Sunday, August 7, 2022

Swansea v Arsenal – player ratings (films special)

Arsenal drew 2-2 today in the FA Cup with Swansea. Here are Arseblog News’ film based ratings.

Screenplay by: Adam Sandler

Directed by: Adam Sander

Wojciech Szczesny: 5/10 – Pretty in Pink

Bacary Sagna: 5/10 – No country for old men

Laurent Koscielny: 5/10 – Papillon

Per Mertesacker:  5/10 – Das Boot

Kieran Gibbs: 7/10 – The Graduate

Santi Cazorla: 5/10 –  Some like it hot

Mikel Arteta: 5/10 – Downfall

Jack Wilshere: 5/10 – Fight Club

Theo Walcott: 5/10 – Forest Gump

Aaron Ramsey: 5/10 – The Usual Suspects

Olivier Giroud: 5/10 –  Un chien andalou


Lukas Podolski: 7/10 – District 9

Bonus overall rating

Arsenal: The good, the bad and the ugly. Or Groundhog day.

Feel free to discuss and post your own ratings, but normal comment policy applies. If you’re not familiar with it, please read.

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Everything Arsene Wenger has said in the last week – Inception


You mean True Lies


Hehe. Definitely.


oh here, I got one.

Wenger – No country for old men.


Silence of the Stan

remember the invincibles, because we aren't good anymore

Inglorious Basterds.

wengers furrowed brows

only last week?!?!?!??!?!??!?!


Gervinho- who killed captain alex.

Connor Lavy

Can’t say I agreed with Michu being man of the match, having only come on in the second half. Felt Gibbs was fantastic and nobody else seemed to want it. Wilsh had his worst game yet. Centre back, centre forward and midfield steel needed. (Diaby could do the latter if he wasn’t…you know… broken)


Of course michu was not motm, yes he came and scored but then he disapeared. On the other hand, Gibbs was setting the field on fire for the whole time (well, or at least for the second half).

Connor Lavy

Gibbs has probably been our most consistent defender this season too, very underrated and thoroughly deserved his new contract.


Going forward Gibbs is excellent but defensively he is an absolute mess. Have a look at the goals we gave up against Newcastle for reference. I could put together hours worth of clips showing him out of position and causing problems for the others in the back. Definitely has potential but nowhere near the finished product.


Gibbs needs to work on his positioning as when the ball is played behind him he often looks suspect.
Also when a striker is playing on his shoulder, he’s just caught out many times. Recently: Ba ‘s goal for newcastle. Gibbo was absolutely skinned.

Otherwise his attacking is spot on.

Connor Lavy

Must say I agree but effort is never lacking and he seems to love the club, this English core thing might just pay off!


Pleased to Michu,
Hope you guess my name
[oh yeah]

Mick Jagger

So many thumbs down… but he has the moves like Jagger.




Hahaha @Michu
Underrated comment!


And it’s kind of like; having sympathy for the devil. They way he has hurt us this season. So spot on.


If we don’t reach a 4th place this season, then Wenger should resign.


Yo blogs. I can’t see comments that have been hidden on my iPhone. As in the link doesn’t seem to work?

Connor Lavy

This Wenger being sacked and resigning malarkey would be all well and good if there were a manager out there who is better and willing to join Arsenal. If Wenger goes we will realise that no other manager could have finished third last season with that squad.


Wenger is a great manager, but something needs to change. Same shit every game..

Dog Eat Arse

David Moyes would be great.


Nobody heard of Wenger when he came to us…

Glory Hunter

The worst part WTI;
The solution is pretty obvious, its not rocket science.

Arsene = Professor Doo-little


No other manager would have selected those players. He created his own team no one else. His refusal to shop anywhere but the French league is a large part of the problem.

Also, I would say Klopp could have done much better. He has a much smaller budget at Dortmund and his team is head and shoulders above ours.

Why do people act like Arsene is the only manager on the planet? The club existed long before him and will exist long after.


David Moyes wouuld be the Boards idea of a replacement…… He works well with small amouts of money, is shrewd, beats Manure n Spuds n is a very safe pair of hands

Fergie the Gooner

I think Laudrup could be a good replacement when Wenger leaves.

He’s a good young manager, plays the right type of football, well connected in the spanish market and he’s probably not on the radar for clubs like Chelsea and United… at least not yet anyway.

matt senior

Im not convinced by aw anymore. But not gonna start arsene bashing. He’s admitted the scouting issues got to respect his honesty. But something has to be done about the way we defend. Less ruthless aggression amd more Toothless recession


What worries me is that there seems to be a lack of motivation on the pitch at times, something that Wenger and the backroom staff should be instilling into the players. And fans also need to play their part in that. I don’t find it a coincidence that the Tottenham game (last season) was a turning point. With the smallest of boosts the fans rallied behind the team and the team answered. They rode the wave that we gave them, we have to get behind them again. I as many can be frustrated by the team performance at times, I… Read more »

Glory Hunter

@ IMP109

Most of the fans are behind the team & we have been patient with Arsene!
If it wasn’t for his history, & CL qualification, Arsene would have been sacked ages ago.

Therein lies the issue, most agree that Arsene is more than capable, if he could just change a few things.

But if he doesn’t & things remain the same, then you can’t expect undying support. The fan & everyone who watches football knows the team & squad isn’t good enough. & Arsene has to fix it, it’s his team & that’s what he’s paid to do.


@ GH I do agree with you. It is a big season for Wenger……….a big January. If he does nothing in January then, for me, he has hung himself. He knows that the fans are running out of patience with the overall quality of players. But he has started to shift in his philosophy. The introduction of Arteta, Podolski, Cazorla etc are proof that he is looking towards the ready made players. Has the move to The Grove hurt us in the short term, undoubtedly in my opinion. It put financial constraints on us just when the squad was aging.… Read more »


‘Has the move to The Grove hurt us in the short term, undoubtedly in my opinion. It put financial constraints on us just when the squad was aging.’ Don’t think the squad was ageing at that point, not especially. Surely the years immediately after the move was when Wenger was being criticised for expecting too much of tippy-tappy foreign babies (Senderos, Djourou, Clichy, Toure, Song, Eboue, Cesc, Reyes, Denilson, Van Persie, etc.) and being urged by the pundits/fans to buy more heavy-weight and more English experience. Well, he’s done what was asked. The players he’s bought more recently have been… Read more »

petits handbag

Bob Hoskins

Ace McGoldrick

What did Walcott do to warrant a 5?


Walcott’s film has to be “Ghost”. The odd less-than-physical apparition but otherwise invisible. And his finishing scared the sh*t out of me…


*What did Walcott do?


Steady on there. He stood about, shouted a bit, missed a good chance and refused to track back. He did more than Gervinho – he really had very little influence on the game today!!

Canberra Gooner

I thought Gervinho had one of his better games today


He kicked a free kick into the wall.
He kept his cool to slot in an offside goal.He is a striker so he decided to leave his wing and go for upfront for glory. He ran and ran and ran……..


To be fair, he hit the cross that led to koscielny’s effort on goal that could have won the game, otherwise anonymous.

For most of the game he did not get very much service, but it is more popular to make him a scapegoat.

Walcott out!

Eric Irish gunner

Try to take every fucking free, corner and goal kick


Here is someone making sense. Wenger is doing his best to keep arsenal at the top eventhough he fails sometimes. Where was song when we shipped in 47 goals last season. To me,all he did with his passes was to buy himself out.

Glory Hunter

Where did that come from?
Today’s performance had nothing to do with Song!


Walcott…..A Fist Full Of Dollars.

Canberra Gooner

Or, For a Few Dollars More

Eric Irish gunner

Big mert- iron man


Mertesacker- Hulk


Arteta = Sideways


No, that will forever be Denilson.


Theo Walcott-‘the invisible man’
Starring-Theo Walcott
Theo Walcott
Theo Walcott
Theo Walcott
And introducing ‘Theo Walcott’ as ‘the invisible man’


Can you change Giroud to a 7 as well (thought he was ok)?

We can then have Gibbs, Podolski and Giroud – A Few Good Men.


the difference in perception between Giroud and Walcott is striking.

Giroud missed a great header, not even on target (from Ramseys cross) and he kicked the ball out of play when in a good position in the penalty area.

for 70 mins Walcott, Giroud, Santi, and Sagna were tepid, they got what they deserved (in ratings)


I’m not sure about un chien andalou for Giroud either. I know it rhymes and is in french and all that, but any Dalí/Buñuel inspired craziness is a tad harsh on him. Anyone know any french romance cinema? Perfect description in my opinion.


I think this has been Gibb’s best game in a long time (not just because he scored) but he was an actual attacking outlet and defensively he wasn’t that bad either.


Gibbs – Raging Bull. I thought he was superb today!


Walcott was the worst of the bunch. Asked to play out right and completely refused, stood up front and did fuck all. Performance reeked of arrogance.


Theo -judgement day


Tomas Rosicky-‘Se7en’
(not released yet in uk)

Northern Gooner

Steve Bruce = Mrs Doubtfire


Our midfield – Time Bandits


I think Sagna’s performance today was abysmal. And so was the one against Southampton. What on earth is going on?

jack jack jack

As Theo was too busy trying to play in Giroud’s position, Sagna had to cover the entire right flank by himself. He also seems to have lost his legs a bit – could be why Arsenal don’t seem so willing to sign him up. Who knows.


Arsenals top players over the last few years The Expendables. The board and possibly AW the untouchables.

Its Peak Out-Here

There were a couple moments in the game though where Theo drifted in centre and at least made things happen. There wasn’t really much going on out front to be honest.

Gibbs was by far man of the match.

Adam Watford

If a certain TW14 had stuck to his task and provided both a quality outlet for a pass and a quality ball into the box from the right flank then you could forgive him drifting into the middle once or twice. As it was he served himself instead of Giroud. Sagna was off his game again again and he looked mightily pissed off about it too, to his credit but I would bet that half of Sagna’s ire was down to Walcott not doing his own job well enough or even at all. Walcott is among the players that should… Read more »

Canberra Gooner

Walcott sold Sagna down the river in the first half by playing high and narrow. It was obvious that Sagna’s involvement dramatically improved in the second half when Theo played his role more traditionally.


Arsene Wenger: 4/10 – Clueless.


The first half was abysmal, we made Swansea look like Barcelona.. It was obvious that Michu was going to come on and terrorise our Defense..

Walcott – the departed
Gibbs – fight club
Podolski – shawshank redemption

AW has the best hair a man of his age could hope for

Gervinho – Total Recall


Gervinho – Conehead(s)

Gervinho- see no evil hear no evil


so after the next FA cup match against Swansea will it be Swansea v Arsenal – player ratings (film sequels edition)?


You give Mertesecker a 5 today. You are very genarous. He one of the most usless player i have ever seen at Arsenal. I think Igor Stephanov is a better player. The German rubber men cant win a header being 6´6. He is slow as christmas and he is so soft .He the total opposite of the great Tony Adams and should never wear an Arsenal shirt again. I would take the Swiss brothers Senderos and Djourou any day over the German

Glory Hunter

A bit harsh, didnt play we’ll today but c’mon everyone has a bad game occasionally & he’s been very good this season.


Hes been our most consistant centre half this season. Not much to shout about considering the poor season weve had but he has.


Look Tomas, we understand that you’d be bitter and frustrated at not getting off the bench when it was obvious you could have had some impact, but there’s no need to go and do tittle – tattle to us lot behind your colleague’s backs…


On some of those points: – Mertesacker has clearly been Arsenal’s best and most consistent defender this season, and probably among the top centre-backs in the league. – His main asset has never been his aerial ability, but rather his positional awareness, clean tackling and composure. – He was clocked in the top third of the German national team for short sprints. The main issue for him is limited agility because of his height, which is why he’s slow on the turn. He was pretty ordinary against Swansea but then again, you can say that about almost all of the… Read more »


Cazorla – The Hobbit.

pedantic panda

While I don’t disagree with your player ratings, i am absolutely flabbergasted how anyone whose taste and general understanding i rate highly, can claim that district 9 is a better movie than, well, any other movie from that list…
or have you just changed it up a bit and gone all 2013 on us?
because normally (at least that’s how i understood it) the ratings for the players and the descriptors were related, but now you have used good movies and coupled them with mediocre ratings, whyyyy?? my head hurts now :/


ffs.. its not about how good the movies are… its about the name telling how the player did on the pitch…


“pedantic panda” = Dazed and confused


Adam Watford

As a team in the dressing room afterwards, I would like to nominate at least Twelve Angry Men, substituting Bould for Walcott, as I doubt Walcott was even vaguely annoyed and he certainly hasn’t acted like a man in today’s game.


Can’t agree with your ratings today: I think szcz, kos and wilshere deserve at least a 7, ramsey a 6, but instead i didn’t see what podolski did well, beside his goal.


Blogs, Can we get a proper player ratings for the City game. I do enjoy the comical side of these ratings, but also don’t really feel we get a true reflection of what you thought of every individuals performances. Seems like the majority of the time, 90% of the team get the same rating, with the stand out player/players the only different. Could just be me, if i am the only one though then i am more than happy with themed ratings all the same. maybe its because i havent seen some of those movies so i don’t really know… Read more »


Blogs does reflect with some depth on the performance of the team and individuals in his post-game posts on the blog site. If particular players stand out (whether in a good or a bad way), then he comments on them there.

That said, to pick up on what you allude to in the last sentence: I also often don’t “get” the references in these ratings posts, and I don’t see them as essential or unmissable reading.


Yeah thats fair enough, but sometimes the player ratings and the post match blog are written by different authors are they not?

Just because they both write articles for the same site does not necessarily mean their opinions are the same….


We need a fearless warrior at the back that is tough and players fear to go into tackles with. Not a 6´6 soft.slow, powerless with very little guts that does not win headers on defense no matter how tall the player is he is guarding.Wenger and mr Bould need to stop this Zone marking now. We concede goals from set pieces almoust every game. And notbody is at fault because they where all guarding zones. Have you ever seen a zone score a goal in football ???. Let each player pick up somone to mark. That gives players no excuses… Read more »


mertersacker has by far been our best centre half all season round.

I agree with you about the zonal marking though, that was some of the worst fucking marking of a corner i have ever seen. How can you have 4 swansea players, grouped together in a pack, with not 1 single arsenal man standing near them.

Financial Fairplay

Unused subs – The Men Who Stare At Goats

Im a cop you idiot!

Arnold Schwarznegger films version:

Wojciech Szczesny: Eraser

Bacary Sagna: The 6th Day

Laurent Koscielny: Twins

Per Mertesacker: Kindergarten Cop

Kieran Gibbs: Conan the Destroyer

Santi Cazorla: Last Action Hero

Mikel Arteta: JIngle All The Way

Jack Wilshere: The Running Man

Theo Walcott: End of Days

Aaron Ramsey: The Expendables

Olivier Giroud: Batman And R****n

Lucas Podolski: Predator


Arsenal fans Raw Deal


Ramsey too deserved his contract. Very bashed but we forget his leg was broken and all that. I realise the english lads have been rewarded with new contracts, I’m just wondering what’s the situation with the Le Coq, coz I rate him, I rate him HARD!!


Harsh on Giroud – He took more shots than anyone, including a wicked scissor kick, and created the Gibbs goal as well as a few other chances squandered by the rest.


Rnb/hiphop titles
Schezzer……teach me how to dougie(goalie)
Sagna…..heart attack.
Mertesacker…..6 foot, 7 foot.
Koscienly……look at me now.
Gibbs…..all I do is win.
Arteta…..back In time.
Walcott…..just go.
Ramsey….Dead and gone.
Giroud….kiss me thru the phone, beautiful people, Hold my hands, let me love you.
Poldi……So good.
Gervinho……Africa by toto.

Jonipu Silava

Haha, you’ve been burnt my man!


Arsene Wenger- Enemy of the state


That’s Gervinho.


this just a site of AW fanatics,nobody wants to get real or critisize a game where fatigue is shown by majority of the players,he only makes ONE! sub,no wonder they conceded a sloppy goal,he even admits they lacked concentration,its not rocket science,fatigued players lack concentration.AW is nolonger ambitious,his comfort zone is in overdrive at arsenal,people should already realise we will not win any more silverware as long as he’s manager,it doesn’t matter who he adds to the team.


Gervinho has to be the predator, he’s it’s double!

[…] 来源:[arseblog news] […]


I’m thinking we need an “Anchorman”, to free Arteta from his shackles. Also need a “Punisher” up front, and to get rid of that “Wall.E” who’s gone to the African cup of nations. I’d like to wake up from this “Nightmare on Emirates Street” and go back to having “The Incredibles” team we uses to have in the early 2000s…

I’ve already got my coat

Lenny The Pep

Walcott – Soccerdog 2: European Cup.


Dog day afternoon!
Stop buying whipets.
Buy some effing Rottweilers.

wengers furrowed brow

arsenal for quite sometime now: The good, the bad & the ugly Reason: 1)Very rigid mentality of the board & manager. 2) Fatally undermining the current scenario of player power and refusing to adapt well in this new ridiculous footballing culture. BTW, SAF did fall on his knees for Rooney. 3) arsenal is just a duck laying golden eggs for the board, the board keeps on enjoying the profit. They hardly want to take any risk and lose their share of profit. Now, very good in hiding their greed and apathy towards the club behind the ‘self sustainable model’ ‘FFP’… Read more »


I like Giroud in this game. I would have given him a 6.

And what a strike by Gibbs! Deserved to be a game winner but ah oh well.


why does every transfer window has to be wenger last chance or he leaves? U guys keep bringing the same old stuff again and again… Get use to it,Wenger isn’t going anywhere unless he decides so.


This is easily the worst report ever….I can understand player ratings like these if we lost or created no chances….Last night was one of the most one sided games I’ve seen all season. Take out Per Mertesacker, we battered them all over the pitch. Michu MOM? Why? Oh yeah, cos Mert is a retard who just stands there and does nothing while this guy chips it over his head. Something you see in U12 level. Then for the next 20 minutes, mIchu loses every ball because Kos decided to keep Mert away from him. Kos – 8, Sagna – 6,… Read more »


Ramsey deserves more was damn hard working.The twist and turn cross to Giroud was amazing (felt like the old Ramsey) but poor Sagna had to cover the whole right wing fuckin theo!!!


wrong pal , ramsey turns like a battle ship


Your mom turns like battleship. -_-


And your mum can’t turn, she’s all over the place.


How about whenever Wenger talks about transfers…… Groundhog day.


Perhaps a list based on the movies of Bergman or the plays of Beckett would be ore in keeping with the depth of thinking of some of the commentators on here….I can hardly wait.


In fact,may I kick this off .

Waiting for Theo – in which a couple of old clockenders have a somewhat surreal experience in standing on the terraces waiting in vain for a footballer to turn up on the right wing.

Los Polandos

What about “Come and go” with three figures of Ce, Ro and The?
Beckett also wrote a short story about Arsenal – “More pricks than kicks”.


Waiting for Theo and Come and go – sublime. He should have an extended run alternating between the three characters until his contract ends. Sagna would then have an option to pass to on the right instead of being forced inside and Arteta, Cazorla, Podolski and Wilshere could deliver the free kicks and corners.

Adam Watford

Waiting For Theo.

Adam Watford

@ Clockendrider.

My apologies. I was so excited by thinking of a clever pun I just hit reply without reading further !

Also, Theo is a Greek route for God . . . it works on so many levels !

Adam Watford

I would like to add ‘ The Bucket ‘ in which to collect the deadwood, or even that which some players kick, symbolically, to end their Arsenal careers. Or, ‘ Not I ‘ . . . where the hallowed of TA6 is passed around the changing room where only the chosen one can utter the the right words to release the spirit od leadership and imbue the player with the qualities necessary to lead the team to a new dawn of unparalleled success. No-one, it seems, can say ‘ Yes, me ! ‘ ( Based on Arthurian legend of The… Read more »

Andrew Whaley

If we’re doing Beckett, there’s a few apt titles. But out of respect for Beckett let’s keep it short.
Start with a description of our attack:
“More Pricks Than Kicks”
(in Theo’s case, lose the plural)

…and end with a description of our defence:
“Not I”


I am surprised you rated Ramsey 5/10. I dont know what Wenger sees in Ramsey. He is not fit to play for Arsenal. He should be shipped to a Welsh team.

Per's Nibmle Footwork

For his level of ‘unfitness’, he did more than Theo did all game. And do not forget he was on the pitch for a shorter time than Theo was. Open your eyes and watch a football game and stop obsessing about a certain Welshman!


Your fickleness challenges the very existence of intelligence.


I don’t know about you but he put in a decent shift. In that midfield/attack I think he was the most involved in the match(never once puts his head down). Plus he had more discipline than walcott who keeps drifting into the middle and staying there making us a wee bit lop sided. Sagna was basicly a 1 man show on the right. I am open to criticism of any player but criticize when it is warranted. In this case it is certainly not warranted for Ramsey who did a decent job till his sub. Watch the entire match instead… Read more »

Ninad Kuchekar

Ramsey has lost a bit of spark after the horrific leg break, before which, it was clear that he would be a future superstar. But he needs to play regularly in his position. At least, he gives everything on the pitch, maybe a bit too much which hampers his game play.

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