The second in a series of fake tabloid headlines featuring puns on Arsenal player names – this time we’re including players from days gone by.
1 – Spank McLintock – former Arsenal skipper questioned over liaisons with dungeon mistress.
2 – John Divine – ex-Republic of Ireland full back to play overweight drag queen in new John Waters biopic.
3 – Charlie Gorge – doctors fear worst for 71 FA Cup hero after deep fried Mars bar addiction takes hold.
4 – Eddie Hop-good – full back learns to walk on one leg after left foot is eaten by wolves.
5 – Nelson Wee-vas – Argentine arrested for public urination on Buenos Aires street.
6 – Pal Lyderhosen – Norwegian Gunner strikes it big in Bavarian clothing market.
7 – Mannone Wire – Documentary follows Italian keeper’s attempts to walk a tightrope between skyscrapers.
8 – Wreh Charles and Eddie – Liberian striker gutted after discovering partner would indeed lie to him.
9 – Caravan Chamakh – Moroccan striker takes to living in mobile home after trauma of naked Pulis headbutt
10 – Pates Rates – Ex centre-back Colin joins forces with Andy Linighan to launch new budget plumbing service.
Yes, it’s a slow day.