Following the launch of Mathieu Flamini and Mesut Ozil’s ecologically sound skincare range, two former players have followed suit with a range of shaving gear that they believe will revolutionise stubble and beard management forever.
Mart Poom and Andrei Arshavin have to come together to create ‘ARSE‘, a nod to their time in North London, with a mission statement that sums up their vision for the company.
‘We’re tired of paying high prices for razor blades, so we set up a company to help you save money. We’re just two regular guys who don’t want seventeen quintuple edged blades with a lubricated strip made from the hooves of endangered African elephants.
‘We’re about product. We’re about closeness. We’re about smelling good. We are ARSE‘.
Here’s what the press release says about some of their products:
ArseShavin’: Shaving used to be a manly pursuit. One man, one blade, one face. We’re committed to bringing that back, with our classic cut-throat design, each one engraved with our logo in the blade. You don’t need more than one blade, that’s simply wasteful, and we ensure that the number of orphans who die mining our nickel is kept at an absolute minimum.
ArseWipes: Just in case there is some blood, our range of wipes will help you mop it up and we’re so committed to reusable technology that these disposable towels won’t break down for thousands and thousands of years. Not only that, if you try and burn them, they let off harmful, toxic fumes to let you know you should stop.
ArseGel: A super smooth shaving gel made from the bark of the Claparba Bush which is only found in the deepest recesses of the Brazilian rain forest. It’s harvested sustainably using indigenous tribes, thus creating jobs and the new superhighway we’re building straight from Rio to the fields in which it grows will make access so easy!
ArseBalm: The milky white jism that emerges when you pluck the head off a dandelion has long been known for its soothing properties, and when combined with the substance you get when you milk a Finnish otter, it ensures your face never gets itchy or blotchy after you shave.
ArseScent: When you’ve shaved close, wiped away the blood, and slapped on the balm, you’re ready to go out into the world, but you want to smell good. You want to smell of Arse, and you can do that with our exclusive fragrance. It’s like the musk of a thousand Spartan warriors combined with the sea air, a summer meadow, and the smell of onions frying on a matchday. It’s enchanting, it’s you, it’s us, it’s ARSE.
More details can be found on their official website.
10/10 would buy
Tbf I am pretty disappointed to see the link is nonexistent.
Server must have fallen over due to the massive demand.
I got so excited about ArseShavin’ and the possibility of smelling like Arse but then I clicked on the link and it doesn’t work at all. Disappointed with the service, 2/10, would not recommend. What a fARSE.
Whilst i find it admirable that they’re making a difference, I do feel a bit underwhelmed about the difference this will truly make.
although i cannot recall us signing poom at all (i do recall him being an arsenal player), it’s even stranger how i almost don’t remember that time when vito mannone was playing in goal for us – were it not for that one game against fulham!
I scream, you scream, we all scream for Arsecream
Yeah, fun to be ironical but meanwhile Flamini and Özil are trying to draw attention on the problems of our planet and this is respectable.
Arshavin is/was one of my favourite Arsenal players. I know he’s hardly left a mark on the club when compared to bigger legends of ours. But, he just, caught my liking. Does anybody else have any favourites like that?
Felt the same way about Arshavin, mate! Had the timing been a bit different I actually think we would see him as an Arsenal great. Having Cesc in the team meant there was now way he would get to play CAM regularly, and thus he was pushed to the wing where his workrate/capasity exposed him. I believe he had quite decent stats, kinda like Podolski in that sense.
Mart Poom, obvs.
Hleb, for me. Not a legend, but I loved watching him play.
Stephan Schwartz, Paul Davis, and Stevie Williams… didn’t have magic feet like Hleb but real quality midfielders
Haven’t read the story yet but Arshavin? Shaving stuff. Former now let me read till powdered water.
Sounds like a nice product but no Arsecast? That thing that would dispose off all the mess? Imagine the world littered with Diego Costa and Jose Mourinho shavings!
Wait… Is this April fools day? ?
They’ve put a fair amount of effort into their website as well. Good work.
Arse you ‘avin a laugh…?
ArseScent. Pop an ass open (borrowed from Tropic Thunder)
Wish them well in their new venture, shaving products market can do with a shot in the arse.
well that’s christmas sorted for my better half!