The first in a new series of fake tabloid headlines featuring puns on Arsenal player names.
1 – Lukas Plodolski – Madcap German makes heroic citizen’s arrest. Wins praise from Met Police.
2 – Oi Cheque! Szczesny – Polish stopper embarrassed as payment to local merchant bounces back.
3 – Nacho Monorail – Spaniard determined to bring light transit system to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook.
4 – Poo-cash Fabianski – Arsenal keeper splashes out on new bathroom suite.
5 – I’m all right, Jacques – Wilshere to follow in Cousteau’s footsteps with daring underwater mission.
6 – Mess-it Ozil – Former Real Madrid man leaves hotel room in disarray after Champions League win.
7 – Sauron Ramsey – Welsh midfielder to guest star in stage version of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings.
8 – Yo-Yo Sanogo – Teenager retires injured in first round of 2014 World spinning discs contest.
9 – Too much Ju-Young – Korean striker hits out at horny youths who choose not to use contraception.
10 – By the Short and Carlies! – Jenkinson opens Helsinki’s first male-only waxing salon.
Sir Gnashbry – The young German receives a knighthood from the queen after saving Her Majesty’s Royal Corgies from a stray cat
+++ Arsenal fans: Oh no! Abou injured yet again. Experts now pondering Diaby-tis. +++
http://i.imgur.com/hgyUKfE.jpg
how embarassing
on a more relevant (and less shit) note:
arse end wenger:
arsene wenger uncharacteristically chins that scottish cunt off of sky sports news, putting him squarely on his arse end, for always asking shit, inflammatory questions at press conferences.
Bac Arry Lasagne
Bacary Sanga fined by the FA (because apparently they can do whatever they want) for mocking Redknapp about the Spud’s Lasagne scandal.
Merte – shag her..
Number 9 got me
Yup, humming The Specials already
What?
Nacho Monorail got me pretty good.
The Simpsons references keep coming. Which I am happy about! I like the ‘hopped up on goofballs’ one yesterday. That was Wiggum to Ned Flanders I think?
I’m not sure what to make of this, although I did enjoy the increasingly bizarre puns.
Mikel Art-Hater
Spanish midfielder goes on rampage at local museum.
Barren Ramsey
Welsh midfield star pulls a shocker by going bald.
Parked Chu-Wrong
Striker fined heavily for parking in handicapped zone.
Carl Junky-son
Arsenal defender’s mother on her frustration with son’s eating habits.
Mathieu Flamin’-knee
Midfield enforcer does his knee after repeatedly sacking John Terry in the nuts.
I can’t see a pun in Too much Ju-Young’s name. Isn’t that his real name?
really? Too much too young?… no?… nothing?…
Steve Boulderdash.
Arsenal’s assistant manager rushes for cover after heavy rocks start around him.
*start falling
Nonsense!
No.1 with that one!
Santi Cats-sore-lap The Diminutive Spainish Schemer gets into a scrape while petting a furry feline
Serge GrabbedMe – The young german is accused of inappropriate night club grope
To be fair to Nacho, it will put them on the map
Hah! Was looking for this comment.
Thumbs up to The Simpson’s reference in the Nacho Monorail story
Gi-rude Awakening: Arsenal striker exposes “Forever in our shadow” t-shirt after WHL hat-trick.
This is more like a movie title, with a sequel
Olivier GI Rude.
Arsenal striker in trouble after insulting American soldier.
Santi Cash-Whore-La! Arsenal midfield ace in call girl shame!
Tomas ‘Row-Sicky’-Czech midfielder’s Round the World canoe attempt called off due to sea sickness!
It’s Nacho Cheese Montreal – Spanish left back buys every bit of cheese in the Canadian city
Bacary La-Sagna –
– French defender confesses how his love for pasta based meals nearly ruined his career.
Didn’t see another lasagne based comment above. How embarrassing.
Trio Walcott – Theos missus gives birth to triplets!
From Peep Show, “Jeremy’s planning to sell the headline Three-o Walcott to a tabloid newspaper when Theo Walcott turns 30.”
Love Peep Show. But not Peep Shows. Tried it once, not only were the booth walls slimy, but the glass, too. My girlfriend, who was in the next booth along, thought the same.
One does not want to risk wiping the glass in a Peep Show booth in order to gain a better view. Needless to say, we didn’t bother going again. For all we know our ex – Mathematics teacher could still be grinding away on the stage but we’ll never find out.
‘Trio Wall Cot’ would have brought this from a C+ to a B-. It’s the little details that count…
Alex Ox-laden-Chamberlain –
– Arsenal winger recalls his father’s vicious training regime of making him carry cows on his back.
Alex Ox-third
Comes in last place in three way chewing contest between the OX,Cow and Sam Allardyce. The Cow was the runner-up.
Per Merteslacker- The big German gets the hairdryer treatment from Wenger for not practicing his free headers at open goals
Serge ‘Gnabbed Me!’- Burglar tells of foiled break in at German star’s home.
Nick Nicked! – hoping we don’t have to see this one any time soon.
Perm Mertesacker – Arsenal defender in hairstyling change shocker.
Super, super Per – he doesn’t stutter motherf·cker
Hector Bell-errrr-ring
Young Arsenal starlet confuses catholics at charity bell ringing contest.
Lukas Po-ho-ho-dolski –
– German forward reveals his desire to bring children presents at Christmas.
Alternatively – German forward does a Rooney
How long before they start appearing on Newsnow as exclusives?
….or Goal.com. Seriously, who writes their shit? This article’s closer to one version of the truth than they.
You know it’s Friday when..
Theo Wal-crock – Pacy winger in intensive care after bashing head against wall over latest injury.
Meh-soot Öh-zil
German football professor gets stuck in chimney in Santa outfit.
Arse-hen Wenger – Arsenal manager in hospital with poultry being removed from his bottom.
This made me laugh out loud. Brilliantly immature.
Santi Ca-Zumba – Pint sized fan favorite tries to lift morale by hosting a Latin dance workout
Per mit to Sack Her – Lanky German defender gets cleared for unlawful sacking of polish housemaid
Chubby Akpom – Arsenal loanee piles on the pounds after being benched at Brentford.
I do love Arseblog. When I’m bored at work, I just sneak into the staff room for a cheeky nip from my hip flask. Blogs actually gets creative.
Thomas Pies Field – Part time farmer, genius vegetarian German starlet grows genetically modified Quorn-On-The-Cob as pie filler.
The third one was the best one.
….but number eight is closest to the truth.
a big ol’ lol coming your way
I’ll even give it a try myself
Jack. Will. Share! – Mother Wilshere puts her foot down: “The candy was for everyone!”
“Mathieu Phlegm-ini”
Arsenal’s pugnacious midfielder reveals his childhood battle against excessive mucus build-up
Rosticky-icky-icky – Gunner caught blazing with close friend and mentor Snoop Dogg
Kei-ran Gives: Arsenal star participates in London marathon for charity.
Theo Ball-cott
Theo caught balls deep in john terrys wife.
Best.
Szczęsny Gawks!!
Arsenal stopper left speechless after witnessing Arsenal’s refusal to give up
Nicklas Bent-ner
Like Thomas Hitzlsperger, Nicklas finally comes out of the closet.
“Dick”
Arsenal’s transfer fixer discusses John Terry.
You can see who the jealous muppets are coyg
Jack Will Shear
England international takes a pair of clippers to Alan Shearer’s ballbag.