Sunday, June 16, 2024

Match Report: Marseille 0 – 1 Arsenal – Were you awake to see the goal?

I’ve been drinking this evening so I’ll keep it short. If you bother to read this you’ll probably understand why…

Pre Game…

  • Arsenal line-up:  Szczesny, Per, Kos, Santos, Jenkinson, Rosicky, Arteta, Song, Van Persie, Walcott, Arshavin
  • ITV confirms they hate Arsenal fans by hiring Martin O’Neill, Roy Keane and Gareth Southgate to analyse the match. The former immediately reveals he and Arsene do not like each other. Keane looks annoyed to be abroad and Gareth Southgate’s hair makes me change channel.
  • Arsenal take to the field wearing the fateful blue ‘jockey’ away strip last seen at Old Trafford. Marseille opt for a Haribo coloured kit in something akin to neon puke.
  • Arsenal’s fans look noticeably isolated in a very empty stand being renovated ahead of Euro 2016.

First Half

  • Andre Santos plays like a middle-aged dad who has won the chance to play for Arsenal by picking a winning Tombola ticket. He gets booked early on and then should have been sent off for a handball. In between he makes a lot of passes to players who are not wearing an Arsenal shirt.
  • Carl Jenkinson runs up and down the right wing giving his all. I quite like him because he gets away with foul throwing every throw in and crosses the ball better than any right back Arsenal have had since Lee Dixon. He seems to give away a blatant penalty, but I, like the referee, choose to overlook the very obvious handball.
  • Theo Walcott does one of those dribbles you do on a computer game where you knock it past the defender and run. Basically what we all want Theo to do every game. His crossing though throughout the first 45 minutes is awful.
  • Koscielny acts as a calming presence in defence, tight on Remy and impressive in marshalling the defence. The midfield is pretty much non-existent, but so thankfully is Marseille’s.
  • Arsenal’s corners can almost be classed as threatening. None hit the first man and Van Persie has a header cleared off the line. In the build-up to the Dutchman’s effort it turns out we should have had a penalty. However, despite Marseille defender Diawara opting to clear the ball with a punch, nobody appeals. Apparently the extra official stationed behind the goal is blind.

Half Time

  • Roy Keane thinks the game is shit…you can tell his mind is elsewhere…perhaps Dale Farm.
  • Martin O’Neill thinks the game is shit, but figures Arsenal should be content. Gareth Southgate and his hair agree.

Second Half

  • … basically a childhood game of headers and volleys, but without any jumpers, any goalposts or any shots.
  • Nothing happens. Nothing.
  • …but then, out of nothing and really quite unbelievably, Aaron Ramsey scores in the 92nd minute. 1-0 to the Arsenal and three glorious points.


  • Possibly the most dull game of football I’ve watched in years…but we won.
  • The Marseille fans booed big time at the final whistle.
  • Arsenal remain unbeaten in the group stage, have seven points (yes…I did write eight earlier) and are top of the table.
  • A Welshman avenged his country’s defeat to the French egg-chasing team last weekend. Ramsey’s revenge.
  • I forgot to say that Laurent Koscielny was, by a long way, the Man of the Match. A brilliantly composed performance at the heart of defence.


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Switched over to BBC4 to watch Holy Flying Circus. It’s very good.


Clearly been drinking; otherwise, we actually have seven points.




Like I have said to those doubters, we will take one nil to the Arsenal. COYG


Wooooohoooo get in there….COYG. 100% is all the fans ask for and the lads delivered tonight they deserve maximum respect and all our support.


I think that should be seven points, not eight (last sentence).

Bromley Gooner

Who cares if it was exciting or not 3 points and excellent defensive show, I actually thought it was quite entertaining.


I second it.. it was fun..
although it might just have something to do with the fact that i just bought a new tv… 😛


christ – that reminded me of a latter day George Graham game – tedious beyond belief


Nasri is a cunt!


Move on fella seriously, this was old two months ago, and what the hell has he got to do with tonights result, why even mention him, he should be gone AND forgotten.


@padwoir. Thanks a lot mate, you’re the man.
Cant understand why these “lil kids” have refused to grow up. Nasri is gone and has indeed moved on with his life/career. Shouldn’t we do so too? The whole nasri is…thing has really gone very sour and stale!




Hats off to the most relevant comment in the whole of the tired “Nasri is a c*nt” trope. By actually being written in a context that makes the non sequitur actually have a connection to the article, you have delivered a clever deconstruction of the whole trope. Thereby, you have shown that it’s comic and critical value has been fully mined, and those using it must move on to remain avant garde.

Relevant how? Because Nasri grew up in Marseille and played for OM before joining Arsenal.

P.S. For generously giving you the benefit of the doubt, you’re welcome.


Oh woe to you Clarkee you have awoken the Thesaurus ! Think most of us were aware of the OM connection, however it still isn’t relevant, just a bit pathetic. Mind you, agree wholeheartedly with intelligent put down Jasonissimo, hat is being taken off.


Oh whatever, it made me laugh. Who needs maturity, the man is a cunt.

Johnny O

Carl and Kozza were the bollocks hope Carl’s alright cos Johan is much better on the bench


I thought Johan had his best game this season.


If Djourou gets back to the form he had for the first two thirds of last season he’s as good as Kozzer, they work very well together as well.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

If we want Djourou back to his old form then playing RB is the only possible way it’s going to happen as we surely don’t want to break up Koscesacker right when they’re developing a good partnership.

It’s going to be interesting to see who gives way when Vermaelen comes back.


Now who said you’re supposed to find a way to dig out wins when you don’t play particularly well? And who said that beautiful football counts for nothing if you don’t win? And who said the performance hardly matters, true champions always find a way to win? Ok, we’re not champions by any means but we found a way to win!

Anyway whoever the fuck said all that, I don’t care and I don’t remember. We won!! Fantastic!!! COYG!


A drink to all the haters in the house

Willy young

How poor is the fat Russian ? Worse than Theo!

Good win poor game some hope more class needed upfront


Why is this comment getting so many thumbs down? Arshavin was poor, and has been for ages. It was a good win, without the team excelling, and we do obviously need more up front as we are over-reliant on RVP.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Well it’s tone seems to be a direct insult to both Arshavin and Walcott. Nothing very positive in it. Just seemed like somebody excercising their pet peeve. Maybe people are just starting to get fed up with the constant sniping that has been targeting one player after another for the last few months. Endless negativity is hardly enjoyable to the majority of people.

This is just my personal opinion. You may not agree with it. That is your right.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

What the Marseille game showed us is that when Jenkinson is playing it would be a good idea to have Chamakh up front as he does get into the area to challenge for crosses. With last night’s team we seemed to have an awful lot of crosses that went into a box that didn’t contain any Arsenal players. If he has a weakness (which is a strength when he’s not leading the line single handed) then RVP does tend to stop short of the edge of the opposition area when we go forward. That’s no criticism of him, I think… Read more »


Yeah I thought it was entertaining too. Thought we did very well defensively. Mert, and especially Kos, were excellent.



Gutbukkit Deffrolla

I woke my wife with my scream of triumph. Got a bollocking. Didn’t care.


I’ve probably watched worse games we’ve been involved in but I don’t think I can name any off the top of my head. As time ticked by and we got to about the last 5 minutes, I was going through my internal checklist of what would make this a reasonable result. Draw in away from home in Europe – check. Clean sheet – check. Win home games and draw remaining away game probably finish top of group – check. Tedium of the game enough to give me the excuse to have an other beer – check… and then, out of… Read more »


I think Kosser is a great defender for Champions League games and by the way…. Carl Jenkinson is trending on Twitter…. A few weeks ago most of the supporters were cursing him. ( I said most… not all). I hope he is okay, maybe just a muscle sprain. One more win from the three remaining games and we are through…. why… because the Greeks have beaten the Germans. We all thought that Dortmund would be the team to challenge us Football… bloodly hell. It was a dull match…. but a sweet goal. Top of the Group…. Arsenal are top of… Read more »


I agree on the Kozza for the Champions League, I think when TV’s back we should rest Mert as we need his height in the Prem and let’s be honest, he got done by Rémy several times and was caught short of pace. Two quick CB’s in TV & Kozza – the latter having already dominated Barca at the Emirates – and the defence is looking very solid indeed. Thought Carl + Djourou were decent as well. All in all, solid defence, nicked a win in a fixture which was goalless when the cunts (man utd) faced Marseille last year,… Read more »




Kos man of match, brilliant bfg calm and knew what he was doing, shame we play with ten men every time the Russian plays time stop playing him before it costs us. 3 points from a dull game, but defensively positive.

Yankee Doodle Cheeseburger Munching C**t

There’s no ‘R’ in Voldemort, dude.

Other than that, carry on.


Well technically there is an R as it’s just before the letter T


Didn’t get to see match but had Live Blog to guide me through. Sounds like Kos was solid and hard working?


Yeah he was Tom, pretty standout and deserves his plaudits.


Cheers dude. Am getting increasingly excited by the lad’s developing talent and hard working mentality. He seems quiet but TV will bring leadership once he’s back. Light at the end of the defensive tunnel possibly

Johnny O

Fucking love arsenal been along time since a late winner lovely feeling


Hope Jenko gets some kudos from the boo boys finally. He played through the early knee-knock & looked good going forward. To be fair him & BFG looked a bit muddled at times, but Kozza took control & we’re slowly but surely getting better.

5 wins from 6 games 🙂

Pele of Romford

I’m so ficking happy…

And drunk. Result.


If we had lost we will be panelbiting these players now. But the positives of the result kind temper our outlook. We didnt look like The Arsenal. It was like a pack of kittens running the lawn: no acrobatics, nothing special, just a lethargic trudge like the crocked Mama. I weep for Arsenal. But I can take consolation in the result. Let’s hope we can manage this team till January and add 2 aces: Gourcuff and Cahill, I will say. And if we ever thing there is any player worth taking from Marseille I am afraid it is not Ayew,… Read more »


I did think we played Arteta a little deep, yes – and that in is probably one of the reasons we looked perhaps a little lost in the final third, the fact that RVP was playing sole striker with effectively a 5 mostly deep lying midfield. Wenger had mentioned prior to the match we had to be careful of them on the counter attack, that they were very swift in breaking and that was probably the thinking behind, the way we were set up, effectively it was paramount to keep a clean sheet and perhaps nick a goal *as happend,… Read more »


I don’t want Cahill. Overpriced and overrated. If marseilles’ domestic form continues to be crap and Dortmund finishes 4th in the CL group, maybe we can convince Remy and Gotze to jump ship in January. That is change I can live with.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

On the Kos: “I would say he was surprised coming from France at the physical intensity of the game here but he has got that now and I think he is very commanding,” said the boss. It’s taken him a year to start to perform really well, and I don’t think that is unusual with players bought from France. For this reason I suspect that Remy and/or Gotze might not be a quick fix in January. Might be great in the long-term, but I suspect the players we have already are going to be the ones to turn our season… Read more »


We play pretty and people complain, we play dull and win and people complain. Dude, do you take any pleasure in your team at all? Enjoy the ugly wins.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Cheer up mate. It’s not as bad as it seems. You’re just in post traumatic stress following our loss to Spurs. You’ll get over it, and then our wins will start to feel wonderful to you again.

Pele of Romford

In all fairness though, for all us fans who don’t just support the team when it’s winning.

How fucking sweet was that!

Bob the Gunner

This is the definition of winning it ugly.

Up gunners !!!

Up yours Roy.

donnie gooner

Anyone who has negative things can burn in hell. I swear its no pleasing any of the fans. They say we need to win ugly and when we do they say what a boring game. 90 percent of you fucks have never kicked a ball. We won and that’s all that matters. Go support city, true gooners don’t need you. We get enough shite from the press we don’t need it from our so called own. I’m am behind the team and MANAGER. All I want is that they give 100 percent and they have been doing so. You sell… Read more »


@Padwoir. Tks for the consolation. Bang on it was, mate. Looking forward to the day we will clink glass over the Arsenal of our dreams. Cheers to the warriors that fought till the last second!!


I’ll drink or clink to that.


Wenger’s strategy for last 16 played out to perfection – 4 points from Marseille; was always going to be draw away, win at home; now we are likely to get 6 points instead of 4; love you football – and I am waaayyy tool drunk


This is one thing that had been missing since the invincibles to have a bench to call upon wen things are nt going well n to win against the odds. Gud confidence boosting win now some haters will soon be out of job sinc allthey sim to be paid for was creating propanda against my favorite club Arsenal. Gud win boys let’s tek step on Stoke do the usual on Bolton before going to sink the Chelsink in their muddy stadium. GUUUUUNNNNNEEEEEERS.


Gourcouff and Cahil!! Is that the super quality wenger has been talking about… Get real.


Oh listen to you happy people! WOOOOFUCKINGHOOOOOOO
Been so long since I’ve felt the proper gunner happy.

Anyway, we do get a lot of crosses in the box these day huh? Eventually I’m assuming our players will clock this and start getting on the end of them.


Again I’m reading negative thought despite the first away win this season ? Are you kidding?! Tell me all of you one thing, if arsenal played the arsenal beautiful football way create chance after chance and in the end the game finished 0-0 , and tonight arsenal game played not so beautiful but fighting till the end and wind the game 1-0 in the 93 minute , the first away win yeah that’s right the first away win these season which will bring big confidence to the players , what you will take the big win today or the beautiful… Read more »


i guess you dont remember our away win at udinese


So here we go then: The total English Champions League Table:

1) Chelsea 7 points (+7 on goal difference although mind you they only played a 5-0 win against Genk while we played Dortmund, Olympiacos, and Marseille)
2) Arsenal 7 points (+2 on goal difference)
3) Manchester United 5 points
4) Machester City 4 points

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

The Manchester clubs trailing in our wake. Next week’s match is the playoff for Greatest Team in England. Have at you Chel$ki. This table doesn’t lie.

OK, I get a little carried away sometimes, but this little table shows we are definitely doing something not only right, but Better than the so-called top three.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Two of Chel$ki’s three games have been at home, remember.


its been a long time since we’ve seen a late winner like that! definately need some more quality up front though to partner van persie… what has happened to Park – eating dog i reckon – and why did we buy him? surely playing back in france like he has been for the last god knows how long would put him in with a shout… walcott was pretty pants as per usual, arshavin looked uninterested although he came out recently and said he was up for it! SZCZ had no problems… defence looked much better but shaky at times, good… Read more »


I’m gonna go with WestHam at home last year for the simularity in style, and I’m pretty sure we scored to late goals against some spanish team who’re supposed to be big.


Gooner Heaven = a boring game where fuck all happens, I don’t follow through when the oppo have the ball and we score so deep into injury time, even we can’t find a way of nausing it up.

I will take those kind of games all day long. Well done fellas!


Roy Keane is a c*nt. A massive one.
Great result when you put things into perspective. Jenkinson, Kosielny were the stand-out performers for me.

Arshavin, Walcott and at times Santos were poor especially Arshavin for that matter. The amount of times he lost the ball was ridiculous. I’m becoming increasingly concerned with him to be honest..

Now onto the Orc Army. COYG!

Naija Gunner

We won, we won though boring but who cares we have three points that’s the reward of winning.

All our boys did well except some sadist and always-feeling bad surpporters, UP GUNNERS!!!



A better display from our boys against, according to most, a decent enough side, than than both Manchester clubs.

Glad of the 3 points, regardless of everything and anything.

COYG Onwards and upwards


Mr.Allen…you were drunk before watching the game because you killed too many of your very limited brain cells to try and write an intelligent analysis of the game.
Next time, stick to coffee and remember to sit facing the TV,not with your back to it.


I thought per was pretty lousy tonight. First game he looked too slow, and it hurts to watch a 6,11 guy swivel around and fall down 3 times. Looked like my puppy finding a place to lie down!


I thought Per had a very good game. He dealt well with a lot of the balls he went for. The fact that a defender gets dribbled twice (and, in fact, fell) while desperately trying to defend does not, in any way, amount to a bad performance. He, at least, did enough to allow another defender the chance to cover. That, man, is while football is a team game.
P.S: I didn’t like the fallings either, but all in all, he played very well.


You also forgot to point out that Koscielny bears an uncanny resemblance to Bart Simpson, but I still love you.


Actualy, Laurent looks more like “Doug” from the nickelodeon cartoon of the mid 90’s


great morale boosting win. even better winning ugly and being relatively solid in defence.
kos and song were huge


i dont understand why people called that a boring game. it was intense. it was like two tactical italian sides on english pace and german efficiency. well done arsenal. well done. fought till the last minute and after the 65th minute we were in total control of the match. moral boosting away victory after a hard fight. what more can you ask.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Remeber the days when we all believed we had a goal in us never mind how late in the game it was. This was like that, though in my case it was more hope than belief until it actually went in. The team believed they could do it not so many months ago, and perhaps this will help them regain some of that belief.

La Gooner

Brilliant choice of title…because I actually switched the tely off at 75mins lol


do you also leave the stadium 10 minutes early?
or do you even go?
personally I don’t see the sense in only supporting your team 80% of the time

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

You weren’t a supporter last year then when we scored so many in the last 15 minutes?

Welcome New Gooner. Regardless of how your first season as one of us is going so far I can tell you that it is getting better and I can promise you years of happiness and success as an Arsenal fan in the years to come.

Trust me, I’m a prophet.


On recent post Blogs suggested looking forward to a Vermaelen – Mertesacker partnership, I was thinking I would rather see Verm – Kos, after last night I am sure I would rather see Verm – Kos. Mertesacker is alright, but he often looks slow and clumsy. He is class for sure, but probably our 3rd choice. Kos is way underrated by the fans and media. Poor game, great result. Midfield was unable to control the ball, but kudos to Marseille for their pressing, at times Arsenal looked to have their back on the ropes. We could have used Frimpong or… Read more »

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Was it only a couple of months ago that we were all crying out for the experience of older, more mature players? Now we have them they’re all too old and slow? Oh well, I guess you can’t please everybody. I’m sure Djourou will gain confidence as he plays at RB more, but naturally he is going to make mistakes, and for that reason we need Walcott tracking back and hassling the oppo before they get as far as Djourou. I know Walcott can do it as we have seen some quite effective defending from him at times. We just… Read more »


Well I enjoyed it. We were patient and it paid off. Can anyone name a commentator or pundit (excluding Alan Smith) who actually is even remotely pro Arsenal?

Yankee Doodle Cheeseburger Munching C**t

Charlie Nicholas.


Martin Keown…though I do see a pattern developing here lol.

Merlin's Panini

Isn’t Jeff Stelling supposed to be a Gooner?
Or am I just making that up?


I think, though don’t quote me that he supports Hartlepool or some such.


Spot on Padwoir. Hartlepool (aka monkey hangers) he is.


Merson ????!!!!!!!!!!!


Robbie Savage?…..


Ah, thank God! At last someone agrees with me that it’s really time we moved on from this whole Nasri…stuff. In fact, it is long overdue.
Hope others would see reason and move on..or should I say, grow up. @padwoir, thumps up for u mate. You’re the man!

Smeer Na$ri (with shit)

But I don’t want to change my name. I’ve had it for months now!
Oh fuck it alright. It is a bit old now and I can still think he’s a cunt in my own time.
My new name shall be…

Merlin’s Panini

Merlin's Panini

ah. new. shiny.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

I’m so happy you did that. For all these months I’ve been kind of saddened by seeing your postst onn the basis that you spelt smear wrong in your name. Your new name has just the right amount of mystery and weirdness to make me a happy little vegemite (as they say in Orstrayliaa).

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Please note obligatory smelling mistake in my pevious post so that you don’t think I’m trying to act all superior.

Oh, I could go on like this for hours. So I’d better shut up before I get banned.

Gutbukkit Deffrolla

Even when I poof read my posts before hitting submit they still have spelling mistakes in them. Oh the embarrassment.

(Go on, I dare you)

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