They spent a fortune. We, like an old man with bladder problems, haven’t been able to spend a penny. Yet the derby ended up with a classic 1-0 Arsenal win.
Here’s how the players rated.
Wojciech Szczesny: 8/10 – Definitely not the busiest of the two keepers but pulled off an outstanding save in the second half to keep Arsenal ahead. Another very good performance, repaying the manager’s faith in him.
Carl Jenkinson: 7/10 – Struggled a bit with Chadli at first, but then the tables turned and he grew into the game.
Per Mertesacker: 8/10 – My favourite footballing ent. Look at this and tell me you don’t love him.
Laurent Koscielny: 8/10 – Quick, aggressive, snapped into tackles, made Soldado look about £25m too expensive.
Kieran Gibbs: 7/10 – Townsend was Sp*rs most effective attacking player, and a handful, but Gibbsy did well and got forward well. Needs to watch that sideways pass into danger though.
Jack Wilshere: 7/10 – Played through a stomach problem, had to go off to have a poo. When nature calls …
Aaron Ramsey: 8/10 – Passing was a little bit off today but without this man our start to the season would have been more difficult. He’d run through walls for the shirt and worked his hole off all day.
Santi Cazorla: 7/10 – Unlucky not to score with either of his free kicks and a little careless in possession at times, but good stuff as always.
Tomas Rosicky: 7/10 – Chased them all over the pitch, got a yellow card for nothing because fouling Spuds should get you a medal not a yellow card.
Theo Walcott: 7/10 – Fine assist for the Giroud goal, could have been a bit more involved defensively but that was a vital assist.
Olivier Giroud: 9/10 – A quite brilliant finish for the goal, making it 4 in 5 games, but the guy was colossal all day long. Won headers, held it up well, and put in a magnificent defensive shift. Man of the match by some margin.
Mathieu Flamini: 7/10 – Welcome home! His signing might have been convenient but it was also very handy. Replaced Wilshere, came on and bashed one of their players with his first touch, winning us a free kick in the process. Organised, shouted, Flaminied.
Nacho Monreal: 7/10 – Came on to shore things up. Shored things up.
Bacary Sagna: 7/10 – Not really on long enough to rate but we’re giving him a 7 anyway because we love him and because Sp*rs are shitbiscuits.
Bonus rating: Sp*rs 10/10 – their misery is so delicious.
Feel free to debate and discuss in the comments, but please read the comment policy first and don’t get angry with each other, or me, about imaginary points.