Saturday, April 13, 2024

Flamini removed from kit builder, ceases to exist

Mathieu Flamini has ceased to exist having been finally removed from the kit builder on the official Arsenal website.

Earlier this week, as the new kit was launched, fans were left wondering why it was you could still order a ‘Flamini 20’ shirt, but not an ‘Arteta 8’ or a ‘Rosicky 7’.

All three are out of contract this summer and set to leave the Emirates, but the removal of the Frenchman from the website’s back-end has had unintended consequences.

It’s reported that the midfielder was enjoying a Slush Puppy (blue) with friends at a local park when it happened, and simply disappeared from sight. Scientists are now questioning whether or not this might have wider implications for the universe as a whole.

“Right now we remember Flamini,” said Godfrey Twattschlock, Professor of Applied Science and Timeology at the University of Northumbria, “but what happens if we start to forget?

“And what if by forgetting it comes to pass that he never existed at all? We could be looking at a paradox that could open up a wormhole that could create a pathway between dimensions.

“There’s the one where Flamini is as good at football as he is at pointing and shouting. There’s the one where Mesut Ozil is his arch-nemesis. The one where he never two-foots anyone. The multiverse theory covers every eventuality.

“But there’s also the one where Flamini’s seed never made the grade, and he simply wasn’t born.

“The effect on Arsenal’s history could be catastrophic as, in the summer of 2004, they signed a young Frenchman on a free named Jaques A’Taque, who turned out to be a sleeper agent for a robot army who invaded the earth and enslaved us all.”

Professor Twattschlock’s reading of the situation might well be a glass half empty one, but until such time as we’re hooked up to machines and milked by Automatrons, we’ll never know.

A spokesperson for Arsenal refused to comment, except to say ‘This is a load of bollocks.’

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He came, he saw, he saved the world and hacked people in the box.


I think Ox is leading the marketing department now. His strategy? Maximum bantz.


Maybe they have sold out of Flamini #20 shirts.

Like the time I tried to find a BORT license plate for my youngest.


“I’m sorry were you taking to to me?”

“No, my son is also named Bort.”

PS I want a pointing parade in honour of our former number 20.


I think they are retiring the jersey.


Or the sleeves at least.

YaYa SirNoGo

Meaning OZIL contract talks broke down !!!

Super Joshi

This post is exactly the reason I refuse to read any other football blogs.

Thank you.


I know what you mean mate – only at Arseblog, in post like this does one truly get to the heart of the matter.

10/10 for the post 🙂


It’s up to Mathieu to go back to June 1983 and get his parents back together at the Moon Under The Sea dance.


It’s up to Mathieu to go back to June 1983 and get his parents back together at the Enchantment Under The Sea dance.

John 'John Radford' Radford

I’ve got this small rough red-ish mole on my arse – is that normal?


WebMD says it’s a bad case of the Spurs. Happens when you fall on your arse at the end of a season.

Mississippi Gunner

He went to find Daenarys Targaryan


I see what you did there.
He does look the spitting image of that character.


A similar thing happened to me when I was politely asked to retire from my Fifa player career at the age of 32, having just won my 3rd Champions League in a row, and then all my sense of self worth and accomplishment vanished before my eyes.

Darth Binks

Arseblog K Dick.

Evil Abed

In a different timeline, Evil Flamini is calling for Britain to leave the EU

Super Joshi

Ironically I just came across this very interesting article on Brexit. As Europhile Gooners we have a big stake in this.


Prof. Twattschlock was my lecturer when I studied Advanced Timeology at that same University.

He was a good man. R.I.P.

But wait, if he’s dead, how did he conduct this interview? Unless…..



Godfrey Twattschlock – isn’t he related to Cunty Bollocks?


Cunty bollocks nee. Cunty Twat was his mother.


I’ll try not to read these at work, for the sake of keeping my job, seeing how spewed coffee and computers do not mix well. And, in general, cackling like an idiot at your desk while everyone around you pretends to work doesn’t look very good.

“Godfrey Twattschlock, Professor of Applied Science and Timeology at the University of Northumbria”.
That got me good.

Top one, Blogs, thank you 🙂


The comments are gold as well..!

Tom Bush

The scissors cut Jersey should be embalmed. #20 #nolongsleeeves


I heard Flam was last seen running off with the Pointer Sisters…

Jimmy's a Rimmer

Did he not get into the French squad? Tragedy.

Daft Aider

FFS, he was going to save the world until somebody let a bloomin Sp*ds fan near a time machine,
now we’re all doomed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!

A Different George

Wasn’t Flamini on the reviewing stand during the May Day Parade in Moscow? I have the photo right here–oh, wait.

Jeremy Mathews

Did the Slush Puppy disappear with him, or fall to the ground and make a mess?

It really reflects poorly on your reporting skills that this wasn’t addressed in the first place.

dan Hunter

Come on Flamini buy Kroenkes shares!!


I might have to use the name Godfrey Twattschlock in the future.

Godfrey Twattschlock

No one uses the name Godfrey Twattschlock in vain!

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