Here’s are some bits and bobs from Arsenal’s xx with Lyon in the Dubai Super Cup this afternoon as we begin pre-season 2, the re-seasoning.
Starting XI: Hein, Cedric, Holding, Tierney, Elneny, Lokonga, Nelson, Odegaard, Vieira, Nketiah
Reiss Nelson hits the post.
Fabio Vieira through on goal, should score, but the keeper saves with his ballbag, then lies down trying not to be sick. Is it possible to vomit up your own balls? Possibly.
GOOOOALLL!! 1-0, Gabriel header from a Martin Odegaard corner. Keeper complains but he’s probably still trying not to puke a testicle.
Eddie Nketiah goes down injured. Gets back up again.
Swift Arsenal break, Tierney cross/shot deflects over. Vieira pulls a shot wide after good work from Eddie.
Drinks break: 6 Capri Sun, 3 Lucozade Sport, one cup of tea, and a banana milk.
Lyon threaten, Dembele shoots not too far over.
WOOOOOOOWW, FABIO VIEIRA 3-0!!!! What a hit. Again, lovely Arsenal football. It looked for a second like we might have overcooked it, but Vieira curled a shot from outside the box right into the top corner. Perfectly cooked. Delicious.
Gabriel almost gets his second, glances a Cedric cross wide. He’s frustrated with himself. The man loves a goal.
Half-time: Arsenal 3-0 Lyon. We have been good. Lyon are not good.
Marquinhos comes on for Vieira at the break. Lacazette shoots over.
Laurent Blanc looks like a frustrated school principal whose work life is made worse by his tearaway teenage son who has fallen in with a bad crowd and was recently arrested for graffitiing an acid-house Pac-man on the side of a local politician’s house. Secretly though, he’s proud because the politician is a right twat.
Ooooooh, Marquinho forces a great save from the keeper. He cut in on his left foot, unleashed a fine shot which Anthony Lopes tips onto the bar.
Ooooooh, Elneny just wide after Arsenal worked it well. Shot from just outside the box, curled just beyond the post.
Lyon make a load of subs, one of whom is former Arsenal player, The Jeff. Another ex-Gunner departs, with Alex Lacazette coming off.
Marquinhos hits the side netting with the goal at his mercy – Lopes came for a cross, didn’t get there and fell over. No whistle for a foul, the young Brazilian ought to have scored there.
LOADS of Arsenal changes in the 66th minute. Too many to mention, it’s basically the entire team, but the likes of Ethan Nwaneri, Myles Lewis-Skelly, Matt Smith, and Amario Cozier-Duberry are introduced.
Great save Karl Hein, tips a Dembele header around the post.
More Lyon subs.
Lovely touch Mikel Arteta on the sideline. Still got it.
Almost 4-0! Cirjan’s shot hits the post, and Lyon do just enough to scramble the rebound wide.
What a tackle Lino Sousa.
Chance Cozier-Duberry, doesn’t make good contact with his header at the back post. And the 17 has another sight of goal as the clock winds down, but fires over from inside the box.
Full-time. Arsenal 3-0 Lyon.
The Dubai Super Cup rules mean there’s a penalty shoot-out afterwards, with a bonus point up for grabs for each side.
⚽️ Marquinhos 1-0
❌ The Jeff 1-0 (Hein save!)
⚽️ Smith 2-0
⚽️ Some Lyon lad 2-1
❌ Cirjan 2-1 (attempted Panenka, keeper stood up and just caught it)
❌ Some other Lyon lad 2-1 (Hein saves again!)
❌ Cozier-Duberry 2-1 (saved)
❌ Yet another Lyon lad 2-1 (Hein saves once more!)
❌ Walters 2-1 (over the bar!)
❌ LOLOLOLOL – the worst Panenka you will ever see, the easiest save Hein will ever make. 2-1
Arsenal win the shoot-out and gain the extra point.