Saturday, January 28, 2023

It begins: Sissoko and Khedira linked

January is here, the transfer window is opening tomorrow, and the world knows Arsenal need to do some business to boost the squad.

The need for at least one central defender is obvious, as is a player who can bring something to our midfield, so it’s no surprise this morning that we’ve been linked by L’Equipe with two players: Newcastle’s Moussa Sissoko and Real Madrid’s Sami Khedira.

The latter was strongly mooted to be joining last summer, with suggestions a deal was as good as done, but in the end nothing happened and he picked up a knee injury which put paid to any transfer before the end of August.

Sissoko has had a fine season for the Barcodes and hugely impressive going forward, but with Arsenal’s requirement that of a more defensive minded player, it remains to be seen how exactly he might fit.

The Gunners interest in the player has been ongoing and Newcastle are almost always willing sellers once the price is right, but it wouldn’t be beyond us to make a Yohan Cabaye out of the situation too.

The first 2015 Poo-o-Meter is giving this one a 6 (where 10 is total runny poo and 1 is a solid no wiper).


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I’ve always been baffled by the poo meter, is more poo good, or is more poo bad?

does it matter, these rumors are all shit anyway


“all poo”, surely?


“10 is total runny poo and 1 is a solid no wiper”

Which is better? 😉

For the record, I’d happily take Khedira – experiencd, strength, competent, determined etc


Yeah, a #1 could feel like trying to push a baseball out of your asshole and half and hour later this little marble emerges, a bit like signing Kallstrom after a long January.

A #10 would have you running to the toilet every 5 minutes with green liquishit, doubled over asking yourself “why did I eat the Amoury Bischoff for dinner last night?”.

Then there is #5 or #6, just right. Not too hard, right amount of lubrication, good mass, afterward you feel relaxed and happy -a dirty Sanchez.


Thank you for your very graphic explanation. I couldn’t have read this at a better time than eating a large/long kitkat bar while sipping on coffee. You could say that is both ends of the spectrum.

Beast Boy

Yes physical attributes are important, but coachability should also be taken into account.

Some of the younger poos lack any sort of discipline: Lazy 1s who seem totally switched-off, lolly-gagging about the pitch, or hotshot 10s who come barreling out of the gates during a routine warning fart.

It is important for poos to be patient in the pre-match build-up, but decisive once the cheeks hit the seat. We need more poos who can follow a proper gameplan.

Sanchez shorts

Brilliant! And I’m not just saying that because I read it while unearthing a monster 10 that oddly resembles Mario Balotelli.

Master Bates

I am glad I am not the only who don’t wipe themselves if they only have 1 poo


But injury prone. We can’t afford to keep signing players that will spend all there playing career at arsenal on the sick bed


You misunderstand my friend..
Its the quality of poo which counts not quantity…
The assumption is 1/Solid poo is better although you can argue is solid poo always better , well that depends on what does a situation demand…runny poo is important part of the game too but if all you have is runny poo then thats no good..we need to have a good mix of runny and solid poo…but dont mix them too hard or else we will end up with a paste..

wow..never type while poo-ing


I’d be blissed out to have a rumor so solid it’s like a tortoise head like when you really really need to go. A fact. A definite 100% certainty that it ain’t going to be just whiffy air.


Hahaha solid no wiper, those are truly the best aren’t they?

“This is my favourite time of the season” said no one ever… Just pointless made-up story after made-up story.

I genuinely don’t understand how some people can call themselves “journalists” when all they do all day is make up transfer stories so purely that they can get a click on their website.

Arseblog should patent the poo-meter and somehow make it mandatory that every site has to have it… Let’s get some Arsenal fan hackers on this

Mesut Aussie

A solid no wiper can only be trumped by a solid no wiper that hits the bowl at that perfect angle and dissapears down the S bend without need for the flush. Surely only the next Patrick Viera would rate as well on the poo-ometer!


There is nothing great about a poo that goes straight down without a flush. A ‘Phantom’ poo takes away the satisfaction of a backward glance at what you have just made. While I agree with the principal of Bloggers poo-o-meter, surely a Phantom Poo should be the very worst poo there is – a bit like the ‘nearly signed Messi but could not get work permits’ story. Ie – its true, it would have been awesome, but ultimately we had nothing at all to show for our efforts.

Finsbury Park Gooner

A solid no-wiper is also known as “drawing an ace”. Pair that with a beautiful ghost shit that slips round the S-bend before you’ve even stood up to admire your work and we’re talking dreamtime toilet visits.


Would gladly take both, when you consider the ages of rosicky and cazorla who are no spring chickens themselves and podolski possibly leaving, i’d have sissoko on the left. Besides, lets not forget what we’re most adept at, picking up constant injuries from thin air and then having to field whoever is available in unfamiliar positions, even if we were to sign that DM we’ve been needing for years, we’d probably end up seeing him on the wing or something. I’m convinced that if wenger or whoever comes in next manages to solve this cuntcycle of never ending injuries, we’d… Read more »

Nasri's missing chinbone

I think our injury issues are related to the type of players we now sign – as some people have said wenger hasn’t changed his training methods, so if this is the case then it’s clear that the physical attributes of the invincibles squad and previous teams clearly stood up better to the rigours of the premier league. Smaller technical players worked wonders for barca, and I think that’s why wenger has found them so attractive, however that’s ok when you are only playing 3/4 semi decent sides each season. In England every game is a battle over 90 minutes… Read more »

obvious stater

Don’t want Khedira, too injured. Sissoko would be a good option from the bench seeing as Wenger doesn’t like his current options.

Why haven’t we signed a defender already. Do arsenal know you can have deals in place that then go through as soon as the window opens?

That’s how desperate we are.


I do that a lot on football manager.


Bythe time Sissoko is converted in to a top defensive midfielder, Sanchez will be at City and Ozil at Bayern.

Don’t know why Wenger just won’t do the necessary and sign Schneiderlin Carvalho or Suarez.


Its not FIFA! Things are more convoluted


Because this is Arsenal. If we signed someone on December 31 they would be hit by a train on January 2.

Giroud's abs

After seeing so much transfer shit spouted from various sources already, it’s good to have the poo-o-meter as a reliable indicator.

Le Jaded Handbreak

I think Sammy is the better pick of the two. He’s secondary in athleticism to sissoko of course… But he’s more athletic than we have while simultaneously having the experience at the highest level. Both that, and I’d say he’s as technically and tactically good as Arteta. Some might say that’s a bad example, but our results with compared to without Arteta speak for themselves. Get it done Wenger. I have the damn arseblog username because I’ve heard them on a consistent basis ever since I’ve fallen in love with this club. I guess the only con the khedira is… Read more »


We have the nicest and most popular injured community in all of professional sports


Most populated, even…..


If we sign Khedira he and Diaby can be the 2015 ping pong world cup doubles champions.

The last thing we need is an extremely injury prone midfielder.


Barcodes! 😀

remember the invincibles

I guarantee that a 16 yo French kind in the Ligue 2 will urn up in this window. It just seems apt.

remember the invincibles

*French kid.


injured French kid

Third Plebeian

We’ll sign him in an urn?

That sounds about right. The only logical next step in our transfer strategy is to sign a dead person.

Springbank 1965

New Year resolutions. 1. Don’t click on anything that links us with anyone. You’ll know soon enough when a deal’s been made. And anyway, how can you criticize other people’s (irrational) behaviour when you can’t even control yours. Also, every time you visit one of these websites you only encourage more lies and torment. 2. Wait until something concrete is announced on Arseblog. And by concrete I mean absolutely fucking concrete. The word ‘linked’ means shit all. The word ‘tracked’ – likewise. The word ‘reports’ is meaningless. The word ‘signed’, however, is more encouraging. So unless you really want to… Read more »


Besides “linked” I really hate the word ‘hint’ – i.e. Arsene Wenger hinted that he may be in the market for a defensive midfielder. Really? he hinted this? what was the hint? was it a riddle “I am looking for a defender who is not a defender but a defender for my attack” or did he do a hand gesture or interpretive dance? I also detest when some johnny nobody from liectensteinenbergen villa fc is set to “spurn arsenal for” spurs, roma, standard liege, etc Or arsenal are “preparing” a bid for… as if it is a epic journey –… Read more »

Master Bates

my favourite word is ‘planning’ . I just picture Wenger rubbing his hands together like Mr burns at a photo of [insert player name here]

Andy Mack

I’m pretty sure you don’t deal with multi-million pound contracts because if you did then you’d appreciate there’s a lot more in an offer than just a figure.


My motto: If it’s not on the news section on, it hasn’t happened.



Springbank 1965 = words of sense!

Good read…


PS Sissoko can do one for following through on Arteta.


Most elegantly put and observed. Right on, not click on…




While I completely concur with the rating I believe consideration should be given to the fact that taking a poo during winter is more of a thermal challenge than in summer when it is nice and warm (an dropping one’s trousers is not as eyewatering 😉


I’ll wait until they are having a medical before I start getting excited!


After calming down from the low yesterday at the saints, you have to wonder where does the buck really stop? Are the players really as shit defensively as they’ve shown? One minute they’re good enough and next all of them are total shite… We really have to get down to the REAL reasons before signing anymore players…cannot just expect to sign a world class CB/DM and expect the guy to just solve all the problems. It’s like how we signed sanchez and expect a flurry of goals and now expect the offence be a juggernaut and score 100 goals (which… Read more »


Agree. I cannot get excited about bringing in a talented player if I feel they are going into a ramshackle squad and situation.

We do not seem to have had a single player who has played consistently well through the season so far and for many, I think it fair to argue productivity has dropped.

In some ways I would almost prefer to get to the root of the malaise than to sign someone else and invite them into a dubious situation. Its a dilema.

Fireman Sam

I have to disagree.

I would like us to sign some good players.

Very much so in fact.

There’s clearly malaise of various origins but not having only the walking wounded in our squad would help!


Yes we do need someone who can boss our midfield everyone can see that, the real problem that needs fixing is something that the transfer window can’t help us with we need someone with some fresh ideas and someone who can put a proper plan together to stop all the sloppy mistakes that have been costing us for way to long now!


Sissoko would be my choice, mostly because he seems made of much sturdier stuff than Khedira and the last thing we need is another 15-20 games per year player, especially not one who would be at the top of the wage scale.


We definitely need to buy a cb, maybe a dm, and then any 10 players as sacrifice to the injury gods


What baffles me the most is why do we have to let our opponents take players we should have bought in the 1st place? For example, Sissoko. He was bought for 10+- mil.,now Barcodes won’t let him go below 2x that or even 25 mil. He is their best player, it won’t be easy. Of course if any of these rumours are true. But for sure AW knew about him while he wasvin Toulouse. Bothe him and Khedira are not the real DM we need but it seems le prof doesn’t want those in his team. The same goes for… Read more »


Sorry sir but I think Sissoko was actually bought for a lot less. 2.5mil I think, but definitely not up to 5mil.


Arsene Fucking >Wenger is not even in the market for a DM. He has failed to see what everyone else can see for so many years? He is too fucking stubborn to do anything that makes sense. We’ll perhaps end up with a CD. But that will be pretty much it.

obvious stater

Probably a Les Mis soundtrack CD.

obvious stater

Ooh or possibly a broken CD (stuck record)


Our club buying players at the start of the transfer window – not going to happen, we will play who blinks first to save a few thousand quids!

We will sell first before we buy!


Arsene Wenger needs to get some time to find his bargain (Ahem Källström.) Fucking hell I am so sick of this manager.


Get lost you clown


For your own sake, don’t even enter the transfers sites. 99% is pure speculation and especially when it comes to Arsenal. I was hopeful Lars Bender would arrive last summer and got excited every time a paper wrote he was close to signing. and in the end? nothing. Just wait until Sky Sports/BBC report it’s basically a done deal.


Let’s sign an injury god to advocate for us in the injury gods chamber.


Probably end up with gerrard on loan before mls season starts.

Henry! Chance!! Goal!!!

Ok, let me explain why Khedira would not be leaving Madrid in January. He may sign a pre-agreement in January but he would not be leaving for arsenal or any other club in January.

It makes 0 financial sense for him to make a move in January because he has put himself in a position to benefit greatly from a move in the summer. There will be so transfer fee for him in the summer and he can command a huge sign on bonus. No way he messes that up with a January move to anywhere


Like a new wiping

anthony arsenal

*** Lars Bender *** would be better


“barcode” haha


Khadira is perfect for Arsenal…..


I say fuck having a DM, let’s just play 1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1 and play the ball down the middle like the fucking conga

Henry! Chance!! Goal!!!

Brilliant! This may actually work! And we can bring some conga drums and hot WAGS dancing on the side lines to confuse the opposition. Why didn’t anyone think of this?


The problem is Wenger may likely wait till end of window. That may cost us. We need a long term replacement for Arteta. If Khedira is available for 20m+ this Jan, this is a great deal. If not Moussa Sissoko will do just fine. YOu know what they say about perfect being the enemy of good enough. I think much of this signing also hinges upon Arteta’s time line. Is he two weeks away? With regard CBack, that is our priority. Metersecker is way in the red and an injury to him would be a calamity to us. You don’t… Read more »


I havent seen sissoko play much but as he isnt a centreback or dm i dont see the point. Khedira is not the player we need. He doesnt sit and shield the back four he charges all over the place breaking up play, which would be handy but would leave the defense totally exposed. At madrid he played well with alonso behind him and for germany when khedira plays schweinstieger plays behind him. The player he’s most suited to playing with in our squad is arteta. Seeing as we are looking for a replacement in the arteta role it doesnt… Read more »

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