Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Match Report: Chelsea 3 – 5 Arsenal – YOU BEAUTY!

Let me tell you a story. A story about an Arsenal team who can’t defend, can attack and have a Dutch striker who is the most beautiful man I have ever seen!

A story about a Gunners side who travelled to Stamford Bridge in hope and left with five goals, three glorious points and the knowledge that they made John Terry look like a total tool…

A football story. A wonderful football story.


Having not won away from home in the Premier League in eight games, a run stretching back to a 3-1 win at Blackpool at the tail end of last season, today’s game against Chelsea didn’t fill many Arsenal fans with hope.

That we started so shakily seemed to suggest that the eleven men who started in the red and white felt the same. Indeed, inside the first five minutes both Ashley Cole and Daniel Sturridge got behind Djourou and Santos on the flanks with Andre Villas-Boas obviously telling his side to target us in wide areas.

We were certainly on the back foot from the outset, so it came as a surprise when great work in defence by Ramsey saw Walcott set free. His first touch lofted the ball behind Ashley Cole and he then killed him for pace. The ball across the box was laid on a plate for Gervinho who somehow screwed the ball wide. Inside a minute and Walcott again put in a great cross, this time Van Persie hit the ball over the box. Two guilt edge chances spurned and the type you can’t afford to miss.

Of course, two minutes later and we were punished. Andre Santos was beaten far too easily by Juan Mata who whipped a ball into the box. Per Mertesacker slipped at the near post and Lampard headed past a stranded Szczesny.

The game was incredibly stretched. Time after time players from both sides had great success finding space down the flanks, only the final ball and bad control preventing an increase in the scoreline. Andre Santos in particular appeared to be struggling with the pace of the game, optimistically holding his hand up for offside having watched the likes of Bosingwa and Sturridge skip past him.

Just before the half hour matk another ball over the defence saw the dangerous Sturridge skip between Santos and Koscielny. Bearing down on goal with only Szczesny to beat, he sliced his shot and watched it bobble past the post. It was a real let off for Arsene Wenger’s side who for all their attacking guile, looked far too open at the back.

Working hard to get back into the game, the midfield kept possession of the ball for a good few minutes before patiently putting all the pieces of the jigsaw together. Having looked tidy all game Aaron Ramsey found time on the edge of the Chelsea box and threaded a delightfully weighted ball through to Gervinho who had escaped John Terry. The Ivorian this time kept his head in front of Petr Cech, laid the ball sideways to Van Persie and the Dutchman couldn’t miss. From six yards out he made it 1-1.

As is always the case with this Arsenal side, you expect them to concede almost immediately after scoring. Targeting Santos, Chelsea again managed to whip a ball across the box which resulted in the ball flying into the back of the net. Only the linesman’s flag came to the rescue. Offside. No goal.

Van Persie had a free-kick which he curled just over the bar, but just when you wanted Arsenal to hold tight before half-time, the defence proved that they have the concentration of a six-year-old who’d been fed noting but Red Bull for 24 hours. A corner from Lampard sailed over the everybody and landed at John Terry’s right foot. He bundled the ball home having been allowed plenty of space from Per Mertesacker – an abject bit of ‘defending’ from the German. That was the sixth goal conceded from a set piece in the Premier League this season and saw Arsenal head into the break losing 2-1 despite a decent attacking showing.

We raced out of the traps in the second half, both Van Persie and Ramsey having decent chances before brilliant work from Song released Santos and the Brazilian calmly slotted home to make things level again. What a start to the second half! Anybody who follows me on Twitter will have seen I predicted him to score as well. *pats self on back*

Score a goal…well obviously we should try and concede.

Charging out of his box Szczesny tripped Ashley Cole. It looked almost certain that  the ref was going to send him off, but after some consideration out came a yellow card instead . From the resulting free-kick, the Pole was forced into a great save from Lampard.

Everybody knows about the Cruyff turn and the Ronaldo step-over, but in years to come Arsenal fans will talk about the Walcott fall over…in a good way. On 55 minutes our flying winger invented his very own ‘skill’.

Playing a quick free-kick to van Persie he received the ball back charged at the Chelsea defence, fell over, watched the ball run the other side of the defenders, got up, ran some more, found himself one-on-one with Cech and smashed the ball home inside the near post. Crazy stuff and a just reward from a player who put in a good shift. 3-2!

My Dad proceeded to text: “Fantastic!” Seconds later, my mum added “I feel sick!”…I think those messages summed up the mood on the hour mark pretty well.

Having a barnstorming game Ramsey did brilliantly to set himself up in the box then Gervinho nearly reached a through ball. After that the game turned scrappy. A spate of substitutions saw Lukaku and Meireles replace Mikel and Ramires while Carl Jenkinson and Tomas Rosicky come on for Djourou and Walcott.

Going into the last twelve minutes it was all about whether Arsenal could hold onto a lead. They couldn’t. Andre Santos, who had shown a marked improvement, slipped and the ball fell to Mata. Our summer transfer target then did the damage with a superb dipping effort which beat Szczesny. 3-3. How many times do they score wonder goals against us at that end?

I honestly thought we were going to capitulate at that moment. But the next big mistake instead came from Chelsea. He may have thought his week was improving after scoring in the first half, but John Terry instead again found himself the fall guy . Slipping after a ball was passed back to him, he could only watch on his arse as Van persie waltzed past Cech and slotted him to make it 4-3 with six minutes to go.

Four minutes of injury-time. Chelsea attacking. Please hold on, please hold on, please hold. Break…break…break. Give it to Van PersiEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. YES. YES. YES. YES. YES.

5-3! Game over. A glorious, glorious, glorious result.


Starting XI: Szczesny, Djourou, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Andre Santos, Song, Arteta, Ramsey, Walcott, Gervinho, Van Persie

Subs: Fabianski, Jenkinson, Vermaelen, Frimpong, Rosicky, Arshavin, Park.


CARLING CUP DRAW: For those who missed it earlier. Arsenal drew Manchester City in the next round of the Carling Cup. Match will be played at the Emirates in the week commencing 28th November.

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I’m so happy it was john terry that fell on his arse. i’m so so so so so happy about that.

La Gooner

I had an orgasm ! lol


Change your undies !


How the fuck did even one person not like that comment?


Blogs, i can only assume that wet wipes are so moist these days that it was just a slip of the finger. Heh….

Eric Irish gunner

Chelsea scum maybe


It was John Terry


Actually he fell on his face, so even better 🙂


Give RvP a 1M contract a week please… tonight!


I’m down with that. Every time I see him play these days, I feel like I’m watching Thierry Henry again. His goals certainly warrant the pay rise.


FUCK YEA!!! I have been longing for Days like these!!!!

H.P Arsecraft

I am absolutely devastated…. I just cant describe the feeling in any other way. Devastatingly, positively, shellshocked by the ARSENAL! This is football, this is the Arsenal, this is what I love!!


Stuck at Inverness airport when we did the Double in 98. Stuck at Inverness airport when we reminded the chavs what class, history and tradition are all about.

Must come here more often.

Merlin's Panini

Can you go there every weekend? 🙂

Eric Irish gunner

Spot on about santos scoring aswell merlins

H.P Arsecraft

Would you mind living there?


Would they allow him to live in the airport? We could have a whip round to keep him in beer & crisps (0;


do a tom hanks and move in mate


Arsenal should pay you to be there for every Arsenal match !!

Eric Irish gunner

Well done mooro on your rvp hat trick prediction on earlier post, get fucking in there YES


Cheers Eric lad. How long since we all felt like this? Barca at home maybe?

Happy fuckin days mate.


Ecstatic! One of the crazier games I’ve seen this year, second only to the first leg vs. the C**talans!


Agreed, this game will live long in my memory! 1-Nil er, I mean 5-3 to the Arsenal!

Bring on City in the Carling Cup!


yeah! We are back!! The corner have been turned and now far behind!!! COYG!!!!


I’ll consider the dcorner turned when Arsenal sits confortably in the top 4 , where they belong


You complete and utter waste of space


That’s OK, you are mouth breathing John Terry look-a-like.


‘John Terry look like a total tool…’
wouldnt fool be better?



yeah! We are back!! The corner has been turned and now far behind!!! COYG!!!!


Just won 10 dollars from my friend on this game! THANK YOU VAN PERSIE!!!!!


your gay.




Wake up at 6:30AM my time to watch Chelsea get hammered. ! YeeeHaaaaaw!

Now the fire Wenger crowd can go sit on a sharp stick ! Sweeeeeet!


did you just see the sky analysis? terry didn’t slip. he just fell over once he realised he didn’t stand a chance. that, my friends, is fucking hilarious.




Do u know what? i had the same feeling…look at the way he falls, so slow.
JT captain, legend, LOL.

Eric Irish gunner

Haha the wanker terry


Fucking yes!
I’m sure if that “slip” comes out on youtube he’ll insist he didn’t slip on purpose and vow to clear his name – “I categorically deny to falling over on purpose, i would never do that, i was merely being a fucking useless patchy haired donkey cunt…….”


A wonderful fotball story indeed!! CH3L5EA


Ar5enal Ch3lsea


Wish I’d had an Aryton Senna on the RVP hat-trick prediction I posted t’other day. Not so much on the 3-1 score prediction though.


I said that we would lose. I am a complete and utter fucking idiot who knows nothing about football!

Fucking brilliant day!


Not many here come back to face up to the facts after their ‘predictions’. Lots of respect for you mate, you’re a fan that argues valid points without any abuse and can enjoy a win like a true gooner!! You have what certain wankers lack – it’s called perspective!! Well done!

I’m still on top of the world with that win! 🙂 Terry slipped! Racist Terry slipped! LOL!


RVP’s second goal is an absolute joy to watch.

Gooner in thailand still tuning in!

I’m no longer in Thailand, I’m on cloud nine! I honestly thought we looked immense in that second half. I thought the team did arsene and ourselves proud! Kozza was brilliant again, rambo, song and arteta were fantastic, the balance between the 3 of them gets better game by game 🙂 Walcott always seems to shine against the blues! RVP say no more! Captain vantastic indeed! Great day. I only wish I could watch it again on MOTD


that nickname should really stick. CAPTAIN VANTASTIC!!!!




The away fans were great , respect to you .
The players were brilliant , kept beliving
Now it for the home fans to marry to two and we are up and away .


I hope john terry gets some sort of eye infection from an allergic reaction to the grass and dirt he dug up with his baggy eyed shit of a face.

What a fucking win!

Merlin's Panini

that’s an absolutely perfect comment. perfect.

Merlin's Panini

“He may have thought his week was improving after scoring in the first half, but John Terry instead again found himself the fall guy.” Literally.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Terry’s technique when being passed by a man with the ball = Rugby tackle Terry’s technique when being passed by a man who is out of arms reach = Dive to the ground to make it look as if you slipped thus hiding the fact that you are old, slow and over the hill. What a pathetic surrender. I don’t care what anybody says about them, no Arsenal defender would give up so easily. Terry has become a liability to Chel$ki but AVB supports him to the hilt, which is great, because I want Terry playing every game for them.… Read more »


How many more wonder goals will we concede this season? Surely, we can’t have any more, statistically these have to start ballooning over the post.

Merlin's Panini

I don’t care if we concede them if we still win.

Merlin's Panini

oh, and fuck Juan Mata.
Made the wrong choice there, didn’t he.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

What irritates me is that it’s all ex-Arsenal players or [email protected] that chose money over Glory with Arsenal that have been getting the wonder goals against us.

Luckily we have our own wonder goal scorer in RVP. Did you see that last shot of his. It had just the right amount of curl on it to take it away from where Cech expected it to be, and way too much power for him to have any chance of stopping it with his fingertips. He’s a teasing bastard is RVP and I love him.


Where are the doubters? Arsenal cant do that and that, oh please! We aeat the media babes and all that is left to say is a bad game because of poor defence, then how about branding the game the best game for goals scorers? To be honest, no Drogba no win against Arsenal for Chelski. We Vanpersied them and now for the top 2.


terry the non-racist so didn’t slip. He was beat by our man and he knew and he fell over because he’s pikey trash. Hahahahah!

Another barn storming performance for Kos. Well done the lad!


I can’t believe how many people used to harsh on Kos, he might be our best defender. can’t wait to see him and Vermaelen together. Per is good, but not as good as Verm and Kos. Heck, for most of last season Djourou looked a far sight better than Per. As far as I am concerned the CB problem is soved.


Dont judge Per far too soon, he’s been at Arsenal for just a few months. Kos been there for a year now. I think Per will be a massive CB for us once he’s settled in. Anyways it’s good for Arsenal.


No problem in having four PL proven/worthy CB’s.

We need to work on our fullback situation though.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Per is a great defender, but he’s still bedding in. He has class and will come good. One thing I would hope Arsene Wenger works on soon though is the wide gap that seems to open between Per and the RB in some of our games. Looking at the MOTD coverage Mr Blogs linked to it seems the BBC pundits have just recognised that problem. Ha! I was talking about it weeks ago. They must read Arseblog News. It is clear evidence that the BBC should offer me a job. I may be fick, fat and fifty, but I daresay… Read more »


wow, what a game! We still have one or two things to sort but I’ll have this kind of performance over playing without errors but losing. Let the season begin!


I can’t believe I missed this fucking game!!!!


I can’t believe I slept through this game!


Anton? – you of all people shouldn’t have missed that one what with what Terry said to you the other day! 🙂

Merlin's Panini

That had to be the best game ever. ever.
5 goals for the Arsenal.
John Terry made himself look like a total prick. Again. In front of his own fans.
Santos scored, like I said he would.
RVP got a hat trick.
Walcott’s goal was magic.
I couldn’t care less that we shipped 3. We scored 5.


holy shit you DID say santos would score. fuck i think you really are merlin!!

Merlin's Panini

I’m merely a panini.


I love arsenal


What is happening? We are winning games? I’m not used to this. I don’t know what this feeling is.
That slip from terry, the most hilarious moment of the match. Give that man an award.
Haters everywhere we go. Haters being Haters because ARSENAL FC IS BACK!!!


not to mention walcott today…

Pele of Romford

I was almost not let on my plane…! Heathrow security are wankers.
arsenal till I fucking die.

Ps. Is Wenger still out manager? for all those cunts who want him out.

Kings of London!!

Eric Irish gunner

Yes and were are all the fucking slaters now, come on you gunners I fucking love it 5-3 hahahaha


COYG! Couldnt stop saying ‘who are ya!’ to the chav’s fans… lol 😀

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

I feel sorry for those Chel$ki fans on Saturday. Most of them have been fans of their team for their whole lives (*), and it is hard to watch the team you love lose heavily like that.

(*) The other 98% of Chel$ki fans have already changed their allegiance to Manchester City.


I had a footballgarsm wen Vantastic scored the winner and hat-trick….. #flyingdutchman!! I love me ARSENAL!!!!

Alistair Coleman

The moment Terry fell flat on his face was one of the most satisfying in my entire 45 years on this planet. I LOLed and LOLed.


The EPL has gone nuts this season. Terrible defending in the 1st half but fabulous result. Ramsey, Walcott, Gervinho & RVP were great today. Arteta put in a solid performance as did Kos. Didn’t expect a win today, especially after the opening 15 minutes of the game.
Happy day!!


to be fair to santos, he got blocked off by lukaku for mata’s goal. decent performance overall, and got us the sweet leveller! great fucking night!


Did u see the chavs’ flags regarding their captain,they had ‘leader’ & ‘legend’ on them…
why no mention of him being a nasty racist & a cheating fuckwit?Best moment of the season so far when he fell over & RvP punished him!COYG!!!


GET IN THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you watch the 4th goal closely in slow motion you’ll see that Johnny Racist “slips” when he realises he can’t catch RVP. Fucking quality, sums that cunt up! Not to mention seeing the cunt in the ill fitting peacocks suit and the big nosed manc desperately trying not to give us any credit. I think i might get just a little bit pissed now! COYG!!!!!


Is Chelskis’ shithole the quietest ground in the world?!And the chavs called Highbury a library,you gotta pity those poor fools!


I thought our defending in the second half was very good. Just need to cut out the type of defending seen in the first half. Turns out you don’t become a crap team over night!

Kos, Gervinho, Walcott, Ramsey and Van Persie were awesome today. Santos had a good second half. Starting to look good!!


I can’t stop typing….too excited…Come on Arsenal!!!!!!!!!!


AR53NAL!!!!!! Nuff said!!


Love love love that man!
I Loves the Arsenal
Some players had a dodgy first half but the whole team was fantastic in the second half

For me, the stand out performers, Van persie, Ramsey, Walcott, Koscielny
What a great and beautiful day


I am literally a wreck after that game, that was amazing!
But gotta say that I thought it was a bit of a lucky deflection off Song for Mata’s goal plus Santos was fouled, wonder goal my arse. Also bloody brilliant turn around from the brazilian after that shocking first half, how many times did he just stick out a foot in the second half and come up with the ball, great stuff!


Santos is starting to stuff wingers coming down the outside.
Then he is always good for a goal !


Gotta love half time – full time bets, a glorious day and £40 richer! Get in!


Get in there mate!
You should’ve had that bet with redknapp & neville. You would’ve got £40 peacocks vouchers & free membership with mingers.com for life….


haha I loved the look on Nevilles face at the end of the match, looked like it hurt for him to praise the lads


Amazing victory and a game to watch over and over again until tuesday evening, what a day to be a gunner, so proud of our team!

Oleg Luzhny

28 Goals in 27 PL games….surely no one has been on a run like that ever?

And is Andre Marriner a Chelsea fan in disguise, felt all the niggly challenges were going against Arsenal, especially the Mata goal.


To be fair, he could’ve sent Szczsesny off..


Mate, to be fair, anyone that takes cuntley cunt out like that deserves a fucking medal, let alone a red card…..

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

I don’t believe that incident should have been red carded. We had two defenders that ‘could’ have intervened if the player had got past Chesney, and he didn’t raise his studs or do anything particularly dangerous other than head straight for the ball, as the Chelsea player was doing. Defenders get booked for that, so why should a goalkeeper be treated differently when he is not the last or second last defender?

gunn cabinet

van Persiiiiiiiieeeee!!! enough said.


John Terry slipped because TV5 was on the field….


My predictions were correct.


I hated it when the cunt(Terry) scored that goal. I was praying for the chance to wipe that smile of his smug looking face and then it got answered on the 85th minute 🙂


you and me both ‘bear, and our prayers were answered…..

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