cunt can the floor be released beneath them. They get dropped into what appears to be searing hot lava thus prompting them to scream like banshees only for them to discover it’s out of date Tesco Value orangeade. John Terry and Jose, unbeknownst to each other, are actually tied together and are left to hang from the walls which… Read more »

Dr Zearse

Bongs of Praise –
Channelling Jesus through the mighty peace pipe

GunnerChris

Coronation Scream

….I didn’t read the rules properly did I…

Jimmy

Boardwalk Umpire – From the beach to the crease, a tale of one boys desire to umpire.

Rectum Spectrum

lol nice

David C

The Big Bong Theory – stoners try to solve a world problem every episode only to forget what they were doing halfway through each episode. Generally speaking, hilarity ensues.

Bould's Eyeliner

H*A*S*H

Vietnam combat er meds fight gruesome war conditions with Moroccan resin, a remnant of French Polynesian influence, and young NPH finds out he is gay for the first time. Potatoes.

lord-weng

The Dummy Returns – a reality show following the chaotic return of a football manager to a London team he unceremoniously left a few years before

lord-weng

Bone With The Wind – a BT Sport special exploring the rehabilitation of footballers with broken metatarsal bones

PauloDiGunnio

Saturday Night Dive – New re-branded version of Match of The Day, coming in 2023. Ashley Young confirmed as host.

ThaatArsenalGuy

Battersea Logs Home
An emotional show documenting the treatment of fallen trees

TheArseAndAll

Downton Alley – The seedy prostitute ridden sick covered and kebab strewn goings on behind the refinedness of the Abbey

hashtag

You changed two letters. Ban him Blogs. No respect for the rules

hashtag

If we´re allowed to change 2 letters I´m going with “Snatch of the Day”.

hashtag

Sorry I forgot to explain this. Viewers send in pictures of their snatches to Gary and the team who provide their analysis. “Well Gary, the lack of grass on the pitch was definitely a factor”, after which there is a public vote where the best ones are displayed to the tune of Lightning Seeds Life of Riley. Remember note to vote on the re-run!

Hoosier Gunner

I will still vote #ssnhqsanchez or #goal8 no matter what.

tapps

Are the Brazilians still the best?

Fellonious

South Fark. The Pimpsons. And so on…

Alex

Breaking Sad – A recluse, who suffers with severe depression goes on a journey to find happiness.

RoyKeane'sBeard

Ozil?

Hairy Arse

breaking fad – a lonely young male from Ch*lsea tries not to a hipster wannabe cunt bucket like all those around him.

renaissancerosicky

Surely TGSTEL ought to have his own show. Full ten seasons with a movie.

moonie

No.

panoplyuk

The Lion, The Bitch and the Wardrobe: Roger Cook returns for one final, special episode of the Cook Report, in which he goes in search of Walter Palmer, the infamous murderer of Cecil the lion, in order to bring him to account for his actions with some hard hitting questions. Mr Palmer is eventually located hiding in a wardrobe in the Longwell Green branch of DFS*.

DFS = Dem Fuckin’ Sofas

charley

well seems no one is up for the challenge so here goes
THE MIXER: tales of a mixer in a confectioner shop which solves all problems that arise
Hawaii Five – 1 when the criminals strike one back

Arsepedant

Tottenham are such shit that they only count as one letter, so how about Hawaii Five-0 Tottenham?

auz

Cannibal – unsurprisingly, the same show.

Nacho Cheese Kalevra

Came here for this. You have won the day.
To the top with you.

ThaatArsenalGuy

It’s been a long day

Beast Boy

Porks and Recreation: Orwellian single-camera sitcom depicts local gov’t run by communist pigs
Tree Detective: Staring Matthew Broderick as a corrupt lumberjack who speaks in riddles
Adventure Mime: I do not recommend this show

Charlotte

How I Bet Your Mother – a father reminisces with his children about how he once used their mother as a wager in a high-stakes poker game

Randy Pan the Arsenal Fan

How I Meat Your Mother
Young teenage boys searching the Internet for porn are surprised by amateur videos of their parents shagging.
Web cam feed of their reaction is relayed to a sniggering audience.

Stewart Robson's therapist

Only Foods and Horses – a documentary series on the horsemeat scandal.

ThaatArsenalGuy

Excellent !

hashtag

You just got thumbed down for praising another person´s contribution, yet the contribution itself doesn´t have a thumbs down!

Arse-Face

Thank you ever so much for imparting your wisdom, kind sir. It would have taken years for one such as myself to have figured that out alone. Truly I say, your knowledge knows no bounds.

hashtag

Just find it bizarre that a comment that says “excellent” has 7 thumbs down. What´s to hate? Although you seem like a bit of a hater

mollers

BRE

TheArseAndAll

Weep Show – A candid look at the most annoying crying faces of all time (i.e. Toby Macguire) :
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ouXknmJ6KWc/UMN4lkpqS2I/AAAAAAAADzc/j0CycdRQx4M/s1600/tobey-maguire-crying.jpg

Nacho Cheese Kalevra

Phil Jones would win this will all the grimace faces he makes over the course of ninety minutes.
He would come first, second and third. And the judges wouldn’t even know.

peteyb

The Gig Bang Theory – A group of MIT nerdy scientists go on tour popular metal band Slipknot in an attempt to create the perfect mosh pit.

Robin

The Big Gang Theory – Roller-skate wielding hoods battle to garner support for their theories on the origin of the universe across a dystopian Pasadena.

Arsenalista

The cig bang theory, exploding cigarettes…the HSE’s new advertisement against smoking.

chippy's chip

Neighbears….. where some russian cunt sells some dodgy shit to his neighbours.

chippy's chip

OOOOOOOOOSPINAAA

mollers

Well I fucked that up…

BREAKING BID – A round up of the weeks most ridiculous transfer rumours.

peteyb

Or ‘The Big Fang Theory’ – following the comings and goings in an average vampire’s dentist surgery.

InTheArse

Breaking Fad – Story of Walter and Jessi not giving a fuck about stupid trends.

TheArseAndAll

Don’t smell the bride – A one off special of Blind date. A man must choose between 3 women based on their answers to his questions and is contractually obliged to marry one. Little does he know, they all reek.

Stewart Robson's therapist

Holtby City – a six-part drama about the vile ghetto where failed Spurs signings are forced to live.

Fergie the Gooner

Battlestar Ballactica
Space opera following Michael Ballack’s quest to find a new home world.

Monkey Tennis

Shitwrecked – 12 contestants are dumped on a desert island with nothing but a week’s supply of vindaloo and Monster energy drink. Their only chance of survival is building a life raft from their own feaces…

ospina's thumb

Or alternatively, the fate of Tottenham once they move into their toilet bowl stadium.

InTheArse

BareDevil – Story of a ugly superhero, who scares away villains by baring it all

Owen

Mad Hen – we experience the ’60s through the eyes of an alcoholic, philandering chicken who is an advertising genius

GoonerN16

Ace!

Racerr

Two and a Half Ten – story of a special child and his journey towards becoming a mathematical genius

TheArseAndAll

My Shame is Earl – A man called Randy has a speaking growth (ala Quaid from Total Recall) he tries to keep hidden but ends up running his life and stealing his girlfriend.

TheArseAndAll

sorry

shitbird

Try “š” next time. Same sound as “sh,” but one letter.

GunnAlex

My Game is Earl – A man called Randy travels to Vegas to try and sell his wacky new table game. Comedy ensues.

GobiLux

Dull House – A series about a boring family in San Francisco were absolutely nothing happens.

Ugandan Arse

True Defective – A couple of repairmen go about fixing all the shoddy appliances uncaring manufacturers have released to the public.

woodnhrt

Devious Mails – an anonymous hacker who is determined to eliminate racism from football hacks emails of the London club and leaks to public all their dirty laundry exposing the real goings inside this shameful club

Rummy

‘Strictly Come Lancing’- Frenetic Saturday night entertainment where 12 celebrities compete to show off their boil pricking talents. Three expert judges give points based on accuracy, sanitation and amount of pus.

Arse-Face

If it was celebrities battling Knights on horses, I’d be there.

By the Eyes of Özil

Crappy Days:
A 40 something year old guy who tries to be a teenager and lives above the teenagers parents in a attempt to have a relationship with the daughter.

Ollie

Mouse.
A show about an angry Mouse with a limp and a cheese adiction slowly alienating and driving all of his friends away.

Exiledgooner

Come to Harrogate on a weekday afternoon, when the old dears are out shopping. You could let off a small nuclear weapon and they wouldn’t notice, bless ’em. You can have the full-on walking deaf experience. 😉

TheArseAndAll

The Brady Lunch – Cooking show with far too many cooks.

David C

hosted by Liam Brady?

Slim

Honk: A genius detective whose obsessive compulsive disorder is manifested by him shouting at clouds whenever someone honks their car horn.

TheArseAndAll

Once Upon a Lime – Tequila fuelled fairy tale adventures

Ugandan Arse

True Defective – A odd bunch of repairmen race against the clock to fix shoddy appliances claiming lives across the city. Which city, you ask? My city. Or yours.

leroy

trailer park roys – hodgson and keane team up in this mockumentary about life in the park, growing dope, and staying out of trouble

Stewart Robson's therapist

The Great British Rake Off. Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry are called in to judge the merits of Britain’s best aspiring gardeners.

Rummy

Dammit I was too slow!

Stewart Robson's therapist

Sorry mate! Bit selfish of me really since I’ve posted two already!

Rummy

‘Being: Liverpoo.’ A hard hitting documentary on Brendan Rodger’s management style. (‘.’ counts as a letter!)

Izzymuzzet

Blind Tate – Documentary that follows blind people around an art gallery

hashtag

This is my favourite!

Eric Hitchmo

25 – as if it didn’t drag on enough already…

mikeypoo

“come fine with me”: a gaggle of traffic wardens take turns to demonstrate their fining prowess and regularly criticise each other for buying their uniforms from the shop instead of hand stitching them.

Reginald Perrin

Snatch of the Day. Switch to the 900 channels around the same time of day for an idea.

TheArseAndAll

Would the person who caught them be holding them upside down by their ankles?

Izzymuzzet

The Rire – Like The Wire but set in Japan

Per's Labyrinth

Antiques Woadshow – Like Antiques Roadshow but narrated by Roy Hodgson

Karl

Rex & the city – About Gunnersaurus & friends (all mascots, of course) hip, but dramatic, life on the dating scene.

Cornelius P. Snuffington III

Mad Ben – Benik Afobe is back with a vengeance Creaking Bad – A horror series about a killer named Diabi whose limbs and various joints make a signature sound while haunting the club medical wing Sz (From HBO’s Oz, pronounced “szczez”) – The story of a prisoner who repeatedly gets sent into solitary for smuggling cigarettes into the shower Better Call Paul – After a massive wave of injuries and illnesses, a desperate Arsene Wenger recalls 47-year-old Paul Merson to the squad, hilarity ensues Dome Improvement – A documentary series about how so many Arsenal players maintain such spectacular… Read more »

Cockatoo from wallamallo

Fasterchef

a show where the speed of food preparation is the only measure of success. The fastest chef wins.

FullMetalGooner

Okay,so it’s 2 letters but I’d really like to see:

Nuns of Anarchy

the only sam is nelson

Bather Ted: series of learn-to-swim programmes featuring the residents of Craggy Island

TheArseAndAll

Last one…

Come Pine with Me – A slew of Arsenal fans collectively miss the Invincibles