Monday, May 20, 2024

And the team news is …

If you read the main blog this morning, you’ll have seen my take on the expected team news ahead of Monday’s game against Liverpool.

If not, I said, “My predictions: Welbeck still out, Wilshere still out but close, Rosicky obviously still out, hopefully no ill-effects from the game against Palace last week.”

Today, Arsene Wenger has released the latest info which is, “From the Palace game we have no injuries and we have still Wilshere, Welbeck and Rosicky to come back. And we have no suspensions. So we should have a similar squad for the Liverpool game.

“Rosicky is progressing nicely but he is far away. Wilshere should be the first back from those players, he is making good progress.”

So there you go then. It’s still so damn quiet that we had to post something, anything. We need something to keep ourselves occupied.

How about the old reliable, change ONE LETTER in TV series name to make an entirely new series. For example:

Gale of Thrones – strong winds affect Peter Dinklage’s attempts to become king

House of Carls – Lenny from Simpson’s decorates his new house with Carl wallpaper

Seinfelt – Stand-up comedian does a show about fabric manufacturing business

Twin Beaks – a young girl is murdered and suspicion falls on a two-mouthed pelican

Mouse – crippled be-whiskered doctor has to evade clumsy cat on a daily basis

Fawlty Towels – the manager of a hotel is incadescent with rage at the constant supply of torn absorbent cloths

South Bark – 4 young dogs get up to all kinds of adventures in a small Colorado town

Take it away in the comments …

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Joints of View
People write in to the bbc expressing their views on the legalisation of cannabis


Tons of Anarchy – The Chelsea squad, complete with Jose Mourinho, are locked in a window-less room which is then slowly filled with copies of the Sex Pistols song, Anarchy in the UK. Only once every person has admitted they’re a cunt can the floor be released beneath them. They get dropped into what appears to be searing hot lava thus prompting them to scream like banshees only for them to discover it’s out of date Tesco Value orangeade. John Terry and Jose, unbeknownst to each other, are actually tied together and are left to hang from the walls which… Read more »

Dr Zearse

Bongs of Praise –
Channelling Jesus through the mighty peace pipe


Coronation Scream

….I didn’t read the rules properly did I…


Boardwalk Umpire – From the beach to the crease, a tale of one boys desire to umpire.

Rectum Spectrum

lol nice

David C

The Big Bong Theory – stoners try to solve a world problem every episode only to forget what they were doing halfway through each episode. Generally speaking, hilarity ensues.

Bould's Eyeliner


Vietnam combat er meds fight gruesome war conditions with Moroccan resin, a remnant of French Polynesian influence, and young NPH finds out he is gay for the first time. Potatoes.


The Dummy Returns – a reality show following the chaotic return of a football manager to a London team he unceremoniously left a few years before


Bone With The Wind – a BT Sport special exploring the rehabilitation of footballers with broken metatarsal bones


Saturday Night Dive – New re-branded version of Match of The Day, coming in 2023. Ashley Young confirmed as host.


Battersea Logs Home
An emotional show documenting the treatment of fallen trees


Downton Alley – The seedy prostitute ridden sick covered and kebab strewn goings on behind the refinedness of the Abbey


You changed two letters. Ban him Blogs. No respect for the rules


If we´re allowed to change 2 letters I´m going with “Snatch of the Day”.


Sorry I forgot to explain this. Viewers send in pictures of their snatches to Gary and the team who provide their analysis. “Well Gary, the lack of grass on the pitch was definitely a factor”, after which there is a public vote where the best ones are displayed to the tune of Lightning Seeds Life of Riley. Remember note to vote on the re-run!

Hoosier Gunner

I will still vote #ssnhqsanchez or #goal8 no matter what.


Are the Brazilians still the best?


South Fark. The Pimpsons. And so on…


Breaking Sad – A recluse, who suffers with severe depression goes on a journey to find happiness.



Hairy Arse

breaking fad – a lonely young male from Ch*lsea tries not to a hipster wannabe cunt bucket like all those around him.


Surely TGSTEL ought to have his own show. Full ten seasons with a movie.




The Lion, The Bitch and the Wardrobe: Roger Cook returns for one final, special episode of the Cook Report, in which he goes in search of Walter Palmer, the infamous murderer of Cecil the lion, in order to bring him to account for his actions with some hard hitting questions. Mr Palmer is eventually located hiding in a wardrobe in the Longwell Green branch of DFS*.

DFS = Dem Fuckin’ Sofas


well seems no one is up for the challenge so here goes
THE MIXER: tales of a mixer in a confectioner shop which solves all problems that arise
Hawaii Five – 1 when the criminals strike one back


Tottenham are such shit that they only count as one letter, so how about Hawaii Five-0 Tottenham?


Cannibal – unsurprisingly, the same show.

Nacho Cheese Kalevra

Came here for this. You have won the day.
To the top with you.


It’s been a long day

Beast Boy

Porks and Recreation: Orwellian single-camera sitcom depicts local gov’t run by communist pigs
Tree Detective: Staring Matthew Broderick as a corrupt lumberjack who speaks in riddles
Adventure Mime: I do not recommend this show


How I Bet Your Mother – a father reminisces with his children about how he once used their mother as a wager in a high-stakes poker game

Randy Pan the Arsenal Fan

How I Meat Your Mother
Young teenage boys searching the Internet for porn are surprised by amateur videos of their parents shagging.
Web cam feed of their reaction is relayed to a sniggering audience.

Stewart Robson's therapist

Only Foods and Horses – a documentary series on the horsemeat scandal.


Excellent !


You just got thumbed down for praising another person´s contribution, yet the contribution itself doesn´t have a thumbs down!


Thank you ever so much for imparting your wisdom, kind sir. It would have taken years for one such as myself to have figured that out alone. Truly I say, your knowledge knows no bounds.


Just find it bizarre that a comment that says “excellent” has 7 thumbs down. What´s to hate? Although you seem like a bit of a hater




Weep Show – A candid look at the most annoying crying faces of all time (i.e. Toby Macguire) :

Nacho Cheese Kalevra

Phil Jones would win this will all the grimace faces he makes over the course of ninety minutes.
He would come first, second and third. And the judges wouldn’t even know.


The Gig Bang Theory – A group of MIT nerdy scientists go on tour popular metal band Slipknot in an attempt to create the perfect mosh pit.


The Big Gang Theory – Roller-skate wielding hoods battle to garner support for their theories on the origin of the universe across a dystopian Pasadena.


The cig bang theory, exploding cigarettes…the HSE’s new advertisement against smoking.

chippy's chip

Neighbears….. where some russian cunt sells some dodgy shit to his neighbours.

chippy's chip



Well I fucked that up…

BREAKING BID – A round up of the weeks most ridiculous transfer rumours.


Or ‘The Big Fang Theory’ – following the comings and goings in an average vampire’s dentist surgery.


Breaking Fad – Story of Walter and Jessi not giving a fuck about stupid trends.


Don’t smell the bride – A one off special of Blind date. A man must choose between 3 women based on their answers to his questions and is contractually obliged to marry one. Little does he know, they all reek.

Stewart Robson's therapist

Holtby City – a six-part drama about the vile ghetto where failed Spurs signings are forced to live.

Fergie the Gooner

Battlestar Ballactica
Space opera following Michael Ballack’s quest to find a new home world.

Monkey Tennis

Shitwrecked – 12 contestants are dumped on a desert island with nothing but a week’s supply of vindaloo and Monster energy drink. Their only chance of survival is building a life raft from their own feaces…

ospina's thumb

Or alternatively, the fate of Tottenham once they move into their toilet bowl stadium.


BareDevil – Story of a ugly superhero, who scares away villains by baring it all


Mad Hen – we experience the ’60s through the eyes of an alcoholic, philandering chicken who is an advertising genius




Two and a Half Ten – story of a special child and his journey towards becoming a mathematical genius


My Shame is Earl – A man called Randy has a speaking growth (ala Quaid from Total Recall) he tries to keep hidden but ends up running his life and stealing his girlfriend.




Try “š” next time. Same sound as “sh,” but one letter.


My Game is Earl – A man called Randy travels to Vegas to try and sell his wacky new table game. Comedy ensues.


Dull House – A series about a boring family in San Francisco were absolutely nothing happens.

Ugandan Arse

True Defective – A couple of repairmen go about fixing all the shoddy appliances uncaring manufacturers have released to the public.


Devious Mails – an anonymous hacker who is determined to eliminate racism from football hacks emails of the London club and leaks to public all their dirty laundry exposing the real goings inside this shameful club


‘Strictly Come Lancing’- Frenetic Saturday night entertainment where 12 celebrities compete to show off their boil pricking talents. Three expert judges give points based on accuracy, sanitation and amount of pus.


If it was celebrities battling Knights on horses, I’d be there.

By the Eyes of Özil

Crappy Days:
A 40 something year old guy who tries to be a teenager and lives above the teenagers parents in a attempt to have a relationship with the daughter.


A show about an angry Mouse with a limp and a cheese adiction slowly alienating and driving all of his friends away.


Come to Harrogate on a weekday afternoon, when the old dears are out shopping. You could let off a small nuclear weapon and they wouldn’t notice, bless ’em. You can have the full-on walking deaf experience. 😉


The Brady Lunch – Cooking show with far too many cooks.

David C

hosted by Liam Brady?


Honk: A genius detective whose obsessive compulsive disorder is manifested by him shouting at clouds whenever someone honks their car horn.


Once Upon a Lime – Tequila fuelled fairy tale adventures

Ugandan Arse

True Defective – A odd bunch of repairmen race against the clock to fix shoddy appliances claiming lives across the city. Which city, you ask? My city. Or yours.


trailer park roys – hodgson and keane team up in this mockumentary about life in the park, growing dope, and staying out of trouble

Stewart Robson's therapist

The Great British Rake Off. Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry are called in to judge the merits of Britain’s best aspiring gardeners.


Dammit I was too slow!

Stewart Robson's therapist

Sorry mate! Bit selfish of me really since I’ve posted two already!


‘Being: Liverpoo.’ A hard hitting documentary on Brendan Rodger’s management style. (‘.’ counts as a letter!)


Blind Tate – Documentary that follows blind people around an art gallery


This is my favourite!

Eric Hitchmo

25 – as if it didn’t drag on enough already…


“come fine with me”: a gaggle of traffic wardens take turns to demonstrate their fining prowess and regularly criticise each other for buying their uniforms from the shop instead of hand stitching them.

Reginald Perrin

Snatch of the Day. Switch to the 900 channels around the same time of day for an idea.


Would the person who caught them be holding them upside down by their ankles?


The Rire – Like The Wire but set in Japan

Per's Labyrinth

Antiques Woadshow – Like Antiques Roadshow but narrated by Roy Hodgson


Rex & the city – About Gunnersaurus & friends (all mascots, of course) hip, but dramatic, life on the dating scene.

Cornelius P. Snuffington III

Mad Ben – Benik Afobe is back with a vengeance Creaking Bad – A horror series about a killer named Diabi whose limbs and various joints make a signature sound while haunting the club medical wing Sz (From HBO’s Oz, pronounced “szczez”) – The story of a prisoner who repeatedly gets sent into solitary for smuggling cigarettes into the shower Better Call Paul – After a massive wave of injuries and illnesses, a desperate Arsene Wenger recalls 47-year-old Paul Merson to the squad, hilarity ensues Dome Improvement – A documentary series about how so many Arsenal players maintain such spectacular… Read more »

Cockatoo from wallamallo


a show where the speed of food preparation is the only measure of success. The fastest chef wins.


Okay,so it’s 2 letters but I’d really like to see:

Nuns of Anarchy

the only sam is nelson

Bather Ted: series of learn-to-swim programmes featuring the residents of Craggy Island


Last one…

Come Pine with Me – A slew of Arsenal fans collectively miss the Invincibles

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