Friday, March 1, 2024

Arsenal 0-2 Man City – player ratings (TV character special)

In the wake of Arsenal’s 2-0 defeat to Man City, Arseblog News gets the Player-Ratingsometer out with the setting switched to: TV characters.

Wojciech Szczesny: 5/10 – Super Hans

Bacary Sagna:  6/10 – Bunk

Laurent Koscielny: 1/10 – Father Dougal

Thomas Vermaelen:  4/10 – Rodney Trotter

Kieran Gibbs: 4/10 – Zoidberg

Abou Diaby: 4/10 –  Johnny Drama

Jack Wilshere: 9/10 – Tony Soprano

Lukas Podolski: 5/10 – Quagmire

Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain 5/10 – Laura Palmer

Santi Cazorla: 5/10 – Tyrion Lannister

Theo Walcott: 4/10 –  Any Ricky Gervais character


Per Mertesacker: 5/10 – Bob Loblaw

Aaron Ramsey: 6/10 – Joel Fleischman

Olivier Giroud: 6/10 – Tim Riggins

Feel free to discuss and post your own ratings, but normal comment policy applies. If you’re not familiar with it, please read.

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surely Ramsey was better than a 6?

Runcorn Gooner

Am I the only one who thinks that TW leaving may not be a bad thing.If he stays and plays like he has it just would not be acceptable. He is never going to be strong (I hesitate to call him a bottler,you decide) but he is not going to influence matches the way RVP did without support.At the same time he seems to be unbalancing the team by not supporting his colleagues. AW is taking a big risk if he increases his salary because his team mates must be fed up with his offsides,poor passing,awful free kicks (why is… Read more »


To be honest I think we have to keep him simply because it’s becoming incredibly damaging to the club’s image that we allow our “best” players to leave each year. Plus, he’s a useful player, he’s the fastest in the league and put him one on one with the goalie and I’d back him to score every time. However, I’m really not sold on him being a lone striker. When he gets the ball with his back to goal with 4 defenders around him, or when the ball is lumped long to him, I don’t think he has the presence… Read more »


No you’re not the only one who thinks so. But not even a month ago the pressure applied by fans and media alike to ensure Arsenal make him this key we need to safeguard, and subdued to, won out. Now he’s being foubd out and isn’t as hot as he was… Arsenal have a Catch 22 with him.

Arseblog is right, try keeping him (if possible) and still sign another striker.

I am ze professeur

The fact is that Walcott’s form hasn’t risen to an Arsenal standard – Arsenal’s form has dropped to a Walcott standard. He is not good enough to win the Championship with, maybe good enough for fourth – but why oh why are we making him our best paid player. Losing Van Persie and Fabregas were disasters to be avoided at any cost – losing Walcott is not (more like Clichy, Nasri leaving – in other words life will roll on perfectly happily without them and will hopefully get even better). Will we being saying to Bender next – please don’t… Read more »


He’s a good goalscorer and as such we should be able to hang on to him. They really don’t grow on trees. If Giroud and Podolski were banging them in we’d be in a far better negotiating position, but neither have really caught fire yet so Walcott is holding out for whatever he can get.


The arsenal supporters these days are just as skizophrenic as the arsenal team! It wasn’t long ago that we just scored 7 against Newcastle and the stadium was singing for him to sign.. Saying if we don’t it’s all wengers fault and he should be sacked blah blah blah. Now the team has a bad game and theo especially and it’s now I hope he doesn’t sign, wenger will be making a mistake if he signs and I’m sick of it. You’re comment would have got 64 thumbs down after the Newcastle game but instead now it has 64 thumbs… Read more »


@ I Am Ze Prof I think you’re going a little far fetched. There was very little we could do to stop Fabregas leaving, short of offering him maybe £200k and physically turning into Barcelona. The Dutch cunny had no interest in staying, period. No true loyalty. He was offered £130+k at some point. This lacking loyalty is why Wenger is again trying to creat a core team (the British lads) and attempt to make them a stronger united team for future generations. Theo staying + being paid more is what the media and fans wanted. Now it seems more… Read more »

Haba haba

Fuck Joleon Lescott, denying us a goal like that. How could he? It’s our fucking home turf you gotta let one slip in for petes sake!



Ramsey and Wilshere actually looks good together in the midfield.Well I’m not saying this because they are good friends but because they both are fuckin determined and would love to get on with the game after long hours in the treatment table which almost destroyed ramsey


And I thought Santi was awful yesterday, he needs a break

Fergie the Gooner

He needs to be rotated with Rosicky. I was unimpressed that he wasn’t even named on the bench, yet we started with Diaby who has only been back a matter of days since his last injury.

remember the invincibles, because we aren't good anymore

yeah wtf. Rosicky is bloody brilliant. Was he injured or something. Remember he didn’t play the U-21 match either. Not sure what is going on with Wenger and him.
Rosicky, Wilshere and Diaby could run the show.
Cazorla has been pretty poor for a few games now.

Giroud's kinda hot

Honestly something’s wrong with Santi. Does he need another freaking get-away or what?. Instead of panama this time take him to Vanuatu or some shithole where nobody knows shit about. guy, the songs are fading my man, time to rediscover your former self. We need you at your best for quick transfer business, right after we’re done with Walcott ofcourse…


Little harsh with the marks the majority of them put in alot of effort after father dougal was sent off.

Dr. Silent

I agree. Szcz 5/10 when he saved a penalty and didn’t really do anything else wrong?

damien joyce

he pushed it onto the post, hence saved!!


He did save it. He made the save with his legs, then it hit the post and then he grabbed it as it went across the line.


Argh, 3 minutes late. If I hadn’t made myself a drink I’d have been first and everyone would be cheering me now.

Giroud's kinda hot

Penalty was saved. Go away blogs. What is wrong with Santi Cazorla? or does he only show up at fucking christmas


would love it if arsene suddenly transformed into heisenberg


I believe we are maybe little bit in the market for one who knocks.


Arsene : I am not the danger, I am in danger!


Arsene wenger 4-10. – Blakey

Just a membership number

Arsene 1/10 – Frank Spencer

Just a membership number

Tomas Rosicky – 5/10 The invisible man

Runcorn Gooner

Ditto TW only 0/10

Dave Gooner

Theo Walcott – 0/85k a week Baby Bop

Arsene's Nose

Arsene- 1/10– Peter Griffin


Father Dougal ! L as they say M as the say A as the say O as they say

David O'Leary

As I say, what? As I say.

Tony Adams morning breath

I thought Szczesny had a great game. Would have been 0-4 or 0-5 with a normal goalkeeper. With Mannone… would have been a massacre.


Jack Wilshere: 9/10 – Ip Man


Mike Dean: 1/10 – Clay Davis


arsenal is dying.


Ramsey is a 8 , Walcott is a 3

remember the invincibles, because we aren't good anymore

8 is a bit much.6 is fair


He is my favourite player but I’d say it was a 7/10 not more than that


I say split the difference, 7.5. He did well coming on.


I thought Vermaelen gave all he had. He might not have been entirely fautless, but it was still a real captain’s performance, I’d rate him higher than a 4

Wenger's Glasses

I agree, I think our captain gave a badass performance yesterday.

Dog Eat Arse

He keeps giving goals away. He’s not really captain material then is he? He has been awful along with Kos this season and he was poor last season to.

Verm: 2/10 – Bad Taste


Ratings are harsh on Verm. He allowed a few chances to materialise but he saved us a few times. His second half performance was brilliant considering he was on a yellow card. Attack was to blame yesterday. Walcott failed the test, he should never play as a striker.


TV5 first half was poor. But in the second he showed some real passion. Something hes been lacking all season.

Ninad Kuchekar

I agree, I thought I saw a hint of the old Verminator, which has really been missing this season.


He plays like a proper leader at times, grabbing the ball and driving forwards, but when we were down to ten men, he wasn’t shouting to rally the troops, he wasn’t marshalling the defence that well and his defending for the Tevez one on one left a lot to be desired.


He has never been great at marshalling the defence, but has been great at those forward runs and never-say-die contributions. In some circumstances (such as in tight games where it is a battle of mental strength) these actions speak louder than words and perfectly justify his captaincy. In other circumstances (such as in games where we underestimate the opposition who are giving it 110%) we need communication/organisation and that’s something Verm isn’t too good at.


Bob Loblaw…. Genius!


Szczesny – 7
Bac – 4 | Kos – 1 | TV – 6 | Gibbs – 5
Diaby – 5 | Caz – 4 | Jack – 7
Ox – N/A | Poldi – 5
Theo – 3

Rambo – 6.5 | Oli 6.5 | BFG 6


Being harsh on sagna been poor for a couple of games. But he worked his nuts off yesterday and he had no help because the ox was sacrificed for father Dougal.


Huh? Bacary Sagna a 4?!?!?!?? Are you fucking kidding me? I thought 6 was even low. Look Jack was fearless, tough and all the rest. But seriously now thanks to Walcott thinking he is only a central striker regardless of where Wenger lists him, Sagna has been basically covering the right flank completely by himself!!!!!! Literally from end to end I cannot believe the guy is not dead on the pitch after 25 mins of this garbage situation the manager and 14 (and Kos yesterday) have put him in. Meanwhile the highest paid wage earner in the squad Podolski is… Read more »


I would have preferred to see rosicky play and santi given a rest.. santi needs a rest ffs.. and rosicky can bring smth our team lacks atm, and tats de impetus to drive forward when pressured.. de backward passing has decreased alittle.but nobody is putting pressure to gain possession back or force a mistake.. I really wud like to see rosicky get a run against Chelsea.. not another talent going to waste pls, Wenger.. sigh..


I agree with these ratings, however, to equate bunk with a 5/10 is surely not right. Bunk’s pinkie ring is 5/10 alone.


Agreed, I’d give his charred bathtub pinstripe an 8.


Not sure if Sagna is strictly a uit and tie motherfucker either.


zsesny 6 bacary 7 vem 7 gib 4 kos4 matsk 5 jak 9.9 carz 4 diaby 3 walct 5 ramc 5 ox 4 girud4 pod 4

Master Bates

Your spelling – 0.1/10

Butter my Arsenal

You’ve even misspelled your own username Sam


*6/10, but the point stands nonetheless.


That Szczesny save of getting the ball out of tevez foot was good but it wouldnt have been possible if Sagna wouldnt have rushed back to get close to Tevez and people complaning about his crosses? There was no man inside the penty box and walcott positioning was awful.Ramsey did find walcott (who else) but i was disappointed in him when he was chasing tevez who was on a run he just stopped on the half way he could have gone with tevez and we were lucky ball didnt reach Tevez.Ass for walcott he would have been more in the… Read more »


good points on wallcott and Poldi. Nit picking here it was boyate.


Scezeney deserve a higher rating a long side Wilshere basically kept Arsenal in the game and if Kosicelny not decided to change sports would have given Arsenal a chance. Really don’t like the Kosicelny & Vermaelen partnership no balance and both need Mertesacker a long side them to get the best out of them. Yesterday pointed out Arsenal really need a natural holding midfielder or they will never win a trophy. Plush it showed that the vast majority of the team are spent and the squad needs bulking up. Spend money on the squad or expect more abuse Mister Wenger.… Read more »

Master Bates

Giroud 8/10 – Malcolm Tucker

he really should have started


Without Szczesny it would have been more? Saved a penalty, made a great save for the one on one against Tevez and could not be blamed for either goal..I would have given him 7/10,minimum…

This is getting harder...

I thought Vermaelan had one of his better games overall and deserves higher than a 4 rating… Other than that, just to rant out a bit, it’s a big matter of the team’s mentality at the moment more than the teams quality. This ongoing cycle of turning off, playing with the handbrake on, finding some form, and then we’re back to playing shit. I’m a big fan of Arsene, but i can’t understand any of his rumblings anymore. I don’t need him to speak clearly with the press but he needs to be more critical of his players and it’s… Read more »

Dog Eat Arse

Vermaelen is the father of turning of. He turns of so often that you think he has a good game when, after half a season and 45 min, he turns on. To bad he can’t be arsed to be turned on from the start of the games.

Jack for captain.


Captain for jack in a couple of seasons if we havent flogged him for vast profit. We need to sign a leader either central defence or defensive midfielder preferable within 48 hours


You mean off.


I likr vermaelen we all do but when you go down to ten men instead of feeling sorry for yourself you need to reorganise your team and as a captain he should have. Yes he became more agressive after that but that aggression should be channeld in the right place in opposition box during setpieces or while competing for ball but not by fouling Dzeko. It could have been idiotic for him to get suspended as well by picking up a second then who would have played the next match with Per. I knew goals were coming when we went… Read more »


AW – King Canute 1/100


Jack is the only reason why at 4am this morning (Sydney time) I did not turn off the tv and go to bed. The thought of him busting his guts for the team I love and me not watching did not sit well so I suffered through it.
Jack you are a god


Theo was bad…but Giroud didnt fair any better….got 2 chances with the header & a shot with his left foot which are both supposedly his strengths…but totally missed the target for the header & the shot was so feeble!! The team played much better innthe 2nd half even before Kompany was unfairly send off…but the last third, with theo getting offside unnecessarily on a few ocassions, was the big problem….they just couldnt get throu. About Koscielny…it was an absolutely ridiculous challenge/tackle/wrestle/hug & blantant as well!! Wtf!! He should hav known better…but obviously he doesnt! Shld hav started with Per…why AW… Read more »

Dave Gooner

I agree.

I like Giroud, but we need end product every week. That’s the strikers job


Cant imagine, the way we are playing, we will finish atop Tottenham, we need another world class striker, Giroud, TW, need to come in to support, otherwise, nothing much at the moment.


To be very honest, Tottenham look like dropping points every time they play a Premier league opposition. They’re crap. But so are we, this season.


What would it take for Arsene to give me a start? Remember Milan, last year, gays?

paulie gooner

Another good article, I remember Wenger saying something about not signing a DM before the season started because he didn’t want to stunt the growth of Coquelin, so what was yesterday all about? Why the fuck would you play Diaby who has no match fitness or sharpness instead of him? Why does he constantly make things hard for himself with his selections? They keep leaving out a word when they call him the professor mad.

Frankie AFC

6/10 for Sagna is hugely generous. He was awful yesterday and has been for weeks. He’s playing like a bloke who wants to leave. Carzola is in desperate need of a rest, but for someone who has had as much game time as he has, he still looks a bit overweight. Doesn’t do his job of closing down at all, and in a midfield 3 you need to work your bollocks off and I don’t think he has it in him. Ramsay played well when he came on and Diaby, who hasn’t played in 3 months or so, starting over… Read more »


Apparently they are not offering sagna a contract extension so he will be leaving. More money for the board


The next two matches look bleak physical defences have no problem with him. Santi looks spent and needs a break. Rosicky and Diaby lack match fitness defence seriously lack confidence. Could be out of the cup and 24 points behind manure. With just the simple task of Bayern Munich in the champions league to come.

Merlin's Panini

Fed up of this bollocks. This team need to stand up and be counted or some of them need to be replaced. Ok, with ten men against City for the majority of the game it was going to be pretty much impossible, but If there is no business done this january I will be seriously worried. The earlier it is done the better. Players can need time to settle into a new team and with the busy schedule in january we need our full squad. I’m already starting to get worried that nothing has been done yet. All this talk… Read more »


I would like Fellaini please. Now. A bit of rough for the midfield and isn’t scared to get forward and twat in a few goals while the other players have their fingers up their arse.

Mate Kiddleton

Why would he sign for us, at this rate Everton have more chance of making the Champions League than we do


Podolski deseves better!! He was the only One scoring
Shooting the ball towards goal. U never giv him enough. And He is mutch better than both walcott and girouo


Like the Northern Exposure reference, Blogs.

st ox

So Ramsey played like a New York Jewish doctor with a practice in the Alaskan wilderness?

Great stuff. Best show ever. Why don’t they make stuff like that anymore?

PS We could do with the same manic Joel who coached the local basketball team from a bunch of amateurs into a slick fighting unit.


I take it Maggie from Northern Exposure would be 10/10?


The defence was poor all together, as it has been throughout the season. Is steve bould actually doing anything in training? zonal marking has been disastrous. Sagna has been really poor in quite a few games. but has been very good in others. Gibbs still lacks defensive awareness at times, great going forward though. Mertesacker by far our best defender this season. has been the rock of the team at the back. Koscienly has been poor. Cazorla has been magnificent, but just looks soo run down. needs a break, should be replaced by rosicky who was outstanding in the 2nd… Read more »


Nobody talking about Sagna. He gets shitier by the week


And how many goals were scored on his flank yesterday? He is playing two positions for fuck sake.

And how many other players left on the squad have been voted best in prem at their position?

Sagna gives everything for Arsenal.


have you even watched the last two games? Jenks needs to start warming up, Sagna is not serious


Anybody else think that a Tyrion Lannister rating should be more than a 5? He’s a great character.


Bob Loblaw’s law Blog – You sir are a mouthful.

arsene's coat

blogs may I say you have a fantastic taste in your tv programmes


About time Ramsey gets a chance to prove himself(in the midfield) and I thought he was our second best man. Why Walcott wasnt taken off for Giroud I seriously don’t know. podolski was actually tracking back the whole time and helping Gibbs a lot. Wilshere and Ramsey seemed to be the only determined players in the second half. Walcott fuckin inconsistent and will always be. Would be a great gamble if he signed the ting!!!


I would love it if we signed walcott, played him on the wing the rest of the season and then sold him


I don’t mind him signing if he plays on the wings.


Kos = Ian Beale
Theo = Baldrick


Diaby should of been a 2, he is a liability, gave the ball away alot, lost out in tackles, but then I never bought into the bs that he was anything other than average.

Great Arse

Not sure I buy all this exhausted stuff. Sure, Santi’s been off the boil. But is it because he’s knackered? I’m not convinced. Seems to be a lazy/easy/convenient excuse for a lack of form.

If we were consistently winning matches, the players wouldn’t look so tired. If we were confident, the players wouldn’t look so downbeat.

Perhaps if the team was more inventive, more adventurous, more imposing……the players wouldn’t ‘be’ so tired.

For lads as fit and as we’ll looked after as our boys……tiredness is a state of mind, rather than a physical condition.

Fuck da police.

Great Arse

Well, not we’ll.

Fuck da traffic wardens.


Mike Dean – Odd Job

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