Thursday, July 18, 2024

Evra quits United to become full-time Nasri agent

Arseblog News understand that Patrice Evra has called time on his career with Manchester United so that he can focus fully on his role as Samir Nasri’s spokesperson.

The former France international, who has spent the summer living with Barcelona-based mentors Xavi and Carlos Puyol, is thought to be the first player to sacrifice the rigours of life in the Premier League in order to selflessly help a peer achieve his own personal goal of kicking a football for riches unknown to the common man.

Nasri is believed to have called on the services of Evra after spending the summer being forced to play pre-season football at gun point. Trafficked to London by Arsene Wenger in 2008 the playmaker is desperate to escape the clutches of his evil, silver-haired compatriot as soon as possible.

Eager to aid his client in breaking free of the shackles of a privileged life in one of the world’s great cities, Evra made told The Sun that he would do everything possible to see Nasri fill his place at Manchester United.

“I’ve talked a lot with him in the holidays and told him how great it is to play for Manchester United and how important it would be for him to become one of the biggest players in the world,” said the representative.

“I remember I made that little joke saying that he’s a prince now but if he wants to be the king then he has to join Man United.

“But that’s the reality – and I’ve told him that. I said, ‘If you want to win trophies, you have to come here’.

“In five years I’ve won 12 trophies and I don’t know if I’d have won more than that with another club. So I just told him the truth.

“I don’t know how negotiations are at the moment but he has a lot of clubs interested in him and he has to think.

“I just told him how good it would be for him coming here. He will have a nice welcome and I can help as well because I’m French.

“We’ve spoken a lot in the summer and also when we met up for friendly games with France at the end of the season. It was looking interesting but I don’t know, we’ll have to see.”

Reflecting on the possibility that the star man on his client roster could shun a move to Old Trafford in favour of earning a gazillion pound contract at Manchester City, Evra attempted to maintain a straight face before suggesting that ‘gloire’ should be the driving ambition of a man who has spent his career scratching around in the lower echelons of the Premier League.

“If he goes to City it’s his choice. But I know, as a player, if I have Manchester United and Manchester City, I’d go straight away for United.

“It can be for the money. But I’d prefer to go for the glory. He said it’s a privilege a club like United want him but he has to think about his future and talk with his agent [me].”

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Evra is nothing but a big mouthed, junky, autistic, hairy, vorticella. Fuck him!


Evra has taken over Puyol and is closing the gap on xavi in the league of shit fucking cunts


Players/managers/clubs found quilty of tapping up should be punished by having a points reduction issued on their club. That would put a stop to anyone talking about anyone else they want to sign/unsettle.

Ant Sims

Hilarious. Some of your best work yet. Who knows, next Denilson might become an agent for every single Brazillian without flair. He says he can relate them their feeling inadequate and even though it’s not normal for Brazillians to be shite, it happens sometimes. Like when men shoot blanks, etc etc.


If they want out let, let them. If we had won any thing major over the last couple of seasons there would not be a single player looking to the door. They are all part of the team that let wenger down if they don’t want to stay and make it right let them go ( if at first you dont succeed move on to where it’s easier) we don’t need those type of players .
To much show biz not enough heart.


Nasri is as much of a cunt as Evra. Give them both polio.

Patanjali Pahwa

I hate Joey Barton, but just once, I hope we buy that crazy wanker and ask him to slide into Evra’s balls. Then spend the rest of the season relating each moment on twitter. Does Wenger read these blogs?

George Blazenby

heh, 10/10

Lord Dazza

Thats a great idea, buy Barton for a few million, get him to hammer evra in both games and that greaseball xavi if we’re lucky enough to play them. Money well spent


evra is a two-faced moron…not long ago they were giving eachother stick…

man-up arsenal and focus on getting one more solid defender. I think the club and fans need to focus inwards on how we can lift trophys soon.

Wouldnt hurt if the fans at emirates maybe sung a little louder…aim to be the loudest most supportive supporters instead spending energy hating everyone and even some of our own players…


Stupid french fuck. Go kiss a monkey’s arse, and suck on a donkey’s left nut. Twat


evra is a dirty little cunt.

Jumping Jesus

Arsenal quit title challenging to become full-time bitter has-beens lol

Fed up of Barca

Wow Barcelona sign him up, Evra’s just as much of a cunt as all those catalan cunts.



Bonjour M. Patanjali Pahwa. Oui. Je lis ce blog chaque jour et je le trouve incroyablement precis et intelligent. Comme moi. Merci M. Blog d’Arse pour votre blog-genie.

Maintenant je vais faire du shopping pour (1) un marteau put arranger la tete de ce con Evra and (2) Joey Barton et un back-de-centre.

Soyez patients mes amis. Arsene


I’d sell him to Man Utd. But infect him with ebola just before so he can at least take out a few of those cunts with him.


This is pretty funny (united fan) good satirical piece…… Although evra is spot on he shouldn’t be getting involved….


Beats me how we have all ended up here discussing Evra. To be candid, he doesn’t deserve any type of recognition, however cheap. Frankly, I think the guy is retarded. He churns out senseless statements so often it’s a miracle he understands the game of football. Who else could work with Demento anyway? And Nasri is the one encouraging this. It’s not like he’s the next Pele or something so what’s all the fuss about? Arsene, please flog this lad to wherever. To hell with them both. This might sound extremely dumb, but I’m so sick of everything Nasri that… Read more »

Mr Teddy Ears

why wont anyone do anything about this prick ?


All joking aside, this is a player admitting to tapping up another player, if the FA had any balls whatsoever then this horrible cunt would be done for this.
And the biggest fucking joke of all is that red nosed fucking cunt Ferguson is still whingeing about the FA being too hard on them??????
Bunch of cunts……..


Hate to say it but hes got a point though!


Fucking hate this prick!
He’s up there with sheringham as the most loathsome cunts ever to play football

As for Nasri he would have signed a deal by now if he was going to. I’d flog him the ungrateful fucktoad


Garrygoon, what point does he have? Has Evra ever said anything reasonable?
I say again that it’s all Nasri’s fault. SELL HIM


Is evra employed by Barca???


Love how you did a Daily Mail. Didn’t know which was funnier the article or the response it provoked. Mate you’re a legend.


Love it. Great stuff


Offer Nasri 110 per week. That is fair in this market. Make it four years and tell him when he is 27 and in his prime he can renegotiate a new contract and in four years he will be able to get more. If he says no than he is never going to resign. Sell him to whoever pays the most. Done. Buy a new player and sign him for 6 years.


Evra is without a doubt the second most annoying cunt in the premiership. I’d love to tap dance on his testicles and call him Sheila. However… Utd 12 trophies 5 years AFC 0 trophies 6 years. As much as it pains me to say it the arrogant righteous little twat has us bang to rights there.

Jumping Jesus

I think Arsenal should stump up Nasri to the mighty reds anyway. After all we let you have Silvestre. Fair’s fair. If you’re going to be our feeder club you need to start playing ball instead of crying everytime one of your players wants to make the step up to playing for a top side. Jesus….so much wingeing.




Why do you want nasri when you have obertan.


At the least just fuck off back to




love the article…pretty great stuff…keep it up


Evra is clearly a cunt and always has been. Nasri is fine by me until he actually publicly attempts to force a move away, because for me he signed a contract and hasn’t shown any intention of not fulfilling it, and has left it up to the club to decide. Fair enough really.

Ken N. C

A reminder of what he had been saying:
11 men vs 11 babies
They tried to stop me from playing the CL final
They are a training centre
I was right, they’re just a training centre
Little prince, if you want to be king you know where to go
etc etc

Gossip Gooner

Haha 11 men vs 11 babies. I didn’t know 11 men were able to be beaten by 11 babies in such a way. And what if it’s a training center? It’s a hell of a lot easier to buy players than make them top class. You’re welcome. Those 11 men should feel ashamed not high and mighty. And you’d think a club who portray themselves as high and mighty should do something about a completely dimwitted doushbag of person acting as their spokesperson. You can take your 12 trophies. It doesn’t make you any less of a cunt. XOXO Gossip… Read more »


Fucking great picture. More news should be done this way.


So brilliant it must be true!


Check out the photo, Evracunt is giving Nasricunt a reach round – you know it! Still, it makes a change to see Evracunt using his mouth for speaking out of for a change.


No wonder EVRA could not lead the French team to a dignifying competition. He became the worst captain ever at the world cup. Such a twat.


the headline was enough. i didn’t even need article.

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